The beautiful thing about grace is that it takes horribly ugly pieces of trash
And turns them into wonderfully beautiful pieces of art.
My horribly ugly piece of trash can be seen in the yearbook of when I was seventeen. I suffered from deep depression and major anxiety attacks. Those attacks eventually became an almost daily occurrence and the depression became so bad that I grew desperate. I thought that if I inflicted physical pain upon myself, then the spiritual pain I was suffering from wouldn’t heart so much. Instead of usually the normal means of hurting myself, such as cutting or under/over-eating, I decided to leave “invisible” scars on my skin. I used so called “safety” pins and pricked my fingers with them. I dug them so deeply into my fingers that blood gushed out of my fingers. Then I would press down on the skin around the wound and squeeze the blood out.
My wonderfully beautiful piece of art can be seen in today’s yearbook. I was sitting in a blood mobile, ready to give blood for a little girl with leukemia. The nurse came into the little cubicle room I was sitting in and told me she would be pricking my finger in order to count my red blood cells. Because of my past, a little part of me freaked out upon hearing that, but I breathed evenly and allowed her to prick my finger. The feeling left by needle was familiar, the site of blood gushing from the wound was also familiar, and so was the pressure from her finger pushing on the skin around the hole. However, the strange sensation I felt upon finishing the procedure was not familiar. I realized that God really does bring beauty from ashes. A method that I had used for harm, God used two years later for life. He took a horrible image of hatred in my mind and transformed it into a beautiful work of art. He took a horribly ugly piece of trash and turned it into a wonderfully beautiful piece of art.
Until next time this is Brittany Alexandria, daring you to keep obsessing over the things you love! Because we could always use more hope and passion in this world! xoxo
Find me on Twitter and Instagram – @ogbrittanyalex
Find my podcasts “The Mask; Her Aid” and “Obsessive Girl Podcast” on your favorite podcasting platforms.
Buy my book “The Mask; Her Aid” by Brittany Alexandria on Amazon for Kindle.