You’ve Got Mail (A Belated-Movie Review)

When asked, “What’s your favorite movie?” The first movie to come to my mind is almost always “A Cinderella Story.” Of the hundreds of Hallmark movies I’ve watched, “Bottled with Love” is one of my all-time favorites. And, while I love rom-coms, I haven’t seen very many adult rom-coms unless they were Hallmark. Otherwise, I’ve watched mostly teen movies. So, when my best friend told me the movie for today’s girls’ night was “You’ve Got Mail,” I was excited. This was my chance to finally watch the movie that seems to have started it all for the “pen pals to lovers” trope. Unfortunately, I was disappointed.
I’ll start with my highlights. I loved the soundtrack and I liked the setting. Funnily enough, I was wearing an “I ❤ NYC” shirt today, which went perfectly with the movie. I also loved that every time Joe talked all I heard was Woody. And that his kid-aunt was played by an actress I’ve liked in several roles, particularly “Flight 29 Down.” Moreover, I liked that the boyfriend was played by the dad from “The Last Song,” another of my favorite movies.

What I did not love was, well, pretty much everything else. There was so much potential in this movie and it was all wasted. An ending that could have been perfect was tainted by the first hour and a half of awfulness. I acknowledge the Hallmark movies I love always tie everything up in the last five to ten minutes, but it always follows the consequences and resolution of the rest of the movie. So, what felt like a far too quick tie-up to this movie would’ve been fine with me if it wasn’t for everything else. Joe (NY152) and Kathleen (Shop-Girl) were truly awful characters who saw zero consequences and very little resolution.
The nostalgia of the opening scene alone could’ve given the movie so many bonus points. Add the promising beginning of two strangers chatting on AOL and we’ve got the start of a true winner. Then, everything came screeching to a violent and abrupt halt. Not one, but both of the leads were in serious relationships. This may not have been alarming, except both leads hid their messages from their partners. *red flag #1*

In other promising scenes, we get several near-meet-cutes that I always love. They just kept missing each other until the true meet-cute moment. *swoon* He takes his child-aunt and baby brother into her bookstore and they have several moments. Adding to the moment is the fact we all know what she doesn’t. He’s the namesake of the big-name book company that will likely put her small bookstore out of business. This is the moment we Hallmarkies love about our movies. So, yes, I saw a lot of potential in this scene too, especially because he was trying to hide his identity. But then, things got worse and worse.
Shop-Girl and NY152 kept sending flirty emails and building a relationship. *red flags #2 & #3* And each encounter between Joe and Kathleen was flirty in the haters-to-lovers kind of way. *red flag #4* Shop-Girl and NY152 even planned to meet for a coffee date. *red flag #5* Then, NY152, aka Joe, saw Shop-Girl was Kathleen. Naturally, he realized they couldn’t possibly be in a happy relationship, so he stood her up. *red flag #6* But not really, because Joe showed up without telling Kathleen the truth. Which, I mean, is sort of understandable since she hated him so much, but still… It was a lie. *red flag #7* A lie that could’ve been forgivable if it wasn’t for everything else.

I don’t expect movies to be as realistic as real life. I do expect some sort of realism though. I expect real life, but with a guaranteed happy ending. That’s why we love fairytales, Hallmark, and other rom-coms so much. Most of the stories feel relatable in one sense or another and there’s always a happy ending. Not so with “You’ve Got Mail.” Sure, there was a happy ending, but it was tainted by the lack of reality.

Kathleen spent the whole movie cheating on her significant other and blaming Joe for making good business decisions. *red flag #8* Joe spent the whole movie being insensitive and also cheating on his significant other. *red flag #9* In a Hallmark movie or teen rom-com, this would’ve been fine. Not here. Not without consequences or resolution. In Hallmark movies and most other rom-coms the cheater, emotional or otherwise, gets called out and has to deal with the consequences. In this one, the breakups were clean and mutual. What!? Are you kidding me!? GROSS! Then, Joe never actually tells Kathleen the truth. *red flag #10* And neither of them truly apologizes for being awful human beings. *red flag #11* Kathleen does say she shouldn’t be cruel, but she doesn’t apologize. And Joe. Ugh! Joe… Joe doesn’t even apologize for anything. He gets all manipulative saying, “If you can forgive him, then why can’t you forgive me?” *red flag #12* And then, when she leaves him to meet cyber-boy he just shows up without ever telling the truth. In fact, he sort of plays her. When she finally sees it’s him, she cries. I thought, finally, we’d get a good wrap-up and she’d call him out for what he deserved to be called out on–lying–but no! She’s glad it was him!? She was hoping it was him!? She’s not even mad he lied to her knowing who she was the whole time!? And then it’s just over!? Gross! No consequences. No true apologies or ownership. No redeeming qualities even though it had so much potential!
I wanted to like this movie. I really did. It’s the forerunner of one of my favorite tropes! But I couldn’t like it. I tried until the very end and it just fell flat. I honestly can’t believe so many people love this movie so much. What about it is in the least bit romantic? I will defend a rom-com or drama to the end in most cases, but I can’t with this one. I will not be watching it again. And I wouldn’t recommend it to anyone. If asked, I would discourage it. But I will leave with a parting comment of semi-positivity. I acknowledge Joe did see a little bit of character growth. He was nicer and more empathetic and figured out what he wanted. But once again, it was wasted potential. *Sigh*

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What if Love is the Point? (Launch Team Book Review – Part One)

Ever wondered what it’s like to be rich & famous? Are fame & fortune all they’re cracked up to be? If not, then what’s the point? In their new book, boybander Carlos & Spy Girl Alexa answer those questions & more.

I’m a major fangirl, aspiring podcaster, self-published author, & most importantly, a devoted Christ-follower. As such, Alexa & Carlos PenaVega are 2 of my favorite celebrities. Seeing they were launching a team to read their new book had me pumped! Idk how a launch team works. Idk if it’s first come first serve, all are welcome here, or a select number of people who get to join. Either way, it felt like a risk to ask to be on the team. I didn’t expect to get an invite. I figured thousands of people, if not more, would be asking to join. So, when I saw the email to join, I was SO excited! It’s always such an honor to get an invite into someone’s story. It’s why I do what I do. I share my story, so you can be a part of it, & so I might be a part of yours too. That’s exactly what Carlos & Alexa have done with this book! Why? Because Jesus invited us into His story & when we invite Him into ours everything changes for the best. That doesn’t always feel true, but it is.

There’s a time & place for philosophy & theology. This isn’t it. Both often leave more questions than answers. In this book, Carlos & Alexa give us the only answers that matter–love & Jesus.

Some might complain most of the book is their stories & not “the point.” I would argue that’s not true. If love is the point, then you have to get to know people & you have to get to know Jesus. How would you get to know people & Jesus without hearing their stories?

Maybe I’m biased. Maybe being a fan of BTR, Spy Kids, DWTS, & Hallmark made me love this book more than I would’ve otherwise. I don’t think so though. Alexa & Carlos were vulnerable & raw in this book. They were amusing & straightforward. I will recommend this book to anyone & everyone interested in the lives of child stars, heartthrobs, & what truly matters. I gave this book 5 stars, not for the writing, but for the story & the answers because love IS the point.

For a more detailed review keep an eye out for TWO podcast episodes coming soon!

Brave Steps of Faith

I believe God speaks to us today. Sometimes, in loud and blatant signs. Other times in gentle moments of peace after the fact.
In 2021, I heard God in two loud and blatant ways. First, when He told me to go back to bus driving. Then, when He told me to lead a book study at church. Both times, I told Him, “If you want me to do this, then I need you to make it blatantly obvious” and He did! How kind is that?
In 2022, I’ve been praying and looking for a sign that hasn’t come. So, I decided to make the brave choice and see what happens. This time, I took a blind step of faith, hoping it was the right decision, and you know what? As soon as I took the step, God started opening doors that I know are signs that I’ve made the right decision.
Will these doors stay open?
Will I have to choose which one to walk through?
Will they all close?
I don’t know, but I do know it’s a “God thing.” I do know that I made the brave choice and now God’s saying, “Hey, I’m proud of you! Good job!”
Making the brave choice to step out in uncertain faith is hard. It’s scary too. But it’s also worth it. It’s okay to wait for God to speak before moving. It’s thrilling to move in faith and then hear God speak.
Trust God. Believe in His promises and provisions. And remember to be brave.

“For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and self-control.”

(2 Timothy 1:7)

“Faith is the assurance of things hoped for”

(Hebrews 11:1)

“The Word of God is a lamp unto our feet, a light unto our path.”

(Psalm 119:105)

There will be times in your life when God’s answer is loud and in your face. There will be times when you take the first step and then He reveals His plan. There will be other times when you go several steps or even miles down the path and you’re still not sure. That’s okay. Move in what you believe is faith and obedience and God will direct your path, even if you don’t always see or hear Him. That’s bravery and bravery is exciting, if not a little scary.

White Sneakers & Wonderfully Made

When I put my shirt on today, I had to choose to believe what it says. “I am fearfully & wonderfully made.” I usually take only 1 picture & don’t analyze it beyond making sure it’s not blurry. Today I took & analyzed 8 pictures. I’m not as fit or skinny as I’d like to be. This shirt doesn’t hide that. It emphasizes it. But you know what? That’s okay.

It’s okay to feel insecure sometimes & wear the shirt anyway. It’s also okay to change the shirt because you can’t find the confidence to keep it on. It’s okay to take only 1 photo & post it even if you don’t love it. It’s also okay to take several photos & pick your favorite. It’s okay that my shirt fits, but not in the way I want it to fit. It’s okay that it shows what feels like flaws & imperfections. I’m human. We all are. I’m not perfect. None of us are. I do feel insecure sometimes. We all do. Even still, we ARE “fearfully & wonderfully made.”

I’m also wearing white sneakers today. I wear white because trying to keep it clean scares me. I don’t want that fear to control me, so I try to control it.

I spend a ridiculous amount of time & effort trying to keep my shoes as spotless as possible. As in life, it’s hard to keep the white material pure, while also having grace for when life happens. No matter how much time & effort I give, the white gets dirty. Then some of the dirt won’t wash away.

In the same way, life isn’t perfect. We can do all the things to stay clean & safe. But no matter what, life happens. There are flaws & imperfections. You get dirty. And that’s okay. It’s okay to be human & be flawed. Because if we weren’t human & flawed, then we wouldn’t need Jesus.

So go ahead. Feel the insecurities. Wear the white shoes. Live life. Follow the rules. Clean up the harmful dirt. Change your shirt. But give yourself grace. Let yourself get dirty & have flaws. Remember you need Jesus.

And you are saved by His grace not your perfection.

fearfullyandwonderfullymade #imperfection #grace #Jesus #insecurities #vulnerability #clean #pure

2021/27 – Personal Growth is Exhausting

Personal growth is exhausting. I’ve said that so often in 2021, it might as well be my life motto.

It feels like I’ve grown more in the past year alone than I have in the past decade. That’s saying a lot considering the emotional rollercoaster I’ve been on since 2011. I’ve been an adult for ten years now. I’ve been on a healing journey for ten years now. Ten years ago, I wrote a letter that started as a “Dear Future Husband” letter. (Sorry not sorry if the Meghan Trainer song is now in your head like it is mine.) Then, it turned into a love letter to myself and God. The past ten years, including a second letter five years ago, have been a journey of learning to love myself. I thought I was going to write another love letter for the tenth anniversary of the first. I was wrong. I’ve written so many posts about the past, I’ve decided to do something different this year.
I spend so much of my time focused on the past or worried about the future, I forget to be present in the moment. Because I forget to be present in the moment, I miss a lot of things when they’re happening. I either miss “the thing” because I overthink it until it’s too late or I don’t care anymore. Or I regret “the thing” because I don’t spend enough time thinking before I act or speak. Both times, I don’t give myself anywhere near enough grace. (Something that’s helped me with this is the two Shelby’s on my shoulder; Shelby R who reminds me I can do “the thing” and Shelby L who reminds me I don’t have to do “the thing.” Honestly, having best friends with the same first name is confusing, but hilariously convenient.)
A prime example is how I treat my bedtime and morning time routines. Both involve some form of devotional time, reading, and planning/tracking. When I miss a day, I tend to panic. I forget the “why” of doing it and focus far too much on the “when” of doing it. Devotional time, reading, and planning/tracking keep me happy and healthy. Instead of remembering that, I worry about doing it “right,” which is just ridiculous. There’s no right way to spend time with God or better myself mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. It’s all about the why. Why am I doing this? Because I love God and I love myself, or at least I want to love myself.
Part of loving myself is giving myself grace for the past. 2 Corinthians 5:17 says I am a new creation in Christ. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 says love keeps no record of wrongs. If I am a new creation in Christ and love keeps no record of wrongs, then what else am I to do? I acknowledge the thing of the past, I repent if I need to, and then I let it go. (Oh, hey, Meghan, nice to hear from you again in the same post. #No #YouNeedtoLetItGo #AlsoElsa) When I let it go, I can move into a bigger, better, and healthier future.
I do have to be careful with the future too though. When I look toward the future, I often find myself worrying, overthinking, and planning too much. The Book of Proverbs speaks a lot about people planning for their futures, while God is the One in control. James 4:13-15 reminds us we don’t even know if we have a future. Matthew 6:25-34 and Luke 12:22-32 both talk about not worrying because God provides. (Side Note: Health and money tend to be what most people worry about most. How interesting is it the tax collector and the doctor are the ones to include this in their Gospels?)
Sure, planning is important. Proverbs 21:5 and Luke 14:28-33 do both talk about planning ahead and not being hasty. I think, it’s best to keep planning as more of a checkpoint than a focal point though. It’s like driving. Keeping your eyes a few cars ahead helps navigate potential problems. You still have to focus on what you’re doing though or there will be a problem.
When you think about it, all of life is like driving. We check the rearview mirror every so often, so we’ll remember where we’ve been. We keep an eye on the check-engine light and gas gauge, so we know when it’s time to stop, take a break, and fix any problems. We look ahead to see what’s coming and prepare for any detours or pitstops. We focus on our hands and feet so we stay the course. And sometimes we look out the windows to enjoy the view. We may even take those detours and pitstops so we can enjoy the view. Most important of all, we make sure the radio is working. Because what’s a drive worth if the radio’s not in tune? And what’s like worth if we’re not listening for God?
Few things put me in a better headspace than taking a scenic drive with the windows down and the radio on. In those moments, I’m not thinking about what has happened or what will happen. I’m taking in the entirety of the moment and singing at the top of my lungs. And I guess that’s what 2021 and 27 have taught me. To enjoy life’s moments, focus on the peace of God’s presence, and let my life sing to Him. Sure, I’m looking to the future and remembering the past, but I’m focusing on the now. And that, I’m learning is what life is all about. It’s letting go and holding loose. The past is no longer mine to hold. It’s done and gone. And as cliche, as it is, I don’t have to know what the future holds. I know Who holds the future.
Now, I’m wondering if that’s the key to knowing my identity. Maybe it’s about letting go but still checking the rearview mirror every once in a while. Maybe it’s about keeping an eye on what’s ahead of me but trusting God to navigate me in the right direction. Maybe it’s about focusing on what my hands and feet are doing, but mostly enjoying the moment I’m in now. Maybe it’s about following a route, but not freaking out over detours and roadwork and also allowing myself to take breaks and stop to enjoy the scenery.
To be honest, I don’t know who I am. When I was eight, I was happy and energetic. I was obsessed with Lizzie McGuire. I liked to ride my bike and skate. And I wrote songs about birds, cats, and dogs. Then, I was eleven and started to change who I was to please those around me. When I was eighteen, I started to learn who I’m not. I’m not the girl who cares what people think of me. I’m not the girl who’s broken, lonely, and full of self-loathing. I’m not the girl who can’t drive or walk. (I did fall on my knees Monday night. That was from wearing flip-flops in the rain though. Not a movement problem. Just a poor wardrobe decision. ha, ha.) I’m not mentally, emotionally, and financially unstable. I’m not opinionated, obnoxious, or obstinate. (Contrary to how I’ve allowed myself and others to see me. More on that at a later time; I’m still trying to navigate around it.) I’m not any of those or a hundred other things. I’m not quite sure I am right now, but I do know who I’m not. I’m not who I was (or thought I was) and I’m not who I will or might be. I am who I am and whoever that is, I can’t wait to meet her. I know getting to know her will be exhausting because personal growth is exhausting. I also know getting to know her will be worth it because personal growth is always worth it.

Car Problems, Fruit, & Best Friends with Boyfriends

I know I tend to be a teensy weensy bit over-dramatic. But trust me when I say it’s more likely I’m being under-dramatic when I tell you I have the worst car luck. Like the worst. It’s so bad I’ve grown accustomed to it. I’m so resigned to it my best friend told me today she’d be vicariously frustrated for me because I shrugged it off. C’est la vie, ya know? But still, going through 6 cars in 12 years with a minimum of at least 2 major and unavoidable car problems a year is a lot. And it is frustrating. So, why am I writing about it? Because in the past 2 years, car problems have taught me a lot about life. And I think I might know what the key to truly living is.
Two years ago, I wrote about riding to Boerne with my best friend when she missed her turn and didn’t realize it. Instead of questioning her driving, I trusted she knew where she was going. And that super convicted me. How could I so often question an all-knowing God and not question a human I knew was wrong? Sometimes it’s easier to trust what and who we can see and feel than it is to trust Someone we can’t see or feel. It’s easier to trust wrong directions when you know where you’re going than to trust the right directions leading you to the unknown. It’s especially easier when you already have such a hard time trusting in the first place.
Earlier this year, I was chatting with our connections pastor between church services. And he gave me profoundly simple advice. Trust the fruit. As I said, trust is hard for me. Even when life hurts, I can trust God will never hurt me. He may refine me, which certainly hurts, but He will never hurt me because He loves me. I know this. I even trust it (most of the time). How can I trust people won’t hurt me though? Flawed people are hurt people and hurt people hurt people. That’s when the pastor told me to trust the fruit. Will my favorite people hurt me in life? Absolutely. If not already, then everyone will hurt me at some point. So, how can I know if I can trust them after the hurt? It’s simple, but not easy. Trust the fruit. What is their regular behavior like? Is it normal for this person to hurt me? Or has this person consistently loved me? That’s my answer. That’s how I know I can trust them.
A couple of months ago, my car died. Again. I was on my way home from a church meeting and ice cream social. Then, Nymphadora the Explorer made a furious noise that made me pull over to the shoulder of a highway. I wanted to cry. I was in the middle of moving and starting a new job. I was already so overwhelmed. And, I so did not need car problems on top of everything else. To be fair, I had known for a while she (my car) would be dying sooner than later. But I couldn’t understand why God wouldn’t make her live a little while longer. Why let everything happen at one time? Trust.
I sent SOS text messages to my best friends and grandparents to have them praying for the situation. Then, I called my car insurance for a tow. The wait would be an hour and a half. For real? It was hot and I was in blue jeans. Why would God let my car die on the highway and make me wait so long for a tow truck? Trust.
I called my best friend to see if she was still at church. I was hoping she could ask someone if they could tow me home. If nothing else, I figured she was still with her boyfriend whom I knew had a truck and would help if possible. Perfect timing. They were about to leave when I called and were trying to decide how they would spend the evening. Apparently, they’d be helping me. (Though, to be honest, she & I didn’t actually do anything. He did all the work & in flip-flops. Very impressive.)
Here’s the thing though. I didn’t want their help. I didn’t want anyone’s help, but I really didn’t want their help. I have bad car luck. I also have bad luck with friends who get boyfriends and I so did not want to deal with that with my best friend. So, I had sort of avoided them at the ice cream social after our church meeting. Partly because I was talking with other people, but I also because I didn’t want to feel like a third wheel. God had other plans. I had to ask for help–something I hate doing–from the couple I did not want to bother. And then the boyfriend made a joke about making a date of the night when we had to go to the hardware store for a tow rope. Great. Exactly what I wanted. To be a third-wheel on a date. He was joking, but I wasn’t. Car problems and spending time with an adorable couple when I’m alone? No thanks. But, beggars can’t be choosers. Anyway, long story short, we ended the night at Whataburger and it was one of the most fun and relaxing nights I’d had in a while. They were cute and flirty with each other, but I didn’t feel like a third wheel. I felt like I was hanging with my friends who just happened to be dating now. My guy friend was still my guy friend. And my best friend was still my best friend. Nothing had changed.
So, why did God let my car die when I was already dealing with so much? Trust. He was reminding me to trust the fruit. His fruit of always providing. My best friend’s fruit of never letting me down in almost a decade of friendship. (She’s not perfect or anything, but I can trust her fruit.) And the fruit of my guy friend who was still my guy friend. (I’ve only had a handful of guy friends in my life and none of those friendships ended well. So far, this guy friend is working out so well I even want him to matter more to my best friend than I ever could. How’s that for fruit? (And, for the record, I like being single, but sometimes it sucks. And that’s a post for another time.))
For the past couple of weeks, I was driving a fancy (for me) car while my new car was being fixed. (I repeat, the WORST car luck.) It was a 2018 Honda Civic and I hated it. It had those fancy cameras that help you see your blind spots. Very convenient, but also very distracting. And anxiety-inducing. When you see everything that could wrong, it’s helpful, sure. It’s also terrifying. I should know. I identify as an enneagram 6. And, that’s sort of my point. As helpful as it can be to anticipate or see everything that could go wrong, it’s also exhausting, distracting, and in my opinion dangerous. Toward the end of the car loan, I found myself relying more on the camera than my eyes and that could’ve caused problems. So, what has that taught me? I have to trust myself and my instinct. I can’t rely on seeing what could be a problem all the time. Sometimes, and I think more often than not, I have to trust what I can see for myself and go from there.
So, how does all this tie together? What’s the common denominator? And what is the key to truly living? I think it’s trust. Jesus said the greatest commandment is to love God and love people as you love yourself. 1 Corinthians 13 says, “Love trusts.” (It says love is and does a lot of other things too, but that’s for another time.) If love trusts and love is the greatest commandment, then I think that’s the key to an abundant life. I have to trust God to take me where I’m supposed to be in life. I have to trust my people to love me and not (intentionally) hurt me when their fruit says they’re not like the people who have hurt me in the past. And I have to trust myself to make the right choices (with God’s help). When I can trust God, trust my people, and trust myself, life is a lot easier to deal with. Even when… no especially when I don’t know what God’s plan is. Even when… no especially when I’m afraid I’ll be hurt again (despite fruit that says otherwise). And even when…. no especially when I’ve never had to make this decision before. Because a love that trusts is a love that lasts and a love that lasts is what makes life worth living.

(No. I’m not even sorry for all the parenthesis. *insert Joey cake gif* #SorryNotSorry)

Looking for Normal

Looking for a normal we’ll never find

Searching for a self that’s lost in time

But nothing’s the same

Everything’s changed

What happened? Where’d it go?

Everything we used to know

Will never be what it once was

That’s what loss and tragedy does

I’ve said this before

And I’ll say it once more

Nothing’s the same

Everything’s changed

Will we ever be okay?

Looking for a normal that’s gone forever

Searching for a way to still be together

But nothing’s the same

Everything’s changed

What happened? Where are we?

Everything we used to be

Will never be the same again

Sometimes lose and change just happens

I’ve said this before

And I’ll say it once more

Nothing’s the same

Everything’s changed

Will we ever be okay?

Looking for a normal that leads to hope

Searching for something to help us let go

‘Cause nothing’s the same

Everything’s changed

What happened? What now?

Everything we used to vow

Will never be a promise kept

But hope is coming, if not here yet

Nothing’s the same

Everything’s changed

But, maybe that’s okay?

The One About Toby and Stuff (2021 Thoughts Added)

Warning: This post contains Pretty Little Liars spoilers. If you haven’t watched the whole show, then proceed with caution.

A little note: In August 2014, I started watching Pretty Little Liars. That November, I started blogging about it until it ended in 2017. I haven’t watched it since, but people are still reading my posts in 2021. So, I’ve decided to add thoughts and comments based on the feelings and opinions I have in 2021. Because you’re reading this now, I want to thank you! Tbh, after the disappointment of the series finale, I felt like I wasted time writing these posts. Because you’re reading this, it doesn’t feel like a waste anymore. So, thanks!

(Unless otherwise noted, parenthesis indicate thoughts from 2021)

**Originally published on February 2, 2016. Republished on May 18, 2021. Yes, on a Tuesday in honor of the show originally airing on Tuesdays.**

I take it back! I am NOT okay with Spaleb! Nope! Not at all! Did you see Toby’s face when Caleb told him? No! Okay? No! It was close to the same face he made in the hotel with Spencer. Ya know? When she was talking to him about how she felt when he let her cry outside his apartment! Then, he looked at the ring he would have given that chick before he found out about Spencer and Caleb! Officer Toby didn’t propose as he planned! Why do you suppose that is? It couldn’t be because he’s still in love Spencer, could it be? I mean, he did have a glimmer of hope on his torn face when he asked Spencer if she would be returning to DC. Ugh! My heart guys! It hurts right now! I love Toby so much!

^This is the face^

Let me tell you why the look on Toby’s face hurt me so much more than the look on Hanna’s face. It’s because Hanna is engaged to Jordan, who by the way, is a total sweetheart! And yeah, I get it, Toby was on the verge of being engaged, but I don’t know… there’s something different about Toby. Hanna, I guess, I don’t know…. Before she went off on Spencer for being with Caleb, she seemed like she could have been happy for them. Toby though, his immediate response was heartbreak. He couldn’t even look at Caleb when he wasn’t telling him it was okay. Hannah pretty much looked Spencer dead in the eye when she told her it was okay. Now, don’t get me wrong. I do believe Hannah loves Caleb as much as Toby loves Spencer. I also think Hannah might be able to deal with Spaleb a little better than Toby can. (I don’t remember why I thought this, but I don’t disagree now. So…)

Let’s talk about that morning-after scene though! Was it me, or even in the happiness and bliss of the moment, did Spencer seem to be a little bit remorseful? To me, she seemed a bit hesitant, like she could have been feeling regret. I mean, I do like Caleb and Spencer together for a short time and they do seem to like each other. But I think Spencer loves Toby and Hanna more than she likes Caleb. It wouldn’t surprise me if Toby ends up working with the girls again to beat this “big bad.” Or if Spencer goes to him one night when she needs to talk and something happens with them. The same scenario could take place with Hannah and Caleb! A girl can dream, right? A girl can hope for her OTP’s to get back together?

###

Okay, now let’s talk about this “big bad!” How creepy was that final scene? Like, for real! He took off a LITERAL face mask! Not like the ceramic ones Charlotte and her minions wore, but a flesh-like mask! CREEP-Y! skin crawls This “big bad” is out for serious blood! He’s not playing any games! His text message was serious when he said he’s hiding in plain sight! CREEPY! skin crawls again I don’t know if I can handle this! I…. Ugh! I am CREEPED OUT! And, in case you didn’t notice, his glasses are the same as Leslie Stone’s!

Last, but not least, Byron…. Creepy or not? If you say not, then I will question your sanity. Like more than anyone already questions the sanity of Pretty Little Liars fan! Byron is so freaking CREEPY! I’ve kind of always thought so! I don’t care that he dated his student. They were both legal adults. I do care that he cheated on his wife, made his daughter lie, and gave his daughter hell for dating a teacher. She did learn it from him. There’s also something creepy about a man who has so much hatred for a girl his daughter’s age—any scene he’s had with Alison! (Byron still creeps me out. He and Peter and Kenneth. Like even more than the twenty-something dudes dating teenagers.)

Thanks for reading! Let me know if you need anything! Like seriously. I’m here for you!

Find me on Twitter and Instagram – @ogbrittanyalex

Find my podcasts “The Mask; Her Aid” and “Obsessive Girl Podcast.”

You can also buy my book “The Mask; Her Aid” by Brittany Alexandria on Amazon for Kindle.

Haleb vs Spaleb – It’s Realistic (2021 Thoughts Added)

Warning: This post contains Pretty Little Liars spoilers. If you haven’t watched the whole show, then proceed with caution.

A little note: In August 2014, I started watching Pretty Little Liars. That November, I started blogging about it until it ended in 2017. I haven’t watched it since, but people are still reading my posts in 2021. So, I’ve decided to add thoughts and comments based on the feelings and opinions I have in 2021. Because you’re reading this now, I want to thank you! Tbh, after the disappointment of the series finale, I felt like I wasted time writing these posts. Because you’re reading this, it doesn’t feel like a waste anymore. So, thanks!

(Unless otherwise noted, parenthesis indicate thoughts from 2021)

**Originally published on January 30, 2016. Republished on May 18, 2021. Yes, on a Tuesday in honor of the show originally airing on Tuesdays.**

I don’t have any new or complete PLL theories right now. (I was so over PLL at this point. It took a lot for me to even write about it.) I do have a thought or two about what has happened in Pretty Little Liars season 6B so far. Most of what I have to say is about what happened in the last moments of the episode that aired on January 26, 2016. That’s right. It’s time to talk about Spaleb. I have a group chat with two of my roommates and a friend. It is fully dedicated to Pretty Little Liars conversations. My roommate Ana and our friend, Courtney, shared how MAD they are about Spencer and Caleb. I shared how much I like it. ducks from the things being thrown at me by you furious Haleb and Spoby shippers.

Okay, now that’s out of your system, let me explain. Rosewood is one of the tiniest towns imaginable. I mean, there are like what? Ten families, that live there based on how many families show up in the show? They haven’t had many people to choose from. (Still not an excuse, but that may be why the young twenty-somethings went after the sixteen-year-olds.) That said, I will acknowledge they’ve been out of Rosewood for about five years. Aria has a new boyfriend. Hannah’s engaged. So, why can’t Spencer be with someone who isn’t, ya know, Hannah’s first (and only) true love? Well, let’s see. Do Aria and Liam seem happy? Sure, yeah, they could be happy together. But will Aria ever be able to talk to him about everything that happened in high school? Will he ever be able to understand why or how she became the woman she is? No, especially not when you can see in his face he knows Ezra was something much more than an English teacher. Can Hannah and Jordan be happy in their proposed marriage? They do seem happy. They could make it work, right? The same is true with them though that is true of Aria and Liam. Jordan will never be able to understand who Hannah is, and I don’t Hannah even wants him to understand. She’s still in love with Caleb. She’ll always be in love with Caleb. And they all need someone who was there for them in the worst years of their lives. They need someone who understands. And that’s why Spencer and Caleb make sense.

Caleb, Toby, and Ezra are the ONLY men who could ever hope to understand the girls. They were there when everything went down. They experienced it all with them. If they’re not psycho, Lucas, Jason, and Wren have a chance of relating a little too. That’s why it makes sense for Caleb and Spencer to be together if they can’t be with Hannah and Toby. They’ve had a connection since the moment Spencer was trying to break her laptop out of Ian’s desk. They went to high school in a small town where all the liars grew up and so it makes sense. In a town that small, it’s unrealistic the four liars (six, if you count Alison and Mona as I do) would never the same guy. At some point, one of the best friends was bound to date one of the same guys as one of the others. It makes the most sense for that same person to be Caleb. Aria doesn’t have much of a relationship with Toby or Caleb. Hanna and Spencer don’t have much of a relationship with Ezra. And Emily’s gay. Spencer and Caleb have always somewhat had a relationship. If anyone’s going to date the same guy it would be Spencer and Hanna. I grew in a small community. We all knew the same people and there were very few dating options. We all liked the same people. Many dated the same people and eventually married someone who dated someone else. It was bound to happen in Pretty Little Liars. (I still stand by these statements.)

You can deny it all you want, but Spencer and Caleb are cute together and good for each other. I don’t think they’ll be together for long though. All our OTPs will inevitably get back together, at least for a little while, before the end of the show. Still, Caleb and Spencer could be very good for each other. They’re almost total opposites. And for that reason, they could help each other become stronger, healthier. (It’s kind of like that quote from Rose in The Vampire Diaries. “It’s not just that she makes him a better person–she does–but he changes her too. Damon challenges her, surprises her. He makes her question her life, beliefs. Stefan is different–his love is pure. He’ll always be good for her. Damon is either the best thing for her or the worst.”) It’s not like they’re doing anything behind Hanna’s back. Hanna’s the one who put two and two together in the first place. Spencer didn’t exactly broach the subject on her own. She asked Hannah, who freaked on her, about how she and Caleb are. That’s when Hannah asked and it’s not like Spencer was going to lie? That would be a bad friendship. Hanna suggested Spencer explore her feelings for Caleb, so she did. That’s not a bad friendship. Hanna and Caleb broke up at least two or three years ago. No, she’s engaged to someone else. If that were me and one of my best friends had feelings for my ex, then I’d want her to figure out what she’s feeling. What if Hanna stays with her fiance? It would be crappy for her to keep Caleb and Spencer from potential happiness. If Spencer had tried to bury feelings, only that would have ruined her friendship with Hanna. Have you ever tried to hide your feelings for someone? Eventually, it comes out and it’s usually a mess. Spencer should be honest now before Hanna finds out later. I don’t think it will ruin their friendship one way or the other. I think it will make them stronger. It’s the perfect adult conflict that Pretty Little Liars is trying to give us. They’re not in high school anymore. Hannah and Spencer spoke like the grown adults that they are. If they want their friendship to survive, then Spencer can’t bottle up her feelings like she always has. She needs to let them out and figure them out. Besides, Hannah is engaged and Jordan seems to love her. So until or unless they break up (assuming they will) then Caleb is fair game.

Anyway, those are my thoughts on Spaleb vs Haleb. I’m sure a LOT of people will have negative feelings about this post. That’s because ships and OTPs make us irrational sometimes. We forget all good stories need to be realistic. Realistic for a story like this is having one of the girls be with one of the other girls’ exes.

(I still think Spaleb was one of the best things to happen to PLL. So much growth came out of that ship. I think they all handled it quite well.)

Thanks for reading! Let me know if you need anything! Like seriously. I’m here for you!

Find me on Twitter and Instagram – @ogbrittanyalex

Find my podcasts “The Mask; Her Aid” and “Obsessive Girl Podcast.”

You can also buy my book “The Mask; Her Aid” by Brittany Alexandria on Amazon for Kindle.

Pretty Little Predictions (2021 Thoughts Added)

Warning: This post contains Pretty Little Liars spoilers. If you haven’t watched the whole show, then proceed with caution.

A little note: In August 2014, I started watching Pretty Little Liars. That November, I started blogging about it until it ended in 2017. I haven’t watched it since, but people are still reading my posts in 2021. So, I’ve decided to add thoughts and comments based on the feelings and opinions I have in 2021. Because you’re reading this now, I want to thank you! Tbh, after the disappointment of the series finale, I felt like I wasted time writing these posts. Because you’re reading this, it doesn’t feel like a waste anymore. So, thanks!

(Unless otherwise noted, parenthesis indicate thoughts from 2021)

**Originally published on January 5, 2016. Republished on May 11, 2021. Yes, on a Tuesday in honor of the show originally airing on Tuesdays.**

I’m posting this post at exactly 7:00 pm central time on Tuesday, January 5, 2016. I want it to post exactly one week before Pretty Little Liars season 6b premiers on ABC Family. Unfortunately now known as Freeform. I want to post now before we see anything in context. This is my prediction for what will happen between now and the last episode of season 7. I’m basing it off what we didn’t learn in the finale and things we have learned from previews and interviews.

The biggest question is, “Who is “he?” We hear someone talking about “him” in the previews for the time jump. So, who is he? Who’s the new big bad? Who’s the final “A” going to be? And for crying out loud, who or what is in the barrel!? Is Marlene going to leave us hanging? Red herrings still get answers! We need answers! Also, what’s going to happen to the core couples? What about their families? We have so many questions and so little time! This isn’t even touching all the questions I still have! (It’s been 4 years and I still have so many questions! The show left us so desperate for and so lacking in answers.)

Let’s be honest, the revelation of “Big A” was disappointing and Marlene King’s explanations only made it worse. That said, I still believe she doesn’t place things in the show for no reason. (Yes, she did. So many things happened in that show for no reason.) Everything’s a red herring or actual evidence. Speaking of red herrings, I’m still holding out hope that “Miss Aria You’re A Killer, Not Ezra’s Wife” was more than that. I hope it has a secret meaning. It would be interesting to find out Aria is or was somehow a killer or something.

My theory for “he” is that the NAT Club leader is going to be the final A. In season 3, Jason tells Spencer, “Sometimes, I think they were taking orders from someone else.” “They” are Ian and Garrett, the only other official members of the NAT Club. I hope Jason’s comment wasn’t a red herring. Not enough people have talked about it. It would be perfect for leading us to answers. I hope it’s going to have some kind of relevance for the rest of the series. If it was a red herring, I hope it was to throw suspicion off himself. In that case “he” could Jason. It could also be Wren. Wren’s been around town for a while. He could’ve been around before we knew it. He could’ve been pulling the strings. It could, but I doubt any of this has anything to do with Wren. He was one of the most talked-about suspects toward the end of 6A. The mystery is supposed to be guessable, but not obvious until you go back and watch. Wren seems like the most obvious choice. I don’t think it’s him, but it’s always a possibility.

Now, what’s going to about the relationships? If only one of the couples ends up together, I’m guessing it would be Ezria or Spoby. But I’ll give the pros and cons to all the couples getting back together.

EZRIA: Aria and Ezra have been such a toxic couple. Aria was pretty much addicted to him and he was a little bit crazy. As we come into the new season, the previews show Aria will have a new boyfriend and Ezra will be an alcoholic. I’ve also read since Aria is a publisher—or an editor, I don’t remember—she’ll be working with Ezra on his new book. We’ve seen a preview of her picking his book. A deep reminiscent look floods over her face, so one can assume she still has deep feelings for him. Of course, she would, he was her first love. The kind of feelings she had for Ezra don’t go away. Not completely. Despite the fact they were toxic with each other, they were good for each other. Together, they got through things in their lives they may not have been able to get through otherwise. I also think Aria is going to be the one who brings Ezra out of his slump and back into a good, healthy place in his life. (I was pretty much right about most of this. Ezra was definitely in a worse slump than anyone knew. And there were moments when they were still toxic. Overall, I think their adult relationship was okay.)

SPOBY: Spencer and Toby were also a bit toxic for each other. Even more than Ezra was a drug for Aria, Toby and Spencer were drugs for each other. I mean, Toby drove Spencer crazy! And, because of Spencer, Toby almost died because he didn’t know he was eating her secret drugs. Despite that, other than Emily, Spencer was the only person who believed in Toby. And Toby was often the only one who believed in Spencer. When their lives were falling apart, they held each other together. Not always in the healthiest ways, but they did hold each other together. They were also always good sleuthing partners. So, I’m sure they’ll end up sleuthing together again. If they don’t end up together, they will for sure have a few Spoby moments. (I was pretty much right about this. I’m not sure what my thoughts were or are. Spoby are somewhat together, but not as much as I’d like them to be. It’s kind of a bummer.)

HALEB: Hanna and Caleb have the healthiest relationship in the whole show. They were even healthier than the relationships the parents had. For that reason alone, I’m afraid they won’t end up together. It would be so like the writers to have the healthiest relationship of the whole show not end up together. Hanna’s engaged but I’m sure she’ll end up with Caleb for a temporary period anyway. Hannah will likely have a few issues with her fiancé and run to Caleb for comfort. She does love him and has major daddy issues after all. If Pretty Little Liars goes for a cliché storyline, then Hannah and Caleb will end up together. That’s how it is in all the cliché love stories. The girl goes back to her hometown while engaged. She runs into her first love, they click again, and they end up together. (That’s what I want to happen. I want Hanna and Caleb to be together. I love them. They might be my favorite.)

PAIGE AND EMILY: In a sneak peek of Mona and Allison, Emily and Paige have been talking again in California. I don’t have much to say about them, but I don’t think they’ll end up together. They never trusted each other and they were always fighting over one thing or another. And Paige is awful. (Glad she didn’t end up with Paige. Not glad she did end up with Alison. I didn’t like any of Emily’s love interests. I liked Alison on her own, but not with Emily.)

MIKE AND MONA: This is the couple I want to be together! They were so cute together. Mike was the only person who believed Mona could be more than the crazy stalker girl from Radley. (They didn’t end up together. I’m bummed about that.)

Thanks for reading! Let me know if you need anything! Like seriously. I’m here for you!

Find me on Twitter and Instagram – @ogbrittanyalex

Find my podcasts “The Mask; Her Aid” and “Obsessive Girl Podcast.”

You can also buy my book “The Mask; Her Aid” by Brittany Alexandria on Amazon for Kindle.

Why I’m Mad that *Spoiler* Is A (2021 Thoughts Added)

Warning: This post contains Pretty Little Liars spoilers. If you haven’t watched the whole show, then proceed with caution.

A little note: In August 2014, I started watching Pretty Little Liars. That November, I started blogging about it until it ended in 2017. I haven’t watched it since, but people are still reading my posts in 2021. So, I’ve decided to add thoughts and comments based on the feelings and opinions I have in 2021. Because you’re reading this now, I want to thank you! Tbh, after the disappointment of the series finale, I felt like I wasted time writing these posts. Because you’re reading this, it doesn’t feel like a waste anymore. So, thanks!

(Unless otherwise noted, parenthesis indicate thoughts from 2021)

**Originally published on August 11, 2015. Republished on May 4, 2021. Yes, on a Tuesday in honor of the show originally airing on Tuesdays.**

Truth? I am not happy with tonight’s episode of Pretty Little Liars. I would have been happier if Toby, Ezra, or Caleb were A. I don’t care that my suspicions about Jason and Wren were wrong. I’m kind of glad I wasn’t right about them being A. After all the time and energy I gave to figure out the mystery, it would have sucked if my original theory was right. Let me count the reasons why I’m not happy with who A is:

1. The mystery suspect is a secret family member? Come on! Transgender or not, that’s so overused!
2. CeCe was only in 11 of 142 episodes of Pretty Little Liars and was not in the twenty episodes leading up to this finale. Why?
3. “A” should have been someone who had a personal vendetta against each of the liars—Jenna, Toby, Lucas, or Noel.
4. The whole thing with CeCe and Jason dating was wrong on so many levels. It should not be in a show on a channel with ‘family’ in the title. Or any show on any channel. (At least they changed the channel name to “Freeform” shortly after this.)
5. “A” should have had a motive that we could have suspected before we met Charles at the end of season five. The point of a mystery is to give hints and reasons for viewers to pick up. Most viewers, not a few.
6. CeCe being “A” would have made so much sense on its own if she had been CeCe and not Charles. If she had had a little more face to fans time in a few more episodes. The CeCe we thought we knew could’ve been a realistic “A.” I even would’ve been fine with that. She was someone we knew. We don’t know this CeCe, Charles, whatever the name is.
7. “A” should have had at least a brief introduction before stealing the game from Mona.
8. CeCe spent the whole summer with the DiLaurentis family. Kenneth should have at some point suspected CeCe of being Charles if not knowing. Gender Transformation or not, a parent doesn’t forget their child altogether. Not to the point he doesn’t notice you after a long summer together.
9. Speaking of spending a summer with the DiLaurentis family and Jason having a thing with CeCe. Jessica should have made CeCe put an end to things immediately! I mean, EW! What kind of mother, even one as shady and psychotic as Jessica, would let her children date each other?
10. “A” has always been so organized and had everything so well thought out. To hear CeCe explain her story, you would think everything was kind of sporadic.
11. As far as the Charles storyline goes in general. How did Mr. Hastings not know about him when he had the affair with Jessica? Is he lying about that too? Did he know Jessica had a son who was only a few months old? Or did Jessica lie about that too? (Did these questions get answered?)
12. I always knew I should have written something specific about CeCe. At the end of my last post, I should have said, “If it’s not a guy, it’s CeCe, but I didn’t so I’m also a little mad at myself! (I say I didn’t. But I know I wrote about it. I mentioned a couple of times if I had to pick a female A it’d be her.
13. …to be continued… if/when I think of more reasons to be upset… (I’m still mad about all the above.)

Thanks for reading! Let me know if you need anything! Like seriously. I’m here for you!

Find me on Twitter and Instagram – @ogbrittanyalex

Find my podcasts “The Mask; Her Aid” and “Obsessive Girl Podcast.”

You can also buy my book “The Mask; Her Aid” by Brittany Alexandria on Amazon for Kindle.

I’m Calling It: WREN KINGSTON IS A! (2021 Thoughts Added)

Warning: This post contains Pretty Little Liars spoilers. If you haven’t watched the whole show, then proceed with caution.

A little note: In August 2014, I started watching Pretty Little Liars. That November, I started blogging about it until it ended in 2017. I haven’t watched it since, but people are still reading my posts in 2021. So, I’ve decided to add thoughts and comments based on the feelings and opinions I have in 2021. Because you’re reading this now, I want to thank you! Tbh, after the disappointment of the series finale, I felt like I wasted time writing these posts. Because you’re reading this, it doesn’t feel like a waste anymore. So, thanks!

(Unless otherwise noted, parenthesis indicate thoughts from 2021)

**Originally published on August 4, 2015. Republished on April 27, 2021. Yes, on a Tuesday in honor of the show originally airing on Tuesdays.**

It was August 2014 when I started watching Pretty Little Liars. I watched 4 ½ seasons in the 9 days leading up to the season finale for season 5a. One of those nine days I watched it for 23 hours straight, only breaking to shower and eat. I crammed more than 100 episodes (4708 minutes. 79 hours. 3.2 days.) on top of work and sleep, so I didn’t have a lot of time to theorize until after I finished catching up. I did have two theories or gut feelings. Either Wren or Jason is A. With all the theories flying about Wren being A now, I want to emphasize I’m not saying this to join the bandwagon. You can ask any of my coworkers or read many of my posts. Wren has been my consistent answer to “Who is A?” I haven’t written a lot about him because I’ve been lacking motive.
I’ve also had a lot of time to doubt it. The thing is though, I’ve spent a LOT of time in my 21 years watching and reading mysteries. My gut instinct has rarely been wrong before! I pretty much always know, at least halfway through the story, who the real suspect is. That’s why I’m finally writing this post about Wren and following my roommate’s advice. I’m not holding back anymore or leaving any room for doubt. WREN IS A. If I’m wrong, then I’m wrong. But it won’t be because I didn’t say what I believed to true.
I’m not even going to list all the reasons it makes sense for Wren to be A. There are already so many blog posts that list all the same reasons I agree with. I just wanted to accuse Wren of being A once and for all. I’ve thought it all along, even amongst theorizing about other people, so I needed to make it clear. So far, I’ve said Wren could be “A.” With one episode left before the reveal, I’m now saying WREN IS A. (Could you imagine if I was this confident about everything in life? I would be a force to be reckoned with! ha. ha.)

Other Thoughts:

1) Eddie Lamb is in the Barrel! (Still not sure what happened to him? Or the barrel?)

2) Melissa or Jenna is Black Widow. (Melissa actually was Black Widow, wasn’t she? Or…? Am I completely making that up?)

3) CeCe or Sara are Redcoat! (Wasn’t Alison redcoat? Or am I making that up too? Was it Sara? I don’t even know anymore.)

Thanks for reading! Let me know if you need anything! Like seriously. I’m here for you!

Find me on Twitter and Instagram – @ogbrittanyalex

Find my podcasts “The Mask; Her Aid” and “Obsessive Girl Podcast.”

You can also buy my book “The Mask; Her Aid” by Brittany Alexandria on Amazon for Kindle.

Radley Sanitarium and Rosewood Secrets (2021 Thoughts Added)

Warning: This post contains Pretty Little Liars spoilers. If you haven’t watched the whole show, then proceed with caution.

A little note: In August 2014, I started watching Pretty Little Liars. That November, I started blogging about it until it ended in 2017. I haven’t watched it since, but people are still reading my posts in 2021. So, I’ve decided to add thoughts and comments based on the feelings and opinions I have in 2021. Because you’re reading this now, I want to thank you! Tbh, after the disappointment of the series finale, I felt like I wasted time writing these posts. Because you’re reading this, it doesn’t feel like a waste anymore. So, thanks!

(Unless otherwise noted, parenthesis indicate thoughts from 2021)

**Originally published on June 17, 2015. Republished on April  Yes, on a Tuesday in honor of the show originally airing on Tuesdays.**

What is Radley Sanitarium? Radley is a mysterious psychiatric hospital. More than that it’s a home. Home to Rosewood’s biggest secrets. Home to two of our Liars. Home to one of our Liar’s boyfriend’s mother. Home to Rosewood’s two biggest mysteries—Bethany Young and “A” himself.

Tonight, Alison and Jason confronted their father, demanding he tells them about Charles. Mr. DiLaurentis sat down, looked up at them, and answered their question. Of course, we didn’t get to hear the answer. Instead, we saw a hooded character watching them from outside the house. In the preview following, we heard Alison telling the Liars her father said Charles is dead. The look on his face when he sat down to tell them seemed to prove he believes what he told them. It seems clear Mrs. D did NOT believe Charles was dead. Charles must have been in Radley for some reason. Then something happened to him while he was there to lead Mr. D to believe he was dead. But Mrs. D knew the truth–Charles ran away. I bet that’s why Mrs. D was so involved with Radley.
I also believe the theory that Spencer was in Radley as a child is also true. She might have known Jason was her brother but was lead to believe she was crazy? Or it could’ve been far more sinister. I don’t know. I do believe Spencer was in Radley and that she met Charles there in Radley. Or she might have known Bethany Young and Bethany talked about Charles because she knew him. Think about it. Why and how could Spencer seem so comfortable in Radley if she had not at some point spent time there? This would explain why Peter Hastings felt the need to be so involved in Toby’s search of Radley. He wouldn’t have wanted Toby to know Spencer had been in Radley. If I’m wrong, then Spencer must have known Jason and Charles as a child but was told, like Jason, Charles wasn’t real. It’s also possible since she and Alison are the same age, she was too young to remember him. But wait! Didn’t Peter Hastings claim there was a time when the DeLaurentis’ didn’t live in Rosewood? It’s possible they didn’t live in Rosewood until after Charles’ disappeared.

Fast-forward a few years in Radley’s timeline and we see Toby’s mom was once a resident. Maybe at the same time as Bethany Young. The public records say Toby’s mom jumped out of a window at Radley and died. What if that’s not true? What if someone pushed her? Why would someone do that? Well, she was blonde and so was Mrs. DiLaurentis who was allegedly working at Radley at the time. It seems obvious Bethany loathed Mrs. DiLaurentis. She must have plotted to push Mrs. D off the roof. But she mistook Mrs. Cavanaugh for Mrs. D and pushed her instead. (This show is so messed up. Like what even?)
Fast-forward a few more years. We see Bethany Young does have some major connections to the DiLaurentis family. She was even at their house the night Alison disappeared. So far, we know Byron Montgomery, CeCe Drake, Ezra Fitz, Jenna Marshall, Melissa Hastings, Spencer Hastings, and Toby Cavanaugh were all there that night. And they all had something to be angry with Alison about. Aria Montgomery, Emily Fields, and Hanna Marin were each there that night too. For whatever reason, Bethany escaped Radley to be there that night. Alison, Bethany, and CeCe were all wearing the same outfit. So, someone must have mistaken Bethany for Alison, since they had something against her.

Side note: What if Sara Harvey has nothing to do with that night or any of the Liars on a personal level at all? What if the next morning, as Alison and Sara were both running away and they ran into each other? Then, Alison somehow managed to convince Sara to trade clothes with her. A could’ve captured Sara instead of Alison. If Sara does have more to do with the Liars, I think she was also in Radley at some point as a child. She could be the real person whose father had an affair with Mrs. DiLaurentis.

A year and a half later, Mona gets put in Radley for being “A.” While there, she pretends she’s mentally unstable and incoherent. She only communicates with “A” or “Redcoat.” We see them talking in the very last scene of season two. This is the first scene to lead us to believe Mona may have been “Original A” but is not “Big A.”

Mona might have started the “A Game,” but someone much darker and more psychotic took it over. Mona might have been happy to give him the game or he might have threatened her. Who knows? One thing is for sure. A woman working with “Big A.” She might be a minion or she is “Uber A.” I suspect the woman is Sara or CeCe. Sara either has no choice or she wants to get back at Alison for being the reason Charles captured her. I have always been a fan of CeCe, but the more I think about it, the more it seems like she may not be on Team Alison as I have hoped. (Still not happy about this, but I am happy I was open enough to admit it could be true.) After a while, Mona gets out of Radley, but then she goes in again for a little for some extra investigating.
Not long after Mona got out of Radley, one of our four beloved Liars lands herself in Radley as “Jane Doe.” We never did get a satisfying answer why Spencer was so willing to be in Radley as someone else for a few days. I think in the next few episodes we will see why Spencer was content to be in Radley for a while. I think it could come down to the fact that Spencer somehow felt like Radley was a familiar place. Perhaps because she was in Radley for a little while as a child?

Let’s not forget Aria was volunteering in Radley for a while. She was trying to figure out the secrets about Bethany, Mrs. DiLaurentis, and Radley in general. She and Hanna also snuck into Radley one night to speak with Mona about who might still be threatening them. Because she knew others were listening, Mona spoke in a code that only Hanna could understand. What she said was strange but possibly relevant. “Miss Aria You’re A Killer, Not Ezra’s Wife.” We know based on their code, she was saying, “Maya Knew.” What we don’t know is what Maya Knew. Did she know who A was? What we also don’t know is if the words Mona used were significant or not. Did Aria kill someone? In the preview for next week, Spencer asks, “What if we really did hurt somebody?” Marlene once said in an interview that each Liar still has a big secret yet to be revealed. I bet at some point we’re going to find out the Liars have more to do with “that night” than they remember.

Finally, we someone in a black hoodie watching the DiLaurentis’ as Mr. D told Ali and Jason about Charles. So, I no longer think Jason has anything to do with “A.” I do believe Wren Kingston is both Charles and “A.” Since the first time I watched Pretty Little Liars (in August 2014 before 5A ended) I’ve had a gut feeling Jason or Wren is “A.” To this day I haven’t been able to pinpoint why I feel like Wren is “A.” If he’s A, he probably has something personal against each of the Liars. I can’t figure out what, but my gut instinct has never been wrong before, so I’m gonna go with it. Wren has been around way too much, and at way too intense of times, to only be a love interest. Dr. Kingston is the only one in Rosewood who has access to medical supplies and we know “A” has a steady medical supply. “A” and Wren have also both shown a preference for Vodka. And, you know what? It doesn’t make sense for Wren to be around so much. Of all the characters still alive, Jason and Wren are the only two old enough to have their own money. Sure, Ezra is old enough too, but he’s not rich. He’s been a teacher, and now the owner of The Brew. Neither job pays well enough to pull off all “A’s” elaborate schemes AND to build the dollhouse for the Liars. Besides, he’s pretty much always with Aria or Caleb and Toby. In season Jason received a large sum of inheritance money from his grandmother. Wren Kingston is a doctor, which means he very likely has a large sum of money lying around. So, yeah, my theory is that Jason or Wren is “A.”

P.S. I think Eddie Lamb’s in the barrel! It could be Paige. “A” never lets someone leave Rosewood that easily. But she said where she was going and Eddie Lamb disappeared without a trace. (I still can’t believe we never found out who or what was in the barrel. What was the point in all that? Did we ever find out what happened to Eddie Lamb?)

Thanks for reading! Let me know if you need anything! Like seriously. I’m here for you!

Find me on Twitter and Instagram – @ogbrittanyalex

Find my podcasts “The Mask; Her Aid” and “Obsessive Girl Podcast.”

You can also buy my book “The Mask; Her Aid” by Brittany Alexandria on Amazon for Kindle.

A lArge bAnk Account (2021 Thoughts Added)

Warning: This post contains Pretty Little Liars spoilers. If you haven’t watched the whole show, then proceed with caution.

A little note: In August 2014, I started watching Pretty Little Liars. That November, I started blogging about it until it ended in 2017. I haven’t watched it since, but people are still reading my posts in 2021. So, I’ve decided to add thoughts and comments based on the feelings and opinions I have in 2021. Because you’re reading this now, I want to thank you! Tbh, after the disappointment of the series finale, I felt like I wasted time writing these posts. Because you’re reading this, it doesn’t feel like a waste anymore. So, thanks!

(Unless otherwise noted, parenthesis indicate thoughts from 2021)

**Originally published on March 3, 2015 Republished on April 13, 2021. Yes, on a Tuesday in honor of the show originally airing on Tuesdays.**

Okay, let’s think about “A” and Pretty Little Liars logically. Please correct me if I’m wrong. When Mona was “original A,” she didn’t have money for her plans to be elaborate or expensive. “Big A” seems to spend more and more money as each scheme escalates into another. Let’s suppose three things are true. 1) “Big A” has a lot more money at his/her fingertips than Mona had at hers. 2) “Big A” has quick and easy access to money. 3) The money comes straight out of “Big A’s” checking account without the help of anyone else. This theory eliminates Mona, Jenna, Toby, the Liars, and the Liars’ siblings as suspects. The only money they have access to is the money in their parents’ checking accounts. So, unless the parents are in on it, the kind of access “Big A” has to immediate funds is more or less impossible for the kids. That means the only remaining suspects are Ezra Fitz, *Doctor* Wren Kingston, and CeCe Drake.

I already talked about Ezra so I won’t say much about him here. I will point out he likely doesn’t have much money. His family is rich, but sort of disowned them, and he’s a teacher. Even professors don’t get paid well. And he did help Emily and Aria find Varjack, so it makes sense to remove him from our list of suspects.

Then there’s Wren Kingston. He’s a freaking Doctor, so of course, he has money! He’s also as sketchy as or sketchier than anyone else in Rosewood ever has been. We know he has a thing for younger girls. First, he had a three-season long on-again/off-again fling with Spencer. Then, he seemed to have a bit of chemistry with Hanna. Finally, he seemed to get along a little too well with Mona. As far as we know, he doesn’t have any reason to have a vendetta against the Liars, but that could be the point. A is psycho; Wren is… something… He might have decided to prey on the unsuspecting lives of a few young girls for no reason. In many stalker/murder cases, the vendetta has less to do with the victims and more to do with the suspect’s past. There might be something about Wren’s past that’s triggering him to do what he’s doing. Regardless, he’s doing something awful if he is “A.” That or he’s another older man who had a thing with Alison and she pissed him off enough that he went after her friends.

Finally, there’s CeCe Drake. More times than not, I will defend her, because I want to believe she’s the only person who never turned her back on Alison. I can’t ignore the obvious though. Alison did get CeCe kicked out of school. And Cece never has seemed to actually like Aria, Emily, Hanna, or Spencer. We also know she spied on Aria and Ezra for a while and that she was on Ezra’s payroll for some reason. I don’t know if she has any money, but I would assume she does. So, even though I don’t want to, I have to acknowledge she could be A. (I don’t know if I could ever express how mad I was about CeCe being A.
Not because CeCe was A, but because the story was so ridiculous and far-fetched. CeCe had more than enough reason to be A from what we knew of her before we met Charles/Charlette. It was so ridiculous. All of it. The first 2 seasons were great. The 3rd season was good. The 4th season was okay. Then it got progressively worse until I regretted watching it.)

Thanks for reading! Let me know if you need anything! Like seriously. I’m here for you!

Find me on Twitter and Instagram – @ogbrittanyalex

Find my podcasts “The Mask; Her Aid” and “Obsessive Girl Podcast.”

You can also buy my book “The Mask; Her Aid” by Brittany Alexandria on Amazon for Kindle.

PLL s05e10: Recap and Review (2021 Thoughts Added)

Warning: This post contains Pretty Little Liars spoilers. If you haven’t watched the whole show, then proceed with caution.

A little note: In August 2014, I started watching Pretty Little Liars. That November, I started blogging about it until it ended in 2017. I haven’t watched it since, but people are still reading my posts in 2021. So, I’ve decided to add thoughts and comments based on the feelings and opinions I have in 2021. Because you’re reading this now, I want to thank you! Tbh, after the disappointment of the series finale, I felt like I wasted time writing these posts. Because you’re reading this, it doesn’t feel like a waste anymore. So, thanks!

(Unless otherwise noted, parenthesis indicate thoughts from 2021)

**Originally published on February 17, 2015. Republished on April 6, 2021. Yes, on a Tuesday in honor of the show originally airing on Tuesdays.**

Always when I start to think nothing big is going to happen, something momentous happens! In two previous posts, I discussed the possibilities of Mona faking her death. In another post, I discussed how Jason could be “A.” And, in my second to the last post, I spoke about Alison and everyone else. Tonight’s episode of Pretty Little Liars may have shed light on many of the things I said could be true! So, let’s talk about what we saw tonight. Recently, Mike has been acting super shady. Many people suspected that was because he is “A.” I theorized, with my friends, that it had more to do with the fact that he knew something about Mona that no one else knew. Tonight, we found out what he knows.

In one episode, the Liars suspected Mike stole their blood and gave it to “A.” Because he does love Mona and love, especially in Rosewood, makes you do crazy things, we can’t rule that out. That said, we do know the blood he was most concerned with was Mona’s blood. And many have theorized that Mona collected her own blood and used it as “evidence” for her alleged death. Tonight, we see that that was true. Mona had been taking her own blood and storing it in a mini-fridge. She told Mike she was going to use it to stage her own death and meet “A.” While Mike was telling Aria about this, he started to cry, proving that he does love Mona. We all know he’s not going to cry unless he means it.

Was Mona telling Mike the truth? Was she bottling her blood, so she could disappear, blame it on Alison, and meet A? Things are rarely so simple in Rosewood, especially when it comes to Mona and the other liars. Also, Mona seemed way too excited to be meeting “A” to be trying to save the girls. I suspect there are two other options here besides, Mona maybe telling the truth for once. Mona and Alison may be working together on this whole thing. They might have a brilliant plan to take “A” down. If so, it’s likely unrealistic to believe they’ll both come out of this alive if neither of them is A. If I’m right, then Mona was either murdered and stuffed into that barrel, or she’s “A.” And everything she’s been doing has been to throw the trail off herself and onto Alison and the other liars.

I also think someone’s going to murder or injure Mike in a strategic and revealing manner. If Mona is dead, then Mike will be injured. If she’s alive, then he will be murdered. (Did anything happen to Mike? I know the actor sort of disappeared to act in Teen Wolf, but I don’t remember what happened to him in PLL.) I don’t think Marlene would have two major characters murdered at the same time. Not when we’re about to get the most major clue ever. Besides, that would be depressing. We need as many of our Liars as clear-minded as they can be for this next stretch before we find out who “A” is! They won’t have clear minds if someone dies, especially not one of their brothers.

In the end, when we saw “A” or “A’s” minion in Mike’s room, and it looked a lot like a man, or at least a girl wearing extra layers. There are two men Alison has tortured but have yet to come up with cover stories—Jason and Lucas. It doesn’t seem unlikely either of them would be doing “A’s” dirty work. Then, there’s always Wren, who we still know nothing about, and who has always been super sketchy!

Now, let’s talk about the relationships! Spencer and Toby. Aria and Ezra. Under all the intense “A” action, we’ve been having some mild couple drama too! Toby’s been avoiding Spencer because Tanner still suspects Spencer of criminal activity. And she didn’t stop Jonny when he kissed her! Geez, Spenc! What kind of a girlfriend are you? If you’re feeling lonely, you could have at least kissed him BEFORE Toby told you why he’s been avoiding you! Not afterward! Gosh! (I’m glad I had a somewhat rational response to at least some of the awfulness that came with the PLL couples.)

Then there’s Aria and Andrew. If he’s not gay, then he has a thing for Aria. But she’s still sort of dating Ezra, even if we haven’t seen him or them in a while! I mean, they never agreed they would take a break for her to “experience life” did they? Didn’t think so! So, I’m suspecting that Aria and Andrew are going to have a thing. That or Ezra’s going to step in and win Aria back, even though he hasn’t lost her. He’s being over-sensitive about Aria’s letter. Yes, it a little truthful, but her relationship with him has been the most normal part of her life in high school. (How twisted is that? Rosewood is so messed up, the most normal thing in Aria’s life is her relationship with her high school English teacher.) How could he not see that? Why would he try to push her away again? I hope SOMETHING happens with them soon because I’m kind of getting worried! (SMH. I still can’t believe I shipped them so hard…)

P.S. Happy 19th Birthday to Sasha Pieterse! (Dang. I forgot how much younger she was than the other actors. She’s still younger than the other actors were when the show ended. She turned 25 in February 2021. Ashley Benson and Lucy Hale, the other youngest of the show, turned 27 in the show’s final season. Crazy!)

Thanks for reading! Let me know if you need anything! Like seriously. I’m here for you!

Find me on Twitter and Instagram – @ogbrittanyalex

Find my podcasts “The Mask; Her Aid” and “Obsessive Girl Podcast.”

You can also buy my book “The Mask; Her Aid” by Brittany Alexandria on Amazon for Kindle.

“A” for Alison, “A” for Anonymous (2021 Thoughts Added)

Warning: This post contains Pretty Little Liars spoilers. If you haven’t watched the whole show, then proceed with caution.

A little note: In August 2014, I started watching Pretty Little Liars. That November, I started blogging about it until it ended in 2017. I haven’t watched it since, but people are still reading my posts in 2021. So, I’ve decided to add thoughts and comments based on the feelings and opinions I have in 2021. Because you’re reading this now, I want to thank you! Tbh, after the disappointment of the series finale, I felt like I wasted time writing these posts. Because you’re reading this, it doesn’t feel like a waste anymore. So, thanks!

(Unless otherwise noted, parenthesis indicate thoughts from 2021)

**Originally published on February 10, 2015. Republished on March 30, 2021. Yes, on a Tuesday in honor of the show originally airing on Tuesdays.**

Alison’s Army

For a while now, I’ve been formulating a theory that there are two “A-Teams” in the world of Pretty Little Liars. Until now, I’ve felt like I haven’t enough evidence to support my theory. Now, I do. Alison has an army, but it is not the “A-Team.” Alison’s Army is a group of people who have been doing things per her request since the very beginning of the series. These people are Noel Kahn, CeCe Drake, Mike Montgomery, and most likely others.

In the first season, Noel Kahn tried to get close to Aria Montgomery. He might have liked her for real. He might not have. I suspect he was working for Alison since the very beginning. Throughout the whole Noel Kahn loves Aria Montgomery plot, he was trying to get rid of Ezra. Could it be possible this was because Alison asked him to do it? Maybe, Alison put him up to it because she knew that Ezra was using Aria and the other girls to write a book. She at least knew he knows who Aria was all along. And she likely suspected his intentions with Aria were less than honorable. When Noel was watching Hanna and Aria at that cupcake shop, I suspect that he was watching out for Hanna. I think Alison wanted to make sure she didn’t go as far as she had once upon a time. (You know, despite the fact it was pretty much her fault Hanna did what she did, to begin with.)

In season three, CeCe Drake showed up at The Brew, where the girls almost always hang out. Why, of all the places in Rosewood, would we be introduced to CeCe Drake at The Brew? Why would she be quoting word for word something that Alison said in another episode? I suspect it’s because Alison sent CeCe to Rosewood to test the girls. I suspect in the beginning because she hurt them more than anyone else, Alison thought “A” was one of the girls. Then, after seeing “A” taunt them so much, I suspect Alison realized that none of them were “A,” but she wanted to make sure. So, she sent CeCe to Rosewood to test the girls. I suspect Alison assumed the girls would see CeCe as a future version of Alison. That however they treated CeCe would be the same way they would treat Alison if she came back. When the girls decided to be civil with CeCe, it showed they were still loyal to Alison.

Finally, in this season, Mike Montgomery has been acting super sketchy. Naturally, everyone wonders if Mike is “A.” I’ll be honest, I started to think it a little bit, but now I’m not so sure… actually I am. I am very sure that Mike is not on the “A-Team.” That would be too obvious since we know “A’s” identity will stay a secret until at least halfway through season six. Second, Mike is the younger brother who used to be dorky but is now kind of hot. So, we kind of like the “bad boy cred,” but we also want him to stay the sweet and innocent younger brother forever. Then, of course, there are the actual reasons he would not be “A.”
Despite his anger and communication issues with Aria, he does care about her. You can see their sibling bond play out over and over again throughout the series. (It’s like that quote from “Cheaper by the Dozen” by Hilary Duff’s character. “Sometimes I may want to kill you but I will always kill for you.”) In any case, he has been talking to Alison and communicating with Cyrus, aka Hank Mahoney, as of late. And that leads me to believe he is part of Alison’s Army.

Also, in season one, when Noel was threatening to turn Ezra in, we saw Mike and Noel talking in the courtyard. We were led to believe that Noel told Mike “someone” was dating Aria’s favorite teacher, Ezra Fitz. Mike is not stupid. If that were all Noel told him, he would have fit the pieces together. He would have realized Aria was the one dating her teacher. I suspect Noel and Mike knew long before this incident that Aria and Ezra were dating. I suspect Alison told them. She wanted to make sure they were both keeping an eye on Aria, in case Ezra broke her heart.

The “A-Team”

We all know Mona is still alive; she’s been missing for far too long to be anything but alive. The only thing we can trust in PLL is that anyone who’s been missing for longer like one episode is still alive. So, Mona is for sure still alive and well, or at least alive. How do we know this? Who was the one to help Alison escape and hide for two years? Mona. Mona helped Alison escape and Mona is the one who did not tell anyone Alison was still alive. Instead, she played dumb to the whole situation. Is it so unbelievable that Mona would do the same for herself? I don’t think so. Mona’s reasons for hiding are likely different from Alison’s reasons for hiding. Think about it. Who in Rosewood would ever suspect Mona of being “A” after she was already put in Radley for it? Very few would suspect that! And that is why it’s such a brilliant plan! Mona allowed the girls and police to discover the truth so no one would ever suspect her again! It was her plan all along. That way she could get into Radley and work on far more elaborate plans than what we saw in seasons one and two.

Jason DeLaurentis may be the sketchiest person in Rosewood! He spent his high school years drinking beer and getting high. He also started the NAT club with some friends so they could spy on unsuspecting girls. He claims he can’t remember anything that happened “that night.” He was missing for Alison’s funeral and much of the first season. He had stalker-like pictures in his shed of Aria sleeping. He may or may not have genuine feelings for Aria. And her main “A drama” revolves around her relationship with Ezra. He may or may not have caused trouble with Emily on that elevator. He’s been conversing with Mona. He’s slept with Ashley Marin. He is generally a very sketchy guy.

Wren Kingston is also super sketchy. He’s one of the many men in Rosewood who cannot seem to resist his attraction to young high school girls. (Again. Gross. What is wrong with Rosewood men? The fathers cheat and the twenty-somethings fool around with high school girls. There are so many things wrong with Rosewood and this ranks at the top.) We know very little about him or his past. He has already shown that he is comfortable breaking medical laws. He gave Melissa strong medications for Ian. Then, he let CeCe Drake and Hanna Marin into Radley Sanatorium without identification. He also seemed to be pretty close to Mona while she was in Radley. The dude’s a creep. (Side note: I also always liked the idea of him being “A.”)

Double Agents

Every good mystery has a few double agents. Double agents are the people willing to work with or for both sides of the war. They’re gathering and passing information from one or both sides to anyone who wants it. And they want to save themselves from incriminating information any side has on them. We know Caleb Rivers, Toby Cavanaugh, and Spencer Hastings have been double agents. We also know Ezra Fitz has technically been a double agent. He was spying on the girls as much as, if not more than “A” him/herself. Despite his feelings for Aria, he did use their intimacy to gather information for a book. But, he also used that information, in the end, to keep them safe.

Lucas Gottesman may have also been a double agent. He was the victim of many of Alison’s cruel jokes. So, he has every reason in the world to hate her and work against her on the “A-Team.” For the same reasons, he has every reason in the world to hate Mona and work against the “A-Team.” So, it is fair to assume he’s been a double agent since the beginning, or at least since he tried drowning Hanna in the lake. We know “A” recruited him to try to get rid of Hanna. He more or less confessed that himself. But we can also assume he has likely been protecting the girls in some ways as well. I mean, he’s pretty much in love with Hanna and love makes you do the craziest of things. (Actually, love doesn’t make you do crazy things. Lust makes you do crazy things. And there were way more lust and infatuation vibes from Lucas to Hanna than love.)

If anyone is, Jenna Marshall is definitely a double agent. We know she has a lot of anger toward Alison and the other girls for blinding her. We’ve also seen her try to put that behind her many times. We know she worked against the girls to find the flash drive that held her darkest secret on film. But we also know that she claimed in the Christmas episode she was working with Alison now. If that’s true, it’s safe to assume wherever she is, if she is still alive, she is doing some kind of work for Alison so they can finally beat “A.”
If nothing else, Jenna is working with Alison because she knows the girls are sorry for blinding her. Especially Hanna, who pulled her out of Jason’s burning house.

Furthermore, I suspect Mike and Mona have acted as double agents as well, but in less obvious ways. They do/did have feelings for each other, but Mike knew that Mona was/is “A.” If she’s “A” and he knows, then he used their relationship to learn everything he could about her so he and Alison could defeat her. I think Mona eventually found out Mike was using her and that’s when and why she staged her death.

Of course, Mona may not still be “A.” She and Alison may be working together to bring down “A.” As much as they hate and fear each other, they hate and fear “A” even more. To be honest, though, my primary theory for Mona is that she is still on the “A-Team.”

In conclusion, I suspect there are two secret teams in Rosewood—“The A-Team” and “Alison’s Army,” aka “Redcoat.” I’ve been formulating this theory in my head since I finished watching season four a few months ago. It’s been driving me crazy to find out some kind of proof to back it up. Now I have found proof. And I cannot wait to find out more in the last few episodes of this season.

**2021 Thoughts** From what I can remember, and I haven’t watched PLL since it ended, I was sort of right with this theory. Not all the way of course, but the bones of the theory were pretty close to reality and I’m proud of that. I’m especially proud because the last few seasons were such a hot mess it wasn’t worth putting in so much effort. That said, people still reading these posts does make it a little worth it. So, thank you for reading. Thank you for justifying the insane about of time I put into writing these posts. Ha. Thank you also for giving me a reason to pull these up and edit them. It’s been fun!

Thanks for reading! Let me know if you need anything! Like seriously. I’m here for you!

Find me on Twitter and Instagram – @ogbrittanyalex

Find my podcasts “The Mask; Her Aid” and “Obsessive Girl Podcast.”

You can also buy my book “The Mask; Her Aid” by Brittany Alexandria on Amazon for Kindle.

PLL s05e18: Recap and Review (2021 Thoughts Added)

Warning: This post contains Pretty Little Liars spoilers. If you haven’t watched the whole show, then proceed with caution.

A little note: In August 2014, I started watching Pretty Little Liars. That November, I started blogging about it until it ended in 2017. I haven’t watched it since, but people are still reading my posts in 2021. So, I’ve decided to add thoughts and comments based on the feelings and opinions I have in 2021. Because you’re reading this now, I want to thank you! Tbh, after the disappointment of the series finale, I felt like I wasted time writing these posts. Because you’re reading this, it doesn’t feel like a waste anymore. So, thanks!

(Unless otherwise noted, parenthesis indicate thoughts from 2021)

**Originally published on February 3, 2015. Republished on March 23, 2021. Yes, on a Tuesday in honor of the show originally airing on Tuesdays.**

What to say about tonight’s episode of Pretty Little Liars… It was extremely interesting. It’s been a while since we’ve seen any of the Liars’ parents. This time, we see Spencer’s mother talking to Alison’s lawyers. She wants to know everything she can about Alison and who may be questioned at the trial. Watching Mrs. Hastings from afar, Emily, Spencer, and Aria also see Holbrook walk into the police station. (So, that answers my 2021 question from past posts. Holbrook did show up again. I forgot. ha, ha.)

Inside The Brew, a random redhead introduces herself as Lesli, Mona’s friend from out of town. (Who the heck is Lesli? I do not remember this person.) At first, they’re intrigued, but quickly grow wary. Why is she talking about Mona as if she were the best friend who knew her better than anyone else? The last time an unknown friend showed up it was CeCe and they still don’t trust CeCe. (As we later find out, this distrust is completely justified on both parts. I do not remember Lesli, but I’m pretty sure she was untrustworthy. And if you’ve watched the entire series, then you know CeCe wasn’t, even though I wanted her to be!)

At the police station, Holbrook gathers his things while yelling at other officers. Caleb and Hanna overhear him.
He looks at them and says, “Perfect. Just perfect.” Then he walks away.
Hanna later tells the girls that Holbrook was suspended for inappropriate behavior. He was in a relationship with Alison and may have helped her cheat on her lie detector test.

Spencer goes through her mother’s papers and finds a list of people who have been visiting Alison in prison. One of the signatures both surprises and terrifies her so she goes to Aria to tell her that the signature was Mike’s. Naturally, Aria refuses to believe that Mike has been visiting Alison. She is the one who allegedly killed his girlfriend, but she agrees to confront him about it anyway.

When Hanna and Lesli go to Mona’s house together, Lesli picks up a book and asks Hanna if Mona ever talked to her about it. Hanna has a flashback of a time when Mona did talk to her about it. In the same flashback, Mona asks Hanna for three wishes. Then, she shares that if she could have any wish, she’d wish for a stopwatch. She would stop time and space so that she was the only one moving or doing anything. She would be able to spy on people without them knowing.
After the flashback, Hanna says, “Mona was always thinking. She just wasn’t thinking what we thought she was thinking.”

Hanna and Lesli walk into The Brew with Mona’s book and Mike is there. He notices that they have the book and gets defensive. He demands they give him the book so he can take it back to her house where it belongs. Hanna manages to calm him down and assure him that she will make sure to it put back where it belongs. After Mike walks away, Lesli tells Hanna that she was on the phone with Mona the night before her murder. She tells her that she heard a man’s voice over the phone telling her to get off the phone and talk to him. She is confident that it was Mike who was talking to Mona.

Hanna has another flashback of that night with Mona. In the flashback, Hanna asks Mona about Alison coming back and wonders if they would even notice her. Mona snaps that of course, they would notice her, even if she cut and colored her hair. They would be the ones she wouldn’t notice. She would be crazy and be locked into Radley “and no one gets out of there.” (I mean… Mona got out of there, so….)

While putting Mona’s book back, Hanna finds an audiotape hidden in the spine. She quickly leaves and someone follows her. While she’s driving, Hanna notices that it’s a cop car following her. She opens the car door, picks up a long tool of some sort, and walks toward the other car. No one is in the car but then Holbrook shows up behind Hanna.
He starts rambling, as if he’s drunk or insane, and asks, “How does a girl like Alison become a girl like Alison?”
He goes on about how, because of her, the career that looked so bright and promising was now ruined. Hanna calls him out and says that a man like him should have been able to resist the advances of a young girl. (Yes, exactly! What is wrong with the twenty-something “men” in Rosewood!? And why did we all act like it was okay!?) He goes on to say something about Tanner and how she knows everything.

The new male character, Jonny, talks to Spencer about something he’s making for The Brew for Ezra. Hw explains that he was “inspired by Rosewood. This whole town is strung together with whispers, secrets, and lies.” (Ain’t that the truth! The only explanation for us letting this show get away with so much is we wanted to know what the secrets and lies were! I know that’s why I was watching it. Still… I can’t believe I condoned so much! Normally, I stop watching something if nothing is redeeming about it. I guess since I binged 4 seasons in 2 days, it sort of all melded together and felt okay? I don’t know… still wrong though!)

The Liars listen to the tape of Bethany and she says, “she’s not the only one who can make plans.” The liars assume that it’s Alison that Bethany is speaking of, but of course, we can’t know for sure. At least, not yet.

Aria notices that Mike is leaving the house and follows him. She follows him to a bridge over a lake. To me, it looks like the one where Spencer confronted Melissa about the masks she had made. Mike takes a bag out of his pocket and leaves it on the railing of the bridge. When he walks away, Aria goes to inspect the bag and it appears to be a bag of gummy candies that he left for someone. Mike turns around and confronts Aria. She tells him not to come back and not to talk to Alison again.
He says, “Nobody’s giving me orders anymore.”
Then, he tells her, “Be careful going home through the woods.”

Mrs. Hastings tells Spencer the blood spot found near the barrel was Alison’s. (Okay… but did we learn what was inside?)

Hanna tells the Liars about her confrontation with Holbrook. They realize he doesn’t know half of the stuff they thought he knew. Both she and Spencer wonder if Mike has been the one helping Alison. Aria still doesn’t want to believe them and tells them that he won’t be seeing her anymore because she told him not to. Of course, Mike doesn’t listen and he does go to see Alison again. Discussing what they heard Bethany say on the recording, the girls suspect what happened in Alison’s back yard “that night,” was a trap… They just don’t know for whom or by whom.

In the final scene, we see that Liars were finally one step ahead of “A.” “A” goes into Mona’s room to find the recording but discovers that it’s gone.

Signed at the top of the list was “Sarah Hernando.” (What list? Did I forget to include that information? I’m so confused…) If you remember, there was a girl named Sarah who seemed to be a lot like Alison. She even disappeared the same day Alison disappeared. When her friends visited the Liars, we learned she was as likable and manipulative as Alison was. This could be nothing because that girl’s name was “Sara Harvey.” However, this could likely be the same girl. After all, it wouldn’t be the first time someone’s name got changed on the show. Wren Kingston’s original last name was “Kim,” and Toby Cavanaugh’s original name was “Marshall.” She might also be visiting with a fake name or it might simply be a random Sarah. It is a common name after all.

In the flashbacks of Hanna and Mona, it feels like we get two potential hints or clues. First, Hanna’s comment about Alison coming back in disguise might be a clue that Hanna knew Alison wasn’t dead. It could also mean Hanna knew about Alison’s “Vivian Darkbloom,” disguise. It wouldn’t be the first time one of the liars knew something about Alison and didn’t find it important enough to mention. Or maybe, Hanna was working with Alison? She could have even been spying on her as “A” or as Mona’s assistant. Who knows? Everything is possible right now. Also in the flashback, Mona talks about stopping time and spying on people. Is she hinting at being “A?”

The clip the liars hear is of Bethany talking about and to someone is quite sinister. The someone she is talking to is supposed to be a psychiatrist or something. The person she is talking about is suspected to be Alison. How can we know that though? We can’t right now. For all we know, she was talking about Jessica. She could have been talking about Mona, or she could have been talking about whoever “A” is. And it is still possible that Mona is still alive and still “A.” (I still think that would have been an epic and far more believable twist!)

When Mike says, “Nobody’s giving me orders anymore” it indicates he had been taking orders from someone. Lately, many things seem to point to the possibility of Mike being A. But what if he was working for “A?” What if he has been doing a sort of “Toby move” where he works for “A” so he can protect Mona? Or Aria even? Anything is possible in Rosewood. (Even the stupidest of things.) Whatever he meant by that statement, it’s clear he is working with someone he doesn’t want Aria to know about. I suspect he knows Mona is still alive and he brings her things that she may want or need. That or he may be working with “A” and brings “A” things. Or Mona and “A” are the same? Who knows?

Here is my best friend’s theory: “Mona isn’t dead. She’s A and never stopped being A. But I think Mike was dating her because he is working for Ali. And Ali was trying to bring Mona down. And now he is visiting Aly in hopes they can still stop Mona.” (Again, I wish this theory had been true. It would have been way more awesome than what did happen.)

Thanks for reading! Let me know if you need anything! Like seriously. I’m here for you!

Find me on Twitter and Instagram – @ogbrittanyalex

Find my podcasts “The Mask; Her Aid” and “Obsessive Girl Podcast.”

You can also buy my book “The Mask; Her Aid” by Brittany Alexandria on Amazon for Kindle.

You’re Calling Me as I Am to New Wine

Have you ever read the Psalms or Ecclesiastes? What about Job? Have you paid attention to the words Jesus prayed in the Garden of Gethsemane? I don’t know that we’ll ever see anything more honest or raw than these words. That is unless we’re brave enough to be as honest and raw with our own prayers. For some reason, there’s a common misbelief among believers that we can’t be honest with God or each other. We can’t share our real feelings. Our hard feelings. Our questions and our doubts. Ask any Christian leader or figure if they’ve ever hidden their feelings from God and others. They will admit they have. I know because every true Christian leader I’ve ever followed has shared the same story. At times in our lives, we’re afraid to be honest. We’re afraid to share our feelings, questions, and doubts. Why is that? Why do we have this impulsive need to answer, “I’m blessed and highly favored” when asked how we’re doing? When the truth is we don’t feel blessed and we certainly don’t feel favored? We’re human. We don’t like being vulnerable and transparent. It leaves us feeling exposed and open to attack, criticism, abandonment, you name it… but what if we stopped fearing the vulnerable and transparent? What if instead of being afraid, we were hopeful? What if we were honest and real and believed that we would be loved and accepted and held in that? I think… no. I know we’d all be better off for it. Think about it. David is a man after God’s own heart. Solomon is the wisest man. Job is known for His extreme faith even in extreme loss. Jesus is Jesus. Perfect and without sin. God Himself sent to earth to save us.

You might be thinking, “Come on Brittany, those people are thousands of years dead. And are we even sure their stories are true? What if it’s all a story and not history?” That’s fair. I’ll allow your doubt and skepticism here and counter you with a modern and personal example. Let me warn you first. If you don’t actually want an answer to your prayers, then don’t pray. Because like it or not, God will answer. When He does it’s up to you to respond or not.
About a month or two ago, I felt God asking me to do something I wouldn’t have chosen to do myself. So, I was honest with Him. “I don’t want to do this. If you want me to, I’m gonna need you to have someone directly ask me about it. I’ll take that as Your sign.” A week or more later, someone directly asked me about it. So, now I’m doing the thing.
A few weeks ago, I wrote out several pages worth of frustration into my journal. I was brutal and honest and raw. I did not hold back. I felt like I was doing all the talking and all the work, while God sat back and watched. He was providing, don’t get me wrong, and I told Him I was grateful for it. That was and is true. Still, I felt like God kept asking me to do the big things that required a lot out of me, but was doing the bare minimum on His end. I journaled about this for a couple of days. I know God is a good God. I know He loves me and provides for me. I also know He doesn’t have to do what I want Him to do. I know that His way is always better than my way. That said, I have trust issues. And sometimes I find it hard to believe God wants to bless me when I’ve spent the past several years not knowing if or when or how my daily needs would be met. I know He loves me. I know He always provides. I know that over and over again the Bible calls us to worry about today’s provision today and worry about tomorrow tomorrow. It would be nice to have some cushion though. It’d be nice to know if something happens tomorrow, then I’ll be covered. I understand I have it a lot better than most of the world does. I know I am blessed. And I know that if He wanted to, then God could provide more for me, but He hasn’t. And sometimes I feel like He doesn’t want to. Sometimes I feel like He cares, but not as much on this side of Heaven as He does in Heaven. Does that make any sense at all?
I journaled all these feelings out and got super specific. I was honest and raw and real. Over the next several days, God answered my prayers. I didn’t know it then, but it started on Sunday when the pastor asked our worship leader to sing a song she wrote called “You’re Calling Me.” At first, I liked it because I like our worship leader and have yet to dislike anything she sings, especially if she wrote it. But then she (Shelby, who doubles as my best friend) and I were talking to some friends at church about “plan B’s.” I said I didn’t have one and I was fine with that. She reminded me I have a CDL, so bus driving is technically my Plan B. I responded with an emphatic, “NO!” to that. It’s never been my plan to go back to bus driving after leaving in summer 2020. God likes to laugh in the face of our plans, but I’m getting ahead of myself.
Most mornings, I go to YouTube and watch/listen to the saved recording of our worship service from the week. Every day I was listening to Shelby sing “You’re Calling Me.” On Friday, it was stuck in my head and I was struck by a line that says, “You can do whatever you want to do. Whatever it is I’ll do whatever you ask me to.” That got some good journaling out of me because I was singing it, but I wasn’t sure if I meant it.
A little while later, a song by FM Static called, “Take Me As I Am” played over my shuffled liked songs on Spotify. I was struck by the lines, “I was too scared to start now I’m too scared to let go.” Could that be for me? Am I too scared to start now but will one day never want to let go?
Later that same day, a third song struck me. “New Wine” by Hillsong popped into my head. So, I listened to it and was caught by the line, “When I trust You I don’t need to understand.” ’nuff said.
Y’all, when I say God had me journaling my heart out for days after this, I mean it! It’s like I couldn’t stop. I was still caught on the feelings I’d had before, but I was also struck by a new faith and a new trust. I’m not made over yet, but I’m being made over and I have further proof of it.
Remember how I said I wasn’t planning to bus drive ever again? And how God laughs at our plans? And how if you don’t actually want the answer, then don’t pray, because He will answer? Yeah… well… I’ve been driving for UberEats and DoorDash for a few years now. In the summer, I took it on as my only source of income. I was loving it. Then, for the fifteenth time that day and at least the fiftieth time that week, I drove past a school bus on Tuesday. It was a little over a week after my emphatic “NO!” to bus driving being my “plan B.” Surprise, Surprise. God used this bus to say, “That’s the answer to your prayers.”
“Are you sure?” I asked. He didn’t answer. I knew. “Aww, man… Okay…” So, I finished the delivery I was on and went straight to the bus station.
I grumbled the whole way there. “If You want me to do this, You’re gonna have to make it abundantly clear,” I prayed.
And guess what. HE DID. I went in and no less than five people asked if I was coming back. The station manager offered me the station computer to apply immediately. The hiring manager told them to interview me on the spot. I was hired the next day, went through the hiring process the next few days, and started the very next workday. It was the fastest process I’ve ever experienced. Even the station manager was surprised it happened so quickly. God made it abundantly clear He wanted me to work there again. He made it abundantly clear He is in the business of answering prayer and providing in big and insane ways.
So, why did I share all this? Why have I written yet another insanely long blog post that maybe no one will read? Because I care about you! Because I want you to know you’re not alone. I want you to know that no matter how long we’ve been in church (my whole life) and saved (since I was six) we all wonder and question and doubt. We all ask God for another way. We all ask if He’s even listening. Seriously, read the Psalms. David was a man after God’s own heart and asked quite a few times, “Why are you ignoring me? Why aren’t you listening?” God doesn’t ignore us. And He always listens. He always provides and He always answers. We have to listen and we have to respond even when we don’t want to. Even today God wants us to be honest with Him. He wants us to run to Him and cling to Him and face our fears and worries head-on. He’s willing to hold our feelings, answer questions, and even provide signs of what He wants from us. Three songs and a school bus told me He was listening and providing. What is it He’s using to speak to you? Are you listening? Do you need a sign? God is willing to prove Himself, especially when you’re honest. Thomas doubted Jesus was Jesus, so He let him touch His wounds. A father in the Gospels admitted, “I believe. Help me with my unbelief” and Jesus healed the man’s son as a sign the father’s faith wasn’t in the wrong place. Be open. Be honest. Be real. Be raw. God is big. Bigger than you’ll ever know. He can handle your feelings. He can handle your honesty. He is listening and answering every day!

Thanks for reading! Let me know if you need anything! Like seriously. I’m here for you!

Find me on Twitter and Instagram – @ogbrittanyalex

Find my podcasts “The Mask; Her Aid” and “Obsessive Girl Podcast.”

You can also buy my book “The Mask; Her Aid” by Brittany Alexandria on Amazon for Kindle.

Who’s in the barrel? (2021 Thoughts Added)

Warning: This post contains Pretty Little Liars spoilers. If you haven’t watched the whole show, then proceed with caution.

A little note: In August 2014, I started watching Pretty Little Liars. That November, I started blogging about it until it ended in 2017. I haven’t watched it since, but people are still reading my posts in 2021. So, I’ve decided to add thoughts and comments based on the feelings and opinions I have in 2021. Because you’re reading this now, I want to thank you! Tbh, after the disappointment of the series finale, I felt like I wasted time writing these posts. Because you’re reading this, it doesn’t feel like a waste anymore. So, thanks!

(Unless otherwise noted, parenthesis indicate thoughts from 2021)

**originally posted on January 23, 2015. Republished on March 16, 2021. Yes, a Tuesday, in honor of the show originally airing on Tuesdays.**

What’s in the barrel? That’s the question on every Pretty Little Liar’s mind right now. We all have theories and arguments, but I think we can all agree on one thing: There is a body in that barrel. The two most talked-about theories are Mona and Officer Holbrook. After talking to a friend about it, I think it’s Holbrook. I think there’s an equal possibility that it would be Mona or that it could be a major new plot twist and be someone else. Maybe that random girl, Sarah, whose posse came to talk to our own Pretty Little Liars that one time. So, let’s talk about the possibilities.

It’s Mona. Okay, maybe it is Mona. Maybe, for once, the PLL writers decided to make things “easy” and have it be as simple as it sounds. Maybe “A” found out that Mona found out who (s)he is and decided to get rid of her. (I did not want this to be true and I’m so glad it wasn’t.)

It’s Holbrook. As my friend, Courtney, said, “Whenever someone goes missing for no reason, they end up dead.” This might be the truest statement ever made about Pretty Little Liars. Alison is the only Rosewood resident to ever go missing and then come back. Based on past events, it is more than likely that Holbrook is dead and in that barrel. Even if he’s not the one in the barrel, it’s still likely that he is dead. (Whatever did happen to Holbrook? I can’t remember anything about him.)

It’s Sarah. Someone recently mentioned the group of four friends who heard about the liars and went to talk to them because they had a friend disappear at the same time as Alison was never explained. Marlene recently said that by the end of the show, all the random subplots we’ve seen would be explained. (That was a lie. So many subplots, including the barrel, were never explained. I googled it. An interview with Marlene says it was a random corpse. Was that explained? Did I miss that? That was stupid.) Maybe this will be one of the ways she’ll connect that story to the main plot? Who knows? I don’t think that would happen at this point in the story, but it would make a pretty good plot twist. If it’s not Mona or Holbrook in the barrel, the plot twist would have to be as big and random as this theory.

2021 Thoughts: I’m gonna have to check to see if I wrote about the barrel again in another episode. I was convinced Eddie Lamb was in the barrel. I don’t remember what happened to him now. I do remember he disappeared because he had information for Aria and Ezra. The barrel would’ve been the perfect story.

Thanks for reading! Let me know if you need anything! Like seriously. I’m here for you!

Find me on Twitter and Instagram – @ogbrittanyalex

Find my podcasts “The Mask; Her Aid” and “Obsessive Girl Podcast.”

You can also buy my book “The Mask; Her Aid” by Brittany Alexandria on Amazon for Kindle.

My Theory on Jason DeLaurentis (2021 Thoughts Added)

Warning: This post contains Pretty Little Liars spoilers. If you haven’t watched the whole show, then proceed with caution.

A little note: In August 2014, I started watching Pretty Little Liars. That November, I started blogging about it until it ended in 2017. I haven’t watched it since, but people are still reading my posts in 2021. So, I’ve decided to add thoughts and comments based on the feelings and opinions I have in 2021. Because you’re reading this now, I want to thank you! Tbh, after the disappointment of the series finale, I felt like I wasted time writing these posts. Because you’re reading this, it doesn’t feel like a waste anymore. So, thanks!

(Unless otherwise noted, parenthesis indicate thoughts from 2021)

**originally published January 21, 2015. Republished March 9, 2021. Yes, a Tuesday, in honor of the show originally airing on Tuesdays.**

When I started this blog, my plan was not to write about who could be “A,” but instead who probably isn’t “A.” After tonight’s episode, a theory came to me that I can’t shake and I want to write about it, so I am! I read earlier (unfortunately I can’t remember where) that Marlene King allegedly tweeting something like “You’ll feel sorry for “A” when you find out who he/she is.” (Was this about Mona? CeCe/Charles? Alex? Because yes, I felt bad for Mona, even a little for CeCe, but definitely not for Alex.) While watching tonight’s episode, I thought of an interesting, often visited, theory. Jason is “A.” (Obviously, I was wrong.)
In an interview, Marlene said only one fan has ever figured out who “A” is. In another interview, she clarified that it wasn’t so much “who” the fan suspected that was unusual, but the “how and why.” (I don’t see how this was possible. Not because the fan figured it out, but because there were too many loose ends and plot holes for Marlene to have had any kind of a plan for who A was. That is, unless she was specifically talking about Cece’s A and not the ultimate A.) So, who’s to say it’s not Jason? He’s had major connections to four of the five liars and has been scarce in some episodes and fully there in other episodes. To me, it makes sense that he very likely could be “A.” In this post, I’ll list as many facts about him as I can think of that make me suspect him.

The last thing we knew, Jason claimed that he could not remember any relevant details about the night Alison disappeared and Bethany was killed. After the incident, as he told Aria, he woke up to a note saying, “I know what you did.” One would suspect that Jason didn’t do anything, but that “A” planted the note so he would feel guilty. How do we know the real work of “A” wasn’t that Jason was showing Aria the note so he could throw the suspicion off of himself? He also didn’t show up at Alison’s funeral. He may or may not have a good reason for that, but odds are whatever his reason may be, it’s not a good one. His sister had been allegedly murdered and he couldn’t even show up. Why? Was he the one who killed her? Or, did he know that she wasn’t dead? Either way, it would take some inside scoops to know that information.

He has close connections with four of the five Liars. First, he’s Alison’s brother. He always seems to take second place in the eyes of his parents compared to her. He always seems to speak of her in a jealous tone. Second, he is Spencer’s half-brother. Third, he continues to seem to have a thing for Aria. He even kissed her in season two. If Jason were “A,” it would explain why the worst thing that generally happens to her is constant attacks on her relationship with Ezra. She did choose him over Jason. Fourth, Jason now has connections with Hanna through her mother.

The N.A.T. Club: Jason DiLaurentis was one of the founding members of the N.A.T. Club. This club was created for the sole purpose of watching and filming unsuspecting girls for entertainment. (Did we ever get answers about the NAT Club? I’m pretty sure that was one of the many loose ends never tied up. There was always something that didn’t add up about that club.) “A” is known for filming and photographing everyone in Rosewood, especially the Liars. If he is “A,” it would give more explanation for the pictures Spencer and Emily found in Jason’s tool shed of Aria sleeping. And, speaking of the N.A.T. club, he is the only founding member who is still alive. Coincidence or convenience? You decide.

Evidence? Most of the “evidence” anyone in Rosewood has found has allegedly pointed at Alison and Spencer. Bethany, Jessica DiLaurentis’ possible other secret children, is dead. If that is true, then one of Jason’s sisters (who also got more attention from Jessica than he did) is dead. Another is in jail, and the other one is constantly framed for people’s deaths. Is that why Jason was an alcoholic drug addict in high school? Did he know about Spencer and Bethany and just want to forget about it instead of confronting anyone? Or did he graduate and become A, taunting Alison, murdering Bethany, and stalking Spencer?

Motive: Alison and Bethany got more attention from his mother than he did. So he got jealous and decided to get rid of them if he could. They were both there “that night,” they were wearing the same clothes, and they were both buried in his biological father’s backyard. Spencer receives more attention from their biological father than he ever has. It would make sense that Melissa would be stalked too. Except Melissa was dating an NAT member and she was with Ali and the other two NAT members “that night.” That could have been his way of giving her an easy way out. Or he knew she hated Alison as much as he did.
Since the days when she wore pink highlights, Aria has always been a subject of his attention. He respected her and admired her for living outside of the box. He presumably thought she was beautiful. He kissed her. He allegedly took pictures of her while she was sleeping. She seems to get less of the brunt than any of the other girls do. Could this be because he is trying to spare her?
Hanna replaced Alison as the “it girl” in school after she disappeared, maybe Jason didn’t like that? After all, Alison was his sister, even if he possibly tried to kill her. Finally, Emily also seems to get fewer attacks from “A,” than Alison, Spencer, and Hanna. Could it be because “A,” aka Jason, doesn’t have anything against her accept the fact that she is close friends with Alison and Spencer?

My theory is likely faulty, but I didn’t do any research as I have for my previous posts. Even if it’s not the right theory, it’s a pretty interesting one. Anyway, tell me what you think! Could I be right or am I wrong? You decide!

P.S. I just remembered that Emily and Jason were connected for a little while in season (I think) 3!

**2021 thoughts & opinions** Okay, but why wasn’t Jason A? What was his story anyway? I don’t even remember. He was super sketchy. And, I totally would’ve supported a reveal that pinned it all on Jason! I would’ve felt bad for him. I would’ve been impressed. And I wouldn’t have regretted putting so much time into the show.

Thanks for reading! Let me know if you need anything! Like seriously. I’m here for you!

Find me on Twitter and Instagram – @ogbrittanyalex

Find my podcasts “The Mask; Her Aid” and “Obsessive Girl Podcast.”

You can also buy my book “The Mask; Her Aid” by Brittany Alexandria on Amazon for Kindle.

PLL s05e14: Recap and Review (2021 Thoughts Added)

Warning: This post contains Pretty Little Liars spoilers. If you haven’t watched the whole show, then proceed with caution.

A little note: In August 2014, I started watching Pretty Little Liars. That November, I started blogging about it until it ended in 2017. I haven’t watched it since, but people are still reading my posts in 2021. So, I’ve decided to add thoughts and comments based on the feelings and opinions I have in 2021. Because you’re reading this now, I want to thank you! Tbh, after the disappointment of the series finale, I felt like I wasted time writing these posts. Because you’re reading this, it doesn’t feel like a waste anymore. So, thanks!

(Unless otherwise noted, parenthesis indicate thoughts from 2021)

**originally published January 7, 2015. Republished March 2, 2021. Yes, a Tuesday, in honor of the show originally airing on Tuesdays.**

Tonight, the second half of Pretty Little Liars’ fifth season premiered. The episode takes place three months after Mona Vanderwaal was allegedly murdered. All eyes are turned suspiciously at Alison DiLaurentis. Even her four closest friends, or maybe ex-friends, suspect that Alison killed Mona. No one can prove it though. Both Alison’s dad, Kenneth, and her brother, Jason, swear she was with them at the time of the crime.

Rosewood’s four little liars refuse to believe Alison’s alibi. So Emily and Spencer decide to do whatever it takes to prove Alison’s guilt. They drop in at the DiLaurentis home where they find and confront Jason. At first, he refuses to admit he wasn’t with Alison, but then Spencer plays the “I’m your sister too” card. Jason’s silence says everything. After Emily and Spencer leave, Jason confronts Alison about where she was. Alison swears she is being framed for Mona’s murder but doesn’t answer otherwise.
Later, Emily and Spencer go to Mona’s house and plant false evidence against Alison. While looking for a place to leave strands of hair from Ali’s hairbrush, Spencer finds a hidden camera in the air vents. She suspects Mona set it up for evidence and safety.

After the girls tell Hanna and Aria about their find, Hanna goes to Mona’s mom and suggests that she ask the police to search her home one more time. She claims Mona had mentioned to her that she had wanted to set up hidden cameras around the house. Mrs. Vanderwaal follows Hanna’s advice and the police do find the hidden camera. On the camera, they see that Mona was dragged down the stairs and around the house by a blonde that looks suspiciously like Alison. The police decide the video is proof enough that Alison was the murderer and call Jason in for more questioning. This time, Jason admits that he lied about Alison being with him and that the person in the video does look like it could be Alison.

In the last few minutes of the episode, we see the police pull up at the DiLaurentis home while Alison is inside. Scared, she tries to run away, but the other four liars stop her in the yard and don’t let her pass. She argues that they are wrong. She did not kill Mona and that by letting the police arrest her, they are giving A exactly what (s)he wants. The girls don’t listen though and Alison is arrested. The final scene with the girls shows fireworks that leave a giant “A” in the sky to scare them. The doubt is obvious in the girls’ eyes; they seem to second guess their decision to believe that Alison is “A.”

Also throughout the episode, Aria worries about her future. None of the schools she’s applied to have accepted her. Suspected that “A” is the reason she’s not getting into the schools, she goes to Caleb for help. She wants him to hack into the school systems to see why exactly she was rejected.

We see Mike react, or not react, to Mona’s alleged death. For the most part, he seems stone-cold, almost as if he doesn’t care, but then he has a talk with Aria and admits that he is hurting. He hates seeing the whole town, including Aria and the girls, pretending that they liked and knew Mona. They didn’t know her at all. Aria asks Mike to tell her about the real Mona one day and Mike stares blankly at her before starting to cry. As Aria walks away, she hears Mike’s sobs for Mona and stops at the exit of the living room to cry with and for him.

Finally, we see the Young family has decided to revoke their decision to let Spencer go free for Bethany Young’s murderer. However, Alison’s alleged murdering of Mona causes the police to believe she also killed Bethany. So Spencer is set free, while Alison is locked up in a prison cell.

**2021 Thoughts** Was Pretty Little Liars as ridiculous as this post makes it seem? Like this particular episode sounds pretty interesting, but my goodness the drama! A fake death? An alleged death? And a proven death? Or wait… now I’m confused… Am I remembering correctly that Bethany Young wasn’t killed? She was actually kept in the dollhouse? Or was that a third suspiciously similar-looking blonde chick? OMGosh. What was wrong with this show? How did we all get sucked in? This is ridiculous! The things I’m remembering while reading these posts are ridiculous and hilarious!

Thanks for reading! Let me know if you need anything! Like seriously. I’m here for you!

Find me on Twitter and Instagram – @ogbrittanyalex

Find my podcasts “The Mask; Her Aid” and “Obsessive Girl Podcast.”

You can also buy my book “The Mask; Her Aid” by Brittany Alexandria on Amazon for Kindle.

Who Isn’t “A?” (2021 Thoughts Added)

Warning: This post contains Pretty Little Liars spoilers. If you haven’t watched the whole show, then proceed with caution.

A little note: In August 2014, I started watching Pretty Little Liars. That November, I started blogging about it until it ended in 2017. I haven’t watched it since, but people are still reading my posts in 2021. So, I’ve decided to add thoughts and comments based on the feelings and opinions I have in 2021. Because you’re reading this now, I want to thank you! Tbh, after the disappointment of the series finale, I felt like I wasted time writing these posts. Because you’re reading this, it doesn’t feel like a waste anymore. So, thanks!

(Unless otherwise noted, parenthesis indicate thoughts from 2021)

**Originally posted December 28, 2014. Republished February 23, 2021. Yes, a Tuesday, in honor of the show originally airing on Tuesdays.**

“Who is “A?” That is what every person in the PLL Army is asking. I suggest we stop asking, “Who is ‘A,’ and start asking, “Who isn’t ‘A?’” Everyone has a theory about who might be “A.” Many think it is Aria or Alison, maybe Ezra, or possibly someone’s secret twin. (Worst reveal ever! I can’t believe I put so much time and energy into PLL only to be let down like that.) I highly doubt it’s any of them though. (Boy was I wrong. Ugh.)

I. Marlene King is a BRILLIANT writer. (Or so I thought before the big reveal that left many questions unanswered.) She is smart, incredibly clever, and extremely sneaky! I doubt that she would ever make any of the five girls be “A.” (Technically true, but not entirely.) Smart writers never have their sleuths double as the villain. The whole reason people read and watch mysteries, like Pretty Little Liars, is to figure out “Who-dun-it.” Stalker/Murder mysteries are supposed to be as realistic as possible. (The first reveal was decently realistic. Having had my own stalker, many of the first two season issues felt relatable. Even the second reveal was somewhat realistic, if not infuriating. The final reveal? Terrible.)

If any of the girls are “A,” then it would mean that they have tortured themselves for the past two years. And it was for no other reason than to make friends, family, and fans alike believe that it couldn’t be them. Realistically, no one would torture themselves the way “A” has tortured them. Spencer has also technically already been a part of the “A TEAM.” She is also suspect number one on the Rosewood Police’s suspect list. We can pretty much rule her out as being “A.” Alison couldn’t possibly be “A” because we’ve all kind of been suspecting it the whole time. That would be a terrible reveal. Even I suspected she was back when I was only watching the previews for four seasons. A great writer wouldn’t allow her viewers to discover the criminal right away. For the other girls, most of the “clues” gathered against them can be picked apart so fast it’ll leave your head spinning.

Other popular theories try to prove that one of the “bed buddies” is “A,” which is absurd! Ezra, Toby, and possibly Caleb each have alibis as to why they couldn’t be “A.” Maya was murdered, and Paige… well, Paige could still possibly be “A,” but I highly doubt it. (I never did like Paige, which is a bummer because I wanted to. Only because she was played by Jennifer Mosley. Aka Lindsay Shaw.) As we all know, Ezra’s alibi is that he was writing a true crime novel about Alison’s disappearance. So, at first, he only talked to Aria because he knew she was one of Ali’s closest friends. Upon finding that he was attracted to Aria, he stopped writing the book. Then, he picked it up again when everything in his life was upside down. Toby’s alibi was that he was on the “A TEAM,” but only because he wanted to protect Spencer. Finally, Caleb’s alibi is that he worked with Jenna, before falling for Hanna. Also, that he faced a lot of crazy crap in Ravenswood that now makes him wary and skeptical of everything else. (I never finished Ravenswood, but that show was crazy!) That said, he and Alison always seem to share strange glances now that she’s back in Rosewood. So, until we find out if he and Alison are connected in any way we can’t completely rule him out as a suspect. (Did we ever learn if they were connected? Or did he just hate her? And vise versa? I really can’t remember.)
We also can’t claim that Melissa could be “A” anymore. She revealed the reason she was being so sketchy was that she buried Bethany Young to protect Spencer, whom she thought had killed Bethany in the first place. (Why don’t any of these twenty-somethings ever call the police? I know she was protecting her sister, but come on!)

So, we can also potentially rule out Peter Hastings, whom we know knew the truth about Melissa. We may also be able to rule out Peter as a suspect because his secret was that he is Jason’s biological father. However, we can’t know for sure if that’s a reliable alibi or not, because Peter is such a shady guy. So, he may have very well attempted to kill Alison for blackmailing him. Then, killed Jessica DeLaurentis for saying that she couldn’t protect him anymore.

It’s liable that we can rule out Noel Kahn and Cece Drake as suspects as well. (Boy was I wrong. I liked Cece! I wish things had worked out with her, or that she had just been CeCe. She had more than enough reason to be A without the convoluted Charles plotline.) It seems, their sketchiness has been based on the fact that they knew Alison was still alive. And that they have been and probably still are helping Alison escape the evil clutches of “A.”

Other than that, we can’t for sure rule out anyone except for those characters that have been killed. There are a few characters that we can possibly rule out, based on certain evidence. But it’s not proven evidence, so I’ll give them their own post instead of including them here.

Thanks for reading! Let me know if you need anything! Like seriously. I’m here for you!

Find me on Twitter and Instagram – @ogbrittanyalex

Find my podcasts “The Mask; Her Aid” and “Obsessive Girl Podcast.”

You can also buy my book “The Mask; Her Aid” by Brittany Alexandria on Amazon for Kindle.

Lent, the Wilderness, and a Global Pandemic

In 2020, I participated in Lent for what I remember to be the first time in my life. I always thought Lent was a Catholic holiday and since I’m not Catholic, I didn’t care about it. When I learned it wasn’t exclusive to Catholics, I thought it was about giving things up and I didn’t want to do that. Last year, on Annie F. Downs‘ podcast, That Sounds Fun, the She Reads Truth (and He Reads Truth) ladies taught me what Lent is and isn’t. Lent is a liturgical (sort of a fancy word for religious or Christian) holiday. It is not a Biblically mandated holiday. Lent is about focusing on Jesus and what He did for us on the cross. It is not about giving something up for the sake of giving something up. Lent is a private and personal humbling of self and the acknowledgment that we are sinful and broken without God. Lent is not a public statement to show how great we are for “humbly” giving something up for Christs’ sake. Lent is an acknowledgment that Christ’s death made us pure, holy, and forgiven. That in dying for us He gave us grace and mercy, saving us from an eternal death that we all deserve. It is not an act of earning salvation. We can’t earn salvation. Salvation is a gift, with no strings attached, given to us by God and God alone and that is what Lent is observing. It is a remembrance that we are fallen, broken, and in desperate need of a Savior. My pastor’s brother is also a pastor. His church regularly acknowledges that we are “badly broken and deeply loved.” In turn, my pastor reminds us of that specific phrasing pretty often too. In essence, that is what we are observing in the days of Lent. We’re remembering Romans 5:8, “While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”

Lent begins on Ash Wednesday and goes 46 days until Easter/Resurrection Sunday. We model it from the forty days Jesus spent in the wilderness after His baptism and before He was tempted. I could go into the ins and outs of the traditional observance of Lent, but I’m not going to. Partly, because I’m new to Lent. Mostly, because I believe Lent is personal and private. Instead, I’ll remind you of what Jesus did in the wilderness. Jesus fasted. He abstained from all the luxuries of life. I’m not sure what luxuries looked like during His lifetime, but I know He gave them up for forty days in the wilderness. Why? To grow closer to the Father. In His physical weakness, He became spiritually strong through prayer and Bible study. Then, when Satan attacked with fiery arrows of temptation, Jesus was ready with a shield of faith and the sword of the Spirit. And that is what Lent is all about. It’s prayer, Bible study, and becoming more like Jesus, because our battle is not physical, it is spiritual, mental, and emotional.

When I decided to observe Lent for the first time in 2020, it was February 26 and life was still normal. I had no idea what the year would be like. All I knew was that I needed to be closer to God. So, I gave up a few things, including secular music, movies, and TV shows. For as long as I can remember, music, movies, and TV have brought me comfort. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that, because we all have things we enjoy. I do think there’s something wrong with giving all your free time to such things. And that’s what I had been starting to do again. It wasn’t the first time I’d abstained from secular entertainment and it probably won’t be the last. This time it was different though. This time we had about two weeks left before facing a national and global shutdown. This time I was about to go into three consecutive months of not having much to do and rarely leaving my room.

Normally, I would’ve been thrilled to stay home for 3 months. I’m an introvert with social anxiety. I thrive when I get to be alone all the time. And, in the end, I did thrive on personal level in 2020, but not in the beginning. In the beginning, I was so not thrilled. I was only 2 weeks into a 6 week “fast” from secular music, movies, and TV. What was I supposed to do with myself if I couldn’t be entertained in ways I usually would be? If I’m being honest, I was a little mad at God. Mostly I was annoyed, but I was a little mad too. How was I supposed to survive a global pandemic without my usual means of escape? And therein lay my problem. Instead of running to God in a global emergency, I was complaining about giving something up. I even said or thought many times, “If I had known this, I wouldn’t have given that up.” Yikes. That is a sure sign that I had given the right things up for Lent. I was mourning the loss of something I wanted to run to instead of running to Whom I should’ve run to. God was the only One who was prepared for the pandemic and I was still struggling to run to Him. Though it was hard in the beginning, I am now thrilled I gave up secular entertainment right before I’d “need” it most.

There isn’t anything wrong with secular entertainment in and of itself. In fact, God teaches me more often through my favorite shows, movies, and music than anything else. I believe if I had said, “You know what? I’ll do Lent next year. This year I need to be entertained,” then I would’ve been okay. As earlier stated, Lent is not a God-ordained holiday. It is a manmade holiday that observes God’s goodness and our sin. However, I do believe we are most healthy when we take times to abstain from things that aren’t inherently Christian. I also believe had I changed my mind about Lent, then I would’ve missed out on some major blessings. I might’ve even suffered through the year.

I had been watching The Vampire Diaries when I started Lent. If I had been watching that at the beginning of the pandemic instead of abstaining, I don’t think I would have started my own daily journaling habits. If I had been listening to secular music when it all started, I don’t think I would’ve built the habit of starting and ending each day with Scripture and worship music. If I had been binging anything at the beginning of the pandemic, I don’t think I would’ve started a study of the Gospels and Acts which I’m still doing almost a year later. And if I hadn’t started daily journaling, morning and evening worship time, and my study of the Gospels and Acts, I think 2020 would’ve crushed me. I do think part of what prepared me for 2020 was the practice of Sabbath and pausing (literal quiet time throughout the day) that I started in 2019. But more than anything, I think what prepared me for giving up so much in 2020 was that I’d already told God I was willing to give and get my comfort to and from Him. Otherwise, I genuinely believe I would’ve gone down a dark path in 2020 and I’m not sure I would’ve been able to get out of it. Because I’ve faced hard times in the past and I didn’t handle them well until I learned to humble myself before God and draw closer to Him.

So, in 2021, I highly suggest you consider observing Lent if you don’t already plan to do so. If you choose not to observe Lent, I still highly recommend you evaluate your life and figure out what’s out of alignment. You’re human and therefore imperfect which pretty much means there’s always something in your life that’s out of alignment with God. So, what is it for you? What can you give up for Lent? What can you take in for Lent? What can you give to the Lord as a gesture of saying, “All I need is You, God.” What is causing you to stumble? What are you placing a little or a lot too close to God’s presence in your life? The commandment to “have no other gods before Me” means your love for anything other than God should look like hatred in comparison. Are you running to something other than God for comfort? It might be time to let that thing go, maybe forever or maybe temporarily.

At the end of the lockdown in Texas, when we started to open back up again, I opted not to go back to church right away. Part of it was because wearing a mask for longer than a few minutes gave me anxiety (I’ve gotten used to it now). Mostly, I knew I let the building and body of church–what feels most like home and family to me–get a little too close to God in my life. I had to get right with God and say, “I’m grateful for the gift you’ve given me by way of my church building and church family. I am more grateful for you, the Giver. You are God and You are my comfort, strength, and treasure. Nothing in my life matters compared to You. Not my people. Not my home. Not my comfort.” When I knew God was in the right place in my life, I was able to go back to church–a month after physical services started–and it was all the more special. And that’s what Lent is all about. We give something up, sometimes even things that are mostly or fully good for us, and we draw closer to God. When we give things up for God, whether temporarily or permanently–He’s going to give us something so much better. I fully and completely believe that, even if we don’t always feel or see it.

Remember, Lent isn’t about rules and it isn’t a Biblical ordinance. You don’t have to observe it and there are no rules. You don’t necessarily have to give anything up. You might need to start something. I believe Lent is personal and private, especially before and during the observance. So, I won’t tell you what I’m doing this year, at least not now. I will say for me Lent 2021 is more about adding spiritual practices to my life than taking other practices out. We gave up a lot in 2020 and a lot of us picked up a lot of healthy practices. Maybe you can’t think of something to give up. Or maybe you can’t do it with a willing heart. That’s okay. Listen to the Holy Spirit and He will guide you. There are many ways to observe Lent, but the core purpose remains the same. We remember that we are sinful and broken and that without Jesus’ perfect life and brutal death we would be hopeless. For more encouragement from someone far more experienced in Lent than I am check out this year’s episode of That Sounds Fun with the She Reads Truth ladies.

A final note: The purpose of Lent is to remember and prepare for the death and resurrection of Christ Jesus. Fridays can be seen as weekly observations of Good Friday. Sundays can be seen as weekly celebrations of the resurrection. Some people choose to fast or abstain Monday through Saturday and feast/break their fast or abstinence on Sundays. Remember, this is a manmade holiday. Let the Spirit guide you in how you should or shouldn’t observe Lent.

Disclaimer: I’m new to Lent and I’m not catholic or orthodox. Actually, I’m nondenominational. So, I’m not necessarily writing to those who observe Lent in a traditional sense. Instead, I am talking to all Christians of any denomination who want to find new ways to strengthen their faith. And I believe observing Lent is great way to do that.

Thanks for reading! Let me know if you need anything! Like seriously. I’m here for you!

Find me on Twitter and Instagram – @ogbrittanyalex

Find my podcasts “The Mask; Her Aid” and “Obsessive Girl Podcast.”

You can also buy my book “The Mask; Her Aid” by Brittany Alexandria on Amazon for Kindle.

The Truth about Ezra Fitz (2021 Thoughts Added)

Warning: This post contains Pretty Little Liars spoilers. If you haven’t watched the whole show, then proceed with caution.

A little note: In August 2014, I started watching Pretty Little Liars. That November, I started blogging about it until it ended in 2017. I haven’t watched it since, but people are still reading my posts in 2021. So, I’ve decided to add thoughts and comments based on the feelings and opinions I have in 2021. Because you’re reading this now, I want to thank you! Tbh, after the disappointment of the series finale, I felt like I wasted time writing these posts. Because you’re reading this, it doesn’t feel like a waste anymore. So, thanks!

(Unless otherwise noted, parenthesis indicate thoughts from 2021)

**originally published November 19, 2014. Republished February 16, 2021. Yes, a Tuesday, in honor of the show originally airing on Tuesdays.**

In season four of Pretty Little Liars, the girls found out about Ezra’s book, and Emily asked what was on everyone’s mind.
“If he’s been watching us, then he has to know about “A.” How could he just sit back all this time and not do anything to help you?”
Aria answered, “It’s simple. He never really loved me.”
After I cried my eyes dry (not really; being dramatic is sort of my thing) because of the empty look on Aria’s face when she said that, I started thinking. Look at Ezra from the subjective view of Aria and the other girls who have been in close contact with Ezra. It makes sense that Ezra was just a sketchy writer. Now, look at it from the somewhat unattached slightly objective view of an outsider. You can see that Ezra really does love Aria and he was protecting her from “A” all along. Throughout each season, Ezra shows his feelings for Aria in different ways.

Season one shows how conflicted Ezra feels about his relationship with Aria. Sure, the beginning makes Ezra look like a perverted jerk. He knew how young Aria was and made out with her in the bathroom of a bar anyway. After watching every other Ezria scene after that, I kind of want to cut him some slack though. In reality, if she was already out of high school, the age gap wouldn’t be considered that big of a deal. (I was twenty-three when I wrote this. I can’t believe I shipped 23-year-old Ezra with 16-year-old Aria so hard. Or at all. Never in a million years would I have been okay with a 23-year-old dating at 16-year-old in real life. Why was I so blinded by this show to think it was okay even in fiction? It wasn’t and it isn’t.) And honestly, there are so many scenes throughout the rest of the series in which Ezra talks about how he only talked to her for research. Then, as he talked to her, he couldn’t help falling for her on the spot. (Yes, he could. And if he couldn’t, then he should’ve moved.) I can’t help but love him. (Ugh. What was wrong with me? Ezra was and is so problematic.)

Aria and Ezra spend the first half of season one on a roller coaster ride of emotions. Almost every other scene with them has one of them trying to convince the other they shouldn’t be together. (Darn right, they shouldn’t be!) That is until episode nine when Ezra shows up after spending three and a half episodes in New York.

Here’s how I picture Ezra in New York. He was sitting in his room at his parents’ place thinking, “I can’t do this. I need to end things with Aria before things get even more complicated. But wait, how will I write my book? Never mind. Who cares about the book? I’m in love with Aria. But what about her parents, other teachers, and the school board? I can’t put her through that. What if I just leave Aria and Rosewood all together? No. I can’t leave Aria.” So, he cancels his book deal and goes back to Rosewood where he sees Aria almost kiss Noel. “Okay, I need to end things with Aria. She needs a normal relationship.” But then she reads his poem and he can no longer deny his feelings for her. So he asks her to meet him and they makeup and make out…again. (I will give Ezra credit for allegedly canceling his book deal. At least he was mature enough to do that. Though, he definitely should’ve been mature enough to end things with Aria. Sure, we could reason the brain doesn’t fully mature until 27, but he should’ve known better. We all should’ve known better.)

Then Aria found out about Ezra’s ex-fiance, Jackie, and “Bam!” Everything exploded and didn’t slow down until the end of season two. First, it was Jackie, then it was Jason, next it was Jackie again, and finally, it was Aria’s parents. Ezria spent the entire second season fighting outside forces and trying to make things work. (Why? Why fight that hard? So inappropriate. Even Aria should’ve known better.) If that’s not enough to make you believe Ezra truly loves Aria, then remember what he said in the finale. “No matter how hard I try. I can’t stay away from you.” (Yes, yes he could have. It might have been hard, but he could’ve stayed away from her.) Let me also point out that this is one of the many scenes in which Aria was with Ezra while something huge was going down with “A.” I used to think it was kind of sketchy that Ezra was often with Aria the moment of or immediately after an “A moment,” but not anymore. Now I find it sweet and charming. He was watching “A” so he always knew when Aria needed him and he was almost always there for her! (I do commend him for being with her in these moments, but he was 23 and she was 16. He should’ve notified proper authorities about A, especially since he was no longer writing his book.)

In the season three premiere, Aria, Emily, Hanna, and Spencer were called down to the police station and Ezra showed up to take Aria to dinner. I’m sure Ezra knew how risky it would be for him to show up where the police and one or both of Aria’s parents would be, but he didn’t care. He wanted to see for himself that Aria was okay. (Okay, that is kind of sweet. Still inappropriate, but sweet.)

In the Halloween episode when Ezra had to cancel his plans with Aria but then showed up anyway, that was sketchy. Now I know it was Ezra being Aria’s knight in shining armor. He knew about “A” and he knew that Aria was in trouble, so he showed up to make sure she was safe. (Again, he should’ve called the police.)

Finally, in the season finale, when Aria wanted to break things off with Ezra, he unhappily obliged because all he wants for her is safety and happiness. (That’s sweet too, but he should’ve been the one to break things off a long time ago.)

Season four was awkward for Aria and Ezra. Aria was dating a guy named Jake and Ezra was acting super sketchy. Even that didn’t stop them from caring for each other. They shared a secret cabin and Ezra even set the passcode to “B-26” (the number of their song from the bar). While Ezra was acting sketchy, Aria found out why. Ezra knew and dated Alison, before knowing Aria. In fact, Alison was the reason he knew Aria. He only ever talked to Aria, because he was writing a true crime novel about Alison. Because of this, Aria assumed that Ezra never loved her. We know that can’t be true. Even when Aria tried to hate Ezra, he did everything he could to protect her and win her back. First, he gave her the space she asked for; then, he took a bullet for her and her friends. (He deserved that bullet.)

In season five, he’s kind of like a wounded puppy. He’s afraid to move or make noise because he knows that he doesn’t deserve Aria’s forgiveness, but he wants it anyway. So, he follows her moves. When she’s cautious with him, he’s cautious too. And when she throws caution to the wind, of course, he does too! He wants her to know that his love for her is, was, and always will be real, but he doesn’t want to push her. That’s how you know Ezra loves Aria. He waits for her and he’ll continue to wait if he has to. (If Aria was 26 and Ezra was 32, or even if Aria was 18 and Ezra was 24, this would’ve been a good example of what love looks like. Since Aria’s 16 and Ezra is 22 or something like that. It’s just wrong. That said, once he’s no longer her teacher and Ella is sort of okay with the relationship, I don’t think it’s wrong. Still weird, but not necessarily wrong.)

If he knew about “A” all along and if he does love Aria, why didn’t he do more to protect the girls from “A?” It doesn’t seem like “A” knew he was onto him/her. The answer is simple. He was afraid. He didn’t want to lose Aria and he knew that by going after “A” he would have to tell Aria how he knew about him/her. And he knew that doing so would be risking losing her. (He also knew if he went to the police, he’d have to give himself up for dating a student and stalking teenagers.)

So, even though it kind of makes him seem like a wimp because he lied to Aria, he’s just a lovesick fool. (More like just a fool.) And in the end, he was able to use his lie to protect Aria and her friends from being shot by “A.” (Yeah, that did end up being a good thing. But he was still basically stalking them.)

Who can blame him for keeping the book a secret anyway? (I can. I blame him. 23 year old me was a bit of an idiot if she didn’t blame him. He lied. And lying is wrong. He also stalked them and fully knew who Aria was when he made out with her. Creep.) Not only did it reveal that his original meeting with Aria was a lie, but it also showed that he dated one of her best friends. (Also inappropriate. Though, to be fair, Allison did trick him into thinking she was 18. Was it at all possible he thought Aria was 18 too and his shock of seeing her in class was genuine? I don’t remember if that’s addressed, but I guess it’s slightly less creepy if he did think she was 18.) Would you want the love of your life to know that about you? I doubt it! So leave poor Ezra alone! (Again. What was wrong with me? Ezra was a creep. This was written at the beginning of season 5. While I think Ezra did redeem himself some in the end, he had come nowhere close to redeeming himself when I wrote this.)

Forever Team Ezria (Wrong. Not team Ezria anymore.)

P.S. Let’s talk about Ella Montgomery for a minute. In one of the season 5 episodes, Aria is talking to Emily on the phone and Ella overhears her. “I’m the one confusing things, Em. I can’t trust Ezra, I don’t. People don’t change just because you want them to.” We all know only one person is less of a fan of Ezra than Ella and that’s Byron. So, I think it’s safe to say that if Ella is willing to talk to Aria about Ezra and even go as far as to say, “Aria, listen to me. I don’t know what exactly happened with Ezra, but Zach is not going to be the one to write the book on relationships in this family. Not if I have anything to say about it,” then I think it’s safe to assume Aria and Ezra should indeed be together. (Should they though? I mean… she’s still in high school at this point…) Sure, Ella doesn’t know what Ezra did, but who cares? Clearly, Ella knows how much Aria and Ezra love each other. And with that look in her eyes when she’s talking to Aria, it’s clear that she thinks they belong together. She may not want them to be together, but she clearly thinks they belong together.

Thanks for reading! Let me know if you need anything! Like seriously. I’m here for you!

Find me on Twitter and Instagram – @ogbrittanyalex

Find my podcasts “The Mask; Her Aid” and “Obsessive Girl Podcast.”

You can also buy my book “The Mask; Her Aid” by Brittany Alexandria on Amazon for Kindle.

The Truth about Mona Vanderwaal (2021 Thoughts Added)

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Warning: This post contains Pretty Little Liars spoilers. If you haven’t watched the whole show, then proceed with caution.

A little note: In August 2014, I started watching Pretty Little Liars. That November, I started blogging about it until it ended in 2017. I haven’t watched it since, but people are still reading my posts in 2021. So, I’ve decided to add thoughts and comments based on the feelings and opinions I have in 2021. Because you’re reading this now, I want to thank you! Tbh, after the disappointment of the series finale, I felt like I wasted time writing these posts. Because you’re reading this, it doesn’t feel like a waste anymore. So, thanks!

(Unless otherwise noted, parenthesis indicate thoughts from 2021)

Originally, this post was published on November 19, 2014. It’s being republished on February 9, 2021. Yes, a Tuesday, in honor of the show originally airing on Tuesdays.

Picture an uber nerdy, pretty much friendless girl who is one of the main targets for the school mean girl. What if that mean girl disappeared? Would you blame the nerdy girl if she took her chance to become the new “it girl?” Would you blame her if she took the “weakest link” in the original “it girl’s” clique and became her best friend? I can’t imagine anyone would say anything to her for either of those things. But what if, after all her hard work, the nerdy girl felt like she was losing her new best friend to the original group? And what if she felt like the only way to get her back was by torturing the girls in an attempt to break them up again? Now, that is something to talk about! So, let’s talk about Mona Vanderwaal, but first let’s talk about Alison DeLaurentis, the “it girl” who picked on Mona.

Hanna Marin described Alison DeLaurentis as the girl who can be both your best friend and your worst enemy. She knows exactly how to make you feel like a precious diamond, even when she’s treating you like a piece of trash. No one knew why she wanted to be Alison’s friend, but every girl did, especially Mona Vanderwaal. Before Mona could join Alison’s team of “it girls” though, Alison was murdered. At least, that’s what the police led everyone to believe. The truth is, Alison DeLaurentis faked her death and Mona Vanderwaal helped her do it. Why? Because if you can’t join them, beat them.

When Alison left Rosewood, PA the polar opposite girls from her clique fell out of touch and Mona made her move. She befriended “Hefty Hanna” Marin, the “weakest link” from Alison’s clique. Together, they turned themselves into the school’s new “it girls.” More than that, they became best friends. After a year apart, Hanna and her old friends started to reconnect and Mona feeling left out again. Afraid of being friendless and unpopular again, Mona decided to do whatever she had to do to keep Hanna as a friend. Every Pretty Little Liars fan knows what Mona did to the girls. But in case you’ve forgotten or you’d rather read about it than watch it, let me tell you what happened. Let me also share what I noticed when re-watching the first two seasons of PLL in 2014.

Season One In season one, there were five major clues I noticed that helped me realize how obvious it was that Mona was A. I’ll call these clues “Shoplifting,” “Camp Mona,” “Welcome Home Hanna,” “Heartbreaker,” and “Heartbroken.”

The pilot episode introduces Hanna and Mona as shopping buddies who walk straight past a security camera while wearing stolen merchandise. Somehow, Hanna is the only one caught and charged for the crime. That never made sense to me. Why on earth would Hanna be the only one caught? Surely, “A” was not above going after a close friend. Why should (s)he be? After watching it with a new perspective, I understood. Mona was A! “A” wouldn’t let herself get caught for something so trivial.

One of the most obvious “Mona is A” clues was “Camp Mona.” First, we see Mona invite “Hanna and her clanna” to go “glamping” with her. When she walks away and the girls start looking for reasons why they can’t go with Hanna. Then, “A” sends them a text saying (s)he would be there. The next day, Mona claims she received a text from someone called “A” and uninvites Hanna from her party. At “Camp Mona,” we hardly ever see Mona. Why not? It’s her party. Naturally, it’s because “A” is busy sending the girls on a wild goose chase.

Less obviously, Mona also gave us a clue at Hanna’s house right before the surprise “welcome home” party. She said, “Whoa, what was that? I just saw a shadow at your door.” As I’m sure Mona intended, Hanna started freaking out. There were many other ways that Mona could have set Hanna up for the surprise, but she chose the creepiest way. Why? Because Mona is “A!”

Also less obviously, we were given a clue that maybe “Mona is A” when Hanna was told to break Lucas’ heart at the dance. Who, other than maybe Alison, would care enough to make Hanna break Lucas’s heart? Mona, that’s who!

Finally, when Caleb left a letter for Hanna with Mona, she ripped it up and threw it away. When questioned, she claimed that it was to protect Hanna. That was a lie. We know that in those episodes, “A’s” main goal was to break Hanna’s heart. As Hanna’s best friend, Mona, aka “A,” knew that the best way to break Hanna’s heart. She had to make her believe Caleb left without saying goodbye. It worked.

Season Two “Mona is A” clues from season two that led up to the big reveal. “The Cafeteria Scene,” “Truth-Up Day,” “The Cellphone,” and “Never Around.”

After Dr. Sullivan suggests that the girls spend time apart, we see the girls at four different tables for lunch. We also see a shot of Mona with the hint of an evil smirk on her face before the camera moves away from her. Next thing we know, the girls receive a text from “A.” “Look at you. All alone in a crowd. I win! Xoxo – A.” How the heck did we miss that obvious hint?

Mona spends most of season two trying to be friends with Aria Montgomery, Emily Fields, and Spencer Hastings, aka Hanna’s other friends. In the “Truth-Up Day” episode, Mona goes as far as to hack into the school computer, collect classified information, and get out without being caught, all to help Emily get back on to the swim team. This should have been a dead giveaway for us all. Mona is supposed to be clueless and Caleb is supposed to be the only tech-savvy person in school. Clearly, that was not true.
At one point, Ashley Marin and Ella Montgomery, Hanna and Aria’s moms, get closer and closer to finding out about “A.” So, Hanna destroys her phone so that no one can see her texts from “A.” And from whom did she get a new phone? Mona Vanderwaal. That’s who. A herself.

Finally, did you ever notice who was never around when the girls got “A” messages? That’s right. Mona! Haven’t noticed? Go back and watch. It’s so obvious it’s painful.

Mona was “A” and it all makes sense now! Mona had moments when it was so easy to believe she was too clueless to be “A.” There were even moments when she was downright likable. And that is what made her the perfect suspect! In the end, (yes, even in 2021) she will always be one of my favorite characters. Sure, she was manipulative, sinister, and a bit psychotic, but she was not heartless. In fact, I believe she had one of the biggest hearts in Rosewood. She was just a broken-hearted girl who never fully recovered from being bullied as a kid. All she wanted was to be loved and accepted by “it girl” Alison DeLaurentis, “cute boy” Noel Kahn, the other girls, and most importantly her best friend—Hanna Marin.

**2021 Thoughts** It’s been over five years since I wrote the bulk of this post. Honestly, it’s not some of my best writing, but it wasn’t really about the writing. It was about Mona Vanderwaal and how obvious it was she was “A.” It was also an appreciation post of sorts. I loved and still love Mona. Maybe I’m biased since I’ve loved Janel Parrish since she starred in Bratz (2007). That’s possible. Or maybe it’s because I’m a sucker for outcasts and psychology. Mona was the ultimate outsider in Pretty Little Liars. And the psychology of her character is fascinating. But whatever the reason, I do love Mona. Even though Pretty Little Liars was ultimately not worth the time and energy I put into it, I do still love Mona. And, I still stand by my belief that Mona being AD in the series finale would’ve been the ultimate twist. She was already A and she did so much to make people believe she had turned over a new leaf. I think it would’ve been brilliant if she had been A. It certainly would’ve been better than the real reveal. Yuck.

Thanks for reading! Let me know if you need anything! Like seriously. I’m here for you!

Find me on Twitter and Instagram – @ogbrittanyalex

Find my podcasts “The Mask; Her Aid” and “Obsessive Girl Podcast.”

You can also buy my book “The Mask; Her Aid” by Brittany Alexandria on Amazon for Kindle.

Comfort. Courage. Chaos. (The End of 2020)

2020… it’s been a year! For me, 2019 and 2020 have felt reminiscent of 2011 and 2012. In 2011, I had a breakdown that could’ve led to serious professional help. Thankfully, God got ahold of me before I needed it. In 2019, I was dangerously close to another breakdown. In 2012, I grew closer to God than I had ever been and found my place and my people in the world at Compass Church SA. In 2020, I grew closer to God than I ever have been and learned to let go of my place and people in the world.

I spent seven years of my life as a tween and teen craving love and acceptance. I tried to please everyone. I tried to be whom I thought they wanted me to be. I’m still not sure who “they” are, but it was no one in my life. When I was eighteen, literally on my birthday, I had a come to Jesus moment and realized His opinion of and love for me were all that mattered. Just before I turned nineteen, only after I learned to cling to God and only care what He thought of me, He led me to the people who would love and accept me the way I always longed to loved and accepted. Flash forward seven more years, I was forced to let go of the people who loved and accepted me. I didn’t get to see them for six months. I didn’t get to sit next to my best friend every Sunday morning at church. I didn’t get to linger in the building that was not and is not the Church but does feel like home. I had to walk the walk and show with my actions what I said with my words—I love the Giver more than the gift. If the gift is taken away, then I will still cling to the Giver. And here’s what I learned in 2020. There is some truth to “If you love something, then set it free.”

I went out of 2019 and into 2020 with two goals—trust God and choose courage. Two of my best friends are named Shelby and both of them have helped me with these goals. Shelby the younger is adventurous and outgoing. She has taught me if I want to do something and there’s no legitimate reason not to do it then I should do it. Shelby the older is chill and confident. She has taught me if I don’t want to do something and I don’t have a legitimate need to do it then I don’t have to. If I think something will keep me or others safe, secure, or comfortable, I do it. I follow the rules. I stick to the status quo. I even make my own ridiculous rules that I “have to” follow. Or at least, I used to. In 2020, I learned to do what I want to do and not do what I don’t want to do. It’s been freeing and in freeing me it’s given me what I need to be courageous and trusting.

At the cusp of 2019/2020, I read “Let’s All Be Brave” by Annie F. Downs, “Live Fearless” by Sadie Robertson, and “Get Out of Your Head” by Jennie Allen. I also kicked off the new year alone in my bedroom worshipping with Passion Conference 2020. It is my firm belief that I only thrived in 2020 when the world was falling apart around me because I chose courage and worshipped my way into the new year.

I also firmly believe that I thrived in 2020 because the only thing that saved me 2019 was learning to rest. God taught me (sometimes while I was kicking and screaming) in 2019 to practice Sabbath and create margin. He continued to teach me that in 2020. Because I had margin and celebrated Sabbath in 2020, the hard things in life didn’t hurt as much. I had more clarity to make the right decisions. I was able to hear God speaking to me more than ever before. 2020 wasn’t much different for me than the years before. It was still financially straining. I’ve still had to rely on others more than I would choose to rely on them. I still had moment when I was fearful, anxious, doubtful, and skeptical. Those moments were fewer and farther between though. They didn’t last as long because I’ve been well-rested enough to combat those lies with truth. I was able to breaks and journal. I learned to trigger positive reactions in the same way I learned to prevent triggers for negative reactions. I truly hope 2020 has taught others to do the same.

Until a couple days ago, I had no idea what 2021 would be asking of me. I didn’t have a clue what God wanted me to focus on 2021. Usually, I know at least a month in advance what tools I’ll need in the following year. Before the other day, I thought I’d be going into 2021 still choosing courage and trust. And I will be, because that’s not something I’m just going to stop doing. My main focus will be forgiveness. I’m not sure why, because I felt like I dealt with that a couple years ago and again last year, but I guess I’ve still got some things to learn. I’m going into 2021 reading and journaling “Forgiving What You Can’t Forget” by Lysa Terkurst. And when I did one of those goofy Facebook generators asking “What’s Your Word for 2021?” I got forgiveness. Seems fitting since I’m reading that book and still learning to let go of things that I don’t want to hold onto anymore.

I’m also going to kick off 2021 the same way I kicked off 2020, with Passion Conference. Because whatever happens next year, just like I wrote on my bathroom mirror last year, I want to say, “God whatever you have planned I’m ready.” It seems to me kicking off the new year with worship rather than explosions is a pretty great plan. It worked for me last year and I’m sure it’ll work for me this year. If you choose to and are able to celebrate with fireworks, then I pray you are safe and happy. I pray you have blessed and restful 2021. I pray the Lord will restore the year the locusts ate from you this year. And I pray John 10:10 over you. The Brittany Alexandria version saying, “Jesus has come that you may live life to the fullest, seize the day, carpe diem, yolo!” Because the word He used in the original Greek was “Zoe” which means the future spiritual life AND your present physical life. We don’t have to worry about the future. We shouldn’t let it come without some planning, but for the most part we should be living in the moment. We should be living life without worrying about tomorrow “for today has its own concerns.” So, let’s do it. Let’s go into 2020 letting go of the chaos of 2020, choosing courage, and reaching out of our comfort zones! Happy New Year!

Stillness & Silence

In 2019, I learned the importance of rest. In 2020, I’m learning the importance of stillness & silence. I’m a worrier by nature. I like things to be safe & secure. I don’t like change or new things. Everywhere I go I have a place where I sit or stand & a person I sit or stand next to. At grocery stores I always park in the same one or two rows & I typically go at about the same time every time—when there are the fewest people. I thrive in routine & predictablity. 2020 has clearly thrown a wrench in my survival. Except, in 2019 I learned the importance of rest. From 2017-2019, God was preparing for 2020. 2017-2018 was a long succession of fairly minor inconveniences one after another feeling like one big pile of ick! 💩 2019 was a year of learning to rest so the little things wouldn’t turn into a big thing. Now, 2020 is a year of personal growth. A lot of things have happened for all of us & I haven’t freaked out. 2017 & 2018 me would’ve freaked out. Early 2019 me would’ve freaked out too! 2020 me has almost freaked out a few times, but then I rest & I’m okay. So, now I’m practicing not only rest, but also stillness & silence. As a Christian, in the stillness & silence I hear God. As an introvert, in the stillness & silence I recharge. As an Enneagram 6, in the the stillness & silence I feel safe. There’s no noise or chaos in stillness & silence. There are no people in the stillness & silence. God whispers in the stillness & silence. And let me tell you, there’s been a lot of personal growth in the stillness & quiet. And this is still a new practice for me! This is where I get to practice stillness & silence in the morning. I’ve also been practicing during the day. I’ve kept my phone put away while waiting in line or at a stoplight (we all do it) & I drive in silence sometimes. How are you practicing stillness & silence? How could you if you’re not already? 😊

#Anxiety #Hope #Fear #Faith #Depression #Joy #Enneagram6w5 #Enneagram6w7 #INFJ #Hufflepuff #6w5 #6w7 #Enneagram #Identity #ThisIsMe #ChooseBrave #BeCourageous #stillness #silence #quiet #quiettime #devotional #devotionaltime #peace #stayingstrong #100DaystoBrave #MyUtmostForHisHighest

TVD Thoughts: Alaric & Delena

^^ One of my favorite things about Delena is that literally from the moment Alaric helps them for the first time, you can see him making faces of annoyance because he can see their chemistry and knows how much trouble it’s gonna cause. 😂 Also he knows Damon will do anything she wants, which essentially means Alaric has to do anything she wants because he’s not gonna let either of them get killed. 😂 I mean, just look at that face! 😂 **crap. Best friend will do anything for the girl who is basically my daughter at this point. Now I really have to do this** 😂

A Letter from Your High School Bus Driver

Dear S, good luck in life! I wish I could tell you I’m proud of you & I’m rooting for you! I wish I could tell you I’m praying for your future in the real world. I know you’ll do great things if you make the right choices!

Dear D, I hope you’re enjoying your anime & doing lots of writing for your book! I hope you’re enjoying your new phone & getting your homework done!

Dear J, have you gone back home? Do you have to stay in the US while we figure out this pandemic? Will you try to come back for another exchange year? I hope you’re safe & healthy wherever you are!

Dear M, I know you switched buses, but only recently, so I hope you’re doing well too! Idk if you’re still here or if you had to go home. I know you want to move here. I hope you get to. Good luck with graduation and becoming a pharmacist! We need you now more than ever!

Dear H, I’m glad you got to be on my bus again this year. You’re a great kid! Thanks for always asking how my day is and for thanking me for every ride! You’re a gem!

Dear S & J, thanks for the conversations! They’ve been fun! Keep playing basketball so you can do well next year!

Dear M, E, G, G, I, and gang. Thank you for respecting the rules. Thank you for immediately obeying when I remind you of rules you’re getting too close to. Thanks for the laughs & for the fun!

Dear A, I know you moved, but I hope you’re doing well! I hope you’re enjoying music & working on your goal of being the strongest man! I hope you’re staying out of trouble!

Dear A & A, thanks for being kind and quiet! I hope you’re doing well!

Dear others, y’all are so quiet and so well behaved. Thanks! I miss y’all!

I’m praying for each of you! I miss you! Be good. Do good. Have fun!

A Letter from Your Middle School Bus Driver

Dear A & B, you’re so quiet & chill B. I’ve never had an issue with you. Thanks! A, you are a wild child, but you have an energy and excitement for life that I sometimes want! You’re always so excited to show & tell me things! I miss that!

Dear C, you are also wild, but much calmer than last year. I have to give you the look often, but you quickly obey and calm down. Even in your crazy, you’re fun! I miss it.

Dear Z, Z, A, D, & other 8th graders I might have forgotten. I hope y’all have the best freshmen year ever next year! Y’all are crazy, but I’ll miss y’all!

Dear E, M, & L, y’all are so quiet & well-behaved. Thanks for that! The other 6th graders are crazy! Haha.

Dear R, you are all boy and you have the best laugh! It’s seriously contagious! We could use it right now!

Dear D, you came halfway through the year, and what a joyous edition you were! Thanks for being an extra mini BFF!

Dear M, before you ask, yes of course I miss! Yes, really! You make my day with your hellos & goodbyes! Thanks for singing with me!

Dear L, I’m sorry you didn’t get to put in your play. You were so excited about getting a lead role! I really wanted to see you perform! Hopefully you’ll get loads of more chances in the future! Keep acting & smiling & caring about the world!

Dear N, stay friendly and kind. Keep smiling! Hope to see you next year!

Dear J, I hope you’re just an angsty middle schooler & that you don’t have issues at home, but if you do, please know you’re cared for and that we’re here for you!

Dear A, M, J, and C, y’all did such a great job of following the rules & being at the bus on time this year. I’m proud of your improvement!

Dear M, I hope you’re getting to watch your telenovelas (still not sure if that was real or a joke) and anime! Thanks for asking me questions and caring about everyone!

Dear L, keep up the hard work! Keep working out and kicking butt in karate! Keep saying hi to and smiling at strangers. I pray you see that God is real and that he loves you! Make sure you enjoy all the hot Cheetos & salt and vinegar chips!

Dear Noodle Arms, I hope you’re getting the hang of your math! Thanks for trusting me to help you with your questions! Have fun with your brother!

Dear A, keep having fun with sticks and outside fun! Keep your childlike thrill of imagination! You’re gonna need in 8th grade and beyond!

Dear J & J, behave, have fun, and keep being kind!

Dear Rick & Morty, I miss y’all already! Truth be told, you’re my favorite 8th graders! You’ve both grown so much in the past year! I’m so proud of y’all! Rick, please continue to follow the rules! I believe in you! You could be a great leader, so stay on the right path! Morty, you’re a great musician and baker! Keep creating things! Thanks for writing me a song! You never got to play it for me, but I’m sure it was awesome! I miss you both & I hope y’all have the BEST high school experience you could ever have!

Dear all of y’all. Middle school is rough & y’all have been a challenge, but you’re seen, you’re loved, and you’re cared for! You’ve made my experience as a bus driver so much fun! I’ve learned a lot from y’all! Remember you don’t have to be who others want you to be! Be yourself & those who matter will love you all the same! I miss you! I’m praying for you! I hope to see you again!

A Letter from Your Elementary Bus Driver

Dear K, thanks for being the first smiling student I got to see every school morning. I hope & pray you have a great summer & that you’re first year of middle school next year is fabulous! I’ll miss you.

Dear R & D, I’m pretty sure y’all are also going to middle school next year. I’ll miss you! R you’ve always been so quiet & well-behaved, so mature & kind. Carry that with you in life. D, you’re such a happy child. I hope you care your excitement with you through life.

Dear R & D, I just realized the kids at your stop have the same first initials. Haha. Thank you for trusting me with your issues! If you had problems, you shared me with them! Thanks for singing Victorious with me & being mermaids/mermen with me! It was a pleasure to meet y’all this year! Oh, and I’m starting Some Assembly Required! Hoping to talk with y’all about it next year!

Dear H, you moved halfway through the year, but I miss you little buddy! You had the best questions & the silliest jokes!

Dear S, teachers seem to think you’re a handful, but I think you’re awesome! So fun and full of energy! Hope to see you next year!

Dear V & A, y’all are all boy & it’s been fun. You’re a little crazy sometimes, but I miss it! I think y’all were 4th grade this year, so hopefully we get to spend your last year of elementary together next year!

Dear R, my Disney Warrior Princess! You’re spunky and fun! Your love for Disney reminds me of me & your life for life is contagious! See you next year!

Dear A & S, you make me smile! You make me tired too! Haha. You were new this year & I hope we get to see each other next year!

Dear O & R, you adorable preschoolers! So quiet and better behaved than most of the big kids! Hope I can see you next year!

Dear C, I’m sorry I didn’t watch Scales when you asked me to. You were right, I loved it! I really hope we can talk Descendants, mermaids, and Zombies next year!

Dear Z, you’ve grown so much since last year! I’m proud of you! Let’s talk mermaids & Victorious next year. K?

Dear Z & Z, thanks for drawing me wagon (wolf dragon)! Thanks for teaching me cool things I never knew & for always having interesting things to say! I’ll miss y’all! See you soon?

Dear M, good luck in middle school! You thanked me for getting to know your name because other bus drivers hadn’t. I’m sorry for that. Thanks for letting me be your friend!

Dear C, thanks for joining our games! You always had such great answers!

Dear T, I hope you’ve gotten to see your sister a little longer! I hope you’re still learning fun things and having fun with your dog!

Dear F & F, keep reading your Bibles! Keep loving God with your whole heart! Keep sharing him with your friends and family!

Dear M & A, keeping loving pink and rainbows & loving naps & being kind!

Dear R, keep loving vampires! Remember all the things about TVD & tell me next year! Keep reading! Remember you matter, you’re important, and made on purpose! Jesus loves you! You’re not a mistake!

Dear K, I hope you always love Unicorns and pink! I hope you keep your wonder and joy forever! Keep dreaming sweet girl!

Dear N, I can wait to see in MLB & get to tell everyone I was your bus driver! You’re gonna do great kid!

Dear A, keep learning science facts! Then teach me all the things next year!

Dear all of you, I miss you! I’m praying for you! I can’t wait to see you again, if it’s at the store! If I never see you again, you’ll always be my mini BFF & I’ll always remember you & pray for you!

Irrational Fear

Irrational Fear – Unreasonable Fear

Panic – Sudden Unreasonable terror

Technically speaking, I’m not afraid of heights. As a child, I was known to climb as high as I possibly could in any tree the adults around me would let me climb. Sometimes, my brother, sister, and I would climb to the top of our roof or treehouse and try to jump off without getting caught. So, no, I’m not afraid of heights. I am, however, afraid of falling or more specifically failing. I can’t go on rollercoasters because I’m afraid I’ll fall to my death. And sometimes, I can’t even climb stairs without a sudden panic overwhelming me for fear that I’ll manage to fall and hurt/kill myself. It’s irrational. I know. But as with my arachnophobia the logic of knowing it COULD happen is often far more convincing than the logic of knowing the odds of the bad thing not happening are in my favor.

I stood at the top of this 3-story rickety staircase for what felt like 5 minutes trying to slow my breathing and calm down enough to go back down the steps I had just climbed up. I wish I could say this doesn’t happen often, but it does. This happens all the time, not always with staircases, but often with life in general. I’m irrationally afraid of falling and failing. I regularly experience moments of rapid heartbeats & shallow breathing because of an irrational anxiety I can’t seem to shake.

Are you like this? Do you have irrational fears? It’s okay. You’ll get through it. Take a deep breath and remember 2 Timothy 1:7. “For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.”‬ ‭(NIV)‬‬

Pride & Prejudice – Book & Movie Review (January19, 2019 – Archive)

As a hopeless romantic, I can have no qualms with any telling of Pride & Prejudice. I can have however have a favorite. While neither movie was better or worse than the other and certainly not better or worse than the book, I do have a clear favorite. In part because I prefer simple, modern writing and partly because I already knew most aspects of the story, it took me at least five attempts to read the book for the first time. After the fact I was happy to have done it and have now read it again. That said, and I NEVER say this, I actually prefer the movie to the book. Both movies took creative liberties that seemed odd, especially the six-hour BBC production, but I actually enjoyed the 2005 movie to the BBC production or the book. Perhaps it’s because it’s shorter and thus easier to digest or maybe because it caters to the wants of a rom-com fan, but probably because I didn’t have to deal with the insufferable Mr. Collins or Mr. Wickham for half as long as I was forced to do so in the book and BBC production. As, I must admit, I only like the series because of Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth and I wish that we could get their story with dealing so much with the others, though I understand that would make it a much different story, so I’ll tolerate it. As I do though, it will likely only be through watching the 2005 movie instead of reading it or watching the BBC production. All the same, I recommend everyone read and watch each production at least once in their lifetime! 😊

The Chronicles of Narnia – Book Review (2018 Archive)

The Magician’s Nephew

I first read this series as a middle schooler, maybe a 9th grader. I really enjoyed it. It was one of the first series’ I read (though I didn’t finish it 🙈) & part of the reason why I fell in love with reading. There’s something to be said about reading it (or listening to it as an audiobook) again as an adult. I grew up in the church. Never once did I ever think about leaving. I take pride in my Christian faith. It is the very best and only truly good part of me. So, to read a children’s series that was written as an allegory to the Christian faith is awesome, especially when I didn’t quite pick up on the allegories when I read them as a kid. I really appreciate how C.S. Lewis imagined creation in this book. Of course, none of us could ever know how the universe was truly created, but the allegorical telling of creation in this book is so beautiful, I don’t think another human could possibly imagine it better! I also really like how he represents temptation!

4 out of 5 ⭐️ only because I’m not a huge fan of the first part of the story, even though I know it’s necessary.

The Lion, The Witch, the Wardrobe

As I said before, I read these books for the first time as young teenager, and now I’m of the firm belief that everyone should read these books first as a child and then as an adult. If it’s too late to read it as a child, every adult should read it anyway! I haven’t read any of the books since I think 2010 when the Voyage of the Dawn Treader movie came out. I’m glad I’ve decided to read them again as an adult. I didn’t realize, or at least didn’t remember, that CS Lewis wrote an allegory for the crucifixion in this story! I’ve seen The Passion, I’ve read the Gospel several times, and I grew up in the church. I know the story of the crucifixion. To hear it (audiobook) told as an allegory in an innocent children’s story really struck home in a way it hasn’t before. Don’t get me wrong. The death of our actual in the flesh Lord and Savior is far more tragic than a fictional character. I know and have always known that Jesus was/is perfect and innocent of any crimes counted against Him. It breaks my heart every time I think about it. But again, to read/hear it in an innocent setting when I wasn’t expecting it really drove home Jesus’ innocence for me. He was/is perfect. He didn’t deserve any of the things done to Him, but He quietly and solemnly took it without a fight, because He loves me. This allegory really showed that to me in a new light and I’m grateful that CS Lewis tackled so many serious Christian topics with such grace that a child can read it and know the severity, but not be scared from too much knowledge and gore too quickly. It was done in a very tasteful (if that word can be used for the representation of Christ’s death) and respectful manner while still keeping the severity and importance intact!

I also really appreciate the depiction of temptation, sin, and betrayal in this book as well!

5 out 5 ⭐️’s.

The Horse and His Boy

I don’t remember reading this whole book the first time I read the series. I must have though, because I had a vague memory of it this time. 🤷🏼‍♀️ All the same, I like that this book teaches that we may understand the past in hindsight, but the future is to be seen when it becomes the present. I also like that it shows that sometimes God—analogically Aslan—always works things out for our good, even when we face bad things. And that we must always face the consequences of our decisions.

Artemis Fowl (2018 Archive)

Book 1:

My primary job is delivering for Uber Eats. That means, I spend a lot of time sitting in my car. I’ve decided to spend that time listening to audiobooks. After listening to the Harry Potter books, I decided to listen to Artemis Fowl, because my best friend raved about them, and because I had never read them before.

To be honest, I’m not entirely sure how I feel about this book. In the beginning, it was confusing to go back and forth between views, but by the end it made sense. It is exciting and intriguing, and even though I really didn’t like any of the characters, I am now listening to the second book! So far, it seems like the perfect series for middle school boys, and anyone who likes Kid’s books. I have a 12 year old brother whom I think will really like these books! I’m gonna challenge him to read or listen to them this summer!

Emoji Review: 🙃🤷🏼‍♀️👍🏼

4 out 5 ⭐️ review

The Arctic Incident:

Perhaps, the series gets better with every book. I certainly liked this one much better than the first one! I even started to like the characters. 🙂 No complaints for this book and not much in the way of praise either, except that I liked it more than the first. And of course, I still think it’s a great series for middle school boys! 🙂 Emoji Review: 👍🏼😊

4 out of 5 ⭐️ rating

The Opal Deception:

Generally, I either immediately like a series or I don’t like it all. When I do like the series, I expect it to get better with every book (or season if it’s tv). With Artemis Fowl it’s different.

It’s not that I disliked it in the beginning, but I also didn’t like it. I was intrigued, but not attached. This is a new concept for me. Generally, if I’m intrigued, then I’m immediately attached. With Artemis Fowl, it’s been a slow attachment. With every book, I’ve grown more and more attached to each of the characters. And yet, I there’s one character I haven’t grown attached to. When something happens to this character, I feel nothing. A little sad for the other characters, perhaps, but nothing for this character. All the same, I’m really growing quite fond of these characters and each adventure is getting more and more intriguing!

The Lost Colony:

As a Christian, I firmly believe that demons are always evil. Therefore, I found it hard to justify the somewhat goodness of some of the new characters in this book.

With or without the demon characters, this wasn’t one of my favorite of the books. There were several scenes in which I was gasping or holding my breath, but I was neither here nor there in the like or dislike of this book. 🤷🏼‍♀️

The Time Paradox:

This may have been my favorite of them all. It’s always fun seeing characters affected by time travel. Artemis and Holly were quite amusing through this book’s adventures.

The Atlas Complex:

This one didn’t leave much impression on me. I felt rather indifferent throughout the whole story… 🤷🏼‍♀️

The Last Guardian:

I’m surprised to say that by the end of this series, I actually cared about all the characters! I didn’t like any of the characters in the beginning, but they slowly grew on me and by the end I liked them all! I will say that I was a bit disappointed with the end of this book. While the main plots were all finished, I still felt like there was something missing in the end. 🤷🏼‍♀️

#bookreview #ArtemisFowl #HollyShort #Elves #Demons #Fairies #dwarves #Butler #Elves #Fairies #Dwarves

#Crime

Beauty and the Beast (2018 Archive)

I’m not a fan of movie theaters. If I’m gonna spend that much money on a movie, then I’d rather be at home. I do make exceptions for some movies though. This was one of the exceptions.

I’ve seen a lot of fan made lists for live action Disney movies of whom should play who if the movie was ever made. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a list that didn’t have @emmawatson as Belle. I always agreed that Emma seemed like the perfect fit.

When I sat in the theater watching the movie, I was mesmerized. In recent years, Beauty and the Beast has become one of my favorite Disney Princess movies, so I was ecstatic to see it in live action. By the end of the movie, I felt like I had watched the best live action movie ever!

As time has passed since I watched Beauty and the Beast in theaters, some of the enchantment has worn off. Maybe Emma wasn’t as good as Belle as I had hoped and thought. I certainly didn’t think of the performance much after the fact. That says a lot. I’m obsessive girl for a reason. When I love something, I tend to be a tad obsessive. That didn’t happen with this movie.

Today, I watched it again on Netflix after watching my DVD copy of the classic animated version. Throughout the first half of the movie, I was rather disenchanted. I couldn’t see why I loved it so much. She’s not the most phenomenal singer in the world and her performance didn’t seem quite as magical as I had thought the first time. By the end though, I still couldn’t think of anyone who seems like a better Belle in looks and certain mannerisms. Idk, maybe it’s because I spent so much time envisioning her as Belle, but she still seems like the best fit, even if her voice isn’t the best fit. 🤷🏼‍♀️ At times, she didn’t look like the best fit, but at other times I thought, “She is definitely Belle!” So, now I’m confused, but I still like the movie enough that I’ll certainly watch it again!

Whatever the case may be, I still want Belle’s Library!

Emoji Review: 😁🤔🙃🤷🏼‍♀️😊

4 out of 5 ⭐️

Ever After High – Book Review (2018 Archive)

The Storybook of Legends & The Unfairest of Them All:

I’m a sucker for a good fairy tale, especially if it’s a retelling and even more so if it’s the telling of the original character’s kids. Obviously, I loved this before I even opened it. I’m not generally biased though. I may love a story going into it, but that doesn’t mean I’ll love it by the end. That is what happened with this book though.

I absolutely love Raven Queen and Apple White. While their stories are a bit cliched, that’s the entire point of the book. I think Shannon Hale did a fabulous job of making this story unique, while also making it as cliche and cheesy as it was supposed to be!

I love all the characters, but my absolute favorite character in the entire series is Madeline “Maddie” Hatter! Quirky characters are always my cup of tea (pun intended 😏), but I especially love Maddie and not just because I feel like she and Luna Lovegood could totally be best friends! Haha. There’s just something about Maddie that I adore! I can’t really explain it. Oh, and Dexter is adorkable too! Haha.

I could do an entirely separate review just for the “hexcellent” puns and word plays sprinkled on every page, but I won’t. Hexcellent (I’ve seriously been thinking this way too often 🙈) Whatever After, and One Reflection are just a few of my favorites!

As each page flipped, the smile on my face and in my heart grew bigger and bigger! The story may be simple and intended to make little girls want to buy the dolls, but it’s still a great book! It’s supposed to be cheesy, so there’s not much one could complain about!

I’m a firm believer in no spoilers, so you’ll have to read the book yourself to see why I feel the way I do about it! 🤓

Emoji Response: 😁❤️😂

5 out 5 ⭐️ rating!

A Wonderlandiful World

I really wanted to love this book as much as I loved the first two, but I couldn’t. Except for a few references to the first two books, this book often felt like a different story altogether. This was largely due to the fact that it was narrated from the point of view of two entirely different characters than the first two. I understand the story is carried on in the tv show and books written by someone else, but I wish we had a bit more closure or explanation or something with Raven and Apple’s story in this book. It just wasn’t the same.

That said, I still loved it! And I will say, it was a bit more unpredictable than the first two, which I kind of liked actually!

If you read my first two reviews, then you won’t be surprised that I especially loved Maddie’s part in this book! I think it was really quite clever! 😁

And of course, the puns were still just as #hexellent as before! Haha.

I’m a firm believer in no spoilers, so you’ll have to read the book yourself to see why I feel the way I do about it! 🤓

Emoji Response: 😁❤️😂

4 out 5 ⭐️ rating!

Dear Younger Me–A Decade in Review

On Sunday, I will be 26. In 2 weeks, it will be 2020. The end of a decade and what a decade it has been! So many things have happened to me I’ve been through so many emotionally draining things this decade. So many fabulous things and so many treacherous things. I have a feeling, from knowing people and from watching people, this decade has been intense for a lot of people. I’m going to write a letter to “younger me” and it’ll be a little personal, but I want it to be for everyone. So, here we go.

Dear younger me,
I’m proud of you. You are strong. So much stronger than you ever knew you could be. Of course, that is because of God in you, but you have to accept and embrace it, so do that. In the future, accept and embrace God’s strength in you.
I want to thank you for the things you’ve taught me. I want to thank you for hanging on and for trying. I want to thank you for being you. You tried so hard not to be you, to be different, to be who people wanted you to be, but you couldn’t. You couldn’t be anyone but you and I thank you for that. The things you hated so much about yourself this past decade have become your favorite things about yourself today. So, thank you.

Dear 16-year-old me,
This is the year you’ve started going to “normal” school again. You’re learning to be insecure. You used to believe in yourself. You used to love yourself. You used to not care what others thought. 4 years ago, you slowly started to care, but it didn’t really hit you until this year. I’m sorry about that. I’m sorry you felt the need to please people. That you felt like you had to be different than yourself and more like others.
If I could go back and tell you anything, then I would tell you to be yourself. I would tell you to believe in yourself. I would tell you that your friends, at least the real ones, will love you as you are. I know you’re afraid. I know you crave relationships. That you worry about them not loving you because they laugh at the things that make you who you are. That is wrong. It sucks and it hurts, but believe it or not, it’s their way of loving you. It’s totally unhealthy and ultimately unChristlike, but they are human. This is how they love you. Please love you, too.

Dear 17-year-old me,
I’m sorry life hurts so much. I’m sorry I expected perfection from you. Maybe if I had listened to Hannah Montana, then you wouldn’t have felt so much pressure to perform. Maybe you would have loved yourself. Maybe you would have remembered the beauty of being that 12-year-old girl who spun around the gym not caring what anyone thought of you. Maybe… maybe… maybe… I’m sorry for all that, but I’m more sorry that I wouldn’t change a thing. Your brokenness brought me closer to God. Your brokenness taught me to really appreciate those in my life who love me despite my crazy. Your brokenness taught me that brokenness is okay. What isn’t okay is wallowing in your brokenness instead of taking it to the Lord. Your brokenness taught me that, so thanks!

Dear 18-year-old me,
Thank you for being unashamedly obsessed with BarlowGirl and Demi Lovato. Thank you for surrendering your hurts and desires to God the day you turned 18. Thank you for letting Him use Demi and the Barlows to drag you from your pit of darkness and lead you to healing. Thank you for taking a chance and accepting Caitlyn’s invitation to a new church. You have no idea how much the Lord is going to use this church to heal you, grow you, and show you who He is. Jehovah Jireh. Jehovah Rapha. Jehovah Shalom.

Dear 19-year-old me,

I’m sorry I let you experience your first real heartbreak. I don’t know if I could have done anything to prevent it, because “the heart wants what it wants.” But I do know I could have softened the blow if I had been more honest about what I was thinking and feeling. In 6 years, your best friend will say you probably weren’t ready to handle it. You’ll deny it at first, but then you’ll realize it’s true. You’ll need a relatable movie, a lot of prayer, and a social media break before you’re ready to handle those feelings. Still, honesty is the best policy. You lied to yourself about your feelings and that’s what made it so hard.

P.S. Thanks for showing me that it’s okay to admit you’ve bitten off more than you can chew. You knew you couldn’t handle the stress of Physics and Trigonometry, so you confessed and let it go. Thanks for that. You’ll feel guilty for that decision for a little while, but eventually, you’ll learn it was the right decision.

Dear 20-year-old me,
Last year, you got your heart broken. This year, your parents got divorced. A younger you would have expected you to give up love. After all, you are a hopeless romantic who has been forever single. You fell for someone who definitely wasn’t the one, but you tried to convince yourself he could be. And your parents divorced after fighting your whole life. Love doesn’t seem so glamorous or even realistic these days. Just you wait. Would you believe me if I told you you’ll be single and turning 26 and actually be okay with it? It’s okay. I can hear you laughing. I’m not surprised. I’m more surprised that I’m not only okay with being single, but also, believe it or not, might actually want to stay this way. Anyway, thanks for being a hopeful romantic instead of a hopeless romantic. Rose-colored glasses look way better on you than jade anyway.

Dear 21-year-old me,
You did it! You moved out on your own! You got a “grownup” job and you’re totally rocking it! You’re kind of going through a weird culture shock as you encounter non-Christian society for the first time, but you’re kind of also rocking that. Everyone everywhere will immediately know you’re the church kid and they’ll love you for it. Occasionally, you’ll be treated like a child for it, but it’s cool. Mostly it’s because you’re so… innocent compared to everyone else. Trust me, you’d rather be childlike and innocent than fit in with the crowd. A lot of your coworkers will even respect and admire you for your beliefs. You’ll feel proud about that, so way to go!

Dear 22-year-old me,
Your life is going to be really emotional for the next three years. You’re going to go on so many rollercoasters your head will spin, you’ll feel sick to your stomach, and you’ll feel crazy. 22 is supposed to be the fun year. That’s how Taylor Swift makes it sound, but she’s sort of wrong. I mean, 23 and 24 will be way worse, but 22 is the beginning. You’ll unexpectedly say goodbye to a couple of friendships at 22 and it’ll suck, but you’ll grow. 22 is the beginning of learning how to be okay with not being okay. I know you think you learned that at 18 and 20, but apparently not, cause girl, you’ve got a lot of learning to do. Just take a deep breath and get ready for the ride, because you’re gonna hate it but you’ll be stuck for quite a while.

Dear 23-year-old me,
You taught me patience. It’ll take you 8 months to move into your apartment and from there it will all hit the fan and you’ll run for cover. Except there won’t be anywhere to run, so you’ll kind of just… fall apart. Seriously, you’re going to find yourself sitting on the bathroom floor crying over a picture frame that won’t stay on the wall. That’ll be your tipping point. You’ll curse Eve for eating the apple, you’ll cry over that darn frame, then you’ll go sit in the living room eating fruity pebbles. You’ll laugh hysterically at yourself for being so pathetic and then you’ll cry several more times, because, well, life. You won’t break though. You’ll bend beyond your wildest imagination, but you won’t break, so I’m proud of you. Way to go! You never gave in to the pressure of all the pressure. Whoo!

Dear 24-year-old me,
You seriously quit your job. Then, you finally finished writing the Mask; Her Aid and published it! It’ll feel like the start of something new and beautiful, but it won’t be. You’ll find yourself crying a lot again. You’ll almost be evicted from your apartment. You and Savannah will fight so much and so intensely it’ll surprise you when you get along better after a few months. You’ll find joy in driving around making deliveries for food services, but it won’t pay enough. You’ll have to find a new job. Eventually, you’ll finally become a bus driver like Papa has recommended since you were 21. You’ll move in with the Mathers and studying to be a bus driver will be beyond stressful. How the heck did you end up working 2 jobs that involve driving? You hate driving! The Lord works in mysterious ways though.

Dear 25-year-old me,
Okay, so technically you’re still 25. Your birthday isn’t for another 4 days. That means 4 more days of falling or flying at 25. Anything can change in a matter of days, but let’s just pretend you’re 26, okay? 25 is going to be an interesting year for you. You thought 24 would break you again. A few times, you came so close to letting it. You even crashed and burned at the beginning of 2019 when you took on too much at one time. Seriously, you worked 12-hour shifts at Rhodes, Saturdays at the thrift store, and Sundays in youth. Are you crazy? If God needs rest, then so do you! Thankfully, this form of crashing and burning was only as bad as no longer doing youth or the thrift store. It could have been worse though. You thought it would be, but then you accepted the importance of rest. You took God up on His commandment of Sabbath. You won’t do anything on Saturdays and you’ll be okay with not always working between routes. You won’t use social media on Saturdays and you won’t obsess on Sundays. You’ll even take a social media break during the month leading up to 26. It’ll be weird, but you’ll use that time to “Live Fearless” and “…Be Brave.” You’ll also finally start working out every day. You do Zumba every morning, choreography a lot of afternoons, and concerts most evenings. It’ll be great! Best of all, you’ll learn to forgive. You’ll forgive those who have hurt you and you’ll learn to forgive yourself for hurting others. You’ll be obsessed with the Vampire Diaries and Victorious, and you’ll be friends with Shelby Gail again. Life will even be peaceful when you finally realize that accepting your anxiety and trust issues is the first step in overcoming them. I’m so proud of you for that! You’re sort of still in the process of all that going into 26, but you’ve already accomplished so much! Way to go!

And because you’re still you, you’ll ask your Shelby’s how you’ve changed since meeting them. Both will essentially say the same thing. You’re more confident and more willing to accept the unknown. So after all that mess of 16 to 26, you’ll actually be grateful for the crazy. It was hard and you’ll wish you can change things, but you never would even if you could. You learned so much in your teens and early 20’s that you’re really excited about the things you’ll learn in your late 20’s and early 30’s. Until the next decade, please keep calm and let God. Love you!

Love,
Me ❤

To anyone reading this. I hope you can learn to be brave and trusting. I hope you can accept your brokenness, repent from your sins–like my bitterness and anger–, and that you’ll trust God in the unknowns and comfort zones. Life is hard enough. We don’t need to add to it with perfectionism, fear, anger, bitterness, distrust, and all the other ickiness of brokenness and sin. From least to greatest: Love yourself. Love others. Love God.

 

P.S. It’s okay to be lame, so like… I hope you were able to read this letter to yourself with 2020 vision! 😉 😛 (I just cringed at my own poor “joke.” It’s so lame, but I couldn’t not do it. oh, well)

Popcorn, Panic, and Peace

I’m a socially anxious introvert, while not my identity in and of itself, that is part of who I am. Not only a I drained by social interactions, but social interactions also almost paralyze me with anxiety sometimes. I’m also someone who feels incredibly anxious if I perceive something may be unsafe or uncomfortable. In my head, I usually know most of these anxious moments are overly dramatic and that I need to calm down and just do the thing. Sometimes, I just can’t. Sometimes no matter how illogical I know I’m being, I find myself locked up in fear unable to do anything until something changes. Most people seem to be annoyed by this. Most people react with short replies and irritable answers. Then, there are people who get it and if they don’t get it, they at least realize I can’t seem to help it, so they help me. They’re patient with me. They encourage me. Sometimes they do the thing so I don’t have to.

I’ve been planning to write this post for quite a while now because about six months ago, I walked around Boerne with two of my favorite people and had a moment like this. It was absolutely ridiculous. We were in a popcorn or treat store and I was looking at all the popcorn flavors. Popcorn is one of my favorite snacks and I adore green apple flavoring. They happened to have a green apple flavored popcorn. I was both disgusted and intrigued. Could green apple popcorn be good? I wanted to know how much it cost, but felt paralyzed by the thought of asking, so I asked my friend to ask for me. She laughed a little and graciously asked for me. The popcorn was more expensive than I would have liked for something I just wanted to try, so I was bummed. Then, my other friend noticed a tray of little cups of popcorn and took it upon herself to ask if they were samples. She didn’t even ask for herself. She asked for me before I could even think about it. When the cashier said they were samples, my friend gestured for me to take one so I did. (And, FYI, I personally thought the green apple popcorn was amazing! Haha. Still didn’t buy it because I didn’t have extra money to spend, but it was really yummy! Ooh! Maybe I’ll go buy some soon! Now, I really want some! 🙈)

I don’t only have social anxiety. As I said, I also have safety anxiety. If something doesn’t feel safe, even if it logically is, I start to panic. Last Wednesday before Thanksgiving break, I busted a window in the bus I was driving because I turned too closely to a tree branch. Our mechanics fixed it very quickly, so I was able to drive it again that afternoon. Before I went out to drive it, I worried about the broken shards of glass that fell into the floor. Our head mechanic, Jason, personally went out to inspect the bus for me. He didn’t have to. I could have and would have done it, but he’s gotten to know me well enough that he knows I’ve got a bit of an anxiety problem. Instead of sighing or saying something along the lines of, “calm down,” he personally helped me know I was safe. And that’s not the only time he or the rest of the mechanics have gone out of their well to assure me I was safe and secure and ready to go. They, especially Jason, regularly go the extra mile to help me and I know it’s because they know I feel better with their expert opinion versus my own.

The reason this is important to me is because some of the other people I work with, especially two of my managers, seem to act like my questions and concerns are a problem. Sure, maybe they are. Maybe my worries are ridiculous sometimes. Actually, there’s no maybe, sometimes my anxiety is ridiculous. Like I said though, I can’t seem to always control it. Sometimes I have to be shown that my worry is silly and not just told. More importantly, I need to know I’m not seen as foolish for my worries. In fact, that’s the best way for me to quickly overcome the anxiety and face it less often. All I need a lot of the time is to know or at least feel like my worries are understood.

That’s why I wanted to write this post. I wanted to give advice to anyone reading this who has anxiety or who knows someone with anxiety. In 2019, I’ve been learning countless ways to handle my anxiety. One way is to accept it. If I accept my anxiety, then it becomes less of a problem and more of a question. If it’s a question, then there’s an answer to find and I can find that answer. If others accept my anxiety, then they can help me either my doing something or by showing me that I’m not alone. Even if they don’t understand, then at least they sympathize. They acknowledge that I’m not intentionally being difficult. And when I know that, my anxiety feels easier to overcome. I think thats probably true for others too. When they accept their mental blocks and when their people accept their mental blocks, then those blocks become easier to move. And then there is peace on earth or at least in our own little worlds.

Social Butterfly–Beauty and Brokenness

Aren’t butterflies beautiful? They come in all different colors and sizes. They’re friendly and curious little creatures that fly where the wind takes them. Often, we use them as examples of beauty. They are also used as examples of nervousness and excitement. I feel like I can relate to a butterfly fairly well. In high school, my friends literally called me the social butterfly. I knew at least one girl from nearly every volleyball and basketball team we played against. In fact, one of my best friends was from another school. I was always friendly and happy and floating from one beautiful flower–aka friend–to another, making sure they had all the support they needed to grow. Then, I flew into the proverbial windshield of life.

My junior year of high school was a tumultuous one at best. My whole life, I had been the bubbly fluttering happy girl floating from flower to flower wanting to be friends with everyone. For a long time, it was because I really did just want to be friends with everyone. In 5th grade, it started to be because I wanted to be loved by everyone. In high school, it was because I didn’t feel loved by anyone. I guess I thought if I was surrounded by as many other butterflies migrating around me as possible, then I’d never feel alone. Silly me. The more people I reached out to and tried to befriend, the more alone I felt. Add on that “all” of my friends had boyfriends while I was “forever alone” and I was miserable. I felt like I wasn’t good enough. Like there was something wrong with me. Why didn’t anyone love me? Did I have a lopsided broken wing that I couldn’t see or something? I don’t know, but I was alone or at least I felt that way.

I was going to a private Christian school and I grew up going to church every week and spent a few years in Awana. I knew what the Bible said. I was never alone. Even if everyone else did, God would never leave me nor forsake me. I knew that, but I guess I didn’t believe it, and I certainly didn’t feel it. I know the heart–aka emotions–is deceptive, but feelings–at least for me–are more real than anything else in the world. I’m a very sensitive person. I feel everything. I feel my emotions and somehow I feel the emotions of others around me–even fictional others which is weird to say, but it’s true. You’ve heard of second-hand embarrassment? I feel secondhand everything. So, when I do–or don’t–feel something, it sort of consumes me. That or I block out all the feelings with facts and that’s not healthy either. I’m working on finding a balance between sense and sensibility, but it’s a long, hard battle. A battle I realized I had to fight in high school when I was the social butterfly who felt like a bug on a windshield.

I grew up singing the song. “Jesus loves me this I know, for the Bible tells me so.” I knew it. In my head, I knew it, but in my heart I couldn’t believe it. I wasn’t good enough to be loved by a perfect God and I wasn’t bad enough to be saved by a merciful Saviour. I had been saved. I knew and accepted and believed God’s beloved sacrifice when I was six years old. I remembered the scene almost flawlessly and knew without a doubt I had been saved from the fire of hell. What I wasn’t sure about, what I felt like I shouldn’t/wouldn’t be saved from was the darkness of life. I knew I was flawed and broken. I knew I had done a “good job” of not falling into the pits that many others around me had. I didn’t know that we really are all equal in the sight of the Lord. I never consciously believed I was better than anyone else, just better than what my evil nature could have asked me to do. I practically lived at my church. I was there every Sunday for church and was serving weekly. I was there Monday through Friday for Christian school and memorized every verse–about 20 or so every 2 weeks–they asked me to. I was reading my Bible semi-regularly. I was doing all the things a “good little church girl” should be doing. I wasn’t sleeping around, or even kissing anyone. I wasn’t partying, drinking, or smoking. I never snuck out or went anywhere against my parents’ will. I wasn’t doing anything a “good little church girl” shouldn’t be doing. The things I was struggling with were “minor.” I was self-harming, but it wasn’t visible. It wasn’t “as bad as other girls.” I had sort of attempted the behaviors of eating disorders, but hadn’t gone farther than unhealthy thoughts toward food rather than actions. I was depressed and wondering if anyone would miss me if I wasn’t around, but I wasn’t suicidal. All these church girl checkboxes and “minor” issues made me feel like I wasn’t good enough for God’s love, but wasn’t bad enough that I had any right to say I was struggling. And that’s why I felt like I was so unloved.

I refused to tell anyone about what I was dealing with, so when they didn’t see it on their own I felt unseen, unloved, and like I wasn’t struggling as much as I was. When I prayed, I didn’t pray about the root of the problem. I didn’t address the real issues. I just wanted it all to go away. I literally prayed for God to take away my free will in these things and make me “good enough.” I felt like if I was asking for it, then that should still be considered free will and that God should accept it. He didn’t. Surprise surprise. When He didn’t, I think a part of me resented Him for not taking it away. Some part of me definitely felt unloved. If He loved me, then why wouldn’t He take the pain away? Why wouldn’t He take the feeling of inadequacy away? And if the people I loved loved me then why couldn’t they see I wasn’t the bubbly and happy butterfly I pretended to be? Why couldn’t they see my wings had been clipped and I was no longer flying? Why? Why? Why?

To be honest, I still don’t know the answers to any of those questions. I can guess that for my people, it was because I was hiding and most people aren’t good at seeing through facades. Most people don’t know to look for a mask or how to look past it. Most people believe what you tell them. I told people I was happy. I told people I didn’t have a worry in the world. I told people I was fine. And with God. I don’t think it’s that He wouldn’t take the hurting away. I think He was just waiting for me to be honest with Him. He knows everything, but He doesn’t force anything. He wants true love and honesty. He doesn’t want robotic obedience. He gave us free will for His and our own good. Who wants to be loved because the lover is forced to love them? Not us and certainly not God. Who wants to be forced to love someone? Forced love produces things like Lord Voldemort. Forced honesty produces broken hearts, anger, and bitterness like with Caroline Forbes, Elena Gilbert, Rebekah Mikaelson, and Stefan Salvatore. Who wants that? Not I and now I’m grateful God didn’t force anything. Now, I know God was trying to love me and doing what He could to help me out of the pit.

At the end of the day, God can do anything with or without our willingness, but that’s almost never if ever how He works. He wants us to be willing which is probably why the one thing that finally pushed me to really be willing to come out of the dark was a documentary about one of my favorite singers. I have always and probably always will be a fangirl. In large part because I am so sensitive to every form of feeling, I really get into anything and everything I love and God uses that to help me understand lessons He has for me. So, when I saw my favorite singer was struggling with things I was struggling with and ended up in a rehab center for it–and other things–I was shocked into action. It pushed me to be honest with God. And it was when I was honest with God that I really started to feel how much He loved me.

In the following year, God would use this singer and another band to show me how much He really cared for me. When someone really loves you, they take notice of the things that you love and the things that make you you. God took the things I loved and used them to help me find His Light and Love. As He walked me through the dark and into the Light, He led me to believe I could be honest with my friends and family about things I had been dealing with. As I did, I learned that they did love me, even if I hadn’t felt it. The reactions to my confessions were so full of genuine love I couldn’t believe I had ever doubted their love for me. Then, I started meeting new friends who I knew loved me from the beginning. Friends that are still loving me today. Friends who have helped me find my wings again.

Earlier this year, a friend from church gave me a purple butterfly from her wedding decorations. Around the same time, a coworker gave me a green butterfly charm engraved with “You are a blessing.” With the little green butterfly came a little card reading, “A butterfly is so beautiful, graceful and elegant… symbolizing… Faith and embraces the journey along the way…” – A.S. Waldrop

I hadn’t thought about being a butterfly in years. I had forgotten that I used to be the butterfly. That my coach/teacher in high school had gone around the room saying the things she loved about each of us girls and had almost forgotten me because I was a social butterfly fluttering around the room, loving on each girl after we had previously discussed the things we would change about our lives if we could. I took pride in that description, even if at the time I hadn’t always believed it was true. Now, as I look at these butterflies on a regular basis I’m reminded that I am a butterfly. God allows me to feel so deeply about anything and everything because it gives me a unique ability to love everyone in the way that they need to be loved. It gives me the wind I need beneath my wings to be able to fly from flower to flower and spread beauty wherever I go. Not because I’m something special and unique–though I like to believe I am–but because He is. What is the primary job of a butterfly? To spread pollen from plant to plant to help them grow. In this world, God is the pollen, people are the flowers, and I am the butterfly. Beautiful or not, I’m not the most important part of this story. I’m just a carrier. In this transfer of growth, pollen is the most important thing, because it feeds the butterfly and the flower. The pollen is what allows life and  beauty to exist. Then the flowers are the second most important thing. They are the reason butterflies do what they do. Both are beautiful, but beautiful in their own way.

So, yes. I am a butterfly. I am beautiful and strong and I finally have my wings again. I am only one beautiful but small creature in a field of flowers–hundreds or more of differently beautiful creatures. And, like a butterfly, my fluttering wings are either anxious or excited–there’s not much in between.

What are you? What is God showing you in your struggles? Are you a butterfly like me? Are you a flower? An owl? A unicorn? A tree? A book? Everything in this world has significance. Everything matters. Everything can an example of who we are in Christ. While life isn’t about us. It is important to find our identities. To find how God wants to use us and to embrace that. God is using me as a butterfly to spread His beauty to others. How is God using you?

God Doesn’t Make Wrong Turns (Part Two)

After Spring Break 2019, I wrote a blog post talking about how I went to a different town with my best friend for the day and we missed our turn, but I trusted her anyway. A few months later, we learned that while she did miss her turn, she wasn’t actually going the wrong way. If we had kept going instead of turning around, then we still would have made it to our destination. When our other friend and I told her that, she joked, “So even when I’m wrong, I’m still right.” And once again, I felt the Holy Spirit whispering to my soul, “That was about Me and it was for you.”

God Doesn’t Make Wrong Turns (Part One) was about trusting God the same way that I trusted Shelby. I thought she missed her turn, but I didn’t say anything, because I trusted she knew where she was going. This post is about trusting God when He takes me in a different direction than I expected.

When Shelby and I were going to Boerne, we took what would have been the shortest and fastest route. I usually try to do that. I try to take the shortest and fastest route to get anywhere both literally and metaphorically. I usually don’t want to take longer than I have to. Every once in a while though, I decide I want to take the scenic route instead. A month or so after Shelby and I went to Boerne, I had to go back & I decided to take the scenic route. That’s when I realized Shelby and I could have stayed on the “wrong” route and still would have made it to our destination the month before. Me taking that scenic route began a lesson in my life that I’d heard a thousand times but hadn’t applied until now. “Even when I’m wrong, I’m still right.” Shelby was joking when she said that. She’s human and she’s wrong sometimes, but God is perfect and never wrong. So, even when I think He’s wrong, He’s still right.

We all walk different journeys in life. We all have different roads maps. But we all have the same destination. Whatever our roadmaps are, our destination is God. Every Christian road leads to Him. And we think we know how to get to Him. Most of us want to take the shortest and fastest route to Him. Some of us may be able to take the short and fast route, but most of us are called to take the scenic route. We plan on the short route and we beg God to turn around when He doesn’t take the turn, but we’re usually called to take the long and scenic route. Why? I think it’s because it’s more beautiful and it’s different every time we take it.

The shorter route to Boerne goes through a town called Grey Forest and Grey Forrest is gorgeous. As gorgeous as it is, it looks the same pretty much every time I drive through. The longer route to Boerne takes a highway through the hill country. It’s always different. Various wildlife run on and along the highway. There are a bunch of ranches and farms along the route with horses, cows, goats, and even some exotic animals. And there are a few bodies of water. Bodies of water never look the same. The whole route is beautiful and looks different each time. Since realizing that, I’ve purposely taken that route every time I’ve had to go to Boerne and I need to keep that same mentality in life.

The shortest and fastest route in life might be beautiful like Grey Forrest, but it’s quiet and still. Sometimes that’s great and needed in life. Most of the time our life needs the longer and scenic route like highway 16. Things need to be moving and changing, because that’s when we see the beauty of God and His creation and His story. Yeah, Grey Forrest is a beautiful image of how unchanging and peaceful God is. But the long route is a reminder that God creates beautiful things. It’s a reminder that He has a plan, even when it takes more time to unfold than we think it will. When given the choice on which route to take, neither route is wrong. God’s okay with us choosing the short and calm route when given the opportunity. And sometimes He’ll only give us that option. Other times He’ll only give us the long route. We have to be okay with that. We have to recognize that God wants us to see something along the route before we get to the destination. And, in m experience, those are the most beautiful moments. Now, if only I could remember that when I’m begging to take the short route and He’a telling me to take the long route! Because even when I think He’s wrong, He’s still right!

No Spoilers; No Skipping Ahead

I’m an obsessive person. We all know that. Sometimes, my obsessive tendencies seem like too much, and you know what, maybe they are. What people don’t see is that I’m not just obsessing over silly things. I’m also learning about God and life. Even when I obsess over things that don’t really have anything to do with spirituality, I’m almost never closer to God than when I am obsessed. I learn more about God, my relationship with Him, and life in general when I’m obsessing over silly things than at any other time.

Right now, I’m obsessed with The Vampire Diaries and its whole universe. I am not a casual fan. I don’t do casual anything. When I’m into something, I am fully invested and fully committed. I’ve been wanting to watch TVD pretty much since it came out. When it came out I was in high school and my parents’ had conservative rules about what I could and couldn’t watch. TVD was not on the list of approved shows. Then, as I got older, I still wanted to watch it, but I couldn’t because streaming wasn’t a huge thing yet. Finally, when Netflix was all the rage and TVD was on Netflix, I didn’t have the time or energy to invest in it. Then, The Originals spin-off became a thing and I knew I’d have to watch that too. When TVD ended in 2017, I knew I’d finally be able to join the fandom soon, because I wouldn’t have to commit to an open-ended fandom. I still didn’t have time though, because I was a working adult already committed to other fandoms. Finally, last year, I was able to start watching TVD. Then, I met and fell in love with the Originals characters and knew I would for sure have to watch the Originals. And recently, the new spin-off Legacies came out. Now, of course, I have to watch that too. The thought is a little overwhelming, but I’ve got this! For the first time ever—unless you include Heartland, which is still putting out new episodes—I’ve decided to slowly binge my new obsession instead of taking it all in at once. I’m still watching it every day, but I’m taking my time, re-watching old episodes, and just enjoying the process. Because I’m watching it now and not when I originally wanted to, I’ve had a spiritual epiphany that I wouldn’t have had otherwise. And the epiphany is all based on the idea of not skipping ahead and just enjoying the process.

I’m a very intense fangirl. I have rules. One of my rules is that if I’m going to get involved in a fandom, then I have to commit to the whole fandom. When I do commit to the whole fandom, I have to watch or read everything in order. I can’t watch new Avengers or X-men movies if I haven’t watched all the ones before it. I can’t watch new episodes of the Arrow-verse unless I’ve watched every episode of all the shows—Supergirl, The Flash, Arrow, etc.—in order. When I watched Buffy the Vampire Slayer, I had to watch every episode of Angel between every episode of Buffy. Star Wars is a little more complicated, but the same rules apply. When I watch it, I have to watch it in chronological order. I came to the fandom late and when I did, we watched it in the order that my dad played it starting with The Phantom Menace. Now, I’m like 3 movies behind because I also have to watch all the movies every time there’s a new movie if it’s been more than a year since I watched them all. It’s this whole ordeal and I think it drives my best friend a tiny bit mad because she thinks it’s silly. She’ll recommend a book or something to me and say something like, “There are other books too, but they aren’t really connected, so you don’t have to read them.” Yes, yes, I do. If it’s the same series, then I have to read them! And I can’t skip ahead!

Now, as I’m watching TVD, I’ve learned in TVD season 7 and The Originals season 4, there are a handful of crossover episodes. That means I have to watch the first 3 seasons of The Originals, before continuing past season 6 of TVD. Except, I’m not ready to watch the Originals yet, because that means I have to say goodbye to a TVD character I love and I’m just not ready for that. I thought about skipping ahead, but I can’t. Because it breaks all my rules and it’s cheating. I have to watch it all the way I’m supposed to. I can’t just skip ahead because I don’t like what’s happening or because I know of a spoiler that I know I’m gonna love so I just wanna get there already.

Anyway, I say all the above to say that God has really convicted me. I have all these rules about order and not skipping ahead while reading books and watching TV Shows, but in life I’m not willing to be just as patient. In life, I wanna skip the boring scenes or the scenes that hurt—which are my favorite scenes in books and shows—and skip ahead to the happy scenes. I wanna know all the spoilers about my life so I can know what’s gonna happen next. And that’s just wrong. How I could I be so adamant about hating spoilers and not skipping around in TV and books, but be so ready to do just that in life?

I learned from watching Pretty Little Liars that I can’t always trust writers to put the best story out there. I can’t trust them to answer all my questions and put a pretty red bow on everything in the end so that I’m happy and satisfied with everything that happens. Yet, even after PLL I refuse to jump ahead on shows and books that already finished with endings that are easily accessible. Why then, with the Perfect Author writing my story, do I fail to trust He will answer all my questions, tie up all the loose ends with pretty red bows, and leave me happy and satisfied with how things play out? Why, when I’ve seen over and over again that He will, do I question whether He’ll bring in and take out all the right characters at the right times? Why do I question if His plot and setting are right? Why do I feel like I’ll enjoy the story more if I can cheat and read all the spoilers?

The Vampire Diaries is 10 years old. I’ve seen spoilers and know how to find them. I could jump ahead and get to the parts I want to see instead of trudging through the stuff I don’t care about, but I refuse to. Why? I know the story won’t be as beautiful and special if I don’t enjoy it in its entirety. If I want the beauty, the I have to watch everything unfold as it’s supposed to happen. Now, I realize that if I’m going to have that mentality with a silly TV show, then I also need to have that mentality with life. Just like TVD has already been written, so has my life. Just like Julie Plec knew before it aired what was going to happen with her TVD characters, God knows what’s going to happen with me. Just like I trust that Julie, the cast, and the crew, made TVD the best it could be, I have to trust God has done the same for my story. And just like I enjoyed the mystery of PLL and not knowing what was going to happen next even when it was frustrating, I have to enjoy the mystery of my life and not knowing what’s going to happen, even when it’s frustrating. ‘Cause here’s the thing. I’m not the author of my story. Heck, I’m not even the star of my story. At best, I’m like the ever-present but supporting character. God is the Author and star of my story. That means I need to trust Him and stop trying to skip ahead because it’s hard or boring. If I did that, then I wouldn’t be able to truly appreciate the happy and beautiful scenes. So, please pray with me as I try to remember that truth during this time and future times in my life when I just wanna get to “the good stuff” already. And, if you’re like me, then you’re totally welcome to join me on my journey to love life as it unfolds instead of always looking for spoilers!

Jonas Brothers – Happiness Begins (Music Review)

The Jonas Brothers album is here! It’s 2019 and there is a new Jonas Brothers album out now! No, this isn’t a dream! This is the beginning of our revisited teenage happiness! It’s been quite a while since I wrote a music review, but of course I have to for the Jonas Brothers! First things first. I’ve gotta say, I am so happy that the album isn’t labeled explicit! I do not curse, but I pick up everything, so I can’t listen to cursing or I’ll start using the same words and I don’t want to. I was worried that they might sing explicit songs since both Nick and Joe’s separate projects had explicit music. But now I don’t have to worry! Okay, now onto the actual music.
Sucker – How fitting is it that this was their first single and the first track on the album? We’re all suckers for the Jonas Brothers. If we weren’t, then I wouldn’t be writing this at midnight as I listen to Happiness Begins for the first time. And you wouldn’t be reading this post. I’ve gotta be honest, I wasn’t a fan of Joe’s solo album and I’m not much of a fan of DNCE. So, I was nervous about the new Jonas Brothers music. How could they take Nick’s sound, Joe’s sound, and make it a Jonas Brothers’ sound? Well, they have! And I’m loving it so far! Sucker was stuck in my head after the first time I heard it and it’s pretty much been stuck in my head since! I can’t think of any qualms I have with this song!
Cool – This is such a bop! I love it! If you don’t feel more confident about yourself and life after listening to this song, then I’m sad for you. It’s such a chill and simple song, yet it’s uplifting and encouraging. I can’t remember most of the lyrics, but that’s okay. All I need is “Lately, I’ve been feeling so cool. Top to the bottom so cool! Every little thing that I do. I’m feeling so cool!” Like, come on! That gotta get you feeling cool and confident!
Only Human – To be honest, my sort of innocent mind can’t quite figure out if this song is actually about dancing or if it’s about sex. Based on the day and age and some of the lines, I’d say it’s about sex. Either way, it doesn’t matter. That’s why I like this song. I’m someone that thinks physical relationships should be private and personal. So, I love when a song is just subtle enough you have to listen to the lyrics to catch what they’re actually saying. Nonetheless, it’s definitely got dance vibes and I’m diggin’ it.
I Believe – This is a beautiful song. I’m a sucker (no pun intended) for a good love song about the one who changed you and this is it. Why wait when you know you’ve got the one? Why not get married in a Vegas casino with an Elvis impersonator marrying you? Why not have a bunch of weddings (for cultural reason in this case) to show your lover how much you love them? Why not? Whose place is it to say you’re moving too fast?
Used to Be – I’m also a sucker for a good post-breakup song! Haunting songs, “used to be” songs, “I want you to be happy” songs, “the one who got away” songs. Whatever. I love them all. Not breakup songs. Post-breakup songs. Songs like this one. It seems to me this is the type of song that says, “Yeah, I miss you. You could’ve been the one, but it’s over now. I’ve moved on. You should too.”
Every Single Time – Ah, the classic “you’re bad for me, but I love you” song! Oh, such a good line “you think it’s only physical. No, no, no.” I mean, it’s nothing profound or anything. I just love when people acknowledge there’s nothing physical about this physical relationship. It’s all about emotions and the actions we pursue because of them. That’s why you can’t shake them from your mind. Even though they’re awful to you, you keep going back.
Don’t Throw It Away – Sometimes it’s necessary to take a step back and reevaluate. Dating is about finding the right person and being the right person. Sometimes you need space to be the right person. So, she’s walked away. He’s putting her things away. He’s giving her time and space, whatever she needs. All he asks is that she doesn’t throw it away, that she thinks of him, and comes back to what they have together.
Love Her – “Because when you love her, no matter the fight you know she’s always right and that’s alright… I put my selfish ways in boxes… will never let it get close to bein’ toxic… gotta learn to let the small things go and know it’s always far from perfect… but the hardest parts are always worth it…” Wow! This is what love is about! Selfless love. This might be my new favorite song right now!
Happy When I’m Sad – The lyrics weren’t available for this song… Sounds like there’s a new breakup. His friends don’t know, so they still think he’s happy, but he’s broken. Whatever the song, I like that it’s all upbeat even though they’re singing about being sad. It fits the lyrics well.
Trust – I don’t trust myself when I’m around you. I don’t think I even know me. I’m like the old me when you’re around. That’s all I understood of the lyrics. I can’t judge this song because I can’t understand it. It might be my least favorite song on the album.
Strangers – Why does it feel like these songs are on fast forward? I can’t figure out if he’s talking to someone who is actually a stranger or someone who feels like a stranger. It sounds like it’s a reconnection or something but I don’t know. I can’t understand this song either.
Hesitate – So, in the past he’s been hesitant and cautious. He doesn’t want to be that way anymore. He promises he won’t be. He wants to understand and make things better. He wants to work things out and figure it out. He wants to carry her pain in his heart instead of hers. I like this for the same reason that I like love her. This is selfless love. This growing and changing and loving for her and not for himself.
Rollercoaster – It’s as typical as the title suggests, but it’s still a good and catchy song. Sounds like it’s THE reunion song. I’d assume it’s the boys talking to each other and about their journey. It’s been crazy and sickeningly dizzying at times, but they wouldn’t change a thing. They’d go back every time and they’re sort of going back now.
Comeback – Another beautiful song. If she’ll come to him no matter what then he’ll be there for her no matter. I’m liking the matter, selfless love-type songs on this album!
All in all, I love this album as much as I’ve loved any other Jonas Brothers album. As each one has, these songs have matured with the “boys” as they’ve grown into men. They’ve matured in a tasteful and appropriate way though. I wouldn’t have a problem with my younger siblings listening to this album. And that’s also an important consideration for me. I’m going to like an album, then I’m going to need it to be appropriate for all ears. This album, while mature, is also tasteful. I will definitely be going to Target as soon as possible so I can have a physical copy. And I’ll be adding these tracks to my regularly played list on Amazon Music.

The Desires of My Heart

In January of 2018, I started the finishing touches on my book The Mask; Her Aid. Two months later, I published it in March of 2018. Now, it’s April of 2019 and I’ve spent the last 16 months thinking a lot about dreams and the desires of my heart. One of the reasons it took me so long–five years–to publish my book was because I couldn’t figure out how to write my chapter. When I finally did, it was kind of a wake up call for me. Through my chapter, I realized that a lifelong dream of mine–to have a happy and healthy marriage one day–was greatly motivated by the hurts I’ve received from my parents’ broken marriage. Since realizing that, I’ve thought even more about marriage and relationships than I ever did before and I didn’t even think that was possible! Also, since finishing my book, I’ve thought a lot about my other dreams that involve writing, singing, speaking, and completing things on my bucket list. After publishing my book, my other dreams suddenly didn’t seem so daunting, so I’ve spent a lot of time trying to figure out which of my dreams are actually dreams I want to pursue and which of my dreams are more like hobbies that I have more fun dreaming about then I ever would actually doing them.

The most pressing of my dreams has been the dream to get married and have kids. My Nanny (maternal grandmother) has written proof that I was thinking about marriage and babies at as young of an age as two-and-a-half. In the past year or so, I’ve been wondering if marriage and babies are really something I want because I want them or if they’ve been something I’ve wanted for ulterior reasons. I’m twenty-five and have been single my whole life, even though I was sure I’d be married with kids by now. Instead, I’ve been sitting at home alone while watching most of my friends and two of siblings get married and have kids. It’s never seemed fair to me, but I’ve also never been able bring myself to want love and babies enough to do anything about it. I’ve never tried to get a boyfriend. I’ve never welcomed the advances of the few guys who have been interested. For me, I despise the idea of dating apps and websites. And, I refuse to go out anywhere just so I can meet someone. Why is that? I thought it was because I was giving my desires to Lord and waiting for Him to bring the right man into my life. While that isn’t entirely incorrect, it also hasn’t been the only or primary reason. Now, that I’ve really thought about it and also talked about relationships and the future with a couple friends for the first time in a while, I’ve realized the truth. Sometimes, dreams change. Sometimes, we dream about something and when the circumstances change or our glasses change from pink to jade, or in my case, jade to pink, we realize the dreams we thought we had aren’t the dreams we really have.

Today, marriage and kids aren’t something I don’t want, but they’re also something I genuinely think I can happily live without. I love kids and I love love, but I don’t have to have an up-close and personal experience with them. I work with kids for a living and I know if I had my own, then I’d be happy, but I also know I much prefer being able to give the kids back when they’re crazy or I’m stressed. And, yeah, I’d like to experience love, but I’m also totally content with just reading love stories, listening to love songs, and writing about love triangles. And, I’m even more content having my own room, my own bed, and my own bathroom that I don’t have to share with anyone else! So, if I never get married and have kids, then that’s fine, because unlike I and everyone else has always thought, mostly because I’ve said and talked about it, marriage and babies are no longer my dream or goal. I’m sure they’d make me happy if I got them, but I’m also sure I don’t have to have them and to me, that’s what a dream is. A dream is something you have to have or you won’t be satisfied (outside of being fulfilled and satisfied through Jesus Christ).

In addition to thinking about love and babies, I’ve thought about a lot of my other dreams and goals as well. I’ve thought about what I want to make priorities in my life and what I’m okay with having as hobbies. These thoughts all came to a head a few weeks ago when I was listening to the podcast “Just Between Us” with Bailee Madison and Kaitlin Vilasuso. On this episode, they had former teen heartthrob, Chad Michael Murray, as a guest, and yes, my fangirl heart did skip a few beats and scream in excitement! While on the show, CMM said something so simple, it felt profound.

The girls asked him the typical showbusiness question, “What advice would you give someone starting off in the business, or anywhere really?”

Chad answered, “Dedicate at least two hours of every day into your craft.” He went on to say that it doesn’t have to specifically be doing that thing. It could be studying other people’s work, it could be listening to podcasts for inspiration, or it could be doing the thing. He also encouraged that if you can’t do two hours, then just start with a simple daily goal and build from there.

Since then, I’ve tried my own version of that advice. Because I’m such a passionate and intense person, I have A LOT of things I want to do with my life, so I’ve tried to dedicated at least two hours of every day into anything I want to prioritize. Most days those two hours are broken down into varying time slots for different things.

One of the things I’ve really been wanting to prioritize has been reading. Not only is it fun to do while giving me an escape from the stresses of life, it also has the added bonus of giving me inspiration for my own writing which is a major dream of mine. Now that I’ve published one book, my most daunting dream in life is the finish the three fiction series’ I’ve been writing since high school and continue from there. Most of the time, I write the most for these books when I’ve been spending time reading, because reading opens up the floodgates of my creative mind.

Three other things I’ve wanted to prioritize have been writing and recording music, recording and posting podcast episodes, and regularly posting blog entries. My biggest dream, and the reason why I write, is to inspire and influence other people for the kingdom of God. I know the best way for me to do that is by sharing my story, because when I do, then I can share and show how awesome God is. I shared my story in my book The Mask; Her Aid, but it only shared bits and pieces of my vulnerable past. With my music and podcast, I can continue to transparently share about my broken and beautiful present. When I write songs, I’m at my most vulnerable. My songs are my heart’s cry to the Lord for myself or for others. When I speak, my tongue has free reign to use its full power. When I harness that power and use it through sources like a podcast, then I can share the Light and Love of Jesus Christ with others by being transparent and vulnerable about where I am in the moment. Even if no one else hears it, then at least I know I’ve been honest with myself and with God. As I’ve worked out the kinks in starting a podcast, I’ve realized that I can use it not only to share my story, but also to share my music and as I share my music, I can use my podcast as a way to improve my skills as a singer, songwriter, and guitarist. If I never become famous or record an album, then that will be fine, but if I never improve the skills and talents and desires God has given me, then that won’t be fine. So, I plan to use my podcast and my YouTube channel to force myself to improve on singing, songwriting, and playing instruments. Otherwise, I might as well get rid of my instruments and stop singing all together, because I don’t use them when I feel like I’m not improving. The same of my podcast is true of my blog, I can use my words to positively impact the world with the Light and Love of Jesus Christ. That’s why I plan to make weekly posts for each one. Podcasts on Sundays, music on Mondays, and blog posts on Wednesdays!

In the past several months, I’ve worked on checking off dreams from my bucket list by either doing or planning to do the things I’ve wanted for so long to do. As a kid, it was a dream of mine, and still sort of secretly is, to ride dirt bikes and drive a motorcycle. So, I’ve been planning and budgeting for the necessary training and equipment to safely drive and own a motorcycle or dirt bike.

Another dream of mine, for as long as I can remember, has been to own and use a bow and arrow. From Queen Susan the Gentle of Narnia to Princess Mia of The Princess Diaries 2, and from Katniss Everdeen of The Hunger Games to Oliver Queen as The Green Arrow, I’ve also thought it seemed so cool to shoot a bow and arrows. Last month, I found out it doesn’t cost much to rent equipment and a lane at a range near my house, so I went and did it and it was awesome! I plan to do it every month if not every week until I can afford to buy my own and use it as often as possible!

In middle school, I learned that I love rock climbing when our school went to a place called the Main Event in Austin. Since then, I’ve wanted to join a rock climbing club. I recently found out that I can for so much cheaper than I ever imagined, so I’m saving for that as well.

And, another dream of mine has not only been to be a talented singer, but also to be a talented dancer and actress. If not talented, than at least average. So, I’ve looked up places and prices for lessons and fully intend to take lessons as early as this summer, or whenever I’ve saved the money to do so.

And, finally, a goal of mine for the past few years has been to eat healthy and get in shape so I can wear my old high school t-shirts again. Between pure laziness, various injuries, and the fear of getting hurt again, I’ve spent more time not getting in shape than I’ve spent getting in shape. Then, there’s been the added difficulty of suddenly becoming gluten intolerant a couple years ago and trying to figure out how to navigate my new diet while being low on cash. This year, I’ve finally started eating better, and in only a couple weeks I’m already fitting into half of my old high school shirts again! My waste has shrunk as I’ve been eating healthier and that’s without working out or losing much weight! It’s a dream come true and I haven’t even had to do much to make it happen! I can’t imagine what will happen in the next few weeks and months if I keep up with my new diet and add in some working out once my sprained ankle is completely healed!

Wow! This has been a long post and if you’ve read it all, then I appreciate you so much! I’ve said it all to say that sometimes the desires of our hearts change based on circumstances and revelations, while other times the desires of our hearts stick with us for twenty years and never go away. Sometimes, the desires of our hearts seem too hard to reach until we do reach them and then nothing seems impossible. But most of the time, all the time really, God knows the desires of our hearts and will grant them if they are according to His will! (Psalm 37:4) This means if He hasn’t granted the desires of our hearts, then they’re things we think we want but will one day realize we don’t want, they’re things we’re not quite ready for, or they’re things against God’s will. Whatever the case, we should do our best to be aware that if we’re not getting the desires of our hearts, then there’s a really good reason for it, (or a really bad excuse like laziness) and we need to just let God do His thing so we can live our very best lives without stressing out and blowing up!

Protected: 2. Pretty Stubborn – Malachi Gregory

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Protected: 1. Coincidence? – Malachi Gregory

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God Doesn’t Miss Turns (Part 1)

And your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying,

“This is the way, walk in it…”

Isaiah 30:21 (ESV)

You know those moments in life that seem super insignificant but are actually really important to your growth as a human being and also as a Christian? Yeah, I had one of those moments last month during Spring Break 2019.

Let me start with a brief geography lesson to make sense of what I’m going to write. There are approximately 1500 cities in Texas. For the most part, people mainly know about Austin, Corpus Christi, Dallas-Fort Worth, Houston, and San Antonio. When mentioned to outsiders, most of the other towns are clumped together with their nearest big city. Three of San Antonio’s small towns are Helotes, Bandera, and Boerne (pronounced Burn-ee). I live in Helotes which is west of San Antonio. Bandera Road, aka Highway 16, cuts straight through San Antonio and Helotes, while leading northwest into Bandera City (and county). If you turn north on Scenic Loop from Bandera Road, then you’ll drive toward Boerne.

Last month, my best friend, Shelby, and I planned a day trip to Boerne during Spring Break. I had been there a few times, but almost exclusively for volleyball and basketball games and tournaments in high school over six years ago. I was familiar with where it was, but not entirely sure of exactly how to get there without a gps. As usual, Shelby was the driver for our trip. While we drove down Bandera Road, I noticed she kept driving northwest toward Bandera instead of turning north on Scenic Loop toward where I thought Boerne was. It seemed odd, but like I said, I wasn’t totally familiar with getting to Boerne, so I didn’t say anything. I figured I was wrong and thought, “Eh, she knows what she’s doing.” Except, I wasn’t wrong and she had missed the turn. She realized this five or so minutes later at about the same time I realized we definitely were headed toward Bandera and not toward Boerne. When she admitted we went the wrong way, I laughed it off and admitted I thought she had, but didn’t say anything because I trusted her. She took the first turnaround she could and we were back on the right path toward Boerne. All was well until it wasn’t.

Almost immediately after Shelby turned around, I noticed something incredibly flawed about my thinking. I was so quick to trust Shelby even when my concern about going the wrong way was valid, and I’m so often even quicker to doubt God when my concern about going the wrong way is always so invalid. Shelby is human. She can be and was wrong. Our conversation had distracted her and she missed the turn for where we were going, but I still trusted her without any doubt in my mind. God is perfect. He is never wrong. He always takes me exactly where I need to be, but I often feel doubt, if not front and center, then almost always at the back of my mind. How could this be? How could I trust a God-made human, and doubt God Himself? Needless to say, I was feeling super convicted and have continued to think about that moment regularly since the second Shelby turned around.

I think the reason for my faith in Shelby’s driving versus my doubt in God’s planning is because I can see Shelby. I can audibly hear her voice. She is present in a very real and very tangible way, while God isn’t always, or really ever, like that. I can’t physically see God. I can’t audibly hear His voice. He isn’t physically and tangibly here beside me. And yet, I know, even if I don’t always act like I believe it, that God is very real and always here. So, how can I remember this when I feel concerned that He missed His turn and we’re now going in the wrong direction? I have to remember God never misses a turn.

The fact that I was with Shelby when she missed her turn to Boerne is proof enough that this is true. If God hasn’t always taken me where I’ve needed to be, then I wouldn’t have been sitting in the passenger seat of Shelby’s blue Ford Escape to miss a turn in the first place. I spent a long time praying for God to give me a friend like Shelby and not two months after I journaled my prayers, God sent me to Compass Church where He not only gave me Shelby as a best friend, but also gave me countless other people to pour love, life, and laughter into my soul. God led me to Compass at exactly the right time and He always sends me to the right place at exactly right time because God doesn’t miss turns.

So, now as I sit here writing this post in between worrying about about if and how I’ll have enough money to pay my bills during summer break when bus drivers like myself don’t work, that’s what I have to remember. God doesn’t miss turns. He is always going the right way and when I’m sitting in His passenger seat trusting He knows where He’s going, I’ll never have to worry.

PLL: The Perfectionists: Pilot: Recap And Review

Ooh! Intense vibes from the get go! And that’s just with the music. Not to mention the bloody fingers on the boy, Dylan, with the cello. And y’all, Sofia Carson has the PERFECT voice for the intro of a suspense thriller like this!

Alison: Yay!!! Alison! Aww, and she’s got the twins on her lock screen! 💔❤️ Aww, and she places her family photo against the wall. But there’s a loose strip on the wall… I wonder if it’s got something to do with this mystery. I don’t think Nolan’s sister really killed herself. She was probably murdered. Ha! I knew it! Ali’s finding something in the wall! Ugh! An A-like message, “They’re watching.” It’s either Taylor who used to live there or Mona, because it’s so classic Mona! Of course, Alison is freaking out!

Alison and Mona: Uh oh! Someone’s creeping and Ali is obviously already feeling PTSD A vibes! Oh, and of course, it’s just Mona who shows up with a knife in her hand! 😂
Of course, Ali confronts Mona after Nolan acts like he knows her. Mona swears she didn’t anyone about anything related to Alison and admits she doesn’t believe Nolan belongs at BHU.
Ooh! Mona is suspicious of Ali now. She saw Ali with Ava and seems untrusting. So much for a fresh start, huh? Ali and Mona will only ever trust each other when they need each other.

Surveillance: Who is Mona talking to in the mirror? Herself? “Alison’s as determined as she ever was. Don’t you think?” Does this have something to do with the “security system” Alison noticed? Definitely gives A vibes…
Ooh! Ok, Mrs. Hotchkiss is in charge of the surveillance. Why? Because of the “suicide?” I really don’t think it was suicide. It was either fake or someone murdered her.
Ali meets Mrs. Hotchkiss who says exactly what he said she would say. “You really remind me of her. (Taylor)” She tells her she’s safe here. Why does it seem like this family knows more about Ali than the average person would? Does it have something to do with the surveillance…?
Uh, oh! Nolan is running off somewhere and Mona notices. He’s scanning the area for beacons! He calls someone saying, “I need to see you. We need to meet.” It’s Taylor. She’s not dead.
Okay, so Nolan is in the middle of the woods in a log cabin thing and someone’s followed him. I knew it! It was Taylor! Or maybe another Spencer-like twin? I know it’s a different show, but I don’t trust Marlene! Oh, so he slept with the other chick to make Ava hate him? Because he’s protecting her? Because surveillance is spying on a select number of students? He’s gonna ask someone for help? Ali? Mona? Ava?
Okay, so Ali is googling the family. She can’t get much info and now she’s been blocked out of the search engine? I have to admit… She and Taylor look a lot alike… Coincidence or not?
Ooh… Mona’s talking to her mirror again…. why???
Ali freaks on Mona because Ali and Taylor could be doppelgängers. Mona claims it’s a coincidence. Ali asks, “Did you learn nothing from Rosewood? There are no coincidences.”
Nolan is talking to something or someone… like Mona. Admitting Taylor is still alive…
WHAT! THE! HELL!? They’re being watched by some international cooperation or something??? “Was this our fault? Answer me damn it!” Mona asks the screens. Who is us??? Her and Ali? The lady says, “Mona. Go to your safe place.”

Ms. DiLaurentis & Kids: Ooh… So, Alison is basically the Ezra Fitz of these series in terms of being the English teacher and teaching about books that will somehow tie into the series. (Speaking of, now I have to go read Agatha Christie’s book And Then There Were None since it’s clearly going to have a role in this show like To Kill a Mocking Bird had in the original) Anyway, she starts questioning the students about their summer reading. Dylan is insightful, Ava didn’t read the book, and Nolan is a know-it-all who apparently knows who Alison DiLaurentis was before coming to Beacon Heights. How does he know about her? He clearly knows something… Ugh! And he’s such a douche! He’s like freaking Noel! 😒 He apparently has something on Dylan as he’s forcing him to do his and Ava’s homework and Dylan’s not even fighting not to do it. He’s like the Ali of the original seasons of PLL. He’s manipulative like nobody’s business.
Uh, oh! Ali knows Ava and friends have the same homework… Aww, instead of turning the kids in, she chooses to talk to Ava because she knows she may be struggling with her family situation. Her dad got in trouble for embezzlement and ran away before her mom also left her. At least her dad left her money…dirty money, but still money…
Dang though! Nolan sure does have some AMAZING eyes!
Okay, so Caitlyn’s secret is that her politician mother is cheating on her other mother with a man, so basically Aria’s story mixed with Spencer’s.
I wonder if Nolan is secretly gay or bi. He did tell Dylan’ he’s hot when he’s angry. If this ends up being like Emily and Alison, I will not be surprised.
I love that Ali notices everything. She notices Dylan. She notices that Nolan is hiding his real relationship with Ava and faking his relationship with Caitlyn. And she even admits to Caitlyn that she knows something about manipulation and that she sees through Nolan’s lies. Caitlyn admits that Nolan will do anything to make his mom believe he’s the perfect child she thinks he is.
Ali talks to Dylan and asks what Nolan has on him. Yup, Dylan and Nolan hooked up before Andrew moved in with him. He doesn’t tell her, but Ali tells him she wants to help. Just like Ava, he tells her to leave it alone, but she says she can’t. She’ll have to expel them if she doesn’t get answers soon. Of course, his story isn’t exactly like Emily’s. Everyone know’s he’s gay, but no one knows he cheated with his manipulative “friend.” All these characters are so similiar to the origial charcacters, but also so different. I wonder if they were this similiar in the book?
Yikes! Ava walks in on Nolan having sex with her model. He tells her, “It was just about the sex for me. I’m bored of you.” Heartbreak! 💔 If she doesn’t tell Ali the truth, then I’ll be surprised. He deserves it.
Ava, Caitlyn, and Dylan meet together in the woods. Ava admits Ali offered to help her and the others admit the same. And, now they’re talking about pretending to kill Nolan? Someone’s there though and they’re listening. I almost wonder if his plan is to disappear? Or he will be murdered…and these three will be blamed… or an A-like character will appear and threaten to tell the authorities that they were plotting his death… Idk…?
Ava, Caitlyn, and Dylan think they could have been friends if it wasn’t for Nolan. They turn back at each other like they’re keeping secrets or want to be friends. Nolan is standing on the clock tower like he’s gonna jump. Or not…? Maybe he’s just watching them? No… He’s talking to something or someone… Like Mona…
Ugh! I knew it! He jumped off the roof and now Ava, Caitlyn, and Dylan are somehow going to be held responsible! Poor Ali and Mona must seriously be having some PTSD in their minds right now. It’s like the scene when Maya was murdered. Like almost exactly! I swear watching this show, especially if it lasts, is going to be another waste of time, but I’m gonna do it anyway, because I can’t help but stick with characters I have an attachment to… it’s a serious problem….

Thoughts, Theories, and Favorite Quotes/Scenes:

Thoughts:

Damn it! I’m dragged in again! I wasn’t going to watch this…. but my friend said I would like it and I don’t have it in my not to continue with characters I’ve been attached to. And also my brother is watching it. I didn’t want to be dragged into this again!

Theories:

Theory One: Is Taylor really Taylor?

Theory Two: Did Nolan really kill himself? Was he murdered? Is this even really Nolan?

Theory Three: Is BHU a “The Maze Runner”/“Divergent” kind of vibe where they’re testing students to have the best, most perfect people? Is that why they’re being watched? Or is it because of Ali and Mona? Who is the “we” She was talking about? Why is she working with/for someone? It feels like the dollhouse all over again!

Theory Four: I do agree with Ali’s statement that “there are no coincidences.” So, why are there similarities between her and Taylor? And Nolan and Noel? Are we going to find out? And why does the mom clearly have Ali at the school for a reason?

I’m sure if I read the book, then I could maybe get answers to these questions, but I don’t really want the answers yet. If I’m gonna get sucked in, then I’m gonna get sucked in properly!

Best Quotes/Moments: 

Mona: “It’s a lot easier to earn people’s trust when you haven’t already given them reasons not to trust you.”

Alison: “Story of my life. Emily loves me, she just can’t get past the past.”

Mona: “I thought you guys were happy.”

Alison: “We are, and then we’re not. Always comes back to trust, but I’m not giving up. I want to leave the mean girl I was in high school behind me. I really want to help these kids.

…

Ali asks, “Did you learn nothing from Rosewood? There are no coincidences.”

Kim Possible 2018 Live-Action Review

#SpoilerAlert

I’m going into this movie feeling hopeful, understanding that this is a lower budget DCOM made 12 years after the finale of the original and not a big budget theater movie made at the same time as the original. And at the end of the day, it has been written by the same writers as the series.

So far, so good. KP has the right vibes and Ron is as stoppable as ever!

She’s got her classic jet pack, grappling hook, and laser lipstick/gloss!

The random, unnecessary flips are bit much, but I mean, cheesy or not, it’s still pretty cool.

SHEGO!!!! YES!!! Always my favorite villain! And Dr. Drakken, also!

I do like that Ron is doing a live stream! Haha. That’s totally something he would have done in the series if it were a thing! Haha.

What crap is this soccer only thing!? I mean, at least she wanted to cheer, so there’s that! But no cheer!? That’s half of who KP is!

Oh, and I actually really like the holograms vs “FaceTime” messages from Wade! The Kimmunicator was awesome at the time, but now it’s just super basic, so the holograms are awesome!

😂😂😂 Villainstagram! 😂😂😂

Okay, I will admit the soccer thing is a great way of showing off the feud between Bonnie and Kim in a movie that is only an hour and a half long.

Again with unnecessary flips? Just to pick up this girl’s backpack? Athena? Who is Athena!? What about Monique!? I mean, I don’t mind that she’s like a fan girl who needs a friend, so Kim is able to be that, and get a reality perspective, but still… Where’s Monique!?

Yay! Bueno Nacho! 😁 And the Naco! 😁

The tease about Kim not wearing her traditional saving the world outfit! 😂 “I guess, wearing the same outfit all the time just felt cartoony.” 😂

YAY!!! The REAL KP AND SHE JUST SAID “WHAT’S THE SITCH!?” AH!

Ugh, and she’s skilled enough to go on a mission with them!? And she’s basically out-Kimming Kim!? 😒 I bet she’s going to end up being the thing Drakken is using to break Kim! Kim is being a bit petty being annoyed by it, but I also totally get it! Haha. Wow… she’s good at everything? Is she like a robot or something?

Oh, yay! The Naked Mole Rat! AND WE FINALLY HAVE RUFUS!!! 😁 Slightly annoying he didn’t get him at the store, but whatever. It’s RUFUS! “I like weird. As I always say, never be normal!”

Gah! Athena is driving me nuts! At least it gives SHEGO great material for sassy taunts! 😏 Ok, but at least Athena said, “I’m just a Kim-itation.” Poor Kim, though, slowly losing her self-confidence because of everything with Athena. “I walked into high school and it’s like I stopped being good at things. Even worse Athena had one good fight and now she’s amazing at everything. I’ve never met someone who’s better than me and I know how stupid that sounds but it’s like whatever I have that makes me she has more of it. I’m glad she’s finding her way. It’s more about me. If I’m not the best at those things, then what I am? I’m Kim Possible. I’m a star student and I save the world. That’s who I am.”

“No, that’s what you do not who you are.”

“Then, I don’t know who I am.”

I have to admit, I like that this movie focuses on KP figuring out who she is and dealing with insecurity. “I needed to be the person who saves the day. I can’t believe how mixed up I’ve been. Just because I’m not the best at something, doesn’t mean I’m not me.”

Oh! I was right! Athena is a weapon! But I kind of also think maybe she’s going to end up wanting to be friends with Kim? Idk… maybe because Drakken and SHEGO ditch her? 🤔

And is that chocolate milk that Drakken’s drinking!? Haha. I sure hope so! I STILL call my chocolate milk coco moo because of him! 😂

Ooh, Athena attacks Kim and Kim apologizes and thanks her for making her better. Ooh! She is a robot! Or at least partly? Maybe that Brian implant thing she was talking about him using? Poor Kim! Just lost a potential best friend? Okay, so she is a robot? I’m so confused…

Yeah! Go Rufus and Wade saving the day so KP can do her thing!

Hahahaha! 😂 Dr. Drakken is a kid now!! 😂 Is this leading into a sequel? Drakken being a kid and going to school with her as a brainy kid? 🤔

Okay, this whole getting emotional over a robot best friend is a little much… it’s kind of creepy and weird. She’s not human…. I mean, it’s kind of nice too, but… it’s weird….

Special shout out to Momma Possible and Nana Possible, especially because Momma Possible is Alyson Hannigan! Haha.

All in all, I actually really liked this movie and am glad I watched it. I don’t understand why everyone is hating on it so much, because Sadie and Sean did an awesome job!

Kitchen Cabinets & Malunion Fractures – A Look at 2018 & 2019

A year or so ago when I moved into my apartment, my best friend came over and unwittingly gave me a visual representation of what friendship should be. My sister and I had a random mirror standing in the living room and it was super dirty and smudged from previously being in storage. My best friend couldn’t stand looking at it and I hadn’t really felt like cleaning it, so she grabbed some Windex and cleaned the mirror. Then, maybe the same day or during a different visit, I pulled a pan or something from my kitchen cabinet and she noticed it was a chaotic mess. Again, I didn’t feel like organizing it, so I just left it that way. Again, because she didn’t like it that way, she decided to organize my kitchen cabinet, so it actually made sense when I grabbed things out of it. A few times after that, she organized a few of my other things too. It seems silly, but today I realized while listening to a podcast about anxiety that those moments were incredibly significant moments in my life because they represent something so much more important.

The podcast I was listening to is called “Directionally Challenged with Candice King and Kayla Ewell.” This podcast episode was about anxiety and it started with the question, “What does anxiety mean to you?” I thought about it and I didn’t have a chance to answer it for myself before Candice answered with the best definition I’ve ever heard. She said something like, “It’s quicksand. I get stuck and the more I struggle or try to get out the worse it gets.” Later on, she and Kayla and their guest talked about their toolboxes to get out of the quicksand. You have to have self-compassion, you have to find creative outlets, you have to find your own ways of coping, and you have to let other people help you out. While they were talking about letting other people help you out of your anxiety and or depression, something they said made me think of the mirror and the cabinet and how like real life those moments were.

2018 was a year of major anxiety for me. I faced depression and was tempted with self-harm far more than I ever would have expected to be after coming away from that in 2012 and these feelings really piled on the anxiety as I dealt with familial drama, financial drama, and kind of just life in general. Through these struggles I learned about all the tools God has given me to fight my personal battle. In order to learn about these tools though, I had to go through a long, hard battle.

For me, 2018 was a year of breaking and healing. It was a spiritual version of something in the medical world called a malunion fracture. A malunion fracture is when a broken bone grows back together without properly healing. To my uneducated knowledge, this most often happens when someone either doesn’t know they’ve been hurt, or they don’t realize they’ve been hurt as badly as they have been. For the malunion fracture to heal properly, the doctor may have to rebreak the bone and then reset it. That’s what God had to do for me this year. I had a few malunion fractures in my heart and God had to allow my heart to be rebroken so that I could heal properly. I didn’t know about these malunion fractures though until they were rebroken.

A few years ago, I really thought that God and I had tackled the bulk of my struggles with anxiety and that it wasn’t much of a struggle for me anymore. 2018 taught me I was wrong. Anxiety, depression, and self-harm are probably going to be things that I battle with for my whole life. There will be times when it’s not as bad and I’ll get stronger every time, but I’ll likely deal with these things forever and that’s okay. There are going to be times in my life when malunion fractures come up in my life and anxiety will occur because I have to deal with them. It will be hard and I probably won’t like the process but I will be necessary for me to heal and grow in my relationships with people and with God.

And here’s the thing about anxiety that I think a lot of Christians feel even more anxiety over. In and of itself, anxiety is not a sin. Anxiety is an emotion that tells me when I need to slow down and focus more on God than others or things. Sin only comes into play when I let my anxiety control me instead of choosing to let God control my anxiety. I can choose to dwell on my anxiety and let it take me to dark places or I can choose to use my anxiety to draw me closer to God and the healthy relationships He has provided for me.

That’s where my best friend cleaning my mirror and organizing my kitchen cabinet comes into the picture. Yes, she did that in a literal sense, but all throughout this year she and a few other friends have done that in a metaphorical sense as well. They’ve loved me, they’ve cared about me, and they’ve celebrated me. In doing so, they’ve helped me see my spiritual and emotional reflections better and they’ve helped me to organize the clutter of my mental cabinets.

In 2018, I was reminded what my actual identity looks like. I was reminded that it’s okay and important to rearrange things in my life and to get rid of things that negatively affect my mental health. Through my dearest friends who have chatted with me and loved me, I’ve seen what godly and healthy relationships are supposed to look like. Because of that, I’ve learned which relationships I need to just get rid of all together and which relationships I need to push to the back of my “cabinet” and not use quite as often, if ever. While doing that, God worked on my malunion fractures and reset them so that now as I head into a new year they are truly healed and ready for whatever God may have for me in the next chapter of my life.

Normally at the end/beginning of the year I give a brief recap of the year before and then set out my goals for the coming new year. This year I can’t really recap 2018 because I didn’t accomplish any of my goals. I’m going into 2019 a few pounds heavier than I went into 2018 instead of leaving 2018 twenty-five to fifty pounds lighter. I didn’t read very many books or finish any television series’. I didn’t read my Bible every day and I didn’t journal every day (though I did do a lot better at both this year than I normally do. I journaled almost every day and read my Bible or a Bible plan on average a couple times a week.) I didn’t create something new every day and I didn’t really change my eating habits very much. But all of that is okay. I don’t feel sad or discouraged by not meeting any of these goals because I can honestly say I’m leaving 2018 feeling a lot lighter than I felt during the rest of the year, because I’ve finally realized that with God I can control my anxiety. I’ve realized that asking for prayer and help is okay and so, so important. I’ve also realized that if my friendship fears were grounded in any amount of truth, then I wouldn’t have the same best friends after six years of them knowing me.

So, as I leave 2018 and head into 2019, I’m not making any plans or setting any goals. I’ll continue and start a few new practices like journaling, creating more, sleeping to the light sound of worship music in the background, tracking my daily stress levels, and keeping track of what I do and don’t eat or how I do or don’t exercise, but I’m not setting any goals. I’m just going to read my Bible, worship the Lord in song and written word, and let my friends help me when I don’t know how to help myself. Because no matter what happens in 2019 and no matter how often I feel anxious or worried, I won’t let it consume me. I will live in peace with the Lord and know that “no matter what my future holds, I know Who holds my future.”

24: Crazy (Fear)ce

24. 2018. Both the same year in my world. Both a year of constantly feeling fearful, crazy, and or fierce all at the same time or one after the other. Life is unpredictable and everchanging. I like to know things and stay where I am. 24 didn’t tell me anything until after it happened and rarely let me stay in the same place doing the same thing for longer than a few moments at a time. 24 was a year of drama. Family drama. Financial drama. Apartment drama. Just drama. I spent a lot of time praying and texting my best friend for support and prayers, and sometimes texting my other best friends and blogging for some sort of comprehension into my crazy life. I wrote a lot of songs about feeling fearful, crazy, and fierce. I listened to the same 15 to 30 songs over and over and over again without really listening to much else. And I may or may not have broken down a lot this year. Seriously, I didn’t even fangirl much this year. That’s how crazy it’s been.

To be honest, as I look back on this year, it’s probably been emotionally on par with my junior year of high school. When I was a junior in high school, I found myself struggling with depression and self-harm pretty much every single day. At 24, I felt myself on the edge of fighting the same battle almost every day as well. 24 was different though. Junior year was a year of brokenness that I gave into. As I broke, I gave in and grew weak. I focused on my depression, I lived in a constant state of anxiety, and I physically harmed myself regularly just to feel something different than the ache in my soul. 24 was a year of brokenness that I fought. When I felt depressed and anxious or was tempted to give in to the destructive addiction that is self-harm, I found other ways to cope. I reached out to my best friend, I wrote music and or blog posts, I listened to one or both of my main playlists, “Be Still” and “Fierce,” and or I let myself fangirl a little harder over old fandoms just so I could focus on something other than life’s craziness.

24 took me on a rollercoaster full of twists and turns that turned my finances, my family, and my feelings upside down and all around. Every day, often multiple times a day, I looked for a rainbow or sunshine or even just a glimmer of a light at the end of the tunnel. Every night I felt like I was just getting closer and closer to eternal darkness. Every once in a while though, I saw a small ray of sunshine as the storm clouds just barely parted just enough for me to remember darkness can never last forever. New friends left their sparkle in my life, old friends reminded me who and Whose I am, and kids and teens reminded me to have faith and look for beauty.

24 did leave me often feeling depressed and anxious. It often had me so worried and stressed that I didn’t even finish one tv series in the whole 365 days of the year, I barely watched any movies, and I only read a few books. My fangirl game for 24 was majorly lacking. That may seem silly, but when you’re known as the fangirl, it says a lot. Even still, 24 taught me that I am so much stronger than I used to be, so much stronger than I ever thought I could be. If you had told me my junior year that life would get better and I would get stronger, then I wouldn’t have believed you. If you had told me senior year that if I ever fell into a state of darkness again, then I’d be strong enough not to give in, then I also wouldn’t have believed you. Heck, even if you had told me at 23 or 24 that I’d be strong enough to fight through darkness that could rival my junior year, then I for sure wouldn’t have believed you. Here I am though. I’m 25 and I made it through the darkness of 24 without giving in and while fighting for my life at every turn. I cried out to Jesus and gave my darkness to Him. I learned to cope in a healthy way by praying and asking for prayer. I even let myself feel the hurt and the pain and the darkness whenever necessary. I grew a lot at 24. I learned a lot too.

24 taught me that Mosaic MSC is right. Jesus does make the darkness tremble. 24 taught me there is strength in vulnerability and weakness. 24 taught me that even in fear and anxiety I am brave and strong. 24 taught me that reaching out for help, even simply asking for prayer or an ear to listen is not weakness, but strength. 24 taught me that when I let God work for me, He never gives me more than “I” can handle. 24 also taught me that family isn’t who you’re related to by blood but who you’re related to by His blood. Without music and without my church family, I wouldn’t have made it through 24 without majorly crashing and burning. With music and my church family, I was able to tuck my wings in as they carried me through the trenches and flew for me.

As I head into 25 and 2019, I’m not going to set any New Year’s goals. Instead, I’m just going to rest and rise like a Phoenix from the ashes of 24. I’m going to keep track of the things I do in 2019. I’m going to keep track of how I feel at the end of every day at 25. And, I’m going to enjoy life as it happens. Whether good or bad, I’m going to thank God for every day and remember that even on my worst days, He and His people are with me.

When Fear Creeps In

Since April 30, 2018, my only job has been as a delivery driver for the apps UberEats and Doordash. This has been great, because I’ve been able to work whenever I want and get paid whenever I want. Three weeks ago, I started a new job. That new job will be paying me nearly five dollars more an hour than I average as a delivery driver, but it will only be paying me once every two weeks. For the first pay period, I have to wait four weeks to get paid. That’s not good for someone who has been behind on bills and now doesn’t have time to work all day for a job that pays immediately if need be. Needless to say, on top of the endless stress I’ve been feeling essentially nonstop for the past two years (some from my own doing and some not), I’ve been feeling even more stress. I’m already behind on bills and now it seems like I won’t ever be able to catch up because of this waiting period until I get paid. In between the moments of unbearable stress I’ve been feeling the past two years, God has really been showing, or at least trying to show me (I don’t always listen very well), how to handle stress in a healthy way. But more than that, He’s been asking me to trust Him. That’s hard. I’m a person who likes to know things. I like to know the when, where, and how of everything in my life. I haven’t done much knowing in the past two years. Everything’s kind of just been a constant progression of “I know something you don’t know” in terms of the when, where, and how of things happening. Today, God quickly reminded me of the ways in which I can combat against stress.

1. Be Real with God– In the past couple of days, a few relatively minor issues have arisen and I’ve been really annoyed with God about them. They’ve been things completely out of my or anyone else’s control. I’ve been trying so hard to stay positive and believe that the Lord will provide for my every need. But, as I said, my stress plate has been overloaded lately, so every small issue threatens to topple it over. In those moments, I can feel myself reaching my breaking point, so I cry out to God in frustration. He’s okay with that. I think He even wants it. Most of the time, I’m usually crying something like, “God, why are you allowing this to happen? I’m trying so hard to be positive and get back on track, but every time I’m almost there, there’s a setback and I can’t handle it.” I think it’s healthy to cry out in frustration to the Lord. I think He even wants us to. If we can’t cry out to Him, then who can we cry out to? We just have to remember where the line of respect is and remember to, with His help, reign it in after a little while.
2. Be Grateful. Normally, about halfway through my frustrated crying, God reminds me of His blessings in my life. At first, I push back in frustration and He gives me time to get over my frustration. Then, He’s kind of like, “Okay, Brittany. You’ve had your time to express your frustration. I’m okay with that, but now it’s time to focus on the positive.” So, I reluctantly release my frustrations to Him and let Him remind me of all the things and people I have to be grateful for. In that moment, after surrendering my frustration and claiming my blessings, I feel so much better than I did in the fear-driven frustrations of before. Today, for example, He let me complain to Him and then He reminded me of something I hadn’t quite realized yet. I get paid this Friday. Then, I’ll have a week off from my new job for Thanksgiving break and will be able to make deliveries all day, every day for a week. This will be convenient because that’s the week all my bills will be due and I’ll be a little short with my coming paycheck. He also reminded me that Black Friday will probably be an exceptionally busy day as people will be shopping all day and won’t want to leave their shopping to eat, so I’ll be able to go to them. And, of course, He reminded me of my Ebenezer Stones. Those are the ways He’s provided me every time I’ve needed Him to in the past. He has always been faithful and He always will be.
3. Be humble. Fear, at least for me, almost always accompanies a need. Most often, I’m afraid when I think a need won’t be met. In those moments, I have to be humble. I not only have to be willing to humble myself before the Lord in prayer by asking for His provision. I also may have to humble myself and ask others for help. Sometimes, that may be as simple as asking them to pray for me. Other times, that may be asking them for tangible help. Will you take care of me when I have my wisdom teeth removed or when I sprain my ankle? Will you help me fix the A/C in my car? Will you help me move all my things from my old living place to my new living place? Or even, will you lend me some money for gas? Right now, that’s the hardest thing for me to ask because I’m the main reason I’m in a financial bind.
4. Be in community. I like to be alone more than I like to be with people, but there are people I will more readily sacrifice my alone time for than others. Those are the people who fill me when I’m in dire need of a spiritual recharge. More times than not, that spiritual recharge is needed when I’ve been living in or fighting off fear for one reason or another. In the past several months, fear has been telling me that I need to spend every waking moment working so I can pay my bills. God has been telling me to rest, not only by myself, but most importantly with His people. The past two months, I’ve been in the tightest of financial binds I’ve ever been in. It seems logical that I should spend every waking moment working until I get out of this bind. It’s not practical though. When I found myself in a dark abyss of depression in high school, it was because I was burning myself out trying to climb out of what felt like binds at the time. When I finally came out of that abyss, it was because of fellowship. Now, I have to continue to remember that. I may not be able to say yes to every social event, but when it’s a spiritual social gathering or a one on one spiritual gathering, those are the times when I know I have to say yes. These past three weeks as I’ve been waiting for a paycheck, I’ve been more stressed than I think I’ve been in a long time. Logic says I should be making deliveries whenever I’m not at my nine to five job. Practicality and health say that’s foolish. So, last weekend I spent 36 hours with my best friend at a women’s event. Then, after church the next day, I went to lunch with another friend and had dinner with my family. Today, a week later, I spent about an hour and a half after church with another friend and then had dinner with my family again. These were prime money-making hours, but that doesn’t matter if I’m spiritually burnt out. So, even though it pained me, in the beginning, to do so, I took time off and I fellowshipped. By the end of each social event, I felt recharged and ready to take on the world. If I hadn’t spent time with these darling friends of mine, then I can guarantee you I’d be writing a different post right now.

These are only four simple steps to take when overcoming fear and they pretty much encompass any other step you may need to take, but they’re not easy. Fear is a liar and a thief. Fear doesn’t want to hear our honesty. Fear is a thief of gratitude. And fear, at it’s core, is selfish. Fear is also often accompanied by misery and misery only loves company when the company is also miserable. When the company saps up your fear and gives you peace, misery wants nothing to do with it. So, next time you’re feeling afraid, try these steps. Be real with God. Be grateful. Be humble. And be in fellowship.

Safe. Sunshine. Seen.

I’m not enough. I’m all alone. I’m too much. No one cares. These are just a few of the thoughts that have run through my head at any given time. As a teenager, they were constantly on repeat. Now, I don’t hear these thoughts quite as often, but they’re still there at the back of mind. They’re waiting to attack when I’m at my most vulnerable and insecure. As a teenager, I was always the one trying to be a safe place for people. I always felt like I had to be the sunshine girl. I was the one who always cared and saw others. I never felt like I was on the receiving end. I didn’t feel like I had a safe place. I didn’t feel like anyone was my sunshine girl. I never felt cared for or seen. Then, I started going to Compass Church. It’s been over six years now and I’m still constantly being reminded by Compass Church members that I am enough. I’m not alone. I’m not too much. And I am cared for. I have a safe place. I have a sunshine girl. And I have someone who cares for and sees me.

I have a safe place. Without God I have nothing. I have no safety. No peace. No joy. No identity. No anything. With God, I can have tangible reminders that I am safe. I can have peace. Joy is attainable. And my identity is only found in Him and who He created me to be. My best friend, Shelby, is almost always that tangible reminder for me. She is almost always available when I’m feeling lost, when I’m feeling afraid, when I’m feeling depressed, and really at any time. Six years ago, I met her and she very quickly, but slowly became a place of safety for me. First she was someone I could share my song lyrics with, aka my journal entries. Next, she became a close friend who put in as much effort in our friendship as I did, if not more. Then, she became my best friend. And now she’s the safest place I know in this world other than God. When I need eminded that everything is going to be okay, she’s there with God’s promises. When I just need to vent so I don’t go crazy, she listens. When a topic comes up at church or elsewhere that gets me feeling some kind of way because of personal issues, she’s there and she knows. She doesn’t poke or prod. She just knows. She may ask something like, “How are you feeling,” but then she’ll leave it at that unless I turn it into a conversation. That’s all I needed as a teenager. Someone to ask, “How are you?” and mean it. Someone who knew how I was doing even if I didn’t say anything. I always speak so highly of Shelby and it’s literally just because she’s there and she cares. She’s the kind of safe place I needed as a teenager and it’s the type of safe place I’m so grateful to have now.

“I could be your sunshine girl.” That is a line from the song, Sunshine Girl, by Christian singer, Britt Nicole. This song was one of my anthems in high school, partially because I wanted to be this girl, but also because I needed this girl. The idea of the song is that this girl is whoever you need her to be. She’s there for you no matter what. I wanted to be and have that, but when I listened to it, I mostly just wanted that sunshine girl. I wanted to have someone in my life who could make me smile no matter what because she’s just a bright, shining light in this world. In recent months, I have met one particular sunshine girl named Ana. I don’t know much about Ana, but I do know she is a ray of hope and sunshine wherever she goes. Maybe that comes from a heartbreaking backstory. Maybe she’s always been that way. I don’t know, but whatever she has or hasn’t been through seems to have brought her to a place of ultimate joy and gratitude that shines through whenever I see her.

This past weekend, she was setting up for and promoting a Christmas event our church does for women every year called, Sparkle. By the end of the setup, the table was so silvery and shiny you could practically see your reflection in the decorations. And yet, Ana was still more sparkly. I sat and chatted with her until church started. For that whole fifteen to thirty minutes she continued to shine brighter than the sparkly decorations. And anyone who spoke with her, whether signing up for the event or not, left with a bright smile on their faces too, because Ana is a genuine sunshine girl. Even a second of speaking with her leaves me feeling happy and bright too! For that reason alone, I am so grateful to know this lovely sunshine girl. Even without knowing much about her, she has made my life infinitely more blessed just by being in it.

I have someone who cares for and sees me. I’m an introvert. Contrary to how I often come across, I prefer to keep to myself and observe rather than participate. Every once in a while, an extrovert comes along and tries to change that. This time around, that extrovert is Tamra. Tamra is a ball of energy so wonderfully intense that if I got to speak with her every morning, then I’d never need caffeine again. We met one weekend at a youth day by the river. Her son is in the youth group at church where I volunteer, so she and her husband came to help chaperone. While there, we chatted and got to know each other. Since then, I’ve learned that her spirit animal is probably a golden retriever or something. Every time she sees me, she gets excited, comes up to me, and starts talking to me. If there’s something going on, then she urges me to join in until I do. And I absolutely love it. Just like the golden retriever friend, she immediately sees me, comes to me, and makes sure I’m taken care of. We haven’t known each other very long, and yet I know that if I need anything, then she’s there for me. There’s just something so wonderfully genuine about her that I can’t help but know that she sees me and she cares about me.

In hindsight, I can see that pretty much everyone I knew as a teenager cared about me and loved me. I can see that if I had tried to open up to them, then most of them would have been receptive. I can see that if I had given them a chance, then at least some of them could have been my sunshine girl when I couldn’t be. I can also see that if I hadn’t tried so hard to hide, then more people might have seen me. I didn’t have clear vision then though, so I can’t say that for sure. Now, I can see clearly and I know that if nothing and no one else, then I have at least three very important people in my life. I have Shelby who is my human safe place when I need someone to just be there. I have Ana who is the truest sunshine girl I’ve ever met. Someone to remind to be joyful no matter what. And I have Tamra, someone who sees me and cares for me, even when I don’t want to be seen or cared for. Most of the people at our church would be more than willing and ready to be a safe place, a source of sunshine, or someone to see and care for me. I’d just have to ask them. Shelby, Ana, and Tamra are different though. I don’t have to ask them. They just are and I am so incredibly grateful for that.

Let us all strive to be a safe place for others. Let us all live like Britt Nicole’s sunshine girl, there and ready to be whoever others need us to be in times of joy or sorrow. And let us be open and ready to see and care for those around us.

DWTS Juniors – Halloween Night

Ugh! As if I didn’t love Dancing with the Stars enough, the threw in the twist of juniors and added Jordan Fisher and Frankie Muniz as the hosts! I’m in love with this show!

Team Witney – Akash and Kamri – Argentine Tango – Akash is playing a mad scientist and Cameron is his monster. I think this is a great theme for Akash and the whole dance is fun and exciting! I love it!

Comments – Mandy tells Akash it was a great way to start the show. She feels like there’s a little party in Akash’ body when he dances and he needs to control it. Adam doesn’t know if anyone loves coming out and dancing more than Akash. Val thinks he did a great job.

Scores – 21 out of 30

Team Cheryl – Mandla and Brightyn – Charleston – Their dance is super weird, but I like it. It’s fun. Mandla does a great job of lifting Brightyn. I’m impressed.

Comments – Adam thinks Mandla is really, really working hard and it’s showing. Val commends him on giving his content. Mandy says he’s got the electricity back from week one and she loved it.

Scores – 23 out of 30

Team Gleb – Mackenzie & Sage – Jive – Back to a high school theme with a junior high school dance. I’m feeling impressed by this jive. It’s got Derek Hough meets Mark Ballas vibes. I’m diggin’ it.

Comments – Val says it was great. Mandy says she loved it all in all, but there’s something missing. She feels like she checked out a little as performer in moments when she was concerned about the move. Adam says they look terrible and he loves it.

 

Scores – 25 out of 30

Team Emma – Jason & Elliana – Argentine Tango – Jason is playing a vampire while Elliana is an innocent young girl. Jason is such a great performer. He’s a pretty good dancer too. Probably better than I am at least. I just love the reactions of the mentors every dance.

Comments – Mandy was a little stressed for Jason when she heard he had to do an argentine tango, but he came out and it was incredible. Adam knows Jason is in it to win it. Val says it was a leading role type of performance.

Frankie says it was his favorite dance so far. His favorite dances were the strong, serious dances.

Scores – 25 out of 30 (their highest score so far)

Team Brandon – Ariana and Artyon – Paso Doble – Ways to Be Wicked from Descendants. I’m pumped about this dance. I love Descendants. I love this song. I love Ariana and Artyon. I love the Paso Doble. Ariana and Artyon are both fierce in this dance, which you have to be for successful Paso Doble. I’m proud of them.

Comments – Jordan comments about Kenny Ortega being in the audience and Ariana goes to hug him. Adam says the dancing is very good, but he needs to see a little more. Val agrees. He doesn’t think this was her best dance. Mandy appreciates her hard hitting movements, but doesn’t disagree with the guys.

Scores – 22 out of 30

Team Artem – Alana “Honey Boo Boo” and Tristan – Jazz – I really love Alana. She is so sassy and funny! I’m pumped about this dance. They’re dancing as the ghostbusters. Once again, she’s got the perfect performance for this dance. She may not be the best dancer in the world, but she’s got such spirit and growth that I just love her.

Comments – Val thought the dance was awesome and entertaining. Mandy comments on the direction change and everything jazz is about and that Alana did everything she needed to do. Adam liked it.

Scores – 21 out of 30

Team Alan – Sky and JT – Jive – Sky says the jive feels like skateboarding. She just keeps trying until she gets it right. She starts crying in practice because it’s so much hard work. Alan says she cried in a good way because she didn’t give up and she finally got it. Sky says she cried in frustration. I love her and JT. I love the jive so much. Oh, wow! And they are doing a great job! They like do this walking upside down on their hands and feet thing that was awesome. I’m impressed!

Comments – Mandy says it fabulous and liked that Sky is so good people sometimes don’t realize how hard it can be. Adam says it was awesome. Val comments on the routine, content, performance, and everything. It was fantastic. Sky thanks Alan and JT for believing in her and Jordan gets all sappy.

Scores – 26 out of 30

Team Lindsay – Miles and Rylee – Samba – “I Want Candy” – Miles is a werewolf and Rylee is little red riding hood, or goldie locks, I can’t tell. They do a trick or treat thing and then go into their dance. I like it. It’s fun.

Comments – Jordan comments on how hard the Samba is. Miles just breathes hard and Rylee agrees it’s very hard. Adam says Miles danced like a pro. Val agrees with Adam and says he’s doing it better than everyone else. Mandy felt like their was magic in their performance. Frankie comments that the last person to dress as a werewolf with Lindsay had some success on the show (winning) and that he’s doing a great job of following in Jordan’s footsteps.

I just love the shared energy between Lindsay and Rylee. They are definitely sisters.

Scores – 27 out of 30 (highest score of the night)

Elimination – Alana “Honey Boo” and Tristan – Team Artem Poor Alana is crying and my heart is breaking. Several of the young dancers and stars have shocked faces.

DWTS Season 27 – Disney Night

Ariana and Jason are adorable in their role of the opening dance, running around looking for Mickey. Jordan is just… ugh! He sings and dances in the opening dance and I have a major crush on him! His girlfriend is a lucky lady! Ha, ha.

Alexis and Alan – Pocahontas – Just Around the Riverbend  – Wow. Alexis is definitely feeling something for Alan and I wouldn’t surprised if he is too. The video journal personal straight up asks and she giggles and says, “No comment.” Regardless, their dance is beautiful.

Judges’ Comments – Len calls their dance beautifully crafted. Len comments on their chemistry. Alexis’ face gets embarrassingly red and Alan looks around awkwardly. They definitely have something, whatever it may be. Bruno calls their dance gorgeous like two hearts beating together as one. Carrie Ann says the way they danced made her believe in fairytales. They all pretty much agree it’s their best dance of the season.

Erin asks how Alexis felt dancing. She says it felt like a fairytale. Erin asks what Alexis has to say to her prince. “Did he just put you in the old fantasy land.” Alexis says he really did and Erin does the “ooh” thing.

Judges’ Scores – 29 out of 30

Juan Pablo and Cheryl – Beauty and the Beast – Vietnamese Waltz – Juan Pablo admits he felt relieved getting eights, because he felt like getting tens in the third week was almost too much too soon. He and Cheryl are dancing to Gaston. He’s always wanted to be Gaston. He’s pumped. Even more because he wanted to be a Disney animator before discovering the stage. I do like this dance. I’m not particularly impressed, but it is good. I like it.

Judges’ Comments – Tom says it’s one of his favorite dances of the whole show. Bruno says it was spot on, on every level. Carrie Ann says it was so good, so good and spectacular. Len likes that the dance mirrored the music and that Juan Pablo is without a doubt a fantastic dance. He does have a small critique for the choreography, but nothing big.

Judges’ Scores – 29 out of 30

DeMarcus and Lindsay – Charleston – Hercules – A Star is Born – Lindsay wears a red wig like Meg. DeMarcus’ finger is still hurt from his dislocation, but he nails the lifts and really gets into the whole dance. Lindsay laughs saying her shoe broke in her very first move of the dance. She tosses her shoe. Tom picks it up and DeMarcus puts it back on her.

Judges’ Comments – All judges are beyond impressed feeling great and happy after the dance.

Judges’ Scores – 26 out 30

Evanna and Keo – Jazz – Tangled – Evanna gets vulnerable about being in the bottom two the week before. They’ll be dancing to When Will My Life Begin. Keo says he’s scared of heights and doesn’t like rollercoasters, but he goes on them with Evanna at Disney Land. Evanna wants to give everything to this dance. She’s perfect for the role of Rapunzel. I love it.

Judges’ Comments – Len liked it. It had a lovely feel to it. He can’t say it was a spectacular number, but it was well done and well danced. Bruno feels that she has found her stride and confidence. Sometimes, she tends to be a bit chasey with the timing and finish, but is well. Carrie Ann thinks she did the Disney name proud. They all agree she has the talent.

Judges’ Scores – 24 out of 30

Jason is adorable. They have him come in asking for the Wi-Fi password.

Joe and Jenna – Ralph Breaks the Internet – Jive – Joe is happy he has a chance to get better even though his scores aren’t showing he’s getting better. Jenna feels he deserves to be here. I don’t agree. Yes, he’s trying so hard, but he’s not getting much better. His confidence is growing, which great, but he’s only still here because of Bachelor Nation fans. This dance does seem better than before, especially last week, but his moves are still awkward. I mean, come on. Not even Kendall gives him a standing ovation. He’s just so awkward.

Judges’ Comments – Bruno can sense a very faint glimmer of hope. He says not to get too excited, but he did a baby step in the right direction. Carrie Ann shouts, “Go Joe!” She says it was a vast improvement. He did not miss a step. He seemed more confident. He needs to stop closing his shoulders. Everyone obviously loves him. He should own it. Len likes and admires that even though he gets knocked every week, he comes back and gives it his all. He advises him to get in there and learn the dance if he comes back. He also tells Jenna to put more content in the dance.

Erin tells Joe he thinks he gave it his best, which means it doesn’t matter what the judges’ scores are.

Judges’ Scores – 17 out of 30

Mary Lou and Sasha – Contemporary – Mulan – Reflection – I think this is a beautiful dance for Mary Lou. She’s said many times that she’s lost herself and that she’s using this show to find herself. Now, this dance and song are reflective of that. No pun intended.

Judges’ Comments – Carrie Ann says she lives for these moments, the moments when the stars transform through dance. Len likes that it was gentle and understated, but fluid. Bruno loved it and her determination.

Judges’ Scores – 25 out of 30

Jordan Fisher and Junior Pros – He performs A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes and dances with the juniors as they dance. Oh, ho. I love him more and more every time I see him. From his dorky role in Teen Beach Movie to heartthrob Holden in Liv and Maddie to being a star and winner in his own season of DWTS and just being an around talented guy. Ugh, I just love him. He’s especially lovable with these kids! My goodness!

John and Emma – Jungle Book – Wanna Be Like You – Quickstep – I’m pumped that this dance is with Wanna Be Like You! He’s not so pumped, but I am! It’s a great song to be played with the quickstep! I’m liking this dance almost as much as I love the song. It’s not a dance I’ll remember, but it’s a good dance. He’s doing a pretty good job.

Judges’ Comments – Len likes the energy and content and thinks he did a fantastic job. It’s his best job to date. Bruno says it was a proper, recognizable quickstep. Carrie Ann says it was his best dance as a whole. She says there were a few minor issues, but it was his best dance yet.

Judges’ Scores – 24 out of 30

Bobby Bones and Sharna – The Little Mermaid – Waltz – Part of Your World – This dance has to be more elegant and slower than the MC Hammer dance of last week. He looks great as a prince. He’s doing a pretty great job of containing his energy, but keeping his excitement. His dance may not be perfect, but it’s really good for someone without any dance background. I’m impressed. I really like this dance. I may be biased because this is my favorite Disney song of all time, but I do like his dance.

Judges’ Comments – Bruno says he went of on the wrong beat, but that he continued on valiantly. Carrie Ann comments on Bobby’s stance. Carrie Ann comments on how his joy moves in his body. Len admires that he played it straight and went for it in a proper way.

Judges’ Scores – 21 out of 30

Milo and Witney – Incredibles 2 – Quickstep – Milo is pumped about Disney night because he owes everything to Disney. Witney feels like this dance really fits him because he’s got so much energy. I agree. I’m pretty pumped about this dance. It’s fun and energetic and perfect for Milo. I love that they finish with two of the littles in it.

Judges’ Scores – Carrie Ann truly loved it. Len really loved it, but felt that there was too much gap between their body contact. Bruno calls it a blockbuster.

Judges’ Scores – 27 out of 30

Elimination – DeMarcus & Lindsay and Alexis & Alan in jeopardy, but no elimination. Thank God! They made it seem like DeMarcus and Lindsay would go home, which would have been way bogus, but no one’s going home! So, yay!

DWTS: Juniors – Disney Night

Team Witney – Hercules – Akash & Cameron – Jive ­– Zero to Hero – I always love the Jive and Akash is just so adorable doing this Jive, as is Cameron.

Judges’ Comments – Val tells Akash not to skip leg day. Mandy comments that when he did use his legs, he did really well. Adam thinks the dance was exciting and that Akash wears his heart on his sleeves.

Judges’ Scores – 21 out of 30

Team Brandon – Lilo & Stitch – Ariana and Artyon – Samba – Hawaiian Roller Coaster Ride – The kids purposely drive Brandon crazy, but they love him. Ariana and Artyon make adorable Lilo and Stitch. Brandon did a great job of incorporating the hula to their Samba. They dance with a limbo stick and it is impressive.

Judges’ Comments – Val comments that the bounce action of the Samba is the hardest part and they did it. Mandy comments that it was awesome including the production and choreography. Adam says Ariana has been consistent, beautiful, and powerful.

Judges’ Scores – 25 out of 30

Aww, Ariana and Artyon are adorable. They interrupt Jordan’s speaking and challenge him to a limbo. He concurs and succeeds. He’s so sweet.

Team Artem – Beauty and the Best – Honey Boo Boo & Tristan – Foxtrot – Something There – Alana seems much more elegant than I’ve seen her before. She’s got the personality and showmanship. The footwork may be a tad off, but she’s good. I like her.

Judges’ Comments – Val is moved by her performance because it’s inspiring. Mandy comments on her beauty, confidence, and progression. Adam is impressed.

Judges’ Scores – 21 out of 30

Team Emma – Toy Story – Jason & Elliana – Foxtrot – Jason is so adorable. As a Disney star, he’s pumped about being on Disney night. He feels like the dream can never end. They dance to Jordan Fisher and Olivia Holt’s version of You’ve Got a Friend in Me. I think they dance really well. Jason is just so adorable. He and Elliana make adorable Woody and Jessie’s. Jason’s favorite movie is Toy Story but it scares Elliana.

Judges’ Comments – Adam is proud of them. Val thinks it was adorable awesome. Mandy says they had some good quick, quick, slow moments.

Judges’ Scores – 22 out of 30 – I’m about to have to start watching Raven’s Home, because Jason is just so adorable.

Team Gleb – Pocahontas – Mackenzie & Sage – Contemporary – Dancing to Colors of the Wind. The have trouble in practice with the lifts. As contemporary always is, their dance is beautiful. They seem to succeed in their lifts with moves that are graceful and elegant.

Judges’ Comments – Adam has chills. Val sees it as extraordinary. Mandy comments that contemporary should be easy and light and they nailed it.

Judges’ Scores – 27 out of 30 – Highest Score of the Season

Team Cheryl – Coco – Mandla & Bryton – Jazz – I don’t know what song they’re dancing too. I’ve never seen this movie, but I’m liking their dance. As it should, it has Latin vibes and Mandla seems confident.

Judges’ Comments – Mandy commends him for successfully listening to her comments from the previous week. Adam comments that he is working on his technique, but his performance is good. Val says this dance left him underwhelmed after his last couple successful weeks.

Judges’ Scores – 21 out of 30

Team Lindsay – Aladdin – Miles and Rylee – Charleston – Miles is playing Aladdin. Lindsay asks him to get in character and he kind of takes it a bit far. She plays mom. It’s a nice dance. In my opinion, not particularly memorable, but really, really good.

Judges’ Comments – Adam loved it. Val was impressed. Mandy calls him and Rylee stars, stating he might have even passed her at times.

Judges’ Scores – 27 out of 30

Team Alan – Moana – Sky & JT – Contemporary – Alan takes them to the beach. Sky comments that Moana lives on an island and has big heart and is kind of like her—living on Japan and having a big heart. How Far I’ll Go – Sticking the moves like always, Sky seems to be nailing it. I haven’t seen Moana, but Sky seems perfect for the role based on the dance and the song. I’m impressed.

Judges’ Comments – Mandy was impressed but has one little thing to tell her. She needs to point her feet more. Adam is impressed and says her performance was mature. Val loved it and tells her that she does a great job of nailing the moves.

Judges’ Scores – 24 out of 30.

Sky asks Jordan if she can say something. He gives her the mic and she tells all the girls not to let anyone stop them. They can do whatever they want.

Team Sasha – The Little Mermaid – Sophia & Jake – Samba – Kim comes to visit her goddaughter Sophia and instills confident in her. She and Jake dance to Poor Unfortunate Souls. She plays Ursula and he plays Eric. She starts off more confident, but she seems to lose it a bit in the middle. In her final move though, she really gets it back.

Judges’ Comments – Mandy says she could have been a bit stronger at points, but was really really good. Adam says she upped her performance like he asked her to. Val tells her be a bit stronger.

Judges’ Scores – 19 out of 30

Elimination – Sophia and Jake – Team Sasha

Aww, Sophia cries. She’s such a shy girl; you know she’s sad if she’s crying.

DWTS: Juniors – Songs from The Year I Was Born Night

Team Gleb – McKenzie and Sage – 2004 – Jet’s “Are You Gonna Be My Girl” Quickstep. Holding frame. Quick energy. High school jock and cheerleader theme. I’m liking it. It’s especially funny that she called Gleb “like a dad.” Mandy was super impressed. Adam says she 100% delivered. Val gives and a standing ovation and says she killed it.

Judges’ Scores – 24 out of 30

Team Alan – Sky and JT – 2008 – Cha Cha to Lady Gaga’s “Just Dance” – She’s grateful for their patience.

Gymnastic moves. They’re doing pretty well. Full of performance. Adam says it’s so clean. Val says she can do anything and is impressed with her maturity. Mandy asks if she practices her facials as much as her steps, because her face is on point.

Judges’ Scores – 22 out of 30

Team Sasha – Sophia and Jake – 2008 – Foxtrot to “Love Story” by Taylor Swift – Cute and elegant. Perfect for the song. Val says it was incredible and that she looks like a Disney Princess. Mandy has one correction for her to use her back muscles with her arm movements. Adam wants her to turn up her personality in her dance.

Judges’ Scores – 20 out of 30

Team Emma – Jason and Elliana – 2007 – Jive to “Shake It” by Metro Station. He says he’s never heard this song in his life. That’s kind of nice to hear, because it’s not really an appropriate kid song, but I love it! Dressed like aliens they’ve got all the energy needed for a jive and he’s got the performance needed for it. He’s adorable. Mandy loves his poise. Adam loves his confidence. Val is impressed too.

Judges’ Scores – 21 out of 30

Team Cheryl – Mandla and Bryton – 2005 – Salsa to “Pump It” by the Black Eyed Peas. He’s got some moves in his arsenal. I’m impressed, especially because he’s so shy. Adam says the dance was more of a freestyle, but the performance was off the charts. Val says the same. Mandy tells him to think more about feeling the dance out.

Judges’ Scores – 22 out of 30.

Team Hayley – Hudson and Kameron – Paso Doble – Super Hero themed to “Four Minutes” by Madonna, Justin Timberlake, and Timbalan – Val says he killed it. Mandy saw his muscles working through the dance. Adam is so impressed with their partnership. He tells him to loosen up and enjoy the dance.

Judges’ Scores – 22 out of 30

Team Lindsay – Miles and Rylee – 2004 – “I Don’t Wanna Be” by Gavin DeGraw. A very strong and intense argentine tango. They have to keep their frame the whole time, says Rylee and that’s hard. They seem to be doing a good job. Mandy loves that he took command of the performance. Adam is proud of the content and partnership. Val says all the things the others did.

Judges’ Scores – 24 out of 30

Team Artem – Alana and Tristan – Cha Cha to Pussycat Dolls “Don’t Cha” – She’s got the performance fact and shake for the cha cha. I hope she does well. I liked this dance. Adam says she owned it and that there was a moment when she was walking around like she was at the mall. Val is proud of the transformation she’s showing. Mandy agrees with both, but comments on her timing.

Judges’ Scores – 19 out of 30

Team Witney – Akash and Kamri – Cha Cha to “Dynamite” by Taio Cruz. He’s got the tude for the dance. He doesn’t seem to have the hip movements for the cha cha, but he looks like he’s having fun. He’s adorable with Jordan teasing him about swag. Val asks if spelling or dancing is more fun. He says they’re both his favorite. Mandy is impressed. Adam loves it too. Witney is loving him.

Judges’ Scores – 21 out of 30

Team Brandon – Ariana and Artyon – 2007 – Jive to “Girlfriend” by Avril Lavigne. This is definitely my favorite dance! I love the song, yes, but the dance is great! Ariana and Artyon are just so cute and talented! Mandy says she is really good and therefore held to higher standard than the others and she’s meeting that standard. Adam gives them a standing ovation. Val says they are one of if not the couple to beat.

Judges’ Scores – 24 out of 30.

Elimination

Team Hayley – Hudson and Kameron – Oh my word. He looks so sad and now he’s crying.

DWTS Season 27 – Most Memorable Year

This is always my FAVORITE episode of the season! I LOVE getting to know people through their stories and it’s so much better when it’s through art! I can’t wait to watch this episode!

Mary Lou & Sasha – The Vietnamese Waltz. 1984 – the year she won the gold medal in the USA. It was most memorable because she had knee surgery only six weeks before winning the metal. Wow! Chills! I don’t get chills, but that’s a chills moment! The doctors told her she would need at least six weeks just to walk again, let alone to compete on it! And yet, she won a gold medal! Oh my word!

We are the champions. A song that got her through the six weeks leading up to her gold medal competition. Oh, but it’s slowed down and acoustic. I love it! This is such a beautiful dance and makes the song even more amazing! Wow! She is beautiful and strong. That’s another reason why I always love this night! Bringing the star’s story into the performance gives them so much power and emotion in their dance to really push through and give their best performances. Len loved her performance and has comments on her hands. Bruno commends her for working on her shoulders as he advised before. Carrie Ann is fighting back tears. She’s so deeply moved by Mary Lou’s number, but noticed some missed steps in the beginning even with her improvement.

Judge’s Scores – 24 out of 30.

Milo and Witney – A jive for 2018. Zombie’s came out. He’s on DWTS. He’s graduating high school. He’s starting his own life this year. He feels like the luckiest seventeen year old in the world.

Aww! The dance is set to the theme of a high school graduation. I love him. He’s got such a fun personality! He kind of reminds me of a cross between my sister Lydia and my brother, Jacob, in some ways. Ooh! Solo dance on the judge’s table and a flip! Bruno calls him ready for the big league hitting ace after ace after ace. Carrie Ann is so impressed, but comments on his one zombie arm. Len thought it was fun and sharp. He has a small critique for his posture, but otherwise liked it.

Uh oh, Milo hurt his hamstring in practice, but you couldn’t tell.

Judges’ Scores – 27 out of 30

Nancy and Val – Ramba to “Love Someone” by Lukas Graham for 2006. She moved to a ranch in Texas from LA with her husband and two daughters. This dance is a tribute to her family.

A slow-burning love story set to a dance. It’s as beautiful and touching as you would expect. I’d give her dance a decent score. She seemed to do pretty well with her lines and frame and everything. Carrie Ann loved her dance. Len thought it was charming, but thought there should be more hip movement. He also compliments Val on his judging on DWTS: Juniors. Bruno agrees with Len. Val says it was a conservative Romba.

Judges’ Scores – 22 out of 30

Alexis and Alan – Contemporary for 2014 on Mother’s Day when her dad told her there was something wrong with her mom. She had stage 4 cancer. On January 8, she learned her mom was gone. Oh, gosh. The tears are coming. DWTS was her mother’s favorite show. She even took ballroom classes. She wears her mother’s wedding ring every day.

A pure and beautiful, but heartbreaking struggle of a dance to “How to Save a Life.” She’s crying through the dance and yet doing so well. I’m impressed. Alan comforts her and it’s just so heartbreaking. Len is never disappointed by Alexis’ dancing. He did, however, notice a little too much sharpness. Bruno says she danced like an angel tonight. Carrie Ann calls her a dance a beautiful dance. This may be a ten or at least nines.

Judges’ Scores – 26 out of 30. Bummer, maybe not. But it is her highest score so far, so that’s nice.

Evanna and Keo – Vietnamese Waltz for 2006 when she booked the role as Luna Lovegood–a dream come true. When she was 11 or 12, she was battling an eating disorder. The only thing that distracted her from that was reading Harry Potter. She wrote to J.K. Rowling who wrote her back and they became pen pals. “I love the feeling acting more than I love the feeling of being skinning or being perfect.” Being in Harry Potter proved to her that she had something to offer.

Aww! They’re dancing to the theme of Harry Potter! The aesthetic is a starry night. I already knew Evanna’s story, but it’s still so inspiring to hear it from her mouth and to see her dance to it. This dance seems very empowering for her. It’s beautiful. It’s like she’s Luna all over again, though she always has been.

Bruno says her magic is stronger than ever. He loved her self-confidence in her dance. Carrie Ann comments on how much her performance has improved since the first dance. Len says it was a magic performance. Evanna confirms that JK Rowling didn’t know she auditioned for Luna until after she got the role.

Judge’s Scores – 27 out of 30.

Joe and Jenna –  Vietnamese Waltz for 2018. He had commitment issues a year ago and now he knows Kendall. He always wanted a family, but he was afraid. On the Bachelor, he was afraid of love. Then, he nailed it with Kendall. Now, he has to nail dancing, which he’s also afraid of.

Oh, a smoky love song. What the heck. Why is the camera showing the performers instead of the dancers? Joe is doing better for this dance, but he’s still not the best. With all the nerves, I am glad he’s pushing himself to dance. His frame is weak. His lines aren’t very sharp, but he does seem a little more confident. Kendall looks so proud in the crowd.

Carrie Ann says it’s so hard to judge him. He was so much more confident and open tonight. However, he is still growing. He didn’t miss any beats tonight, but he’s still growing. Len says the same thing. He’s not there yet, but he’s getting more confident and strong. Bruno agrees with the others. He’s adorkably nervous. Poor guy.

Judges’ Scores – 18 out of 30

Jenna and Val (Non-competitive) They’re so beautiful together. I’m glad they’ve found love with each other. I still loved Val and Janel together when they competed together, but she’s married now and it’s beautiful. He’s engaged and they’re beautiful.

Juan Pablo and Cheryl – Samba for 1999. That’s the year he moved away from Buenos Aires, Argentina to become a performer. He was heavily bullied in Argentina. When he was cast as Danny in Grease at seventeen, that’s when he knew he wanted to act. His big break came many years later when he was offered a roll in Mama Mia.

They dance the samba of celebration for where he is today. It’s a Latin dance set to Latin music and I don’t hate it. I don’t love it, but I do like it. It’s very exciting. He’s got great hip movements and he’s really into the dance. I don’t know how good it is, but it is good. The audience goes wild.

Len gives them a standing ovation saying sometimes you don’t need words. Bruno believes it is one of the best Sambas he has ever seen. Carrie Ann loved it too. Even Cheryl was impressed. This is for sure going to be all tens!

Judges’ Scores – And it is! The first perfect score of season 27! 30 out of 30!

John and Emma – 2016. The year he lost everything. A river in Lousiana flooded everything he and his mother’s house. The only thing that got him through was his dating relationship with Alisha. That same year, his mom died. He believes she died because she knew he had someone who loved him. Ugh, more tears!

A beautiful heartfelt waltz to a song called smile. Aww, a show of yellow rose petals–his mother’s favorite flower.

Bruno warns him to be careful with his unsteady hold. Carrie Ann comments on his posture. Len tells him to polish it up a bit. Otherwise, they all felt the depth of emotion in the dance.

Judges’ Scores – 21 out of 30.

Bobby and Sharna – Contemporary Dance for 1998 when he graduated high school. No one in his family had ever done that. His mom didn’t graduate high school. She had him at fifteen while struggling with addiction. He never had his own room. He slept on the couch and used the underneath it as his closet. His mom died in her forties from addiction, but got her GED because of him.

“A Million Dreams” from the Greatest Showman. It starts with him at the foot of a bed. Wow. There’s so much emotion. He’s still not perfect, but it’s a great dance. I also like that whoever is singing in the back is dressed to look like a little Bobby–Malachi Barton. Aww, Bobbie sits on the floor and starts to cry. Trying to fight the tears, he just keeps looking at the ground and squinting his eyes to avoid the tears. He wants everyone to know that no matter where you come from, you can do this–whatever this is.

Carrie Ann can’t put into words what was so spectacular about that dance, but it was authentic magic. Len tells him it’s his best dance. Bruno tells him to keep the inner child alive and well. He’s so somber right now. It’s so weird. He’s always so chipper and happy.

Judges’ Scores – 23 out of 30. His highest score.

Tinashe and Brandon – The Rumba to 2014. The year she released her first official album. She wrote her first song at six years old and sang it at a recital. They will be dancing to a remixed, acoustic version of her debut single.

I think this will be her best dance yet. Well, she looks beautiful in her costume. The dance is just as beautiful. It is, in my opinion, her best dance. I really like it. Len says it was her best dance. Bruno calls it beautiful. Carrie Ann feels like they’re only beginning to get the best of her.

Judges’ Scores – 27 out of 30. Her highest score.

DeMarcus and Lindsay – Argentine Tango for 2016 when he won the Super Bowl with the Broncos. He and his wife had three pregnancy complications and thought they couldn’t have kids, so they adopted a little girl before having a son two years later.

He carries Lindsay’s limp body onto the floor and tosses her into the air. It’s an intense dance, one you can’t take your eyes off of. Aww, and at the end, his kids come running up to him.

Bruno calls him a panther. Carrie Ann loved it, but saw it almost as more of a Paso Doble. Len was impressed with the lifts.

Judges’ Scores – 26 out of 30

Elimination

Nancy and Val – In Jeopardy Eliminated

Tinashe and Brandon – In Jeopardy (Wow! I was not expecting that one!)

DWTS: Juniors – The Premiere

Oh my gosh. These kids are so adorable! I haven’t even officially started yet and I love them! The mentors are so great too! I’m so glad Jordan and Frankie are the hosts! And I’m glad we finally get to see who the DWTS Mandy Moore is! I knew it wasn’t the famed singer and actress Mandy Moore, but I didn’t know who she was!

Team Keo: Addison & Lev – Aww, Addison makes them a meal. Keo teaches them the cha cha. I love her fire. I really like Keo now. I guess I just needed to see him a few times before I liked him.

They’ve got a cooking dance. I like it. It might be my favorite so far! She’s got the perfect kind of fire for a cha cha. Is it perfect? Probably not. But she’s got the attitude for it! Adam comments on her talking her talking herself through her dance. He did like the dance though. Mandy loved her sass and working it too. She tells her to try to hit the move even sharper than Lev does. Val agrees with Mandy. He wants her technique to improve.

Frankie asks Addison how dancing compares to cooking. Cooking doesn’t have to be as exact as dancing. She tries to stay calm, cool, and collected, but you can tell she wants better.

Judges’ Scores – 15 out of 30.

Team Witney: Akash & Kamri – Are these the youngest contestants of the show? They’re the smallest it looks like. They’re adorable. I love Witney. I love everyone in this show, but Witney might be my favorite!

Aww! They dance the tango to LOVE from the Parent Trap. He seems nervous, but their dance is so cute. His technique seems like it could improve and he seems a little lost at times, but they’re just so cute. Val thought it was beautiful. Adam just can’t. He advises him to keep learning. Mandy agrees. He is the youngest guy there. Okay, maybe it wasn’t off. Not enough at least for judge’s comments.

Judges’ Scores – 21 out of 30

Team Artem: Alana “Honey Boo Boo” & Tristan – Honestly, I just can’t believe Honey Boo is so old and tall now! I’ve never watched her in anything, but you’d have to live under a rock not to know who she is. She definitely has the attitude she’s known for, but I think she might be a good dancer if she puts the work in.

She’s definitely got the sass for a Salsa. I’m not sure how I feel about the dance. I can’t tell if she’s doing it well her not. She’s got the performance vibes down, but it’s up to the judges if she’s got the technique. Adam loved the performance. Mandy throws Honey Boo Boo away and talks directly to Alana. She had a moment when she was offbeat, but was mostly on. Val wants her to improve the technique a little more and work more on teamwork. Despite her sass, which comes from her mom, I think she might actually be pretty likable. I hope she sticks around.

Judges’ Scores – 19 out of 30

Team Hayley: Hudson West and Kameron – Hayley is kind of starstruck over the Emmy-nominated actor Hudson West. He is so professional.

They’ve got a “cool guy” themed cha cha to the Shawn Mendes song, “Nothing Holding Me Back.” Hudson seems pretty good too. He could stand to be a little stronger in his lines, but he’s adorable. Adam is super impressed. Mandy is impressed but comments on one moment of off movement. Val agrees with both Adam and Mandy.

Judges’ Comments – 22 out of 30.

Team Brandon: Ariana & Artyon – Ariana is so adorable! I vaguely remember her from the one to two episodes of Stuck in the Middle that I’ve seen, but I’ve never watched Guardians of the Galaxy. I really like Brandon and the kids! They’re all adorable!

Another Cha Cha. Full of personality and no particular theme. Just a simple, clean dance. She’s feisty and spirited with some pretty smooth dance moves. I like it. Mandy loved it. The technique could improve though. Val disagrees about the technique. I agree with Val. His feedback is more based on teamwork. Adam loved it too. He’s basically Bruno. It’s funny. These two are the most adorable kids.

Judges’ Scores – 24 out of 30.

Team Emma: Jason & Elliana – Jason is so adorable. I love Elliana and Emma both say they’re starstruck.

Aw, their cha cha is basically them pretending to be adults. He’s sitting at a desk and he’s like her assistant or something. He’s actually pretty good and he’s got such a performer’s spirit. I’m wondering how the judges will actually judge the kids and if there will be eliminations. Aw! Emma is so proud! I love her! Mandy loved the dance. He’s got great rhythm and confidence. Val agrees with Mandy. He picks on the technique telling him to focus on his footwork. Adam agrees with the other judges.

Judge’s Scores – 18 out of 30.

Team Cheryl: Mandla Morris & Brightyn – Brightyn was born the year Cheryl started on DWTS–2006. That’s so funny. I love it. Aw. He’s doing DWTS so he will be recognized for who he is and not who his dad is.

They’re dancing the Jive and he’s pretty good too. Man, these kids have way more rhythm than I think I would. Cheryl is so proud of them. Maybe I do like her more than I used to. I hope so. Mandy is amazed he’s never danced before. It was professional. Val is also impressed calling it the performance of the night. Adam agrees. I’m sure they’ll have the best scores of the night. If not, then I’ll be surprised.

Judges’ Scores – 24 out of 30 a tie for highest score of the night.

Team Gleb: Mackenzie & Sage – Are these two the oldest? They’re 14 and 15. They’re just as adorable as the littles though.

They’re dancing the foxtrot in a very ballroom themed dance. Here frame seems strong, oh, but now it’s a faster foxtrot. It doesn’t seem quite as strong, but not terribly weak either. Gleb is so proud. Val loved it, but was disappointed that most of it wasn’t a traditional foxtrot. Adam advises that she dance into the floor. Mandy asks how different ballroom is from the contemporary she’s used to. Mandy liked it, but could tell how her muscles were used to working a certain way and that way is different than ballroom.

Judges’ Scores – 22 out of 30.

Team Alan: Sky & JT – I’m so pumped about Sky! I love skateboarding! I wish I could skateboard! It’s always been one of my favorite things! Alan is so adorable with the kids!

A skateboard themed Salsa. She starts on a skareboard and goes into the dance. Those hip movements. Man. I can bearly dip my hips, let alone twist my hips. Ha. ha. Adam calls her a fierce competitor stating everything was clean and sharp. Mandy loves their top half was was strong like it should be while their bottom halves should be wiggling and it was. Val says he’s their biggest fan.

Judges’ Scores – 22 out of 30.

Team Lindsay: Miles & Rylee – Aww! Lindsay is mentoring her kid sister! How sweet is that? Rylee is so cute! She is so adorably Lindsay’s sister! “Just become friends with your partner and you guys are going to be really good. But no boyfriends. Only friends!” I love Lindsay! ha, ha.

Yay! They dance to “Who Let the Dogs Out?” And they’re both so great! The energy is great! I didn’t catch what dance they were doing, but it’s fun! It might be the cha cha, but I’m not sure. Oh, no! The Salsa. That makes sense too. There was a lot of hip movements. Mandy thought it was awesome. Val asks Rylee if she’s crying. She is. So is Lindsay a little bit. Val asks Miles to focus on the style and asks for more content for the actual style. Adam loved it.

Lindsay comments that she was more nervous for her sister’s dance than she normally is for herself.

Judges’ Scores – Oh! 22 out of 30.

Team Sasha: Sophia & Jake – Sasha’s reaction to meeting Scotty Pippen is adorable! Yay! They’re dancing the Jive! I love the Jive! It’s my favorite!

Aw, it’s cute 50’s diner vibes to “Do You Love Me?” She seems a little lost. Not terribly lost, but maybe a little off or something. I don’t know. But this kid, Jake, seems like a cool cross between Derek and Mark! haha. Val is so proud of her. He felt she was very clean in all the content. He commends Jake for his partnership. Adam says she killed it. Mandy thought her rhythm was great. Okay, maybe it was just her shy vibe or something. I mean I didn’t think her moves were clean, but I don’t know. What do I know?

Judges’ Scores – 21 out of 30

Team Jenna: Tripp & Hailey – Aww, so Jenna is Hailey’s Aunt. That’s so sweet! Wow. Bristol has lost so much weight! I didn’t even recognize her at first! She looks so great! Tripp is so adorably shy!

Aww, their dance is so cute. A flirty little kid foxtrot set in a stage park. He’s pretty good. He still seems a little shy and nervous, but he’s definitely got potential! Val is proud of Tripp and calls him a stud. Adam calls him a dancer. Mandy shouts out to Jenna for the choreography. Mandy loved it. In the audience Bristol and Sarah are so proud of him and proud of the comments. Frankie asks if Tripp’s mom has given him any advice. He says she said to give your oohs and ahhs. Hailey says she’s so grateful to have her aunt there were with her, even if she is a little bossy. Tripp is definitely a small town country boy. I’m glad to see he’s so nervous and down to earth when his family is so well known.

Judges’ Scores – 17 out of 30

Eliminations

So sad that two couples will be eliminated tonight. I wonder if it’s better that way though.

Team Keo and Team Jenna are eliminated. I’m super bummed! I wanted to see more from Tripp and I know my brother wanted to see more from Addison. Poor things. They did get the lowest judges’ scores though, so at least it’s not a case of politics (I hope) but simply an agreement between Judges’ scores and audience votes. I’ll miss them both.

DWTS Season 27 – Vegas Night

I like that the blue man group joined the opening dance.

Juan Pablo and Cheryl – Foxtrot – Oh, I like that Cheryl told him, “Enjoy it. Seriously, that’s all that matters.” Maybe I like her more now than before. I like that Cheryl describes the foxtrot as a really hard, but slow quickstep. I love when the dancers describe the dances in layman’s terms.

Oops, looks like there was a wardrobe/step malfunction as Juan Pablo tried to take off Cheryl’s glove. Otherwise, he seems to be doing well. It’s definitely a steamy dance as she described to him. Len comments on his frame and footwork, but believes he will be back next week. Bruno loved the choreography. Carrie Ann was impressed. She believes the technique was very good, but agrees it wasn’t perfect. I love Juan Pablo’s comment on dancing being a celebration of life.

Judge’s Scores – 26 out of 30 totaling 52 out of 60 for both nights.

Milo and Witney – Ooh, coming in hot dressed all in red. A little odd for a seventeen-year-old, but it works. Celine Dion sends a comment in for Milo and Witney wishing them luck with their Tango to her song. Ok, that explains the red. I like his competitive spirit. She’s amused that this is their first serious dance. He’s not a very serious person.

Oh, doing pretty well with the seriousness on the dancefloor. His form seems pretty good to my inexperienced eye. He almost seems a little too serious though; like he’s really trying not to laugh. It’s a great, fiery dance though. Steamy for the song, but appropriate for the boy. Great job to Witney! Bruno calls their dance the flight of a phoenix. Milo is so adorable. He’s so excited to get great comments. Carrie Ann comments on his frame and everything being great. Len comments it started out as an argentine tango instead of traditional tango, but he has no problem with it. His only critique is about Milo night dancing to his height.

Judge’s Scores – 26 out of 30 totally 52 out of 60. Aw, he and Witney are excited and adorable!

Danelle and Artem – They’re doing the quickstep and she’s scared because it’s a lot of moves. Donny Osbourne is singing their performance and she’s excited.

They go for the casino vibe with their vegas dance. She dance with four of the trope dancers who take her to Artem. She seems to be doing very well with the quickstep, especially for someone who can’t see where she’s going. It’s impressive enough for people with full vision to dance so well, but for it’s phenomenal! Carrie Ann compliments Artem’s choreography as it worked so well for her. Len enjoyed it. As did Bruno. Danelle explains how she’s been able to make eye contact. She focuses on their voice and then looks above where their voices are.

Judge’s Scores – 19 out of 30 totaling 36 out of 60

Alexis and Alan – They’re doing the salsa. Alexis is self-conscious. Alan is a little frustrated with her, but he does comfort her.

Ugh, such a trashy song. It doesn’t seem right for a salsa. They choreography isn’t great in my opinion either. Alexis seems to being doing it well, but I don’t like this dance at all. I’m interested to see what Len has to say. He actually didn’t have anything against it. Maybe he’s decided not to comment on technique as much these days or I just don’t know what I’m talking about, but it still doesn’t seem right. Bruno, of course, loved it. Carrie Ann does comment on Alexis needing to keep her core tight, even though her lines are great. Erin’s questions are always so awkward. The judges make awkward faces to her comments too.

Judge’s Scores – 24 out of 30 totaling 49 out of 60

John and Emma – I love that both of them are dressed like Elvis. They’re dancing the Jive. He’s actually got the top-selling Elvis cover of all time.

I love this. It’s so funny! It’s not the smoothest Jive I’ve ever seen, but it’s not bad. Two other Elvis impersonators come out and so do two “fans.” It’s definitely no Derek Jive, but it’s a nice Jive. Bruno loved it, but felt the Jive was lost in translation. Carrie Ann didn’t believe it was as good as last night. Len was impressed thinking about them doing two completely different dances two nights in a row.

Judge’s Scores – 20 out of 30 totaling 43 out of 60

Yay! A dance from Jordan Fisher, Frankie Muniz, and the boy junior pros. So cute! They’re so great!

Damarcus and Lindsay – Dancing the quickstep to a Boys II Men performance. Aw, Damarcus was in a boyband in high school and they sang all the Boys II Men songs. That’s so cute.

I like the elegance of their dance. Quickstep can always go either way. I like this softer version of it. Looks like his frame and technique are pretty strong, but his shoulders are a little awkward. I wonder if the judges agree. Carrie Ann comments that he needs to be more careful with his shoulders and syncing in with the dance. Len comments the same. Lindsay comments it might before her fault. She’s not long enough to reach him.

Judge’s Scores – 23 out of 30 totaling 47 out of 60.

Grocery Store Joe and Jenna – Jazz dancing. He’s got a great smile.

They do the bar scene for their dance. It’s a western vibe for their jazz. He seems to be doing better, but I don’t know. He still seems awkward. Maybe it’s just him. He seemed a little awkward in Bachelor in Paradise too. Len doesn’t have any negative comments. Bruno tells him to come out of his shell. Carrie Ann comments on how confident he seemed after the dance. Joe doesn’t agree. She tells him he is improving, but he is still off tempo.

Judge’s Scores – 18 out of 30 totaling 35 out of 60

Evanna and Keo ­– The jive. I love how excited Evanna is about it. Ha, ha! He says she’s significantly weirder than weird! I love it! She really is Luna!

A desert vibe. Two hippies or Coachella attendees. Either way. Same vibe. This is a much better jive than whoever did it earlier! I get the jive vibes from it and I love it! It’s a fun dance and she seems to do it well. The judges love the performance. Carrie Ann feels it was a little ahead of tempo, however Len disagrees. He thinks her dancing could have been sharper.

Judge’s Scores – 24 out of 30 totaling 48 out of 60

Bobby and Sharna ­– I already know Vegas night was made for Bobby Bones! They’re dancing the quickstep. I love his joy for everything.

Magician vibes. His energy should be great for this dance. I wonder if his frame and line will be good though. I don’t know. It doesn’t seem super great. Still, he’s just so fun. Carrie Ann asks him to turn down his energy, but keep up his joy. He could be so great, but they don’t really get to see it. Len doesn’t say anything negative. Bruno tells him not to be so rough.

Judge’s Scores – 19 out of 30 totaling 39 out of 60

Nancy and Val – Paso Doble. Nancy comments it’s a bit of a march. It’s a very strong dance.

The dance a circ de so le inspired dance to one of their songs called storm. It’s perfect for the Paso Doble! Very intense and strong. Nancy seems to be doing a good job. She’s very fierce in her movements. Is it the right kind of fierce? Len felt the finesse was lacking. Bruno felt the dance was very busy and that she kind of just threw away her shapes. I don’t disagree. Carrie Ann does disagree.

Judge’s Scores – 20 out of 30 totaling 41 out of 60.

Tinashe and Brandon – Cha Cha to “Circus” by Britney Spears.

You’ve gotta have a great dance to dance to Britney. I’m liking this dance. It’s kind of got mad hatter vibes though, which is funny. Bruno and Carrie believe Tinashe has great musicality. Len calls it a knockout performance, but critiques the sameness of the dances. I think that’s more to Brandon than Tinashe.

Judge’s Comments – 26 out of 30 totaling 52 out of 60

Mary Lou and Sasha – The Samba. Sasha says this is the hardest dance you can get. She’s commenting on her body hurting a lot from past injuries.

Showgirl vibes. Such a good dance, especially for someone dealing with so many injuries. I barely want to walk sometimes with my irritated injuries and I’ve only had like one major one. Hers have all been major. Carrie says she nailed it. Len calls it a proper samba. “I wish everyone would do what you do.” Bruno loved it too.

Judges’ Scores – 24 out of 30 totaling 46 out of 60.

Elimination

John and Emma in Jeopardy

Danelle and Artem in Jeopardy and eliminated; honestly, I think it sometimes just comes down to a popularity contest. Pretty much everyone else is well-known. She seems not to be so well-known. It’s a bummer.

Everyone else safe

DWTS Season 27 – New York Night

DeMarcus and Lindsay – Fifties vibe New York inspired dance. He’s impressively graceful. He may have briefly stumbled, but I don’t know. Wow. Len was impressed by his footwork. That’s high praise. No criticism. Wow! Go Demarcus and Lindsay!

Judges’ Scores – 24 out of 30

Yay! Mark makes a video appearance! 😀 ❤

Danelle and Artem – Brilliant move on Artem’s part adding her stick to the dance! I didn’t even think about someone possibly dancing to Welcome to New York by T-Swizzle, but I’m not surprised! This is such a great dance. I just can’t get past the stick addition at the beginning! So great! Apparently, they were both sick this past week. They didn’t seem sick. They do mention she had a missed step, but that she handled it like a pro. I guess she also counts with her mouth.

Judges’ Scores – 18 out of 30

John and Emma – Broadway vibes! I’m loving it! It’s not my favorite dance ever, but I did like it. Carrie Ann calls him the greatest showman. Len felt it lacked the Charleston it was supposed to have, but he did like it. Bruno loved it too.

Judges’ Scores – 23 out of 30

Nancy and Val – They’re both from New York. So, that’s cool. They dance a very suave Cha Cha dressed in all black and some leather. It’s a fun dance, but not entirely impressive to me. All positive from the judges.

Judges’ Scores – 21 out of 30

Yay! Jordan and Frankie get a practice hosting moment on DWTS!

Alexis and Alan – A Swan Lake inspired Argentine Tango. They FaceTime Tyler Peck who is a famous female ballerina. Not sure who she is, but that’s cool. I love the concept. Let’s see how it goes over. Super intense ballet moves. I can see the tango and ballet influence. I really like it. It may be a stretch for technic, but I love the dance. They got stuck for a moment trying to rip the ballet tutu off for more of the tango bits. Carrie Ann was not a fan of the lift or wardrobe, but loved the rest. Bruno and Len were both impressed. Len even went as far as to say it was his favorite dance of the season so far. Me too, Len. Me too!

Judges’ Scores – 25 out of 30 – Oh, snap! Len gave them a 9!

Joe and Jenna – Kendall comes by the rehearsal. Kendall practices at home with Joe while he’s not in the studio. This is a pretty dance! I didn’t catch what dance they were doing, maybe the waltz, but it’s beautiful! One of those soft and slow dances. I love it! All tented icy blue with a big New York in the background. Love it. There was an illegal lift, but the judges were overall impressed with his improvement.

Judges’ Scores – 17 out of 30

Tinashe and Brandon – Nightclub, futuristic vibes. Definitely got the sexy nightlife vibes going. Brandon threw in several lifts. It was pretty cool. We’ll see what the judges think. Len loved the lifts and believes Tinashe is fantastic, but feels Brandon lacked the Argentine tango flavor. I agree. Bruno has nothing negative to say. Neither does Carrie Ann. She does agree it wasn’t traditional, but doesn’t have any qualms with it.

Judges’ Scores – 26 out 30

Milo and Witney – I love that Witney comments on Milo being a kid and he gets tired. They’ve got a subway performer theme and I love it! It’s so much fun and their outfits are great! Ha, ha. I really loved this dance! It’s my favorite of the season so far! Bruno states the dance was New York itself. Carrie Ann just can’t close her mouth. She’s amazed. Len basically tells him the dance was New York too. I love that everyone makes fun of him for saying he’s tired at 17.

Judges’ Scores – 26 out of 30

Yay! The trope does a short segment for King of New York from the Newsies! 😀

Mary Lou and Sasha – Another Broadway-inspired dance, but this one is simply to the song from a Broadway show. It’s beautiful and slow waltz. I like it. The judges all loved it. The only negative comment was from Bruno for keeping her neck strong.

Judges’ Scores – 22 out of 30

Juan Pablo and Cheryl – I am so thrown off by his lack of accent in real life as opposed to Fuller House. I always feel bad for whoever is paired with Cheryl, because I do not like her. She does not have a good attitude at all. It’s always so frustrating. She can dance though and that’s proven in this episode with their dance. Personally, I don’t think it’s anything memorable. I’m not a huge fan of the dance. Len is firm on his framework. Bruno loved it. It’s one of Carrie Ann’s favorites.

Judges’ Scores – 26 out of 30

Evanna and Keo – She sounds like Luna when she talks and laughs. I love it. I mean, I know she is Luna, but seriously. I like that this dance is New York fashion week inspired. Evanna really attacks it. Not sure it’s perfect, but she’s got some sass and I love it. She seems a little stiff or something. Something seems off in a few moments. Still, I did love it. Did the judges? They did! Nothing negative from any of them. Perhaps it wasn’t stiff or off? Maybe it was just a little different? I don’t know. Something seemed a tiny bit off to me even though I did love it. Keo is growing on me. I will say that.

Judges’ Scores – 24 out of 30

Bobby Bones and Sharna – Oh, look at that. Bobby can calm himself a bit. He’s still not the most polished, but he’s just got such a great personality and he’s so handsome! Ha, ha. His dance isn’t the smoothest of the night, but it’s still an enjoyable dance. He just loves his life. Tom is funny and says if Elvis Costella and Bill Nye had a kid, then it would be Bobby.

Judges’ Scores – 20 out of 30

Final Scores

Tinashe and Brandon – 26

Juan Pablo and Cheryl – 26

Milo and Witney – 16

Alexis and Alan – 25

Demarcus and Lindsay – 24

Evanna and Keo – 24

John and Emma – 23

Mary Lou and Sasha – 22

Nancy and Val – 21

Bobby Bones and Sharna – 20

Danelle and Artem – 18

Joe and Jenna – 17

Final Judgment

My favorite dance of the night was for sure Milo and Witney’s! I also liked Evanna and Keo’s! I’m feeling very impressed with Keo this season. Is he the best? No, but I’m liking him! He’s improving! I also loved Alexis and Alan’s dance and really liked Danelle and Artem’s!

TVD: Season 2 Episode 12 – Recap and Reactions

Episode 12

(My Thoughts in Bold)

Werewolves

Jules wakes up in the middle of the woods. She killed at least one camper, maybe a family or group of campers. While she’s trying to discard the bodies, a police officer comes up to the camp. Thinking quick on her feet, she acts like the broken-hearted girl who just lost her friends. When he turns around to call the other police, she knocks him out cold.

Caroline checks on Tyler when they’re at school. She congratulates him about not hurting anyone on his first full moon. She encourages him about getting better next time. He thanks her for being there with him. They share a moment in a rather long gazing look. She tells him they’ll have to reinforce the wall next time, because one bite from a werewolf could kill a vampire according to legend.

Jules goes to talk to the Sheriff asking about Mason. Alaric is of course there. He calls Damon. Stefan comes and sees her. He tells him he couldn’t find anything in Isabelle’s works about the werewolves other than the bite being fatal. Stefan asks Alaric if he has any way to contact her. He says he might have an old number, but it’s probably out of service.

Alaric sends Stefan Isabelle’s number. He calls it and leaves a message about Elena. Damon shows up asking what he’s doing there. He was waiting for him. He warns Damon there are a lot of people there. He knows he’s upset about Rose. He says again he doesn’t care about Rose. Then, he goes to talk to Jules. He promises not to kill her if she tells him how to cure a wolf bite. She walks away. He goes after her. She says she’s not afraid of him. He tells her she’s stupid. He starts rambling about the effects of the bite. When she mentions her going rabid, he gets that furious look in his eyes he gets when Elena’s in danger. She says the only cure is a stake through the heart.

Tyler is at Caroline’s house waiting for her. He tells her they need to talk. He asks why she would risk it if a werewolf bite would kill a vampire. He could’ve killed her, but he didn’t. He doesn’t understand her. She asks why it’s so hard for him to let someone care about him. She apologizes for overstepping her bonds by caring for him. He kisses her. She kisses him back. Yay! Like with Matt she tells him he can’t. He apologizes. She yells everyone needs to stop kissing her! Then, she goes inside leaving him confused.

Tyler meets Jules at the Grill. He tells her she knows he’s a werewolf and that Caroline is a vampire. She offers to help him. She tells him this town is crawling with vampires. She tells him there are other werewolves on their way.

Salvatore Lovers

Elena goes looking for Stefan in his room. He pops up behind her. They kiss passionately. She doesn’t want to be away from him at all ever. He doesn’t want to be either. But… she asks him not to ruin the moment. He ruins the moment. He wants to go after Isabelle like Katherine suggested, Elena doesn’t want him to. Elena asks how Elijah could compel another vampire. Stefan says he’s an original. No one really knows what that means. He drinks a little vervain as he tries to build up his tolerance like Katherine did.

Rose comments about how she’s 500 years old and can die. Damon tells her if she’s going to wallow in the possibility of an incredibly unreliable source being true, then he’ll kill her so he can put himself out of her misery. He gives her a drink and looks at her wound. Elena has come by and he asks her to confirm it’s looking better. She does, but it’s not. He asks where Stefan is. She tells him he’s gone to look for Isabelle and asks him to talk to him. He can’t, because he agrees with him. He really has become quit the caring vampire man. He asks her to play nurse so he can go somewhere. She follows him and asks if she’s going to die. He acts like it doesn’t bother him when she apologizes. She’s shocked. Okay, maybe not as caring, at least not admittedly.

Rose complains to Elena about how vampires don’t get sick. When they die, they die. Elena looks around Damon’s room and Rose knows she’s never been in there before. She’s surprised by what she sees. Gone with the Wind and an otherwise fairly normal room. She comments she might have expected silk sheets. Rose tells her she’s lucky. “No one’s ever loved me the way you’re loved.” She doesn’t believe that. Rose says Trevor was just her best friend. Nothing more. She spent all those years on the run from Elijah she never thought it would be wise to set down roots. She asks her why she’s so willing to give up. She says it’s her best option. Rose tells her it’s the easy option. She asks if she really believes her witch friend destroyed the stone. She doesn’t, because she knows she had help and she assumes he was Elijah’s witch friend. Rose says, “At least I ran. You’re not even trying.” She goes to sleep and Elena quietly leaves, but Rose calls her to wait, but she’s hallucinating. She’s talking to Trevor, then she comes back and asks for more blood. She starts gagging. When Elena turns around, she’s gone. She goes to attack Elena, thinking she’s Katherine. Elena yells out that she’s not Katherine. Rose snaps out of it and apologizes, begging her not to be scared of her. Elena assures her she’s not. She asks where she is. Elena reminds her she’s in Damon’s bedroom. She says she wants to go home. Elena tells her to tell her about home. She does. “When you live long enough, everything disappears. So much time wasted. I just wish I hadn’t been so afraid.”

When Elena goes to take Rose clean sheets, she’s gone. She calls someone, maybe Damon, but probably Stefan telling him to come home. She’s worried about Rose. She finds rose in the basement devouring blood. She is rabid. She looks up and thinks Elena is Katherine again. She tells her to stop, repeating she’s not Katherine. She stops for a minute, but goes after her again. She pulls down the curtains and it burns Rose. When she tries to attack her again, Elena presses into her bite. She runs to, I think Stefan’s room, closes the door and blocks it with furniture. She opens up the balcony and lets the light in. She breaks another piece of furniture to use as a stake. It goes quiet. Rose is herself again asking Elena for her help as she pukes up blood behind the door.

Elena is hiding in the room. It’s dark now. She listens for noise outside the door and starts to move her blockade. She slowly opens the door and quietly walks out, makeshift stake in hand. Rose is nowhere to be found. The door is open. When she turns around, Damon is behind her asking where Rose is. She doesn’t know.

Rose is outside a dumpster puking blood outside the high school party or something at the school. A garbage man finds her and asks if she’s okay. Rose attacks him.

The sheriff calls Damon and tells him it’s a vampire attack. Elena calls Stefan. He doesn’t answer. She asks Damon if he’s seen her. He doesn’t care about his brother right now. He gives Elena a stake. They find her attacking a couple. He gets her attention. She starts crying about the people she hurt. She apologizes most to Elena. He tells her they need to go home. She says she doesn’t have a home and starts begging him to make it stop.

At the house, she’s in his bed sweating profusely. She apologizes to Damon again. He jokes about going on murderous rampages happens. Elena comes to the doorway. Rose apologizes to her again. She’s never liked taking human life. Damon tells Elena she shouldn’t be there. Rose tells Elena, with Damon there, that he’s a lot like her. He wants to care, but when he does, he runs away. Rose apologizes again and tells Elena she has to fight. She knows she’s scared, but she has to do it anyway. She asks why Elena is so nice her. She’ll never forget being human. It’s the only thing that keeps her going. Rose starts freaking out in pain. Elena asks what they should do. He tells her to go. He’ll handle it.

Rose tells Damon he’s a nice guy. He says he’s not nice. He’s mean and he likes it. She calls him a liar. He tells her to sleep.

She dreams. I think of being human. She’s in a field of horses and she’s happy. She’s in the sun and Damon is there. He takes her there with that mind control thing. She asks how she knew she liked it there. She told Elena. She says she misses being human. She had friends, a family, and she mattered. He says she still does. She says no. He does. He’s built a life. They sit together in her fantasized fresh air for a while. She thanks him. The pain is gone. She asks if she’ll her family again. He thinks she’ll see whoever she wants to see. She’s not afraid of dying anymore. He lets go of her in the real world. He looks at his stake. He stakes her, taking the pain truly away.

Damon takes her to the sheriff, telling her the vampire problems are over.

Elena waits for Damon to come home. He tells her she was supposed to leave. She says she did, but then she came back to make sure he’s okay. She says a friend can tell when their friend is hurting. He asks what she wants to hear. That he cared about Rose? That he’s sad? He lies saying he didn’t and he’s not. She calls on pretending that he doesn’t care. He says he does care. It was supposed to be him. Jules was coming after him. She acknowledges he’s feeling guilty. He tells her to leave. She says she will. She hugs him instead and he tries not to cry. She pulls away and says goodnight.

At home, Stefan is waiting for Elena. He tells her he called Isabelle. John is there.

Damon is lying in the middle of road and some girl gets out of the car to help him. He’s drunk. He tells her not to move. He asks her name. Don’t do it Damon! He says he has a secret. “I can’t be what other people want me to be. What she wants me to be. This is who I am.” She asks if he’s going to hurt her. He’s not sure.  She’s his existential crisis. Does he kill her? Does he not? She begs him not to. “But I have to, because I’m not human and I miss it. And there’s only so much a hurt a man can take. Don’t do it Damon! She begs him. He says okay. He’s crying. He tells her she’s free to go. He goes after and attacks her. Ugh! Damon! Why!? Please feel guilty. Please… idk, don’t do this again! Ugh! Damon! If you’re ever going to win Elena over you have to be more careful! I know feeling sucks, but that doesn’t mean you have to!

Matt and Caroline

Matt interrupts Caroline and Tyler. She swears to him that nothing’s going on with her and Tyler. He believes her. He gets tongue tied trying to tell her he doesn’t like not being with her. He kisses her passionately. She kisses him back. When they pull apart, she says they can’t. Then walks away.

Matt goes to talk to Caroline again. He asks why she ran away. She says he caught her off guard. He didn’t expect her to run away. She tells him she loves him. He says it back. Tears form in her eyes.

He asks what she’s keeping from him. If she loves him, she’ll tell him. Some girl comes looking for him and Caroline disappears while his back is turned.

DWTS: Season 27 Episode 2 – Recap and Reviews

Who’s going to be the first couple to leave the competition? Ooh! A trope dance to the instrumentals for “The Greatest Show!” Well, that’s cool and not. We get to see more performances tonight, but only from the six couples with the lowest combined totals. I like that they get a chance at a second chance, but I kind of want to see the best dancers. I suppose that’s possible. DWTS has surprised the world many times before with few votes for the best dancers. I guess I’ll wait it out and see.

And in the recaps and reactions of the night, we see Nancy upset about her scores with Val telling her she did great and not to worry about the scores. We see Grocery Store Joe telling Jenna he wants to quit and her telling him he can’t quit unless he’s eliminated. And the very sweet newcomer Brandon saying he couldn’t have hoped for a better partner than Tinashe for his first partner as a pro. Both Tinashe and Joe were kind of upset about being on camera in their moments. Tinashe when she tripped and Joe when he commented on tripping. Rishad Jennings, another football player, tells DeMarcus there ain’t no team like dancing for DWTS. I think it’s funny it’s always athletes who emphasize that!

Yay! We get to watch a performance from the junior pros before they compete on October 7. They are so cute and beyond talented! My goodness! I wish I had half their talent! Ha, ha.

Juan Pablo and Cheryl are shocked they got an 8. Nikki was actually happy with her scores. I really like her. She seems so humble. Bobby is still insane! Ha, ha. I still only see Malese when I look at Alexis from any angle other than face on. I do like her. John and Emma talk about how he missed a step, but she and likely the judges to catch it. Nikki says she’s learned about rejection from stand up. Bobbie says he’s not going to be the best dancer, but he will be the one who has the most fun.

Mary Lou was nervous before her dance. Sasha assured her she looked and danced great. Milo is also nervous. He’s very calm after the dance. Evanna is sad with the five, but Keo reminds her that means there’s room for improvement. He’s nice, but he doesn’t really coach. He just kind of, idk. I do like him, I just still know if I like him as a coach. Milo is nervous because it’s live and unpredictable. Evanna says Keo toughed her up. Amy Purdy gives a message to Danelle.

Overall, Len believed everyone came out and gave it 100% and they want to see DeMarcus and Lindsay Cha Cha again. And it’s just as fun and exciting as the night before, perhaps better because there aren’t any nerves.

I didn’t realize Maddie Ziegler was a singer or that she had a sister who is also a singer. She’s not great, neither is the song honestly, but I like the theme of her song. I love that the junior pros dance during her performance.

Safe and in Jeopardy

Demarcus and Lindsay are safe!

Tinashe and Brandon are safe!

Nancy and Val are in jeopardy!

Wow! Joe and Jenna are safe? That just goes to show sometimes this is more of a popularity contest than a talent competition. He’s sweet, but I can’t believe he’s in the top seven of total scores.

Juan and Pablo and Cheryl are safe!

Nikki and Gleb are in jeopardy!

John and Emma are in jeopardy!

Bobbie and Sharna are safe!

Alexis and Alan are in jeopardy!

Milo and Witney are safe!

Danelle and Artem are in jeopardy!

Evanna and Keo are safe! ❤

Mary Lou and Sasha are in jeopardy. He knew it, because he counted it out.

DWTS Juniors

1. Miles Brown (Blackish) & Rylee Arnold with mentor and sister, Lindsay Arnold
2. Ariana Greenblatt (Stuck in the Middle) & Artyon Celestine with mentor Brandon Armstrong
3. Honey Boo Boo & Tristan Ianiero with mentor Artem Chigvintsev
4. Akash Vukoti (youngest boy spelling bee) & Kamri Peterson with mentor Witney Carson
5. Sky Brown (Skateboarder) & JT Church with mentor Alan Bersten
6. Mandla Morris (son of Stevie Wonder) & Brightyn Brems with mentor Cheryl Burke
7. Sophia Pippen (daughter of NBA star Scottie Pippen) & Jake Monreal with mentor Sasha Farber
8. Hudson West (General Hospital) & Kameron Couch with mentor Hayley Erbert
9. Mackenzie Zeigler (Singer/Sister of Maddie Zeigler) & Sage Rosen with mentor Gleb Savchenko
10. Tripp Palin (Bristol’s Son) & Hailey Bills with mentor Jenna Johnson
11. Addison Osta Smith (junior chef) & Lev Khmelev with mentor Keo Motsepe
12. Jason Maybaum (Raven’s Home) & Elliana Walmsley with mentor Emma Slater

Yay! We get to see them perform already! They are so cute! Oh my word! The adult mentors dance in the foreground. Then start dancing with their kids. I really hope DWTS Juniors does better than American Idol Juniors did, because it hasn’t even started yet and I love these kids! Jordan Fisher and Frankie Muniz will host! Yay! They’re so professional!

In Jeopardy

John and Emma are safe and do not have to dance! The five remaining couples do have to dance.

Mary Lou and Sasha – The pressure is starting to mount for her. She knows she needs to stop being so difficult with herself. She just wants to have fun and be good. She said when she became famous at 16, she lost her voice and who she was. Now, she’s learning who she is through DWTS.

Ooh! I like this dance! It’s fun! I love that she exclaims, “That was for all the moms,” after her dance. Len believes her dance was as great as the first. No negative comments. Bruno comments that’s how you deliver under pressure. Her foot placement was so much better than before. Carrie Anne got this dance what she was hoping for with the first dance.

Erin Andrews comments that this dance seemed more like Mary Lou than the first dance.

Judge’s Scores – 21 out of 30!

Danelle and Artem – She feels like the second dance has more pressure, because now she has to do better. Artem worries that this couldn’t get anymore difficult. He seems to have a bad attitude sometimes, but he did comfort her in her worries.

A beautiful dance, especially because she can’t see his moves, so she has to feel him move. They get a standing ovation from the crowd. Bruno notices a small incident in the footwork, but only because he could see she was trying to do what they coached her to do. Carrie Anne says the first dance was inspiring. This one was impressive. Len states that her challenge is the greatest and is inspired with the standard she dances to.

Judge’s Scores – 18 out of 30

Nikki and Gleb – Nikki likes that she gets to dance the same dance style and improve on it with the notes she’s been given. Gleb didn’t agree with the scores the night before.

This dance is more fun than the first dance. She seems to be a little less reserved, but still cautious. She admits she had more fun tonight. Carrie Anne liked the overall presentation and that she seemed more comfortable. She tells her to be stronger with her arms. Own how great she looks. Len says she controlled the dance this time after letting the dance to control her the first time. Bruno liked her fun attitude today, but she needs to improve on her hip movement. She is so humble. I do really love her. I want to watch her comedy. I hope it’s not in appropriate.

Judge’s Scores – 18 out of 30

Alexis and Alan – Alexis comments on the sexiness and confidence this second Jive will require, because confidence is something she’s always struggled with. Alan pushes her to go out and kill it.

Well, this one is definitely more striking than the fun jive they did yesterday. It’s still fun though. I like it. Her smile says she’s confident. Some of her steps could stand to be stronger, but overall it seemed like a great dance. Len was amazed that Alexis was in jeopardy. He believes she is a terrific dancer. If they don’t come back, then he’s going to show his bum in the supermarket. Bruno agrees that her first performance was fantastic and that tonight’s was just as great. Carrie Anne comments on how much harder this seems to be for her than it seemed yesterday. Alexis really wants to be here and she wants to prove she deserves to be here. Alan is so proud of her.

Judge’s Scores – 23 out of 30

Nancy and Val – She’s nervous about the new dance. She knows she has no choice but to greet every day with the best she can do.

So much fun! Dancing on Sunshine! Another song Aly & AJ covered and it’s different than their version, but there’s no mistaking Nancy is stepping with the song. Bruno loved this second dance. She was less tense than the first dance. Carrie Anne was impressed, because Val upped the difficulty and she tackled it. Len mentions the one problem from the first dance was the gap between them, but not this dance. The contact was on point.

Judge’s Scores – 21 out of 30

Elimination

Danelle & Artem – 18 + 18 + votes = Safe

Nikki & Gleb – 17 + 18 + votes = Eliminated Man, I really liked her! ☹

Nancy & Val – 18 + 21 + votes = Safe

Mary Lou & Sasha – 19 + 21 + votes = Safe

Alexis & Alan – 21 + 23 + votes = Safe

TVD: Season 2 Episode 11 – Recap and Reactions

Episode 11

Werewolves

Tyler listens to the video again while getting ready to go to the cellar. He tries calling Mason, but Mason doesn’t answer. Some woman is at his house listening to the voicemail.

The woman, Jules, comes to see if Mason is in Mystic Falls. They tell her he’s in Florida. She tells them he’s not.

Tyler tells Caroline Mason never made it back to Florida. Alaric happens to be sitting right there. He and Caroline exchange a look.

Jules calls someone telling them Mason is missing and that he was lying about there being another werewolf. She goes to the Grill looking for Tyler. Damon and Alaric are there.

Caroline helps Tyler prepare. She brings wolfbane, he touches it, and it burns him. She puts it in his water bottle. He takes off his shirt and she freaks out thinking he’s going to get naked.

Alaric acts like a drunk and talks with Jules. Damon jokes he’s a town drunk. Alaric buys her drink and puts wolfbane it to make sure she’s not a werewolf. She doesn’t drink it.

Damon plays stupid and claims he’s friends with Mason when Jules brings him up.

At almost 8, Tyler still hasn’t changed. They talk about when it might happen, how long he’ll actually be a wolf, and everything. He moves to drink from his bottle. She worries about him doing it. He starts to drink about starts gagging. Caroline goes to comfort him. He starts yelling at her. She keeps comforting him. He’s calmer and apologizes.

Tyler starts struggling with the burning of the wolfsbane. Caroline tries to comfort him. He tells her to leave. She says not yet. He final starts changing.

Damon assures Jules he’ll speak with the sheriff if it can help find Mason. He tries to encourage to have a drink she refuses. She knows he’s a vampire. She is a werewolf.

Tyler falls silent. She wants to help, but she doesn’t know what to do. He says there’s nothing he can do. It seems like his bones break or something when he changes. She tells him to get out. She says know. She holds him while he fights the change.

Damon wants to look for her. Alaric tells him not to. The moon is up. If the werewolf stuff is true, then one bite would kill him. He seems to agree.

Caroline keeps holding Tyler. It seems to comfort him, but he’s still struggling through the pain. She tries to get him to sleep. He tries to get her to leave. She refuses. Not yet. He really starts changing now. His teeth and everything. She runs and tries to lock the cage as she knows. He comes after her. She apologizes to him and leaves. She sobs outside the odor of the cellar. He’s going full wolf. She hears silence. This must be terrible with her hyper senses. He breaks through the cage door and fights through the cellar door. She speeds away.

Damon goes home and locks the door. It’s quiet. He seems concerned. Rose is there. She apologizes about Elena. He knows she has nowhere else to go. He tells her there’s nothing here for her. They hear glass break. It’s Jules. Yup! It’s Jules. She bites Rose. He stabs Jules with a knife. She’s in pain. It’s healing. He’s surprised. She starts crying. She thought a werewolf bite was fatal. He comforts her.

Caroline waits in the woods for something to happen. When nothing happens, she slowly goes back to cellar to check on Tyler. He didn’t get through the door. He’s inside, naked and crying. She calls out to him. He says her name. She runs to him. He’s huddled in a ball. She’s relieved saying he’s okay. He says he’s not. He cries and she holds him.

Damon tells Rose he talked to Caroline. Mason’s still in locked up. The legend seems to be fake. I wonder if it is or if it depends on the werewolf family. She tells him she’s going to stay and help protect Elena, all things Elena. She says she’ll stay as a friend. He asks just as  friend? She says maybe a special friend, but she doesn’t love men who love other women. The place where she was bitten blisters over after healing.

Salvatore Lovers

Elena asks Bonnie what she’s going to do with the moonstone. She tells her she’s going to remove the curse. Elena reminds her that Katherine says that will make Klaus very jealous. She asks her to focus on getting Stefan out of the tomb. Bonnie tells her this is what Stefan wants her to focus on. They don’t want her being sacrificed for some creepy ritual. Bonnie goes to the kitchen for coffee. Jeremy leaves after a moment. Elena takes the moonstone and says she’s going to go check on Stefan. Bonnie and Jeremy tell her this was a test and she failed. Elena tells them Klaus killed Katherine’s entire family when she crossed him. She doesn’t want the same. Bonnie lets Elena go. She finds herself trapped in the house by some invisible force.

Damon tells Stefan about it. Stefan can’t believe it. Damon says he should be grateful he and Bonnie are getting along. Damon brings Stefan a bag and blood. He doesn’t take the blood, because he’ll only have to share it with Katherine. Damon takes the blood.

Damon comes in and remarks to Elena that she should really keep her door locked. He tells her he didn’t tell Stefan about Elijah, because there’s nothing he can do about it. He asks where Bonnie is. She’s on moonstone duty, he’s on Elena patrol. Alaric calls telling Damon that Sheriff officially has Mason on the missing person’s list. He teases her again about getting out of the house and puts Jeremy on babysitting duty. She throws a pillow at him.

Katherine tries to seduce Stefan, talking to him about Damon having what he wants. Turns out, it was her messing with his head again.

Katherine asks Stefan if he’s really not going to talk to her. He says they can talk about how she regrets all the things she’s done to make his life miserable. She tells him it’s all been elf-preservation. She tells him she does love him though. He tells her to do something to prove there’s something good in her. She wonders why. He’d still hate her. She tells him she doesn’t know where to find Klaus, but he might be able to help. He assumes she wants something. He tells her to ask Isabelle who found her. She might know.

Ugh! Stefan being out makes it harder for Elena and Damon to get together. Stefan goes to her room. They kiss like a lot.

The Originals

Elijah shows up inside the Gilbert house. Jenna let him in. He’s claiming he’s doing research on Mystic Falls. He tells Elena he hopes to see her again soon. Elena goes banging on Jeremy’s door, trying to tell her about Elijah. Elijah speeds over and tells her not to mention him. She claims Jenna wants his help.

Elijah tells Elena he didn’t want her to be taken. If word gets out the doppelganger exists, there will be a line of vampires eager to take her to Klaus, the most feared and hated of the originals. He doesn’t want that happening. His goal is not to break the curse. He wants to get back into Klaus’ immediate circle. He’s become a recluse. She asks how she knows he’s telling the truth. He says if he was lying, then her friends would be dead and she’d be going to Klaus. Elijah makes a deal with her. He promises to keep all of her friends safe if she stops fighting the protection and comes with him when he wants to lure Klaus out and then kill him. He and his witch friends can help keep them safe. She agrees but has one condition. Probably to get Stefan out of the tomb.

Stefan and Katherine hear someone opening the tomb. It’s Elijah he tells them about Elena’s request and that they’ve come to a peaceful agreement.  He and her. He tells Stefan he’s had the spell lifted. Stefan cautiously walks out. Katherine tries to leave to. Elijah stops her. He tells Stefan he’s free to go and that Elena will explain the agreement to him. Katherine begs Stefan not to let Elijah leave her down. He swallows regret and says goodbye.

Bonnie

Bonnie goes to give Luka his dog chains back and apologize about almost killing him. He forgives her and lets her come in. They have a room full of spell books. He explains they’ve been lost and his dad is obsessed with keeping the family legacy in tact. He believes all witches are family. She asks him if he knows how to unbind a talisman from it’s spell.

He asks what the stone is. She doesn’t answer. He teases her about keeping secrets. They channel each other to break the bind. The stone starts floating and bursts into sparks.

Dr. Martin asks if Luka was successful. He says he was. Bonnie didn’t suspect a think. He gives his dad the stone.

TVD: Season 2 Episode 10 – Recap and Reactions

Episode 10

Salvatore Lovers

Elena wakes up to a loud noise downstairs. Her bedroom door is open and her diary is open beside her bed. It looks like Dr. Martin has come for a visit, but it was just a quick glance. I don’t know who it is. Elena runs into a shirtless Alaric who has clearly been fooling around with an embarrassed Jenna. While she’s in the hall with Alaric and Jenna, the guy takes a picture of Elena, a lock of her hair, and something else. He leaves without being noticed. Elena goes back to bed.

Damon and Stefan go to see Katherine and then go to speak with Elena about it. Katherine tells them she’ll give them the moonstone if they let her out. She’s dirty, bored, and hungry. They tell Elena about the information Slater shared with them. They discussed it with Bonnie before talking to Elena. She tells them they don’t want her to do it. If they destroy the moonstone, then Klaus will go after everyone she cares about including them.

Elena goes to the estate and runs into Rose who says, “It’s rude to leave a woman naked so early in the morning.” I’m assuming she was expecting Damon, because it couldn’t have been Stefan. Elena is uncomfortable. Rose tells her no one else is there. Elena tells her she came to talk to her. She wants to talk to Slater about Klaus. She says Rose and Damon gave up before they could get more information. Rose thinks it’s a bad idea. She reminds them it’s because someone blew up the coffee shop with someone it She asks why she’s come to her for help. Elena says because she owes her for not having her killed by Damon and Stefan. Rose argues it’s because they wouldn’t want her doing it. She says they’re having a disagreement. They’re willing to risk everyone she cares about to take down Klaus. Rose says they’re just trying to protect her. Elena brings the conversation back to talking to Slater. Elena offers to give Rose a chance to walk in daylight if she helps her.

Elena and Rose find Slater dead in his home. They look around to see if they can find any information. Rose opens the blinds to look outside through the double tempered glass. They find someone named Alice who cries about him.

Alice found Slater only a few minutes before they did. Rose says she’s overreacting. Elena thinks she’s being harsh. Rose says she only cares because she was with him long enough to see if he’d turn her. Elena manipulates her into helping them get into Slater’s computer. She says she can convince Rose to turn her. She knows that’s not true, but Alice doesn’t. Elena tells Alice to get a message to Klaus. “The doppelganger is alive and ready to surrender.”

Rose calls Damon and her first words are, “Don’t be angry with me.” He asks what she did. She tells him to get to Richmond immediately.

Dr. Martin performs a spell with Elijah. He’s kind of handsome. Pity he’s an ass. I guess the spell tells them where she is. He finds her and she sees his reflection in the window she’s looking out of.

While Elena is waiting with Rose and Alice, Damon shows up and startles her. She knows Rose called him. Alice of course knows who Damon is. He tries to make her leave. She doesn’t get to make decisions anymore. She says she’s never made her own decisions. He and Stefan make them all for her. She doesn’t want to be saved. He tells her to go or he’ll throw her over his shoulder. She goes to punch him, he stops her. Their faces get incredibly close and the tension is palpable.

Damon tells Elena it’s time to leave. He’s put Alice to sleep and she won’t remember any part of the day. Klaus’ people show up wanting to see the doppelganger. She thanks them for coming. Damon holds her back, she tries to fight, he threatens to break her arm, but in an oddly caring tone. Elijah shows up and kills one of the messengers. The only other two talk to him about the doppelganger. They were going to take Elena to them. Elijah kills them and then leaves. Does he not want Klaus to get the doppelganger?

Dr. Martin assumes Elijah killed Damon. He tells him he spared him and that he basically needs Damon and Stefan to keep her safe.

Elena thanks Damon for bringing her home. He tells her what she did was stupid. She asks why he would question why she’d want to save all of them, when she doesn’t question them for always trying to save her. Jeremy opens the door and tells them about Stefan.

Elena goes running to the tomb and Damon follows. He pushes her up against the wall when she nearly goes inside. She blames him for letting this happen. He says he was too busy saving her. Stefan and Katherine listen to them fighting. He lets go when she stops fighting. She leaves. Damon calls Stefan an idiot and tells him he’ll find a way out. Stefan says he’ll figure it out. He asks Damon to promise to keep Elena safe and away from the tomb. Damon promises even though he knows it won’t be easy and leaves. Katherine tells Stefan that was the biggest mistake he’s ever made. I mean… she’s probably not wrong. If this time away from Stefan doesn’t bring Damon and Elena together, then nothing will.

Bonnie

Bonnie and Luka talk about their powers and how Bonnie needs help if she’s not going to have nosebleeds and pass out. He tells her she needs help from nature, the elements, and sometimes channeling another witch. He shows her and the wind around them gets storm crazy. Everything goes back to normal after a minute. I wonder if Luka is in on the team Originals with his dad or if he’s clueless. Jeremy comes up and says Luka is weird. She tells him he’s not. She gets a text message from Damon.

Bonnie, Jeremey, and the Salvatore’s talk about how they’re going to get the moonstone from Katherine. Bonnie plans to try to lift the tomb curse quickly enough for them to get in and get out. Jeremy reminds her about what happened when she tried it with her grandma. He suggests he go in and get it. He’s got his ring. He can get in and get out. Bonnie suggests a way to improve that plan. She needs something of Katherine’s.

Stefan brings her the picture he has of her. She burns it and says she can use the ashes to temporarily incapacitate Katherine. She starts to bleed again.

Jeremy worries about Bonnie. She might get hurt, but Elena could die. They share another moment. He puts the ashes in his wallet.

Jeremy goes into the tomb to get the tombstone. He shoots her and throws the ashes at her. He feels her up to see if she has the stone on her. When he can’t find it, he goes looking for it and finds it. He grabs it and starts running. Katherine is awake now and attacks him. He throws the stone away.

Damon, Stefan, and Bonnie meet at the tomb and they’re waiting for Jeremy. The idiot went in the tomb without back up.

When Stefan and Bonnie go to the tomb, Katherine comes up to taunt them. She’s hanging on to Jeremy and calls him her new little toy, because no matter how many times she kills him, the ring will keep bringing him back for more.

Bonnie and Stefan know now she really has no choice but to open the tomb. She channels Luka while she tries. He feels it and Dr. Martin notices, but he claims it’s nothing.

Bonnie performs the spell. Jeremy tells Stefan to make her stop. She’s not strong enough. Katherine thinks she might be. Dr. Martin knows something is up now as Luka feels the strain of the spell. He is apart of whatever his dad is apart of. He told him to bond with Bonnie. He and Stefan try to help their loved ones. Bonnie cries about not being strong enough. Katherine goes to feed more on Jeremy. Stefan unthinkably runs into the tomb and throws Jeremy out.

Bonnie and Jeremy fight over him getting involved and Stefan being stuck because of him. Bonnie tells him he can’t feel that way about her. He tells her not to act like it’s one-sided. They almost kiss. She tells him she can’t. You can hear both of their hearts break. Jeremy holds a bandage to his neck.

Werewolves

While Tyler is shooting hoops, Matt comes up, apologizes for picking a fight and admits he feels guilty for what happened to Sarah. When he walks away, Caroline catches him, but he walks away. Caroline goes to talk to Tyler about what he’ll do during the full moon. He tries to keep it private at first, but she reminds him she’s pretty much the town planner.

Tyler and Caroline walk through the woods. Tyler takes her to the old Lockwood cellar telling her that’s where he’s going to lock himself up. She looks around and finds something. She unwraps it. It’s a journal. Mason’s journal. It has an SD card in it.

Caroline and Tyler put the SD card in his computer and watch a video of Mason’s first night as werewolf on a full moon. He drank diluted wolfsbane to weaken himself. He was in a lot of pain while he changing. It takes him over 5 hours to changed, all the while screaming and crying through it. Tyler almost starts to cry.

Mason wrote that the first time was unthinkable. Then, it got better over time. Tyler asks Caroline why she’s helping him. She admits he seems like he needs it. She was alone when she turned. She had no control over her body or her urges and she killed somebody. She doesn’t want that to happen to him. She doesn’t want him to be alone. I wonder if they’re just going to be good friends or if this is going to turn into something. The door rings. It’s Matt. She steps outside. He doesn’t know why he’s there. He was driving home from work and found himself there. He tells her he misses her. She doesn’t say anything at first. Then, she smiles. He smiles back and Tyler opens the door. It’s awkward.

DWTS Season 27 – Episode 1 Recap & Review

I’m no dancer. I don’t even know if I know how to dance. I can follow choreography decently when following along to a video, but I’m not a dancer. I am however a fan of Dancing with the Stars. I’ve been watching it since I was in high school, maybe a little longer. I’ve watched at least sixteen seasons as they’ve aired and I’ve picked up on a few of the things the judges look for. I’m no pro, and I don’t really know what I’m talking about when it comes to dancing, but I do know my stars and even when I don’t, I love to get to know them. This is my attempt at reviewing the whole season as it airs–maybe a couple days later than it airs.

(Reviews out of Order, because I forgot I was going to do this

until halfway through the show)

Evanna Lynch and Keo Motsepe – Yay! Luna Lovegood! She’s one of my favorite characters of all times! I was so excited when I learned she’d be on DWTS this season! Not gonna lie though, I was a little bummed too. Keo seems like a great guy, but he tends not to do super well in DWTS. Maybe it’s his partners, maybe it’s not. To me it seems like as great of a dancer he is, he just doesn’t seem to be a great teacher. He did fairly well with Jodie Sweeton though, so here’s hoping he does well with Evanna, too!

I smiled when the music started playing! “Do You Believe in Magic?” A perfect song for a magical girl. While I loved the dance, it honestly didn’t seem very magical to me. Maybe it’s because I’m used to Aly & AJ version of the song, but I just couldn’t figure out if Evanna seemed slightly out of step or if it was my unfamiliarity with this version of this song. Either way, it just kind of seemed off. The judges loved it too, but they weren’t in total disagreement with me. They made no comments of her timing, but they did say she could use some work. She was made to dance, says me and the judges, but she’s definitely not a pro yet.

Judge’s Scores – 18 out of 30

Milo Manheim and Witney Carson – My siblings have been telling me to watch Zombies for months. They know I am a huge Disney fan, but I’m not a huge Zombie fan. They seem so over-rated, and that’s coming from someone who likes vampires and werewolves. ha, ha. Anyway, I wasn’t disinterested in learning Milo would be a contest, because I do know of him, but I wasn’t exactly interested either. Not for him at least. I love Witney! She’s one of my favorite pros, so I always get excited when she comes back as a pro!

Milo is a great dancer! I was impressed. Though, he did seem a little too stiff at times and a little zombie-ish at other times. The judges agreed. He did have a lot of control over his body. Not surprising when he’s so tall and like a foot taller than his partner. I’m sure we’ll see great things from him if he sticks around though.

Judge’s Scores – 20 out of 30

Bobby Bones and Sharna Burgess  – Bobby Bones is crazy! I love him and he’s crazy! That’s all I have to say about him and his dance! haha.

Judge’s Scores – 20 out of 30.

Juan Pablo Di Pace and Cheryl Burke –  I’m just gonna say it. I am not a fan of Cheryl Burke. Even though I sort of know how to Cha Cha because she did a mini tutorial on Disney Channel back when The Suite Life of Zack & Cody had a dancing episode, I’m just not a fan of her. I am however a fan of Juan Pablo or as I know him, Fernando! I love all things Full and Fuller House! I was excited to learn he’d be on the show! I want to get to know him and see if he’s as lovable as Fernando is! So far, so great! He’s very charming and quite the hard worker. He takes Cheryl’s bossy and competitive nature and uses it to his advantage! You can see that in his dance. I can’t wait to see more from him!

Judge’s Scores – 22 out of 30

Nikki Glaser and Gleb Savchenko – I love Gleb! He’s so handsome and charming! I have no idea who this Nikki girl is, but she does seem funny and down-to-earth. I’m looking forward to getting to know her.

Unfortunately, I’ve got to agree with the judges. This dance was very sloppy and messy. I hope she doesn’t go home. I’d love to get to know her further.

Judge’s Scores – 17 out of 30

Mary Lou Retton and Sasha Farber – I love Sasha! He’s also very charming! I love his accent! ha, ha. I didn’t know who Mary Lou Retton was before this. I’m sure I’ve heard her name before, I love gymnastics and also cheer for the gymnasts, but I didn’t recognize her when they announced her. Her dance though was pretty great! Not perfect, not even my favorite, but good!

Judge’s Scores – 19 out of 30

Danelle Umstead and Artem Chigvintsev – I love Artem too! His accent is also great! ha, ha. I didn’t know who Danielle was before this episode, but dude she is so impressive! Snowboarding and now dancing while blind!? That’s insane! She is so cool!

Her dance was beautiful! Obviously, it wasn’t perfect, but it was very close, especially for someone who has to fully trust someone she’s only just met to guide her where she needs to be! Dude, so good!

Judge’s Scores – 18 out of 30

Alexis Ren and Alan Bersten – Alan is adorable. Alexis is very sweet. I’ve never heard of her and until her introduction video, I kept thinking she was Malese Jow from Nickelodeon’s Unfabulous and the CW’s The Vampire Diaries. Now that I know she’s an Instagram star, I’m actually a little bummed. I was looking forward to seeing Malese dance. Oh, well. I think it’s sweet that she’s doing this for her mom.

The dance was very well done. Again, not perfect. Not incredibly memorable, but good nonetheless. Wow, she really does look like Malese at certain angles! Ha, ha.

Judge’s Scores – 24 out of 30

John Schneider and Emma Slater – Yay! I love Emma and her British accent! (I’m obsessed with english and australian accents in case you can’t tell.) She is such a sweet girl! I know of John, but I know enough about him to say if I like him.

Oh, that was a fun dance! I love that the first dances are often based on their biggest roles! In this case, a Duke’s of Hazard tribute. He seemed like a country boy trying to dance to be honest. I mean, he definitely held himself high, but he does have a lot to learn! As the judges agree! It was a fun dance though!

Judge’s Scores – 18 out of 30

Tinashe and Brandon Armstrong – Ooh! A new pro! That’s always fun and a little scary! How will they do? Is this good for the star? I don’t know, but since I don’t know who she is, I’m more excited about meeting this new pro! He’s been on Trope for a long time, but it’s his first season as pro.

Her moves aren’t very sharp and yet they’re also somehow too stiff. The dance is fun, but nothing too memorable. She’s good. Not great, but she’s got potential. So does he. The judges approve. No negative comments from them. A few notes on Brandon’s choreography and Tinashe’s leg movement, but otherwise seemingly good comments.

Judge’s Scores – 23 out of 30

Nancy McKeon and Val Chmerkovskiy – I no idea who she is, but I love Val, so I’ll be cheering her on! She seems fun! I’m sure I’ll love her if she lasts.

She seemed lost for a moment, but otherwise, the dance is nice. Not perfect, but nothing too in your face wrong, at least not to someone who doesn’t know dance. The judges love her energy, but have comments for body contact. Even Len liked it.

Judge’s Scores – 18 out of 30

Grocery Store Joe and Jenna Johnson – I’m neither here nor there with Joe. I watched some of Bachelor in Paradise and loved him with Kendall, but I’m not super excited about him. I don’t know Jenna, but she’s engaged to Val, so I already like her.

He wants to be known as Dancing Joe now. He’s gonna have to survive this week and dance a lot better next week if that’s going to happen because he is not dancing Joe. He’s a very awkward dancer and it didn’t help that he danced to a song that kept repeating “I’m a fish out of water.” He’s so charming though. His smile might be his saving grace. The judges comment more on his charm than his dancing too. Even Len doesn’t want to critique his dancing. Poor guy seems so sad. Kendall in the crowd is adorable though.

Judge’s Scores – 14 out of 30 (Len does apologize before giving a 4)

DeMarcus Ware and Lindsay Arnold – Yay! I love Lindsay! (honestly, at this point, the pros are my stars. I barely know most of the stars these days) I know DeMarcus’ name, but I don’t actually know who he is.

He’s tall, muscular athlete’s body makes the dance a little awkward at first as usual, but the dance is otherwise pretty great. He’s got moves and his personality works great with Lindsay’s. I’m impressed. The judges seem to love his dance too. Let the scores speak.

Judge’s Scores – 23 out of 30

…

Most Memorable Dances of the Night – Evanna Lynch & Keo Motsepe and John Schneider and Emma Slater, not because they were perfect, but because they really brought out the stars that they are, not only by playing off their major roles, but also by making them comfortable.

Best Dance of the Night – I mean, DeMarcus Ware, man! The dude can dance! Apparently, most football players can! His was impressive though and I just love his and Lindsay’s energy!

Ranking from Highest to Lowest

1. Demarcus & Lindsay – 23
2. Tinashe & Brandon – 23
3. Juan Pablo & Cheryl – 22
4. Alexis & Alan – 21
5. Bobby & Sharna – 20
6. Milo & Witney – 20
7. Mary Lou & Sasha – 19
8. Danelle & Artem – 18
9. Evanna & Leo – 18
10. John & Emma – 18
11. Nancy & Val – 18
12. Nikki & Gleb – 17
13. Joe & Jenna 14

TVD: Season 2 Episode 9 -Recap and Reactions

Episode 9

The Doppelgangers

Bulgaria, 1490 – Katherine gives birth to a baby girl. She begs her parents to just let her hold her baby, but her father refuses. She has made their family a disgrace.

Elena goes to the Salvatore house. Damon answers. She asks about Stefan, because he called. She doesn’t seem to want to be there. Rose tells them about Klaus and that he’s coming to find Elena. Klaus is the oldest vampire “alive.” Stefan tries to tell her it might just be a fiction story. He doesn’t know anyone who has actually seen Klaus. Damon tries to balance both of them. Elena gets up and tells them she’s going to school. Stefan offers to go with her. She says she can go herself. Damon tells Rose Elena’s in denial. Good. Good for her! She’s still responding like a normal human being!

Elena goes to talk to Katherine and asks Caroline to cover for her at school and with Stefan. Caroline agrees reluctantly. She’s also the one to open the tomb for Elena. Elena needs to talk to Katherine, because she’s the only one who knows the truth. Elena calls out to Katherine. A weakened, bone skinny Katherine scurries over to Elena with a rough voice. Elena and Katherine asks Caroline to leave. Katherine has brought Katherine a bunch of stuff and asks Katherine to tell her about Klaus. She brought Katherine’s family Petrova history book and some blood. Katherine freaks out. Elena gives her a small amount of blood. Katherine tells Elena she has the Petrova family fire.

Her story with Klaus goes back to 1492. Her family disowned her after her pregnancy out of wedlock. She was banished to England where she met nobleman Klaus. She was keen with him until she found out what he was. Then, she ran. Klaus’ men chased after her. That’s where Rose’s friend, Trevor, found her and helped her escape. Elena figures out that Klaus wanted the same with Katherine that he now wants with her.

Damon goes to talk to Rose. She knows he loves Elena. Apparently everyone but Elena knows he loves Elena and the only reason she doesn’t know is because she’s in denial. She tells him she got through to Klaus through a very low man named Slater.

Katherine explains the curse was created with Petrova blood. The doppelganger was created as a way to break the curse.

Katherine runs to someone’s home telling her Trevor told her they’d help her. It’s Rose and an older human lady. Katherine shows Rose that she stole the moonstone from Klaus. Rose locks Katherine in a room and says at night fall she’s taking her back to Klaus and begging for mercy.

Damon threatens Rose, telling her if she’s crossing him in anyway, he’ll rip her heart out and shove it down her throat—something he’s very good at. Rose’s friend knows everything apparently. He gives a quick recap of Damon’s life.

Katherine tries killing herself. Rose feeds her blood so she’ll turn if she dies. Katherine hangs herself. Trevor tells Rose he loves Katherine.

She explains to Elena dying is better than being sacrificed. Klaus was only interested in human blood. She’s only kept running because she underestimated Klaus’ spirit of revenger. She notices Elena is worried she may be right. She reminds her there’s another way out. Katherine cuts herself as a mocking offering of becoming a vampire.

Rose tells Trevor he’s a fool. Katherine used them and she doesn’t pretend she didn’t.

Elena doesn’t like that Katherine doesn’t care about using people. She’s impressed Trevor lasted 500 years. She tells her she was looking out for herself and if Elena was smart, she’d do the same.

Damon and Rose talk to Slater about how to get connected to Klaus. He uses Craig’s list.

Elijah gives a street performing guitar player $100 and takes some of his coins. He stands passing them through his hands while looking through the window at Damon, Rose, and Slater.

Elena asks how much of her story is true. Katherine explains she has no reason to lie locked in the tomb. Elena knows there’s more to breaking the curse than just her and the stone. Katherine says they need a witch, a werewolf, a vampire, the blood of a Petrova, and the stone. Katherine figured 500 hundred years of running could be upended in a really good bargain.

Slater tells them if a vampire breaks the sun curse, then a werewolf can’t break the moon stone. Damon wants to how to make it impossible to break the curse. Damon offers to get Slater a way to walk in the sun if he helps him make the curse impossible to break. Elijah has been listening and at this point he throws the quarters at the windows of the vampire café leaving the vampires inside to burn in its light. Damon covers Rose with his jacket while they and everyone else run away. Damon asks Rose who’s behind this. She starts crying and saying it’s Klaus. He gets sensitive.

Stefan shows up at the tomb. Elena assumes Caroline told him. He assures her he didn’t, but it wasn’t hard to figure out. He tells her whatever Katherine said was a lie. Elena isn’t so sure. He promises he won’t let anything bad happen to her. “That’s the problem. You’ll die trying. How is that any better?” Katherine continues her story.

She finds everyone in Bulgaria, her family and friends, murdered. She cries over their dead bodies.

Stefan is still in denial. She offers to give them the moonstone. Stefan assumes her plan is to give them the stone for her freedom. She says every word she said was the truth. She doesn’t need freedom. She’s in the safest place in town. No vampire would enter the tomb, because they’d never be able to get out. Elena and Stefan know she’s telling the truth.

Rose apologizes to Damon for what happened her earlier. She didn’t know it would happen. He believes her. She knows he wants to save Elena. He swears he will. She says he reminds her of Trevor because he always talked a big game but inside was the best friend anyone could hope for. They toast ironically to friendship. She tells him he’s right to fight the way he feels about her, because if they want to survive, they need to not care about anyone. Caring about others gets you killed. She tells him it might be time to turn the switch off on his emotions. They start making out.

Elena gets home with Stefan. She doesn’t want to talk about it. She wanted to know the truth and now she has it. “I can’t blame anyone else anymore. It’s not because you came to town or because you and I fell in love. That’s not why everyone I love is in danger. It’s because of me. Everything is because of me.” While she cries in hyperventilation, he holds her.

In the tomb, Katherine looks through her family history book and finds a sketched picture of her and her parents. She traces her figure over it. She starts to cry in anger.

Rose tells Damon it’s a lie. There’s no switch you can turn off. Sure, when you’re a newbie, but after a couple hundred years, you just have to pretend. Slater calls. He doesn’t want any part of it, but he did some digging. He tells them they can break the curse with the moonstone and a witch. When he gets off the phone, Elijah is there and has compelled him to lie and to kill himself. He’s able to compel vampires because he’s an original. Oh snap! Dr. Martin is there! He is apparently on good terms with Elijah if not all the Originals. The oldest TVD vampires are so much more intriguing than the oldest Twilight vampires! And I love Twilight! I’ve read it countless time and will likely read it countless more times!

Bonnie and Jeremy

Jeremy asks Bonnie to go the Grill with him. She agrees to go. They both act kind of awkward about it. A new guy, Luka, comes up asking for directions. He’s a handsome black man who she obviously finds attractive. Jeremy seems jealous, but cool.

When Bonnie gets to the Grill, she runs into Luka. She sits with him and his dad for a minute. She tells them her full name and Dr. Martin’s first comment is a question of whether Bonnie has family in Salem. She answers honestly. Jeremy comes in at that moment and she stands up, touching Luka as she does to get a read on him.

Jeremy and Bonnie flirt while playing pool and Luka comes up calling the winner. Bonnie asks where his dad went. He says he went home.

Bonnie and Jeremy flirt from across the bar and Luka interrupts again. He apologizes for his dad. They picked up on something. So did she. They’re warlocks. She’s amazed. I think he’s lying and or hiding something.

Caroline

To deter Stefan from going to find Elena isn’t home, Caroline tells him she told Tyler about the curse.

Caroline and Stefan eat together at the Grill. Caroline keeps talking about Tyler and asks why Stefan cares so much about her. He says it’s because she reminds him of Lexi. She’s surprised he has a friend.

Stefan catches on to Caroline’s act, because he knows she’s good at playing the distraction on demand. She acts confused. He knows she’s working for Elena. He asks where she is. Caroline says she can’t tell him. He wants to know where she is because she just nearly got killed. Caroline is offended. She would not let Elena put herself in danger. This leads him to believe she’s with Damon. Caroline says, “Eww, no.” He asks again. He plays the first card and she reminds him that she’s also Elena’s friend and she’s not telling him where she is. He leaves.

Jeremy looks up at Bonnie, spots her with Luka, and leaves.

The Originals

TVD: Season 2 Episode 8 – Recap and Reactions

Episode 8

Salvatore Lovers

Stefan tells Damon about Elena. He assumes it’s Katherine, but Damon assures him it’s not and tells him about Katherine’s warning about Elena being in danger. Stefan is upset he didn’t mention it before, but Damon assumed it was a lie. Everything Katherine says is a lie. Stefan says they’re going to go talk to Katherine. Damon says it’s a bad idea. Stefan states, “It’s Elena.”

Stefan talks to Bonnie about getting Katherine out. She tells him there’s another way to find Elena. It’s through Jeremy’s blood. He drips it on a map. She does a spell to make the blood move to where Elena should be. She’s 300 miles away. Bonnie leans over the map weakened and drips blood over it. She hides it. Jeremy tries to get Stefan to let him go with him to get Elena. Damon comes in and says he’s going. Stefan is surprised. Damon repeats, “It’s Elena.”

Damon drives and Stefan thanks him. Stefan wants to talk about whether Damon loves Elena or not. Damon doesn’t want to bond with his brother. He claims he can step out of helping as fast as he stepped in. Stefan reminds him he can’t. His eyes say it. “It’s Elena.”

Damon and Stefan arrive in the middle of the woods. Damon tells Stefan whoever has Elena is probably at least 500 years old. He warns him it’s likely they won’t come out of the house. Stefan believes there’s no better way to die. Damon follows.

When Damon starts to go after Rose, Elena tells him to let her go. He stops and looks up at her from the bottom of the stair case. She starts to move toward him. Stefan intersects and they hug, but she looks at Damon. She mouths thank you and he mouths you’re welcome.

Damon is surprised Stefan comes home instead of staying with Elena. Stefan explains she wanted to be with Jeremy. He tells Damon they can’t be fighting if they’re going to protect Elena. And he apologizes to Damon for turning him 145 years ago. He just needed his brother.

Elena comes out of her bathroom to find Damon in her room. He has her necklace. He found it. He holds it out to her, but won’t give it back to her yet, because what he’s about to say next is the most selfish thing he’s ever going to say. She tells him not to. He tells her he loves her, he can’t be selfish with her, he doesn’t deserve her, and that Stefan does. Yay! He says it! He tells her he loves her! He kisses her forehead and then compels her to forget. Idiot. Selfless in this case idiot, but idiot! She comes out of the trance confused and wearing her necklace again.

Bonnie and Jeremy

Jeremy is in the bathroom, calls Elena, knocks on her door, and when she doesn’t answer, opens her door to find her room empty.

Jeremy talks Stefan about Elena being gone. At first, he assumes she spent the night with him. He tells him they’re not back together yet. He checked with Mrs. Lockwood and was told her car was still in the driveway.

Jeremy and Bonnie talk about Alaric taking Jenna away from the house so she won’t ask questions about Elena. Bonnie and Jeremy have a mom talking about Elena. Then, she realizes there’s another spell she can try. With Elena’s hairbrush, Bonnie might be able to send Elena a message. Her nose starts bleeding and Jeremy freaks out. She finishes her spell and passes out. Jeremy freaks out even more. I think they’re going to bond further.

Jeremy gets Bonnie some water and asks what happened. Bonnie explains witchcraft has it’s limits and she’s been doing a lot of magic lately. She asks him not to tell anyone. He promises not to tell. Ooh, another moment. She tells him how hard it is with gram gone and her dad wanting to talk about it. She feels all alone in this. He says he feels alone a lot too.

Jeremy watches Bonnie sleep on Elena’s bed. The door opens and he calls out to Elena waking Bonnie up. Bonnie rushes her in a hug. Jeremy asks if she’s okay. She tells Bonnie she got her message. The hug a couple more times and it’s Jeremy’s turn.

Werewolves

Caroline tells Damon about Tyler’s turning and that she covered for him with his mom. Damon tells Caroline not to be Tyler’s friend, because if he knows about them, he can kill them with a bite.

At school, Tyler is uncomfortable with the memorial for Sarah and the missing posters for Aimee. Someone bumps into him and he almost reacts, but doesn’t. When he tries to open his locker, he breaks it.

Tyler and Caroline run into each other at school. He asks her how she knew about him. She plays it off.

Tyler plays basketball with a bunch of guys and slam dunks, surprising himself and everyone else. He spots Caroline and goes after her. Tyler calls her a Tyler. When she tries to walk away, he tries to grab her, and she twists his arm. He’s surprised she’s stronger than him. She lies again. In his anger, he kicks a trash can and it goes flying, surprising other classmates.

Caroline gets home and finds Tyler waiting for her. He thinks she’s just like him. He refuses to leave until she tells him the truth. He thinks she’s a werewolf. She laughs. When Tyler tries to fight her, she vamps up and freaks him out.

Caroline tells Tyler she’s a vampire. She claims it’s just her. He says he and Mason are the only werewolves. They talk about their heightened senses. The only difference is werewolves run hot and vampires run cold. Caroline tells him she’ll tell him about the council and everything, but he has to promise not to tell anyone else about it. It’s life or death. He tells her he doesn’t have anyone else to tell and he’s scared. They hug. I wonder if they’re going to have a thing.

The Originals

The kidnapper meets some other strange dude. He takes Elena out of the truck of his car and puts him the back of the other dude’s car. The other dude, a vampire, feeds on and kills the human kidnapper.

The vampire carries Elena into a dark building. Elena wakes up and starts to freak out. A woman comes in telling him not to drink from her. They know who she is. She comments about how much she looks like Katherine. She slaps her out.

The vampires talk about Elena and she listens. They’re trying to give her over to someone named Elijah. They’re afraid of him.

Elena keeps asking questions, the vampire chick refuses to answer at first. She explains Elijah is one of “the originals.” Elena is the key to breaking the curse. She’s a Petrova doppelganger. The moonstone seals the curse and the sacrifice of the doppelganger is what breaks the curse.

Elena asks for more answers. The male vampire explains the originals are the first family. Half a decade ago, he pissed them off by trusting Katherine and the female had his back. He helped her escape.

Elena goes to sit on her couch and finds the message Bonnie sent her. “Stefan and Damon are coming for you. – B.”

Damon and Stefan are close. He drinks some blood. Stefan asks for some and tells him he’s been drinking a little bit of her blood every day. He stops for a second before telling him. Damon brings up the old Stefan who used to rip people apart for fun. The vampire dude starts freaking out. Rose keeps him calm. Elena is worried that he’s scared. Elijah enters the house. He’s got like a British accent or something. Rose goes to talk to him. He asks why she called him. She says she wanted her freedom. She tells him about Katherine surviving the burn at the church. He assumed it had everything to do with Katherine. He doesn’t believe her when she says she has Katherine’s doppelganger. She has to show him.  He’s amazed when he sees Elena. She tries not to be afraid, but she’s trembling. He comes up to her and smells her to confirm she’s human.

Elena begs Rose not to let Elijah take her. The male apologizes to Elijah for not being loyal. He respected Rose’s loyalty to her brother. He beheads him. Rose freaks out. Before Elijah can take Elena. Elena exclaims she knows where the moonstone is. He tries to compel her. It doesn’t work because of her vervain necklace. He rips it off. She fights the compulsion. It doesn’t work. The doofus doesn’t even drink the vervain tea she has Jenna drink… oh, never mind. She can’t if Stefan is going to drink from her.

Damon and Stefan show up but speed through the house. Stefan gets Elena. Damon gets Rose. Elena throws a vervain bomb at Elijah. IT barely works. Stefan starts shooting him. Damon stakes him.

Rose shows up at the estate telling Stefan about how Lexi told her about him once. She offers help. The originals will come for Elena. It’s not over. They’re doing it for someone named Klaus.

Oh, geez! Can’t anyone stay dead in this story!? Elijah comes back to life. Like he was staked and shriveled and he somehow comes back to life! Ugh!

TVD: Season 2 Episode 7 – Recap and Reactions

Episode 7

Katherine

Caroline tells Stefan and Damon she saw Katherine at the Grill. She pretends to be Elena, but Caroline knows better. She knows Elena is at home. Katherine tells her Stefan and Damon need to give her the moonstone tonight at the Masquerade Ball or she’s going to make it rain blood. Caroline wonders why they can’t just give her the stone so she’ll leave. Damon says he’s had it and he’s going to kill Katherine. Stefan says he’s not, because he’s going to kill her. Damon doesn’t oppose that idea. I’m liking season 2 Katherine hating Damon way more than season 1 Katherine loving Damon.

Some witch comes to see Katherine per Elena’s call. They’re going to ball together.

Jeremy, Bonnie, and Alaric are at the estate to help plan to kill Katherine.

Katherine straightens her hair to be like Elena saying Katherine has terrible taste. The witch comments “except in men.” When she asks what Katherine’s going to do with the stone, she knows she wants her to break the curse. Does this stone lift the curse for vampires too?

Bonnie tells Stefan this is risky. He tells her he wants Elena back, but this is about Katherine going to far.

Damon makes sure everyone is in. Bonnie’s in as long as no one gets hurt. Caroline is in because Katherine killed her. Fair’s fair.

Katherine arrives at the ball looking very much like Elena. Matt is the first to see her. Katherine keeps calling him hot and compels him again to make sure he’s going to fight Tyler until he’s killed.

Gosh! Damon is hot in a mask. It really makes his beautiful blue eyes pop.

Jeremy and Bonnie take their weapons upstairs. Jeremy asks if the spell book is the one he read about in Jonathan’s journal. Bonnie confirms it is Emily’s. Bonnie talks to Jeremy about how much she doesn’t like being a witch, but she doesn’t want anyone getting hurt, and she doesn’t know how to stay out of it.

Bonnie and Jeremy go back downstairs. Bonnie feels a weird vibe. She goes immediately up to the other witch. Stefan sees Katherine. He asks her to dance. He says no. She asks him who she should kill. He agrees to dance. Katherine asks about Jenna. Stefan tells her he doesn’t want anyone to get hurt tonight. She asks for the moonstone. He tells her they’ll have to go get it together. She says he can go get it and she’ll try not to kill anyone. When Amy comes up asking Stefan if he’s seen Matt, Katherine kills her.

Stefan tells Damon they need to call it off. Damon reminds him this woman destroyed their life. Now it needs to end.

Jeremy asks Bonnie if she can cast a spell to ace a test. She says no. It’d be the first thing he’d learn. He asks her if she wants to dance while they wait. She says no. I wonder if they’re going to have a thing. They get a text message from Damon saying now.

The witch asks Katherine why she didn’t tell her about another witch. Jeremy goes up to “Elena” and gives her the message about Stefan and Damon wanting her in the woods. As he walks away, Elena grabs him and asks what’s going on.

While Caroline waits for her turn, she sees Matt flirting with another girl. He sees her, smiles sadly and walks away. Katherine traps Caroline and forces her to tell her what the plan is. I think this must be her role. Katherine asks where Bonnie is. It works. Caroline is able to fool her into the trap set by Stefan and Damon. Damon shoots Katherine and Elena gets hurt too. Bonnie and Jeremy start freaking out. Bonnie explains to Jeremy and tells her to go make them stop. Katherine fights back. If she wasn’t evil, she’d be cool. Katherine almost stakes Damon, but Stefan stops her. Just as Damon is about to stake her, Jeremy comes running. Katherine tells them about her witch. They stop, but Katherine starts hurting herself. Bonnie tells her she can’t break the curse, but she can try to take the pain away. She almost stabs herself in the gut, but stops when they tell her too. Jeremy comes back and Elena asks about the boys. Jeremy tells them about the witch. Bonnie goes to find the other witch. Jeremy tries to make Elena wear his ring. She tries to fight it. She just wants him to be safe.

Katherine asks if Elena enjoys having them worship her. Stefan almost threatens Katherine again, but she reminds him everything she feels, Elena feels. She tells Damon to kiss her. Stefan asks about the werewolf connection. Katherine tells them about her second werewolf.

Stefan finally pieces together that Katherine bargained the moonstone with George Lockwood. She tells him good job. Then, she tells Damon his obsession with her has been really inconvenient, he agrees. Stefan keeps trying to piece things together. He knows the moonstone wasn’t hers. Katherine tries to mess with Stefan’s head. Telling her about times when she watched him. She mouths “I love you.”

Bonnie searches for the other witch, Lucy, and finds her. She knows Bonnie’s a Bennet. She tries to threaten Lucy into stopping the spell on Elena. She explains Katherine saved her life and now she has to pay up. Lucy feels that Bonnie has the stone. Bonnie can feel Lucy is trustworthy.

Damon pours himself a drink and Katherine asks for one. Damon attacks Katherine, but doesn’t hurt her. Lucy comes in with the stone and gives it to Katherine. The stone starts to kill Katherine. Lucy explains Elena is fine and Bonnie is with her. She apologizes for her involvement. Katherine dies, I think.

Lucy apologizes to Bonnie again. Lucy explains she and Bonnie are related. She tells her she need to stop letting vampires control her. She tells Bonnie she needs to stay in the middle because unlike her, she’s one of the good ones. Lucy promises she’ll see her again. Jeremy comes asking Bonnie if she wants a ride. She’s surprised he has his driver’s license. He reminds her he’s not a kid anymore.

Stefan goes to check on Elena. She tells him she’s okay and that Bonnie took away the pain. He tells her to see a doctor. He goes to kiss her. She tells him she wants to be with him, but she needs to wake up know that the people she loves are safe. She needs to feel safe. She walks away. Will this lead to her being with Damon? Him with someone else, Caroline maybe?

Ugh! Really!? So, Katherine’s not dead!? I really need to stop watching shows where people come back to life and or just don’t die. Then again, that’s what keeps me interested. It’s some of the only suspense I can’t normally predict. Damon takes Katherine back to the church grave. Katherine tells her no. She can help them. Elena’s in danger. She needs to be protected. She’s the doppelganger. “Why do you think I haven’t killed her?” Emotion floods Damon’s face.

Some masked dude comes and kidnaps Elena. Ugh! So Katherine was telling the truth? I also really need to stop thinking once one problem seems solved the episode will have a good stopping point. No! These ones leave you on the most intense cliffhangers, dang it!

Jenna

Damon and Matt help carry Jenna into the house after her hospital stay. Jeremy asks Elena what they’re going to do about Katherine. Elena says they’re not going to do anything. Jeremy tells her she’s being naïve. She’s being human. Season 2 and she’s still being mostly sensible.

Matt and Werewolves

Elena invites Matt to stay, but he can’t stay. He has to do something he can’t talk about at the masquerade ball. He and Elena talk about her and Stefan. Elena is convinced she won’t be able to be with Stefan again, Matt thinks otherwise.

Jenna tells Elena Jeremy went to the ball. She asks Alaric why everyone has been avoiding her all day and why Jeremy and Stefan are suddenly going to a party neither of them normally go to. Elena says she’s going to bed, but she really leaves.

Matt is drunk and starts pouring alcohol on the picture of Tyler’s dad. He reminds him how his dad used to slap him around. He throws the picture on the ground. Tyler tries to calm Matt down and says he won’t fight him. Caroline hears them fighting from downstairs. She jumps between and knocks Matt out. That other girl has been compelled too. When she stabs Tyler, he reflexively pushes her. She hits her head on a desk and dies. Tyler starts freaking out. Caroline confirms Tyler’s fears. He starts turning. He tells Caroline to get away.

Caroline feeds Tyler’s mother a story about how Matt and Caroline were fighting and the girl just tripped. Tyler asks why Caroline’s doing this. He tells her she doesn’t know what him killing that girl means. She assures him she does. She asks if his wound has healed. He asks how she knows. She doesn’t answer.

TVD: Season 2 Episode 6 – Recap and Reactions

Episode 6

Salvatore Lovers

Elena wakes up with Stefan. They make out. She gets up to get ready for their next day of pretending to fight. She pricks her finger and he drinks to make himself stronger. She says I love you and they kiss.

Jenna invites Stefan over for dinner. He tells her they’re taking a pause. She says that’s not what it sounded like this morning. She’s a light sleeper. “You know what? I heard nothing.” And she walks away smirking.

Damon startles Elena. He’s there looking for his baby brother and she needs to tell hers to stop following him.

Elena goes to the estate and talks to Stefan. They were stupid thinking they wouldn’t get caught because they pretended to fight. She breaks up with Stefan. They know they have to be over. They love each other and they kiss one last time while crying and Elena leaves. She holds her stomach while she walks away. Damon tries to apologize to Elena for riling her up and not thinking. “It doesn’t matter, Damon. Katherine won. She won.” She leaves and he chokes back tears.

Katherine and Werewolves

Katherine and Mason make fool around. She asks him where the stone is and he won’t tell her. He doesn’t trust anyone. She says she loves him, he’s surprised but says it back.

Mason is surprised to see Stefan. Bonnie and Mason bump into each other and Bonnie sees him kissing Elena. Stefan realizes it’s Katherine.

Stefan tells Damon about Katherine and Mason and he can’t believe it. He’s a werewolf and a surfer. She thinks he’s using her for the stone.

Jeremy asks Tyler about the stone and spins a story about being curious about the folklore. Tyler tells him he gave it Mason. Elena texts Stefan to see if everything is okay. He tells he’s with Bonnie and Damon. They ask her to touch Mason again to see if she can see where the stone is. When she says it’s not her choice what she sees, Damon asks her to make his brain go “pop.” She tells him it’s aneurism. Since his brain heals quickly, she can do it over and over again. She doesn’t want to do it. Damon reminds her Mason and Katherine are the bad guys and they’re putting Elena in danger.

Bonnie pretends to need help with something and Mason helps her. She does the brain thing and Damon kicks him in the face to knock him out. They take his truck and drive away.

Bonnie and Damon lock Mason to a chair and Bonnie touches Mason’s head to find what she can about the stone. It’s in a well. She quickly leaves.

Stefan comes back inside and Tyler asks about Mason. Stefan tells him he left and wasn’t sure when he’d be back. Stefan gets a text from Bonnie about the well. Elena tries to go with him. He says no. Matt sees. Elena follows Stefan anyway.

Damon sticks a burning sword through Mason’s chest. He heals quickly but still feels pain. He spits out when Damon asks about Katherine. He runs him through again.

Stefan gets to the well and looks through its covering. Elena catches up to him. He tells her she shouldn’t be there. She knows, but she is. He tells her Bonnie thinks the moon stone is down there. He rips the cover off and jumps down into the well. It’s full of something, probably vervain, and it quickly burns him. Elena tries to throw the chains down the well, but it’s too heavy. Caroline arrives right on time and throws the chains down to Stefan.

Damon confirms supernaturals can’t be compelled. Jeremy comes in. Damon tells him he’s not supposed to be in there, but he has news. Some kind of plant that is a werewolf’s version of vervain. Damon uses it on Mason and Jeremy doesn’t like it. When Mason still won’t answer straight, he feeds it to him.

Bonnie shows up at the well wondering why Caroline took off in a blur. She heard Elena screaming. Caroline lowers Elena down the well to help Stefan. Elena wraps the chains to Stefan. Bonnie and Caroline pull him out. Elena waits to be pulled up until she finds the stone. When she thinks she finds it, a bunch of snakes start coming after her. As soon as she’s up, she runs to Stefan who is very badly burned. She cuts her hand and feeds him. The other girls turn away.

Jeremy basically tells Damon to stop torturing Mason. Before Damon goes to burn his eyes, Mason tells Damon it’s in the well, he’s getting it for Katherine, and she’s going to use it to lift the curse. Damon asks him why a vampire would help a werewolf lift a curse that keeps them from turning whenever they want. He says so he won’t have to turn anymore, because she loves him. Damon looks at him pitifully and laughs. “Katherine doesn’t love you, she’s using you, you moron.” Mason says he’s done talking. Damon agrees and tells Jeremy to go for a walk. Jeremy says no. Mason’s had enough. Mason asks Jeremy to just help Tyler from turning. When Jeremy still won’t leave, Damon chokes him saying it’s either kill or be killed. The werewolf would kill him the first chance he got. “So you suck it up or leave.” He lets him. “HE wants me to kill him anyway. It really is a curse isn’t it?” He says Mason reminds him of himself. Mason says he loves her. Damon knows. He’s been there, but Katherine will just rip his heart out. He does it for her.

Damon sends a text to Mrs. Lockwood with Mason’s phone. Then, he calls Katherine and taunts her. She says for once he’s surprised her. He tells her Mason hid the stone at the bottom of a well full of vervain. He tells her he loved her. She reminds him that she has a plan for every letter of the alphabet. She sends her love to Stefan and hangs up. He knows he’s been foolish.

Elena goes down stairs and subtly tells Alaric everything went as planned. Katherine calls. She knows about Elena and Stefan not really fighting. Katherine was able to convince Jenna to stop wearing her vervain perfume and drinking her vervain tea. When the vervain was out of her system, Katherine made Jenna her spy. She makes Jenna stab herself with a knife. She puts it in her gut. Alaric and Elena both freak out, Elena dropping the phone.

Tyler gets home and asks about Mason. His mom tells him Mason went back to Florida. He doesn’t seem surprised.

Katherine compels Matt to go after Tyler until he kills him so she can have a new werewolf. Why does she need a werewolf?

Jeremy

Jeremy goes to talk to Damon about Tyler, Mason, and the moonstone. Damon asks Jeremy told Elena. He hasn’t.

Alaric comes by the estate and asks if Elena knows Jeremy is there. Alaric tells Jeremy about the Aztec curse. Then, he keeps telling Damon and Jeremy more. Apparently, the moonstone is the seal to the curse. I guess Mason and Katherine think they can break the curse.

Bonnie

Bonnie comes to the Lockwood house to help set up for the masquerade party. She hasn’t been around much and she thinks Caroline has picked sides with Caroline. Elena tells her it’s not about picking sides. Elena asks Bonnie to go somewhere quiet with her to talk.

Elena tells Bonnie everything about and relating to Katherine. Elena hasn’t told Bonnie much because she doesn’t like vampires, so she hasn’t been sure how much she wants to know or hear. She tells her Caroline needs her. Bonnie says she’s not ready yet.

Before Bonnie can leave, Caroline stops her. She asks Caroline about her mom and Caroline asks about the stone. They talk about a well they used to play in as kids and Bonnie thinks that’s where it is. Caroline offers to help Bonnie find it. At first she declines, but then she agrees.

Caroline

Caroline goes to check on her mom. Her mom won’t talk to her. Caroline asks if she’s really going to pretend she doesn’t against. “As usual, you don’t care. Just like before I was a vampire. It’s not like I died or anything.” She asks if she’s really dead. “Yes and no.” She wonders how it’s possible.

Matt talks to Tyler about Caroline. Tyler talks about Caroline’s insecurities being from a good place.

Caroline tells her mom everything including that she’s better than Stefan who’s basically a bloodaholic. While they’re talking, she tells her Damon’s home.

Matt asks Elena where Caroline is. He can’t believe she’s not there. He asks if she’s seeing someone. Elena assures her she isn’t.

Caroline tells her mom about the day. Her mom is impressed with the strong and confident person Caroline has become. Then, she tells Caroline she doesn’t have to take away her memories. She’ll never tell her secret. If she’s worried about the others, she can tell them she compelled her. She tells her mom she’s grateful for the day and that she trusts her, but she’ll never trust the vampires. Caroline compels her mom into believing she’s been sick, not remembering about the vampires, and believing her daughter still hates her.

Jenna

Alaric is at the house with Jenna. She’s in the kitchen and he goes to the dining room to get salt. He sees Elena sneak in, mouths if everything is okay, she nods her head, shh’s him and tells him she’s going upstairs.

At the hospital, Elena tells Jeremy the doctor said Jenna got lucky and missed all her major insides. Jeremy tells Elena Katherine is going to pay. He doesn’t know how, but she is. He holds her comfortingly. For once, Elena doesn’t warn him to be careful.

Somewhere in Between (Part 1)

In 2017, I moved into a brand new apartment complex that caused me problems from the moment I applied to move in. Every month if not every week my sister and I faced one issue after another. For the first 5 months, it was delayed move-in dates. Then it was a messy apartment, bad electricity, five different management groups (including an aggressive male manager and an embezzling female manager), and finally the inability to pay rent at all so we had to sign an agreement to hold off on our eviction so we could pay. We broke our lease two months early so we wouldn’t be evicted the next month. I don’t regret moving into the apartment. I still think God asked me to live there. The whole experience, however horrible, has taught me a lot.

In 2016, I started to let myself get into more credit card debt than I could pay off in a month. In 2017, I went through four job changes. In January 2018, I quit working until April 2018. That’s when I started driving for Uber Eats and Doordash. Now, I’m waiting for a reply to an application and interview to be a bus driver for the school district in my hometown. I have no regrets about any of these decisions, except the debt, and I feel like most of it was God-led or at least God-blessed. I’ve learned a lot since leaving my high-paying job in 2017 and I’ve grown closer to God. That said, I’m currently caught somewhere in between broken and healthy.

Everyone seems to think I’m this hopeful person. Many have even said as much. But, I’m not. I’m not a hopeful person. I have Hope, but I’m not hopeful. I put on a good face and talk about the good that might come of a situation, but inside I’m expecting the worse to happen. I look for the bright side, but I live in the shadows. Every hopeful comment I make is fueled by fear. Fear that things won’t work out. Fear that I’ll mess things up. Fear that I’ll fall into the darkness again. I think about it sometimes. The temptation is there. “Just this once,” I think. “If I hurt myself just this once, then maybe the fear, the stress, the anxiety, and the pain will go away.” I don’t do it, but I think about it. Science says it works. It says physical pain releases the “happy hormone” that makes the internal pain go away for a little while. Why not do it? Just this once? It’s not healthy. It’s an addiction. Every time I see alcoholics, drug addicts, and even those “good vampires” on TV trying to keep themselves from giving in and going over the edge, I get it, because I have my own addiction. “The happy hormone.”

I try so hard to be hopeful, to put on a happy face, and to pretend everything is or will be okay, but I don’t really believe it. Because I know the Lord, I know in the end everything will be okay, but I often don’t believe it will be. Or maybe it’s not that I don’t believe it, but that I doubt it? Yes, God has provided for me many times in the past. Yes, He’s already pulled me out of a dark abyss in the past. Yes, I know He will work out all things for my good, but when? I’ve been in these shadows for almost two years now, longer if I take it back to when I started to let myself get into credit card debt which is really what created this mess in the first place. God has provided everything I’ve needed up to this point. I haven’t gone in want or need, but I’m still here in these shadows that are threatening to become another abyss.

Every day I’m toddling on a thin line between breaking and growing. Every day I fear this is it. This is what’s going to throw me over the edge. Every day I pray for deliverance and it doesn’t come, not in the way I want it to come. I know He delivers me from temptation, if He didn’t, then I would have already given in by now. I know He delivers me from depression, if He didn’t, then I’d be well into the abyss and not just on the edge dangling over it. Why won’t He deliver me from this altogether though? Why does He let me live in these shadows when I so desperately want to get out. Why does He allow me to live with my consequences when I’m so desperately trying and praying to fix things?

I assume it’s because He loves me. I assume it’s because He’s teaching me things. I assume it’s because He’s a just God who sometimes delivers us from the consequences, like Hell, but most often lets us learn from the consequences for next time. Shouldn’t that leave me feeling hopeful? God loves me enough to teach me why I shouldn’t make foolish decisions. He loves me enough to show me through these circumstances that I’m stronger now than I used to be. I wouldn’t have been able to live in this circumstance a couple years ago. I would have drowned in fear and anxiety. I would have thrown myself over the edge into depression and self-harm. So far I haven’t done that this time though. He’s strengthened me and He’s showing me that through the struggle. And He loves me enough to strengthen me as I learn to fight for myself with Him by my side. He could deliver me completely. He could make my credit card debt disappear, give me a car that never deteriorates, and a home that is mine, but He isn’t and He likely won’t, not now at least. God loves me, He teaches me, and He strengthens me. This knowledge should leave me hopeful, but if I’m honest, then I have to admit it doesn’t leave me hopeful.

I know and trust He will protect me, love me, and provide for me. But it’s so hard to live by faith alone. It’s so hard to live remembering His past provision and looking forward to His future provision when I’m living in a present ocean of uncertainty. When I have so much debt and so many bills that I can hardly see straight. When I don’t know where the line is between working to prove my faith and resting in my faith. When I don’t know where the balance is between healthy stress and unhealthy anxiety. It’s hard. Being a Christian is hard, especially when you’re a Christian who battles mental health issues.

Most days, I’m not hopeful because I don’t know how to hope. I’m constantly fighting a battle between anxiety and rest, fear and hope, depression and joy, doubt and faith. I know everyone is fighting this battle, and some seem to be doing better than others. Many seem to be doing better than me, but I can’t think about others fighting this battle right now. I already feel for everyone all the time as it is and that’s part of the problem. What problems are mine and something to worry about? Which problems are someone else’s that I need to let go of at least for now? Which of my problems do I need to work on and which ones should I let go of? I don’t know. That’s the problem. That’s why I’m somewhere between broken and healthy. I know in my head that God is good and He provides but in my heart and soul, I’m not sure about anything.

Most of the time I end my posts with something hopeful and positive. I’m not going to do that this time. I don’t know how to do that this time. I don’t know if I’d believe it if I did. I started the “D.A.R.E to Hope” part of this blog for one reason. I was broken and looking for truth so I could dare myself and others to hope. You’ll see on the page About D.A.R.E. to HOPE that D.A.R.E. stands for “Desolate, Accepted, Renewed, and Encouraged.” I’m somewhere between these places of identity right now. I’ve been accepted, renewed, and encouraged by God and others, but I’ve really been feeling desolate lately. I wish I could say I haven’t been, that once I felt accepted, renewed, and encouraged I never felt desolate again, but that would be a lie. It would make a hypocrite. I wrote The Mask; Her Aid and created this blog so I wouldn’t be that girl anymore, the girl who pretended everything was okay when it wasn’t. So, I’m not going to pretend right now. Everything’s not okay. I’m not in a good place right now. I’m not necessarily in a bad place either. I’m just kind of somewhere in between.

TVD: Season 2 Episode 5 – Recap and Reactions

Episode 5

Werewolves

Mason is at the Grill with a friend. The friend is angry and either drunk or turned. He thinks Mason is messing with his girlfriend. He’s not.  Mason accidentally kills the guy and that’s what triggered his curse. He warns Tyler to be careful, even a car accident, any death at his hands could change him. Tyler wants to know why Mason wants the moonstone and he won’t give it to him, at least not until  he knows why it’s important.

Stefan offers Mason an apology. He asks Mason to call it a truce. Mason says he offered that to Damon, but he turned it down. When Mason won’t agree, Stefan threatens him, reminding him he’s only strong enough to really fight them on a full moon. They shake hands.

After Mason walks away, Damon comes up behind Stefan and tells him he doesn’t want peace with Mason. Stefan thanks him for adding one more problem to their list.

Damon and Mason talk about him talking to Stefan. Mason walks away. Stefan comes up to make sure everything’s good with Damon and Mason

Tyler asks Jeremy how he knows about all this. He says it’s the diaries. Tyler confesses Mason is a werewolf and that he’s not yet. He tells him how to trigger the curse. He shows him the moonrock. Mason takes the sheriff to the cellar and they put the Salvatore’s in there.

Jeremy has his sketchbook in his bag and the girls asks to see it. It’s full of werewolves. Tyler offers to show Jeremy his art. He says it’s on his desk and starts to walk away. When Jeremy looks for it, he comes back and chokes him asking what his pictures are about. He answers truthfully that he knows what he is.

Tyler says it’s a natural stone that’s supposed to have supernatural powers and he won’t give it to Mason because he doesn’t trust him. The girls come back and take the rock. I wonder if Tyler’s actually going to kill one of them. She falls down the stairs and it seems like he does, but she starts laughing.

Tyler tells Mason he almost killed a girl today and for a split second he wanted to. He doesn’t want to be a part of this. He can’t. He won’t. He gives him the moonstone.

Jeremy

Elena told Jeremy about Tyler and Mason. She tells him to stay out of it, he says he will, but will he?

At the Grill, Jeremy tries asking Tyler how he’s doing. From a distance, some girl comments that he’s suddenly cute and Amy tells her to stay away from him. Tyler rejects his effort at first, but then apologizes. The girls come up to them and they plan a double date at Tyler’s house.

Salvatore Lovers

After Jeremy leaves, Stefan comes to the house to kiss Elena and have a moment with her before they have to pretend fight in public. She begs him to promise her Katherine won’t actually get her way. They make a deal that when he says, “I can’t do this anymore, Elena,” it means I love you and when she says, “Fine, Stefan, whatever” it means she loves him.

Caroline notices Stefan and Elena exchanging longing looks. Elena says she’s going to go talk to him. Caroline says it’s a bad idea. Damon comes up and asks what’s wrong with Elena. Elena asks Stefan if he still cares about Katherine. He tells her not to turn it into something it’s not and they won’t talk about it while Caroline and Damon are listening. She asks how he can hate Katherine and love her. He says she’s reaching. He’s not Damon. She says not to bring Damon into it. They exchange their secret “I love you’s.” This is not going to end well.

Damon asks about the faux drama. They don’t fight, especially not over him.

Elena sits alone outside by the water. Caroline checks on her. I’m pretty sure Elena is truly upset with the whole situation. Caroline starts to tell Elena the truth, but then notices her mom leaving.

Stefan looks at his bloodstock. Elena catches him. He tells her Katherine took a little vervain every day and built up a tolerance to it. He thinks he can do the same with human blood. She says he can’t. He doesn’t have to. He tells her it’s the only way to beat Katherine. Right now she’s stronger than him. If he drinks the human blood he’ll be stronger. She asks to talk about this later. Stefan gets mad. “He can hear us wherever we are, because he drinks this. This is the only thing that can help me.” Elena asks if he’s serious or pretend, because she can’t tell. “No, this is serious. No more pretend.” She walks away.

Damon checks on Elena. She tells him Caroline is sleeping on the couch. He says he heard and asks what she’s doing. She says she’s going home. “What you did for Caroline’s mom. That’s the Damon who was my friend.” He tells her Stefan didn’t drink the people blood, but he needs to and deep down she knows he it.

She goes to talk to him, asking if he really thinks he can control it. He doesn’t know, but he needs to try. Just a few drops every day. She agrees it’s worth a try, but she doesn’t want him to do it alone. She cuts her hand. “It’s you and me Stefan. Always.” He drinks and turns, but stops. She kisses his vampire face and he turns back. The kiss more passionately.

Mason goes out to a black car that Katherine’s driving. And now we know part of her plan. I had a feeling it had to with werewolves. Mason’s flashback continues and Katherine was there. I guess they had a thing. She must have compelled the friend to jealousy and provocation so Mason would turn. He goes to kiss her. She asks him what the stunt was with Stefan and Damon. She told him to stay away from them. He asks why she cares. She says she doesn’t want him to get distracted. He needs to find the moonstone. So, she’s why he wants it and won’t elaborate further to Tyler.

Caroline

Caroline and her mother are going to spend their whole day together. She warns her mom she’s in a mood. Apparently, Katherine was there late at night and her mom noticed, assuming it’s Elena. She’s also noticed Caroline has been acting different. They fight.

Caroline complains to Elena about her mother. Then she asks about Stefan. She puts it on that Stefan’s worried if they’re together, Katherine will hurt her and her loved ones.

Elena checks on Caroline and asks if she can take her home. She says she can’t go home. She confesses she’s scared because Katherine will be there. Elena tells her she knows and she’s been so mad at her, but then she put herself in her position trying to understand. She asks who Katherine threatened. Matt. Elena tells her she should be afraid of Katherine. They all should be. Caroline asks what she wants. Elena says that’s the million dollar question.

The Council

Mason tells the sheriff Damon and Stefan are vampires. She refuses to believe it because of all the things she’s seen Damon do to help, including walking in the son. He says he’ll prove it.

Damon asks the sheriff about her conversation with Mason. She says she asked him to clean up in the woods. She also tells him about her fight with Caroline

The sheriff watches as Damon tries the lemonade—vercain laced lemonade. He chokes on it and Stefan worries about him. He tells him it’s vervain.

Caroline gets mad at her mom who just got off a call asking her team to bring a weapon.

Damon’s mouth is still burning. Stefan agrees they need to take Mason down. He’s making threats and running his mouth.

Caroline listens for what’s wrong and Elena waits.

Damon and Stefan go to the woods with Mason. They get shot several times, probably with wood bullets and they get ejected with vervain. Caroline hears it and tells Elena.

The sheriff tells Mason she’s going to kill them. Mason knows Caroline is a vampire too. She goes to attack him, but he grabs Elena. She’s fast enough to take him. She kicks him a few times and they run off. Caroline starts asking Damon questions. He begs her to stop. She swears she’ll drag it out painfully. He says they were friends. Caroline listens to them say she’s going to kill both. Elena tries to run down there. Caroline tries to stop her so her mom won’t find out. Elena runs down. Caroline falls at super speed and attacks one of the officers. While another officer tries to shoot at Caroline, he shoots the other officer instead. When her mother sees her, she freaks out. “Hi, Mom,” she says as she unvamps. Damon drinks from one of the dying guards to strengthen himself. He tries to tell Stefan to do the same, but he doesn’t want to. Caroline tries to encourage him too. Caroline begs her mom not to say anything. Her mom doesn’t say anything. She tells her Damon will kill her. She accepts that she’ll be killed. Damon says he won’t kill her because she’s his friend.

Caroline comes to talk to Stefan and Elena about her mom. The plan is to let the vervain drain from her system and then compel her to forget. She wants to forget. It should take about three days. Caroline comes up at the same time her mom asks Damon to keep Caroline away. Caroline listens from outside the door. Damon reminds Liz that Caroline is her daughter. She says not anymore, her daughter is gone. Damon tells her she has no idea how wrong she is about that. He knows she’s there. Caroline runs away and Elena follows.

Mason calls Liz to check on the vampire situation.

TVD: Season 2 Episode 4 – Recap and Reactions

Episode 4

The Salvatore Lovers

Flashback. Katherine and Stefan are dancing. Damon is dancing with Elena. I guess it’s a dream or something. Elena and Damon are at the Grill kissing and playing pool. Katherine is there again. Oh! It’s that mind control thingy that Damon did to Elena in the beginning. Stefan wakes up with Elena sleeping on his chest. Except it’s not Elena. He quickly realizes it’s Katherine. She continues to tell him he’s the reason she’s back and tries to remind him he loved her once too.

Elena is reading at the Grill and Damon comes to sit with her. She leaves. Jenna’s having a barbeque; it was Damon’s idea. He wants to get to know Mason and put some silver in him to prove he’s a werewolf.

Katherine reads Stefan’s journal and drinks Damon’s blood stock. She mentions the werewolves and the Lockwoods were the ones who rid the town of vampires.

Katherine asks why he kept the picture of her. “You came back here to fall in love with me all over again, didn’t you?” He doesn’t say anything. He touches her face. “What is it about you that makes me still care…” They almost kiss and he stakes, but doesn’t kill her when they do. Ooh! He’s putting her in the cell. He asks her again. She came back for him. He puts gloves on and touches her face with vervain. He still doesn’t believe she came back for him.

Katherine asks Stefan if he pretends to be human with Elena. He says that’s the point. He doesn’t have to pretend with her. “Does she know that you love me?” He says he doesn’t. “That’s where you’re wrong Stefan.” I don’t think Elena compelled Stefan, at least not all the time. Maybe she compelled Damon or at least more. She flashes back to Stefan telling her when he looks at her, he sees an angel and that he’s in love with her. They kiss and she says goodnight because he doesn’t know she’s a vampire yet. When she goes to her room, Damon is there waiting for her. He worried his love isn’t enough. She compels him to leave. She touches her lips after Stefan’s kiss. “Go ahead Stefan, torture me. Keep me captive. Drain me of my blood until my body turns to dust. It’ll never change the truth. I never compelled your love. It was real and so was mine.” He looks at her with a tortured look on her face.

Damon goes to the kitchen with Elena. She asks him how operation Lockwood. He says he’s his new BFF. Jenna comes in. Damon thanks her for inviting him. She asks if she had a choice. He says he knows how she must feel about him. She says, “No. No you you don’t. You have never dated you. I have dated many yous.” “I’m a work in progress.”

Stefan says it wasn’t real. He remembers her compelling him. She says only after she revealed who she was. He was so afraid of her she had to take the fear away. He says whatever feelings he has now is hate. “Love. Hate. Such a fine line. I can wait.”

Elena asks if it would make her a bad friend leave Caroline at the house to go check on Stefan because she worried about him. Caroline thinks it’s a bad idea. Caroline suggests she drive Elena to the house. I think she knows about Katherine being at the estate. I mean, Katherine did tell Caroline they would have fun together. She drops her key and breaks the air line on her tire.

Stefan suspects Katherine was running from something. “Everyone has a past, Stefan.” He tells him he and Damon nearly ruined everything. “So Damon and I died for nothing!” “No, you died for love.”

Stefan asks Katherine again why she came back. Elena is exasperated. She’s always answered five times. He tells her to make it six.  She has no problem adding one more name to her list of victims if means getting what she wants. He thinks if she wants Elena dead she already would have done it. She reminds him she still can. He breaks the wooden chair and charges her, but he can’t do it. He can’t stake her. “I don’t want you seeing Elena anymore. If you don’t remove her from your life, I will kill everyone she loves while she watches and then I will her while you watch.” He chokes her, threatening her again. She busts out of her chains. He’s shocked. “I have been sipping vervain every day for 145 years. You caught me by surprise once. I wasn’t going to let it happen again. It doesn’t hurt me Stefan.” Elena shows up and Katherine stabs him in the knee. When Elena turns around, Katherine is there. “You must be Elena.” Elena wonders how it’s possible that they look exactly alike. She stands there, trying not to breathe. Katherine tells her she’s asking the wrong questions. Stefan comes running and Katherine disappears. “Are you okay?” “Not really.” They both say.

Elena is upset Stefan spent the whole day with his jealous ex-girlfriend. She’s worried Stefan wants to do what Elena says. Caroline listens while they talk. They acknowledge it’s the reality of their situation. Elena says Katherine wants them to fight. She wants to get between them. Stefan says she already has. Elena gets up and walks away. Caroline is about as heartbroken as either of them are. Damon is also there listening. He kind of smirks. So did it happen? Did Stefan and Elena break up?

Damon leaves the Grill and there Katherine is. She asks if he’s jealous she spent the whole day with Stefan. He says he’s pouty because he tried to kill a werewolf and failed. She tells him to ask Stefan about what she knows about werewolves. She tells him not to try to be the hero. He’ll be dead. “Been there. Done that. At least this time it’ll be worth it.” He walks away. She’s left annoyed.

I guess they didn’t break up. Stefan is in her room again. They feel bad about their fake fight. They kiss. Elena knew something was up with Caroline. Katherine got to her and it won’t be long until Katherine gets a play by play. Elena thinks Damon was listening too. She asks if Stefan’s gonna tell him the truth. He says the best way to make sure Katherine believes it’s true is everyone believes it’s true. I bet this is going to go on for a while, Elena’s gonna end up spending more time with Damon, sparks will fly, and things will be even more complicated than before. I was wrong last season though, so who knows. Stefan still doesn’t believe Katherine is there for him.

The Lockwood’s

Mason tells Tyler he won’t turn too because he won’t trigger the curse. He refuses to tell him what the trigger is, because ignorance is bliss. Tyler asks if he ever found the moonstone even though he has it.

Katherine flashes back to the ball again. Someone told her the attacks weren’t from vampires. She assures him he won’t let anything happen to the vampires. “The werewolf gene runs in their family. Their not all wolves.”

Katherine keeps telling Stefan further details about the ball. She tells George Lockwood she’s a vampire, because she knows he knows. She also tells him she knows who he is. Stefan pulls up a chair.

Damon notices fancy silverware in the kitchen. Jenna confirms it’s silver. A look of concern floods Elena’s face.

Katherine continues her story about George Lockwood. George told the council all about werewolves so he could cover his own tracks. And he allied with Katherine to keep her safe. “You knew the vampires were going to be burned at the church. They were your friends. Your family. And you just sold them out.” “I practically lit the match. Without blinking.

Damon asks Mason to cut the pie. He sees the silver knife and takes his slice without touching the silver. Damon and Alaric both look at him knowingly. He apologizes for being an animal. Alaric asks Mason if he and Jenna ever dated. Damon makes a lone wolf comment. Mason makes a lady killer comment. I think he knows about Damon.

Stefan wants to know what George got out of protecting her. The vampires gone.

Mason calls Damon out his innuendoes about wolves. He swears he’s not his enemy. He says he’s only there for his family. He sees no point in an age old feud being sparked between them for no reason. Damon shakes hands, but doesn’t believe him.

Damon follows Mason and stabs him with the silver knife. “You know I think it was werewolves that started the silver myth…. Now you’ve made an enemy.”

Mason gets home and asks Tyler if he’s still mad. Tyler asks if he’s still keeping secrets. He says yes, so Tyler is still mad. He gets to Mason and Mason tells him the truth. You have to kill somebody to trigger the curse of being a vampire.

Flashback: George helps Katherine escape. She’s the one who gives him the moonstone. Before she leaves, Katherine runs back and tells Stefan’s dead/sleeping/will-be-vampire figure, “I love you, Stefan. We will be together again. I promise.” And she kisses him. Present day Katherine touches her lips while she thinks about that night.

Jenna

Elena thanks Jenna for letting her invite Caroline. She comments about Damon and him keeping his hands off her. Mason shows up, then Alaric, then Damon, and Jenna leaves the room. Mason and Damon greet each other. Mason has heard great things about Damon who says, “Really? Cause I’m a dick.”

They play Pictionary and Damon draws a wolf dancing. Mason guesses it.

Mason suggest they take their party to the Grill, but Jenna and Alaric say no. “It’s like I’m with a bunch of adults.” “I prefer role model.” Damon tells Jenna she’s a wonderful hostess. She tells him he’s a terrible artist. He wonders if that’s the only terrible thing about him. She’s still decided. “That’s good enough for me.”

Caroline

Elena calls Stefan but he doesn’t answer [because he’s with Katherine, but she doesn’t know that]. Caroline comes in talking about her munchies. Elena mentions Stefan hates that part. Caroline mentions he said he hates that she’s a constant temptation. Elena is surprised. “Trust me it’s there. That’s why I had to break up with Matt.” Elena looks down at her phone.

Caroline goes over her own relationship failure with Elena trying to make her see her relationship with Stefan probably isn’t going anywhere. Can vampires compel each other?

Caroline and Elena wait  for the tow truck, but I’m not convinced Caroline actually called since she’s trying so hard to keep Elena away from Stefan. “What part of I’m worried about Stefan didn’t sink in?” “What’s the rush? Why are you hurrying into a relationship that will never work?” Elena tells her to projecting her relationship with Matt on her and Stefan. “I’m not. You’re going to be 70 and in diapers. He’s still going to be smokin’ hot. You are never going to have his children Elena. You are too maternal not have children… I’m just trying to be your friend.” Caroline is worried about being left alone. Elena leaves and walks to the house.

Katherine finds Caroline in the bathroom at the Grill. Katherine did threaten Caroline into spewing that stuff at Elena. She thinks she got to her.

Elena and Stefan walk into the Grill. Caroline apologizes about earlier. She doesn’t know what came over her. “It’s okay Caroline. Everything you said is right. It’s just hard for me to hear… You’re just being a good friend, in your own way.” She apologizes again. She wants to tell her about Katherine, but I assume Katherine threatened her not to tell.

TVD: Season 2 Episode 3 – Recap and Reactions

Episode 3

The Lockwoods

Elena asks Alaric to come to the Salvatore’s to help them find out more about the Lockwood’s. He tells them Isabelle not only studied vampires, but also werewolves. They ask him if they can get access to her office. Damon is skeptical of werewolves. He’s been alive for 160 some odd years and has never seen them. Why not? Where are they? He’s also concerned if it is true, then he’s screwed.

Tyler follows Mason to hidden cave or something and finds claw marks in the stone.

Tyler asks his mom about the property and the old cellar. She gets an intense look on her face and briefly comments they don’t talk about those places. This is the south. We don’t talk about where slave quarters. Mason comes in.

Alaric, Damon, and Elena go into Isabelle’s office. It’s weird for all of them. The woman who let them into her office comes back with a crossbow and shoots it Elena, but Damon jumps in the way and gets shot himself. Alaric goes after the woman. Damon tells Elena to “pull the damn thing out.” Elena tells Damon not to kill her. She tells him if he does it, she’ll never talk to him again. He says she overestimates herself.

The woman tells Alaric she freaked. Katherine and Damon are supposed to be dead. “I read Isabelle’s research. It’s not possible.” “Then you should now just how possible this is.” Elena comes out and explains who she is. Damon tells her to be extra nice to him right now.

Tyler asks Matt about Caroline. Mason tells Tyler they need to be away from the watering hole ball dark.

Some girl mentions there’s a full moon tonight.

She says werewolves and vampires date back to the Aztecs. They were plaguing them, so the Aztecs cursed them. Making Vampires enemies of the sun and werewolves slaves to the moon. Werewolves prey on vampires, but hundreds of years ago, vampires hunting werewolves almost to extinction, which is why Damon knows nothing about it. “Legend has it the werewolf bite is fatal to vampires.”

Mason is preparing to lock himself up at night.

The party isn’t over at nightfall.

Mason takes off most of his clothes and chains himself up to a wall and drinks a weird concoction. He hears people and is annoyed. Tyler takes some girl to the cellar like an idiot and he unlocks it. Mason runs away and ties himself to some trees instead. I wonder if Tyler is going to turn tonight.

The girl, Amy I think, tells Tyler she’s not really into this. She likes Matt. I still think he’s going to werewolf up.

Stefan tells her they have to leave. They’re gonna lead the werewolf away from Matt. Tyler intercepts them and the wolf comes to them. Tyler yells no. The wolf listens and runs away. Tyler finds Mason’s truck and chains. Mason comes up all muddy and naked. Tyler knows he was the wolf.

Caroline

Matt goes looking for Caroline. She wants to let him in, but she can’t because the sun is shining through the windows. She had told him she was at home and he wants to spend the day with her, but since her phone is going to voicemail, he doesn’t know where she is.

Stefan takes Caroline hunting. She jokes about how killing cute defensive animals is the first step to becoming a serial killer. He tells her she skipped serial killer and jumped straight to vampire. She goes off about how she hasn’t been in the sun in days and she’s missing out on being at the swimming hole with everyone else and Matt finally told her he loves her, but she’s been blowing him off. He laughs because when someone’s natural tendencies become amplified. “So, you’re saying I’m basically an insecure, neurotic control freak on crack.” That’s hilarious! He agrees, but says he wouldn’t have said it like that. He promises after hunting, they’ll go to the swimming hole.

Caroline asks Stefan why he gives Mason the “serious vampire look… It’s different from your worried vampire look. Neither of which are much different than your “hey, it’s Tuesday look.”

Some girl flirts with Matt. Caroline comes up just then and compels her to “go find someone single to stalk.” Matt gets upset with this comment. He tells her it’s lame. She’s been dodging his calls all day and now she can’t come play the jealous girlfriend. Stefan tells Caroline she can’t just compel people for shallow reasons. “Great now I have amplified jealousy too. Maybe I should have stayed dead. My entire personality is basically killing me.”

When Stefan and Caroline are getting ready to leave, Stefan tells Caroline to go talk to Matt and Elena calls to fill him in. Matt is tired of the insecurity. She promises shew won’t be insecure anymore. While talking to Elena, Stefan loses Caroline because she goes off with Matt. He tries to call her, but she left her phone in the truck. He goes looking for her.

Stefan listens. He hears growling. He finds Mason’s car. He sees him in werewolf form in the car.

Alaric asks the girl not to say anything. She tries flirting with him. He tells her she doesn’t want to be a part of this and shares the truth about Isabelle.

Matt takes Caroline to the woods. The start making out. She gets a little rough with him and pushes him against a tree. He cuts his hand. She kisses it and then starts licking it. He’s weirded out. He bites him and feeds. She vamps up. Stefan stops her. Caroline compels Matt to forget everything and to remember the animal attacking him. She can’t believe she hurt him. Stefan tells her it’s not going to get any easier. She asks if she should be with him. Stefan says he’s the last person to help make that decision. If he took his own advice he wouldn’t be with Elena. He should’ve walked away, but he can’t.

Caroline goes to the grill to talk to matt, but Amy’s talking to him. Matt gets annoyed again. She says she lied about no more drama. He breaks up with her. she’s sad, but she also knows it’s for the bets. I think she might have done it on purpose.

Katherine shows up in Caroline’s room. She hopes it’s Elena. Ugh! Chills man! The fact that Nina Dobrev can play both Elena and Katherine so well is frightening and impressive.”

Salvatore Lovers

Stefan asks Elena if she’s sure about going to Duke with Damon and digging through her birth mother’s life’s work. She’s sure about the digging, not so sure about going to Duke with Damon. Then again, Alaric will be there, so they can bond over their mutual anti-Damon feelings. She wants him to go too, but he can’t because someone has to take care of Caroline. She asks if it’s okay that she’s going. He assures her it is. He wants her to be able to find some of the answers she’s looking for and he won’t let Damon keep her from that. I have to wonder if this will be the start of Elena and Damon reconnecting again. She knows he hates it; he agrees.

Damon taunts Stef by apologizing that he can’t come too and saying he’ll take real good care of her. Elena shoots him a look that could kill and then passionately kisses Stefan with a look that says she’s trying to make Damon jealous.

Damon tells Elena her pretending to hate him is silly. Alaric doesn’t think she’s pretending. He did kill her brother, but he came back to life. Thanks to a ring he didn’t know he was wearing. He claims he knew he was wearing it. She doesn’t believe him. “It’s a big ugly ring. It’s hard to miss.”

Elena gives the woman vervain. She asks if it really works, Damon lies and says it doesn’t. She’s surprised he can hear them, so she asks if he can read minds too. “No, but he is capable of being a first rate jackass.” Damon smirks at that comment.

Damon asks Elena if she’s found anything. He taunts her and says it’s too bad they’re not friends anymore or he’d share his findings. The woman and Alaric find something on werewolves.

Elena asks the woman about research on doppelgangers. There isn’t any information so far that they don’t already know. Normally doppelgangers torment those who look like them to undo their lives. Damon makes a snarky comment. Elena snaps back. ““if” I know anything, I’m not gonna tell you. Not with that attitude.” Alaric sort of smirks over them. “And this is coming from someone who wants to be my friend. Friends don’t manipulate friends. They help each other.” She walks away.

The car is locked and Elena can’t get in. Damon unlocks it and gives her a book. It says “Petrova.” Petrova was her original last name. He asks her to let him know what she finds. “You have every right to hate me. I understand. But you hated me before and we became friends. It would suck if that was gone forever, so.. is it? Have I lost you forever?” She doesn’t answer. She just thanks him for the book.

Just like I thought, Damon trips work well for them. It broke some of the hatred from her wall. She asks for the truth. Did he know Jeremy was wearing the ring? He confesses he didn’t. Katherine really pissed him off and he snapped. “I got lucky with the ring. I don’t know what I would have done if he wasn’t wearing it. Elena I’m sorry.” She nods and thanks him for his honesty. She tells him yes, he has lost her forever. “But you knew that already, didn’t you? You used me today. I thought friends don’t manipulate friends. You and Katherine have a lot more in common than just your looks.” He walks away and she is incredibly hurt by that statement.

Jenna

Jenna thanks Alaric for being Elena’s connection to her birth mother. Alaric apologizes for the distance lately. Elena asks if she’s okay. She plays it off.

Jenna is about to pour some wine when Alaric comes inside and just kisses her.

Bonnie

Stefan asks Bonnie to create a day walking ring for Caroline. She doesn’t think she can do and she’s worried it’ll make it easier for Caroline to kill someone else. He tells her the more she’s cut off from her friends and Matt, the harder it will be for her to hold on to her humanity. He says they might as well stake her now if they don’t help her hold on to her humanity.

Bonnie explains to Caroline the witch who spells the ring has the power to despell which means she hurts anyone, Bonnie will despell it. Caroline swears she won’t. Bonnie reminds her of her vampire urges. She says she didn’t mean to kill the guy, but Bonnie says he’s still dead. She silently casts the spell and gives her the ring. Caroline doesn’t believe it worked because there wasn’t a scene, so Bonnie throws the blinds open. Bonnie leaves Stefan to deal with her.

TVD: Season 2 Episode 2 -Recap and Reactions

Episode 2

Caroline

Caroline wakes up and leaves her room wondering where everyone is. The nurse says it’s late at night. Caroline is hungry. She wants something to eat. She smells something. She’s not sure what it is. Someone’s heart monitoring is beating. She smells the blood being given to the patient. She tries to drink it, but the nurse catches her. She was able to get the blood pouch. She drinks it and gags. She drops it, but then picks it up again and drinks all of it.

Caroline puts her hand out in the sunlight and burns. Matt comes in to check on her. He goes to kiss her, but she turns away and fakes a cough. He tells her she get’s to get out tomorrow morning. She freaks a tiny bit. Matt opens the blinds and she shies away from them, ordering him to close it back.

Caroline puts her jewelry on and when she tries to put on her vervain necklace from Elena, it burns her and she throws it. She drinks more blood and her face and teeth start to vamp up freaking her out. The nurse comes to check on her. She compels the nurse into not telling anymore. She feeds on the nurse.

Caroline compels the nurse to say her neck is because “her husband likes to get kinky.” She calls her mom to say the doctor signed her out.

Caroline shows up at the school and tells Damon she’s starting to remember everything about him. He doesn’t believe her. it’s impossible unless… “I have a message from Katherine. She says Game on.”

Caroline shows up at the carnival and flirts with Matt. When he hugs her, she’s enticed by him and quickly walks away.

Caroline walks out of the carnival crying. The guy is out there nursing his wounds. She finds him, apologizes, and goes to town on him. Poor guy. First he’s attracted to a witch. Then, he fights two werewolves. Now, he’s being eaten by a vampire.

Matt talks to Bonnie about Caroline.

Damon pulls a stake from one of the tents.

Elena asks Stefan if he agrees with Damon. Damon doesn’t agree with Damon about what they should do but what will happen.

Stefan worries that he can smell blood, but Damon finds her first. “He’s dead. I killed him. What’s wrong with me?” He tries to comfort her. She knows he’s going to do something to her. He tells her he’s going to kill her. She begs him not to. She begs him to really help her. He hugs her with the stake in his hand. When he goes to stake her, Stefan stops him. Caroline freaks out at the sight of Elena and asks why she looks like her and why she did this to her. Stefan tries to take her inside. Damon goes to stake her again, but Elena jumps in the way. “Damon she’s my friend.” They stare each other down. “Whatever happens. It’s on you.” He walks away and in comes Bonnie freaking out; denying the truth. Bonnie walks away. Stefan takes Caroline away. Elena goes to comfort Bonnie.

Caroline is worried Bonnie hates her. Stefan tries to assure her she’s in shock. He assures her about her heightened senses are normal right now. He encourages her to fight it. He helps her take deep breathes and make her vamp face disappear. She asks why Katherine did this to her. Stefan promises he won’t let anything happen to her. He holds her. I wonder if they’re going to have a thing later on.

Matt climbs through Caroline’s window. She tells him to leave. He tells her almost dying really freaked him out and he’s pretty sure he’s in love with her. Now it seems like she doesn’t feel the same way. She passionately kisses him and when they hung, her face vamps up. She practices the breathing trick Damon taught her.

Bonnie

Bonnie and Elena talk about how creepily alike she and Katherine look. They’re helping setting up for a carnival. Bonnie asks if she’s talked to Damon. “No, Bonnie, I haven’t. And I won’t. And I don’t want to talk about Damon or anything else that’s vampire related. Okay? I’m human and I have to do human stuff. Otherwise, I’m going to go crazy.” Yay! Second season in and she’s STILL handling most of this vampire stuff in a sensible, realistic human way!

Bonnie and Elena talk about how the Carnival is a success and Elena is surprised she can do more than wreak vampire havoc. Some guy starts flirting with Bonnie when they ask him for help.

Damon comes back. He tries to get Elena to help bury the body. Bonnie does the brain thing on Damon. She tries to light him on fire. “I told you what would happen if someone else got hurt.” Damon and Elena both say this wasn’t his fault. “Everything that happens is his fault.” Elena begs her to stop. He gets lit on fire. Elena shakes her free of trying to kill him. “Why did you stop me?” “Because this isn’t us. Bonnie this can’t be us.”

Jeremy

Stefan explains vervain and other ways to kill a vampire to Jeremy. He asks him to try to forget about Damon, because he’s 100x stronger than him and currently unpredictable.

Damon tells Jeremy it’s good to see him alive. Jeremy threatens to blow the whistle on who Damon really is. Damon threatens him back and takes his ring off to prove he could really kill him if he wanted to.

When Damon goes to the parlor, Jeremy is there waiting for him. He stops him from drinking the alcohol, because he laced it with Vervain so he could stake him. He tells Damon he figured he should stand for something like his father and uncle did. Damon tells him his father hated vampires too.

Lovers

Elena tells Stefan this carnival is about being normal teenagers. They are not allowed to discuss the v-word or the d-word.

Damon pours himself blood in the parlor and offers Stefan some. Damon thinks it’s funny Stefan is trying to be so careful with him; he wonders if Elena is worried too and assumes he’s their every conversation. Stefan asks if Damon’s seen Katherine again. Damon talks about the Lockwood’s. Stefan claims they don’t know why Katherine came back. Damon says it’s because of her undying love for Stefan, so he’s gonna let him deal with it.

Damon goes to Elena. Elena tries to ignore him. But he’s urgent.

Damon tells Elena and Stefan about Caroline. Stefan wants to find her. Damon wants to kill her. Elena says no. Stefan agrees. Damon reminds them of Vicki and that Caroline’s mom is the captain of the vampire hunters. Stefan is silent as Damon and Elena go back and forth. Stefan is aware this might be bad, but he agrees not to kill her.

Elena worries about Damon being right about Caroline. Stefan promises to make him wrong. “I don’t know why I thought it could be [normal]. My best friend’s a witch. My boyfriend’s a vampire. And I have a doppelganger who’s hellbent on destroying all of us.” Stefan apologizes. She assures him, “It’s no one’s fault. It is what it is. It’s just… you know what, I’m okay. I’ll see you tomorrow.” She walks away to go home.

Stefan wakes Elena up with a kiss at dawn. He wants to give her the normal experience she wanted to have before. She hesitates. He reminds her they have to take their moments when they can. When she asks him how they’re going to get to the top, he tells her to hold on tight and jumps to the top of the Ferris wheel so they can kiss like she wanted to.

The Council

Mrs. Lockwood tells Damon she’ll be acting as interim mayor until the elections and she needs someone to spearhead the council. She wants him to do it.

The Lockwood’s

Damon listens in as Tyler and Mason talk about his aggression asking if he has episodes and if it gets better when he works out. He says he blacks out. He wants to know if there’s a pattern. Once a month? Only at night? Yup. A werewolf!

Mason goes in the office looking for something. Tyler catches him. Mason says he’s looking for an old family artifact, a moonstone. Tyler says to ask his mom.

Damon and Stefan watch Tyler in an arm-wrestling competition. He takes on Mason who wins and takes on Stefan. Mason beats him, and he actually tries to win. Stefan jokes about them being ninja turtles or werewolves. Damon says there’s no such thing as ninja turtles or werewolves. Damon compels the flirty guy to pick a fight with Tyler.

The guy does pick a fight with Tyler. Stefan watches as Mason jumps between them. All three of them fight. Mason’s eyes go werewolf and he jumps like crazy. Stefan runs after the guy to make sure he’s okay when Tyler and Mason run off.

Tyler questions Mason about his eyes. Mason tries not to tell him. “You saw me get pissed off that I had to pull your delinquent ass out of a fight.”

Mrs. Lockwood tells Mason she’s glad he’s in the house. She thinks he’ll be good for Tyler and she’ll try to dig up the moonstone. I wonder if the moonstone is what keeps them from wolfing up?

Tyler goes looking through his dad’s valuables and finds the moonstone under a floorboard.

TVD: Season 2 Episode 1 – Recap and Reactions

Episode 1

Lovers

Damon tries to talk about the kiss without actually saying it. Elena of course has no idea what he’s talking about. Damon starts to piece things together as Elena is adamant the kiss didn’t happen and that she doesn’t remember talking to Jenna about going to the fire department. He doesn’t tell Elena what he’s realized.

“Elena” goes home, but I’m pretty sure it’s Katherine. Yup! She goes to kiss Stefan and he knows it’s Katherine. Elena and Damon show up just in time. This means Katherine at some point has been invited into the house. Elena tells Jeremy about Katherine and Damon admits he kissed Katherine thinking she was Elena. Stefan gets mad and tries to fight him. Elena steps in saying it was Katherine he kissed, not her. “I wouldn’t do that,” she says point blank to Damon. Elena and Stefan plan to try to get info about Katherine. Damon plans to ignore her. If she thinks she’s being ignored, she do something. Then, he’ll “stake her, rip her head off, something poetic. We’ll see.” Gotta say, I’m liking Damon hating Katherine. Ha, ha.

Elena and family show up. Elena sees Damon and checks on him. She still doesn’t know Jenna saw Damon kissing “her.” Damon doesn’t admit how he’s feeling, she thinks he’s hurting. He acknowledges she’s afraid Katherine is going to send him off the deep end. “Why is it such a surprise that I would kiss you?” “That’s not a surprise. It’s a surprise that you thought I would kiss you back.” “Now, I’m hurt.” Bonnie comes running in at that moment.

Elena begs Stefan not to fight Damon. He’s not the problem. Katherine is. He’s unstable when it comes to her.

While Stefan and Katherine are talking, Matt comes up and she plays the part of caring ex-girlfriend. Katherine tries her mind tricks on Stefan reminding him how happy Damon was to see her, though he thought she was his ex-girlfriend. Stefan tells Katherine he hasn’t spent the last 145 years obsessing over her like Damon has. She states his taste in women tells a different story. He threatens her. She says she came back for him. He says he hates her. She stabs him and runs off.

Elena cleans Stefan’s wound and asks if he’s going to be okay. Damon comes up and says he tried to track her but couldn’t. He tells Elena, “You better watch out. Looks like she’s going after your guy. I mean it’s only fair since I went after your girl.” Stefan denies this. Elena goes to check on Jeremy and Jenna. Stefan tells Damon he’s not going to fight him because they need to stay united as Katherine tries to pit them against each other. “I kissed Elena.” “Because you feel something for her. Because you actually care. And I’m not going to let Katherine come in here and destroy that part of you that has finally after all of this time is willing to feel something. She’ll try to break you. She’ll try to break us. And how we respond to that will define us. It’s our choice. So no, I’m not gonna fight you.” He stands there in dismay.

Katherine shows up at the estate with Damon. She claims she’s there to say goodbye. She knows when she’s not wanted. “What no goodbye kiss?” He says he’d rather kill her. “Which will it be? Kiss me or kill me? we both know you’re only capable of one.” He attacks her, but then they start intensely making out. “Wait. Brief pause. I have a question. Answer it and it’s back to the fireworks… answer it right and I’ll forget the 145 years I spent missing you. I’ll forget how much I loved you. I’ll forget everything and we can start over. This can be our defining moment because we have time. That’s the beauty of eternity. I just need the truth just once.” She tells him to stop. She already knows the question and the answer. “The truth is. I’ve never loved you. It was always Stefan.” You can hear is heart break. Her eyes actually show emotion before she walks away.

Elena finds Damon in her room sitting on her bed. She knows he’s been drinking and he’s upset. “You’re the liar Elena. You know there’s something going on between us. You’re lying to me and you’re lying to Stefan and most of all you’re lying to yourself. I can prove it.” He kisses her. She tries to fight it. She keeps telling him she cares about him, but she loves Stefan. It’s always going to be Stefan. Jeremy comes in at that moment asking if everything is okay. Elena says it’s okay, but Damon says it’s not. “He wants to be a vampire. Turn off the pain. Just flip the switch and it’s gone.” He snaps his neck. Elena cries over his body and Damon tries not to care as he walks away. Elena notices Jeremy is wearing his father’s ring.

Stefan comes by. He thinks Damon saw the ring and that’s why he did it. Elena doesn’t think he saw the ring. “It’s Katherine. She got under his skin and undid everything good about him.” “There’s nothing good about him,” Elena says. “Not anymore. He made his decision. He doesn’t want to feel. He wants to be hated. It’s easier that way. He got his wish. I hate him Stefan.” Damon is in the parlor drinking. Angry with himself. Jeremy comes back to life. He knows what happened.

John

Elena enters the kitchen to find John dying. She goes to help him and call an ambulance, while Katherine stands behind her. John tries to warn her, but she disappears. She goes looking for her and then she leaves.

Stefan and Elena go to talk to John. He freaks out, thinking she’s Katherine. Elena gives him his ring back as a sign of trust. John starts running his mouth about Elena being with a vampire and how she should’ve already staked him. Elena walks away saying such hatred is going to get him killed. After she walks away, Damon feeds his blood to John. He threatens to turn him into a vampire. If he doesn’t leave within 24 hours, he’s going to turn him into a vampire. Stefan tells Elena he asked him to leave town. She knows he threatened him.

John tells Jeremy he’s leaving. He tells Jeremy he was raised to hate vampires. Jeremy asks about the ring. John explains the ring protects you from supernatural stuff. It doesn’t work for accidents and things.

Bonnie

Bonnie and Damon talk about the Lockwood men and how she doesn’t trust him even if Elena is fooled. She does the witchy mind trick on him. Bonnie goes to talk to Elena, but it’s Katherine. She knows this when she touches her. She calls Elena to see where she is. Katherine introduces herself. Katherine starts recapping Elena’s life. Bonnie tries to do the mind trick on her. It doesn’t work. She attacks her back. Stefan shows up.

Humans

Bonnie tells Elena Caroline might not make it. Damon is standing their listening. Elena asks if she can do anything to help Caroline. Damon offers to give her just enough blood to survive. Elena doesn’t want him to do it, but Bonnie tells him to do it. “If I do this, you and me, call it truce.” “No, but you’ll do it anyway, for Elena.” Elena just nods her head.

Bonnie goes to check on Caroline. Matt says Damon stopped by late last night and now Caroline is mostly better.

Caroline wakes up in the hospital. “Elena” is there. Katherine confesses who she is. She asks Caroline to give the Salvatore brothers a message for her. She suffocates her and walks away. I wonder if she knows Damon gave her blood. I have a feeling she doesn’t, but it’s Katherine. Katherine is unpredictable.

Tyler and Family

Bonnie asks Matt about the accident. When Matt tells her about the noise Tyler heard, she immediately knows something is wrong. I’m convinced he’s a werewolf or something and that the vervain or whatever has kept him from turning or something… it would explain his and his father’s aggression.

Sheriff calls Damon to ask his help in talking to the Lockwood’s about the Mayor being dead. Damon talks to the sheriff and Mrs. Lockwood about the mayor.

Tyler’s uncle Mason shows up after what happened to his brother. Damon asks about him. Tyler thinks Elena has come by, but it’s really Katherine.

Jeremy apologizes to Tyler about his dad’s death. He reminds him he knows what it’s like to have strangers telling him how great his dad is. Tyler reminds him the difference is his dad was great, Tyler’s wasn’t. Jeremy agrees. They share a drink. Mason comes in, basically tells Jeremy to leave, and shares the drink with Tyler.

Tyler gets mad in his dad’s office. He tells his mom he hates his dad. She doesn’t believe it. He gets aggressive and Mason has to calm him down.

Mason and Tyler talk about the aggression being the curse of being a Lockwood.

Jeremy and Jenna

After Katherine slams the door shut, Elena rushes to make sure Jeremy is okay. He quickly wakes up. She calls Stefan to make sure Jeremy isn’t really a vampire. He’s not. Stefan tries to get ahold of him by telling him with Anna’s blood passing through his system, if he tried to die right now, he might actually die. Stefan tells Elena to go to the hospital and he’ll watch Jeremy.

TVD – Season 1 Overall Review

I went into this show hesitantly. I try to be careful with what I watch. If I can’t watch it with my teenage siblings, then I shouldn’t be watching it at all. After watching the first season of The Vampire Diaries, I am so far pleasantly surprised with it’s use of language, violence, and sexual content. It gets a little too sensual for my preference sometimes, but for the most part it’s fairly appropriate. I approve of season 1 of The Vampire Diaries to watch with my teenage siblings. Even with the occasional witchcraft, it’s not too heavy on occult practices and is not disrespectful of Christianity which is always my biggest concern with shows like this. I will continue to watch this show with caution, but less worry.

TVD: Season 1 Episode 22 (Season Finale) Recap and Reactions

Episode 22

Flashback to Katherine and Stefan getting dressed up for something… or not… it’s Elena and Stefan. Jenna helps Elena get ready. They’re dressing up for the 150^th Founders Day. Damon shows up and jokes about stealing his girl. “Elena is not Katherine,” Damon says. “You’re right, she’s not,” Stefan agrees, only for Elena to walk toward them looking exactly like Katherine. Honestly, I won’t be surprised if Katherine takes Elena’s place by the end of this episode. Stefan tells Elena about John. Even though there’s no proof, it seems likely. Her whole life she’s hated John. She talks about how she has enough issues with her actual family, let alone with John. She tries again with Jeremy, but Jeremy tells her it’s not going to be fixed easily.

While Jeremy is getting ready, Anna comes by. Jeremy feels about that his uncle killed her mother. He understands where John is coming from. Anna tells Jeremy she’s leaving and asks him to come with her. He asks her to change for her. She gives him a vile of her blood. He’s shocked. She tells him he can turn off the lonely as a vampire. He doesn’t know if he can. Anna finds Jeremy and drags him into the bathroom. Jeremy holds Anna’s vile of blood and Damon comes to tell him she’s dead. He figured that when they took her away. “I know you cared about her. I saw her killed and all I could think about was I wanted to help her. but I couldn’t… I took away your suffering once before. I can do it again, but it’s your choice.” “I know you think you took it away, but it’s still there even if I can’t remember why. Making me forget won’t fix it.” “What I did to Vicki was wrong. I’m sorry for my part.” “Anna said that vampires don’t have to feel pain. They can turn it off. They don’t have to feel the pain. Is it easier that way?” “Life sucks either way. I did it for a long time. And life was a lot easier.” Jeremy takes his Anna blood to bathroom, opens it, drinks it, and pulls out Elena’s pain meds. He dumps them all out and takes them before bed.

Tyler tries again to make things better with Matt. He tells Caroline he apologized. “You made out with his mother and you beat him up. It doesn’t get fixed that easily.”

On the float, Elena waves to Bonnie and Bonnie waves back. Then, Damon steps in the way and waves flirtatiously at her. She rolls her eyes in the flirty way she does with him and then looks up Stefan to make sure he’s okay with his brother’s ridiculousness. Damon turns around and sees Bonnie. She starts to walk away, but he stops her thanks her. “Thank you. I don’t take what you did lightly. The device could have killed me. Thank you.” Bonnie says she did it for Elena. He knows, but he’s still very grateful and he owes her.

John explains the device. It works only one time for approximately 5 minutes. He’ll set it off, it will release a high frequency sound to high for human ears and decapacitating to vampire ears. The sheriff’s office will inject all those affected with vervain and round them up so they can be killed. The evil vamps plan to attack during the fireworks show of the founders day. John knows this because someone confirmed it. Anna shows up at the meeting with the other vampires. John goes to the sheriff with plans to go after the vampires. She refuses, but her deputies have already agreed. He knocks her out, takes her belt, and handcuffs her to a heavy piece of furniture so she can’t stop the attack against the vampire attack. Anna tells Damon about the vampire attack. They think she’s with them, but she’s not. She tells him it’s supposed to happen when the fireworks go off. “Remember. A lot of them ingested vervain. It’s not about the feed, it’s about the kill.” They want to kill the founding families. Damon tells Alaric they need his anti-vampire kit. Then, he hears Elena laughing with Stefan and goes up to her, taking her other arm in his. “Tomb vamps are here. Founding families are here. Get her out of here, now.” The mayor shows up at the Grill where Caroline, Matt, and Tyler are. He tries to force Tyler to go home. Caroline and Matt jump to Tyler’s defense. The mayor tells them all to go home now. the vampires circle the crowd and Bonnie bumps into one and follows him. John turns on the device and it works. Damon is with John when it goes off. Anna is with Jeremy. And Stefan is with Elena. What’s really surprising is Tyler hears it too. And he’s driving. They get into a car accident. The Mayor goes down too. Alaric saves Stefan from being taken. Anna isn’t so lucky. Damon’s already where he’s supposed to be. Damon wasn’t injected. He and Anna start stirring. No no no no no! Damon watches as John personally stakes Anna. Hasn’t Jeremy lost enough!? John sets the place on fire. Alaric, Elena, and Stefan piece together that Bonnie didn’t despell the device. They’re surprisingly calm about it. Elena and Stefan go to find Damon. Damon finds the Mayor and tries to figure what he is. He’s clearly affected, but the vervain doesn’t affect them. I wonder if they’re werewolves. I know there are supposed to be werewolves in this show. Even if I didn’t know, it would make sense. You can only get so far with only vampires. This show has 8 seasons and 5 spinoff seasons. When the paramedics check Tyler’s pupils they look like animal eyes. Werewolf eyes if I know werewolves at all. He wakes up and is okay, but Caroline passes out. John explains he’s doing what should have been done 145 years ago. Elena tries to go after Stefan to save Damon, but John stops her. “Take one step closer and I’ll alert the deputies they missed a vampire.” “I’m asking you not to.” “That doesn’t mean anything to me.” “As my father, it should.” “You know.” “I wasn’t sure. Now I am.” Bonnie tries to keep Stefan from going inside. She doesn’t want him to burn. Elena comes running, she tries to stop her too. “I’m sorry I lied to you.” While holding Elena, Bonnie starts chanting to put the fire out so she can save Stefan and Damon. It works. Elena tells Stefan the story is a faulty wire set the building on fire. “I try so hard to hate him. I guess it’s just pointless.” “You care about him. So do I. But I love you, Stefan. I know you’re worried about that. She says it two more times while he tries to explain his insecurities. “You have nothing to worry about.” Tyler and Matt are finally sort of friends again. The sheriff says they’re going to do everything to make sure Caroline is okay. She tells Tyler to call his mom about his dad. Bonnie tells Stefan Elena is her best friend. She threatens Damon. If he drops even one drop of human blood, she’ll take him down, even if she has to take Stefan with him. Elena gets home and Damon is there. He says it’s a failed and feeble attempt of doing the right thing. “You know I came into this town wanting to destroy it. Tonight I found myself wanting to save it. How does that happen? I’m not a hero Elena. I don’t do good. It’s not in me.” “Maybe it is.” “No that reserved for Stefan and you and Bonnie even though she has every reason to hate me she still helped Stefan save me.” “Why does that surprise you?” “Because she did it for you, which means somewhere along the way, you decided I was worth saving. And I wanted to… thank you for that.” “You’re welcome.” He kisses her on the cheek and she thinks it’s weird. Then he slowly goes to kiss her kiss her and she doesn’t pull way. She kisses him back. Kind of passionately. Jenna opens the door on them. Shocked. Confused. Telling her to come inside. “What are you doing?” “I… don’t want to talk about.”

At the end of the day, Elena walks into the Grill looking like herself again. Damon tells her he likes her better this way. The period look did not suit her. She thinks it’s an insult, but he says it’s a compliment of the highest order. “I know Stefan is worried about our friendship.” “Did he mention something to you too?” “No, he did he mention something to you?” “No. Nothing worth repeating,” with that flirting smirk of his. “So I think she should stop with the flirty comments and that eye thing that you do.” “What eye thing?” he does the eye thing, the smolder. “Don’t make me regret being your friend, okay?”

She goes to Jeremy. “I don’t believe can’t fix this. I lied and I’m sorry. So tell me how I can fix this.” “You can go to hell Elena.” Damon watches the exchange and follows Jeremy, mocking him as he does. Jeremy calls him a dick. Damon tells him not to talk to him like that and not to talk to his sister like that either. Damon reminds Jeremy he’s the one who took his memory not Elena. Elena was worried and trying to protect him. Stefan comes up and talks to Jeremy too. “Don’t blame Elena. Damon turned her and I kille