The Friends I Never Knew I Needed

When I was in elementary school, it felt like I was in mini, cliché high school. My friend, Chanae, and I were essentially the “cool girls,” the guy I liked, Austin, and his best friend, Rudy Michael, were the “jocks,” and I didn’t have a worry in the world. I didn’t care what anyone thought about me—well, except Austin, but that’s because I had a huge crush on him—I even pretended to like Yu-Gi-Oh, because he liked it, so he’d sit and play the card game with me for hours teaching me how to play. Ha, ha.

In middle school—I was in fifth grade, but included in middle school for various reasons—I suddenly started to care what people thought of me. At our private school, we had what was called “G privilege,” every Friday, which meant we were staying caught up in school and not getting in trouble, so we got to were CMC’s (Casual Modest Clothing) instead of our school uniform and we went on field trips every week. One Friday, I had worn my jeans to school and they were pulled up above my belly button, because my mom told me I had to wear them that way. The cool older girls—seventh and eighth graders—asked me why I wore my jeans so high and I told them. They suggested that while I was at school, I let them down a bit, because it looked cooler. Naturally, I did what they said, and thus started my habit of caring about what other people thought of me.

The next year, my mom started homeschooling us for the next few years. While being homeschooled, I went to co-ops, teen night with our homeschooling group, and participated in a Bible club called “Awana.” Most of the time, I didn’t really think too much about what the other kids in these groups thought about me, but I still cared. I especially cared in eighth grade when I was going to Awana every nearly every Thursday and playing basketball on a team with the kids from the private school I had previously gone to and would later graduate from. Most of the kids in Awana grew up in church together and or went to school together, while I was the homeschool kid who went to church across town. The girls on my basketball team saw each other every day, all day. I had grown up with half the girls on the basketball team, but it didn’t always seem to matter, because I was still the outsider.

Then came high school and the popularity of unlimited text messaging. I had plenty of friends from my homeschooling group, Awana, and the church I had grown up in/gone to school to, but I didn’t feel close to any of them Every day after school I would text message every number in my hot pink Razr phone. Every day, most people would answer, but we’d only have like a five-message conversation and then they’d stop replying. Two friends though, Akina and Demi, would always reply and keep texting me until one of us had to go to sleep. So would a guy I had a crush on whom I would use as bait to get my mom to let me stay up past my bed time as like as he was answering—but, shh, don’t tell her!

Even with these all-day conversations, I went through all of high school feeling like the outsider. I grew up in church with these kids, but they grew up in school with each other. It’s a different vibe; while I saw them weekly, they saw each other daily. Not to mention, they were also all two years younger than I was, because I was born in December and I was a year behind in school, while they were all summer babies and on track for graduation. Even though these girls and I spent nearly all of our waking time together and knew nearly every detail of each other’s lives, I still felt lonely. Oddly enough, I didn’t actually know I felt lonely though. I spend so much time thinking about how other people feel, that I’ve always had a hard time realizing how I feel until 1) it’s too late or 2) I sit down to write something and it turns into something much different than I planned.

In 2012, when I was starting my senior year of high school, the Lord led me to a new church where I met three girls that would change my life forever. You can read about them in nearly every other blog post I’ve written—if you go to the search box and look for Allie, Holly, and Shelby, then you can actually find every post they’re mentioned in. (I just tried it. Ha, ha.) After meeting them, I quickly learned how much I had been deeply craving a deep, human friendship—going to that church has also showed me how much I had been deeply craving a deep relationship with the Lord. It’s been over 5 years since I started going to Compass Church and it still surprises me that I have such a close friendship with Allie, Holly, and Shelby, especially because Allie and Holly spent four years living in Austin and have sense moved to California and Indonesia respectively and that I normally only see Shelby on Sundays, compared to feeling lonely when seeing my friends in school daily.

For the first four years of my attendance at Compass, while we had other friends we’d talk with and who have come and gone, it has mostly just been me and Shelby sitting together and talking on Sunday mornings. It blows my mind to think that even with just one consistent friend, I have felt less lonely—read not lonely at all—with Shelby than I ever did with 10 to 30 other students at school. I think it’s important to remember that God had those years in which it was normally just Shelby and me sitting in the front row during the first service during church every week, because things are different now.

Within the past year or so, God has started to bring other “kids”—I refuse to call myself an adult—who are my and Shelby’s age to church and given us new friends. Because I’ve grown so accustomed to it normally being just me and Shelby, it’s been super weird to get used to having other friends, but it’s been a good weird. Shelby and I are no longer the only two sitting in the front row at church. Now we have a friend in Bill who was the first new friend to show up. A few months ago, we met Morgan who was sitting alone in a different row, before Shelby decided to introduce herself and I followed—that’s how it works. Shelby does something, like sitting in the front row at church, and I follow. Then, we met Lauren—who interestingly enough is best friends with one of my coworkers. Now, we have three people who sit in the front row during the first service and a few minutes after the service ends, Morgan comes to sit and chat with me, Shelby, and Bill before the second service starts. A few minutes later, Lauren shows up and we all talk about our weeks and what’s going on in our lives.

It’s such a strange phenomenon to sit and talk with multiple friends on a Sunday morning; I’m still not used to having a friend like Shelby (or Allie and Holly), so I don’t know if I’ll ever get used to having so many friends to talk to on Sundays, but I don’t know if I want to get used to it. The strangeness of it helps me to be so grateful for it and I never want to reach a point when I’m not grateful for these friends.

This past Sunday, I was sitting with this group of friends of mine and I was just struck by the awesomeness of the God who gave them to me. My forever freezing best friend had been leaning her head on my shoulder (which by the way is not something I let just anyone do, so it only strengthens the message of this post, because as lonely as I’ve ever been I NEED my bubble, and almost no one is allowed to pop it. I’ve recently learned though that once you’ve reached a certain point of friendship with me, my bubble doesn’t pop, but expands so that you get to be in it with me, if you want, ha, ha.), Bill was sitting to my left, Morgan, Lauren, and her friend had just recently arrived, and a few other people were standing around us as we shared in conversation. It was just one of those moments when you take a proverbial step back and thank God for what He has blessed you with.

In high school, while I had wanted to be friends with everyone and had become known as the always happy social butterfly, I had also closed my heart off to everyone. I didn’t trust people to love and accept me, because they didn’t. Then, when I started going to Compass God gave me Allie, Holly, and Shelby, with whom I slowly started to open up my heart.  Now that Bill, Lauren, and Morgan are around and we actually have enough twenty-somethings to have a “Young Singles Group,” it’s like God is telling me, “It’s okay, you can do it. You can be friends with these people. I know you still fear that you’ll lose the friends you have, (yes, in my somewhat rare dark moments, I sometimes even fear that I’ll lose Allie, Holly, and Shelby), but I’m here with you, and I’m bringing more of my children to be your friends. You don’t have to be afraid. Now that you know that I’m all you need, I want to show you that you can have human friends who won’t fail you.” (I don’t mean these friends won’t be imperfect, I simply mean that they’ll show and share the love of 1 Corinthians 13)

It’s an incredible and daunting feeling to sit in the center of a group of friends and know that these people are my people. They’re not people I became friends with because we were always together (much like the ones I had in school) and they’re not friends I’ve only met because they’re friends with my friends; they’re actually MY friends. Yes, I mentioned that I introduced myself because Shelby did, but it’s not like Shelby was friends with them and then I became friends with them. We became friends with Bill, Lauren, and Morgan at the same time. So, they’re not Shelby’s friends and they’re not convenient friends; they’re MY friends and I couldn’t be more grateful!

So, Allie, Bill, Holly, Lauren, Morgan, and Shelby, if you have read to the end of this, then thank you for being medicine for my wounded heart and vitamins for my hopeful soul! And thanks for being the friends I never knew I needed.

Guilty Party Show: The Player gets Played

Ha! I knew it! Emma wasn’t kissing Jake on the rooftop!

Photo Sep 05, 6 53 11 PM

Right now, I still think it was Preston. He is the one who called the meeting. Sure, it could just be the president in him trying to avoid any scandal period, but now that Emma let it out that she didn’t kiss Jake on the rooftop, it’s just as likely if it was Preston, then she’ll let that out next! However, I also have a new theory! It could have been Alex! In the last scene, which came right after Charlie asked Jake who he thought it was, Alex was zooming into the bottom corner of his phone screen where it was just him and Emma! Maybe? Maybe not? Everything and everyone has to be questioned in a mystery.

Photo Sep 05, 7 13 59 PM

I do think Charlie and Jake look super cute together! After all, it’s always the troubled, quiet one who tames the player, right? Either way, they’re cute together and since Emma is being pretty terrible right now, I don’t see her and Jake getting back together any time soon, if she comes back at all. So, why not start shipping our OTPs now? Haha.

I’ve gotta say, I’m kind of loving seeing/hearing Tiffany play a character playing for the dark side! She’s so cute and sweet in real life, that it’s fun to see a different side of her! Sure, she’s acting and technically we can only know her as much as social media allows us to, but I honestly interact back and forth with her more than I do with at least half of my social media friends that I’ve actually met in person, so I feel like I know her pretty well. I mean, she did say we’re BFFs now! 😉

Photo Sep 01, 3 43 02 AM

Anyway, right now I’m thinking the same thing I was thinking in my first post, plus the thought that maybe Alex was the guy she was kissing on the rooftop? And that Charlie and Jake might make a super cute couple! I do have to add that Emma and Jake were super cute in that video he was watching too though

Photo Sep 05, 7 12 10 PM

Maybe we’ll get to see a love triangle between Charlie, Jake, and Emma? I love those! Ha, ha. Especially if one of the three is kind of awful, because I always root for the bad guys to be good in the end. The way I see it, no one’s irredeemable until it’s all over! Who knows, maybe Emma will come back, see how cute and good Charlie and Jake are together and that will be what redeems Charlie and Emma’s friendship? Idk, I’m just theorizing here. Maybe Emma won’t come back at all or maybe she will, but she won’t be redeemed? All I know is that I love a good love triangle, especially if it ends up redeeming the seemingly irredeemable character!

Guilty Party Show: Who Did It – Already Theorizing

Y’all! I have a new Pretty Little Liars! It’s a new web series called, Guilty Party, starring the always lovely Tiffany Alvord. I’m so excited! Tiffany is one of my favorite YouTube stars and I’ve been a Tiffanatic since practically the beginning. Naturally, this is new show, especially since it’s a short show, is one of the best things I’ve heard about in a long time! I’ll be honest though, it does seem super cheesy, so far, but quite frankly, I don’t care! I trust that with Tiffany as the lead, I won’t have to worry too much about if it’s appropriate or not and will just be able to enjoy it! So, let’s get down to business!

Tiffany’s character, Emma Wilson, is the girl next door turned bullied because of the harsh tone of her journal entries. Should she have spoken so harshly of her friends in her journal? I don’t really think that’s up to us to decide. You see, a person’s journal is like their mind, unless they share it with you, then it’s none of your business. Cruel or not, it’s not like she shared these thoughts with anyone. No, you see, that’s what we’re going to figure out! Who did it? Who stole Emma’s diary, photocopied it, and shared it with everyone at homecoming last year? I suppose, we should go with our first clues. Those clues come from our very own Gossip Girl, Tess, where shared all of Emma’s spilled secrets on her blog, “Tea with Tess.” Normally, I wouldn’t condone reading someone’s diary, but since it’s already out there, and because I am trying to help Emma as much as I’m trying to help the rest of Warren Academy’s Elite, then I’ll make an exception this time.

Entry #1 – Sounds like maybe Emma found her very own Troy Bolton and kissed him on Warren Academy’s rooftop! Could it have been her perfect boyfriend and Warren Academy’s residential player, Jake Cruise? We don’t know, but go to Tess’ blog to read Emma’s journal entry!

Entry #2 – Ooh! This one’s juicy! Suddenly, she’s digging on BFF, Warren Academy’s Queen Bee, Tatiana Johnson? She says she’s tried to tell her today? What’d she try to tell her? This was about 3 weeks after her first entry, is it possible that the boy on the rooftop wasn’t Jake and was really Preston Fairchild, aka Tatiana’s boyfriend and Warren Academy’s Class President? She didn’t name him in her entry. Doesn’t that seem odd? Why be so cryptic if your journal entry is about your boyfriend? Or, it could be possible that Emma is bi or lesbian, which would be another reason to keep it a secret and to stay with Jake. Sigh. Only time will tell. Oh! She also took a few digs at Tatiana’s sidekick, Olivia and Warren Academy’s artist, Alex Silver.

Entry #3 – Uh oh! 2 days later, Emma is talking about how boring Jake is and about how she thinks she should feel more when she kisses him. That sure doesn’t sound like something a girl would say about the same guy she was gushing over only the month prior, right?

Entry #4 – Onto a different subject. Apparently, Emma and someone else, she says “we,” cat-fished Tess. Why? I mean, I know Tess can be, well… a little… you know, obnoxious! And she should totally mind her own business, but why would Emma catfish her? I mean, I get that they’ve been enemies since like forever, according to Tatiana’s vlog, but what’s the deal? Cat-fishing is way harsh!

Entry #5 – Sad entry! We’ve all been there. We’ve all drifted away from formerly close friends. That’s what happened with Emma and her lifelong best friend, Warren Academy’s Outsider, Charlie Vasquez. I totally know the feels! I had a childhood best friend that I also grew away from in high school, though I was a bit more like Charlie it seems than Emma. Anyway, I do feel bad for them both. Not sure why everyone’s made such a big deal about this entry? It’s not rude or harsh, just honest.

And now, we come to last will and testament of the Emma Wilson who was once loved and respected by everyone! The bullying showered over her after someone published her diary was so brutal that Emma left, never to be seen again, at least, not until now! Emma Wilson is back from the dead and looking for justice and revenge! How will she do that? Well, she’s calling out Warren Academy’s Elite and Powerful—Artist, Alex, Charlie, Jake, Preston, and Tatiana. As you can see in her letter, also on Tess’ blog, or you can hear Emma herself, and the principal of Warren Academy, read it out loud on the very first episode of Guilty Party.

Emma is convinced that one of these “five most promising students at the best, most progressive school on the west” is the one who shared her journal with the whole school. Even if they didn’t though, Emma says, “You did nothing while my life fell apart.” I don’t know if this is true quite yet, but they all looked guilty, so it must be true. Not to mention, if you go watch Olivia’s yearbook videos of each individual, then you’ll see that they all seemed a tad guilty or simply indifferent about Emma’s disappearance. Emma may be calling out her friends, Alex, Charlie, Jake, Preston, and Tatiana, but I’d like to add three names to our list of suspects, the before mentioned Olivia and Tess, and JR, the class clown and conspiracy theorist of Warren Academy.

Considering the fact that the first episode was only 4 minutes long, we have a surprisingly large amount of info to go off in our first theories. So, let me put out my first theories.

  1. Alex Silver – He’s an artist. Apparently, he’s a follower and one of Tatiana’s biggest admirers. This show would lead me to believe that there are going to be a lot of stereotypes. If that’s the case, then it’s likely Emma’s secret about Alex, or maybe even about Jake, is that he’s gay or trans? Most people don’t think that’s a big deal these days, but it’s still something that would be fairly harsh to share about someone if they haven’t come out on their own yet.
  2. Charlie Vasquez– Where could we even begin on theorizing here? She and Emma were best friends since they were kids. What kind of secrets wouldn’t Emma have about Charlie? Out of all of them, one would assume she’s got the most motive to air all of Emma’s dirty secrets.
  3. Emma Wilson – That’s right. I’m calling her out. A lot of us are actually. If she’s as awful as people now think she is, then why would anyone believe she didn’t share her own diary? Idk, I know it’s crazy, but PLL taught me that no theory is too crazy!
  4. Jake Cruise– Emma’s so-called Perfect Boyfriend. Was he though? Is that even possible if you’re known as a player? Maybe he wasn’t before Emma left. Who knows? If my theory about Emma and Preston is right though, and Jake somehow found out about it, then that would be more than enough motive to share Emma’s diary.
  5. J.R. – We don’t know much about him yet. He wasn’t in the first episode and he wasn’t mentioned in Emma’s diary, so the verdict is out whether he would have legit motives for airing Emma’s dirty laundry for all to see.
  6. Olivia – She’s the sidekick of Warren Academy’s Queen Bee. You don’t become the sidekick of the Queen Bee without having at least a little bit of mean streak in you. Could Olivia’s have come out because she was jealous of Emma and Tatiana’s close friendship?
  7. Preston Fairchild– Like I said, my theory about him right now is that he was the one who shared a forbidden kiss with Emma on the rooftop of Warren Academy. That’s what makes the most sense and every good mystery makes sense in the end. (That’s right PLL, I’m calling you out on your crappy, no sense ending!) So, yeah, if Preston and Emma were secretly hooking up, then maybe Preston stole her diary to scare her off? He didn’t want to outright tell her it’s over, because if he did, then he would have run the risk of Emma telling Tatiana about them and he couldn’t have that! How would it look for The President to have a cheating scandal under his belt?
  8. Tatiana Johnson– Two words: Queen Bee. It kind of comes with the territory that she’s on the top of our list, which is exactly why I don’t think she did it. It’s too obvious. I do think she’s got some juicy secrets though. Like maybe she didn’t really have cancer? Maybe she lied about it? That would be horrible and I’d be so pissed off if she did, but I’m just brainstorming with what little info I have here. I will not less this be another case of PLL where I don’t share EVERY crazy thought I have and the one thought I have that don’t share is what really happens! Ha!
  9. Tess – Tatiana said in her vlog that Emma and Tess have been enemies since forever. Plenty of fuel for the first that is gossip, right? Especially since Tess is Warren Academy’s Gossip Girl. For that reason, though, I don’t think it’s her. It’s too obvious, even more obvious than if it were Tatiana.
  10. All or several of them shared the diary and made a pact not to tell under any circumstances!


That’s the problem here though. It seems too obvious for it to have been any of the girls. Charlie is the scorned ex-best friend, Emma is the victim, Olivia is the wicked sidekick, Tatiana is the Queen Bee, and Tess is Gossip Girl. Maybe it’s not too obvious though? Maybe they want us to think it’s too obvious so we’ll be deterred away from believing it? Idk, y’all! I just, don’t know!


Only Time Will Tell,

Obsessive Girl



P.S. Don’t forget the actors and characters will be interacting with those who interact with ever post and episode! Follow them on Tumblr, YouTube, and wherever else they may be! 🙂